Speaking with my mentor, Dr David Martin,(www.davidmartin.world) a few weeks ago, I learned about the concept of monotonous goodness.
We were discussing how many people focus on the ‘problems’ or issues in their lives; the things that are going wrong or not as they would like, and the way we blame and make judgments about people or situations as a consequence.
He said people forget about the constant monotonous goodness that happens every second. And if we did focus on that goodness, the impact of the disturbances would be much less – and our willingness to judge diminish. We might change our perspective on everything.
Goodness comes in many forms. MONOTONOUS goodness refers to all the wonderful things happening in the background – about which we are usually oblivious.
We ignore that our hearts are beating constantly; our lungs are working; that we can move and smell and touch and feel and see.
Do we go to bed every night grateful for all those things? Nope!
We don’t even think about it or consider it. Until something doesn’t work.
If we can’t see or move or we feel unwell; if we lose our sense of smell or taste; if we can’t feel sensory experiences; if we are depressed, purposeless – THEN we change our perspective!
’Suddenly’ we realise what we have lost.
We ‘suddenly’ appreciate – in other words – perceive that which was always there…always supporting us….with no acknowledgement – let alone gratitude.
Remember, for most people abusing our bodies, hearts, ourselves and relationships is a daily habit!
We eat foods – a lot of foods or foods that are toxic for us and yet our digestive system and livers work over time for years to adapt, absord, live and de-tox. Do we even recognise it let alone feel gratitude for that?
We play computers instead of interacting with others – human to human and actually truly connecting. We sit and sit and sit and don’t move and wonder why ’suddenly’ joints don’t move or we have pain. It’s because we stopped moving all our joints through all their ranges of movement. Or we ate something that inflamed everything. And yet our joints and muscles and ligaments do their best to keep us moving under often very difficult circumstances.
Our bodies give us warning signs all the time to help us stop the destructive behaviours – burning, tingling, tightness, stiffness, numbness, heaviness, dragging, discomfort and pulling…this is how your body speaks to you and begs you to consider it. Move! Exercise! Walk! Dance…jump on a trampoline (carefully!)…play outside…skip..stretch. And feel gratitude for your amazing body and its ability to have lasted as long as it has, with the lack of consideration it has been given.
What about your heart and emotions? Warning signs can show up as sadness, loneliness, disconnection, lack of community, feeling unworthy, lack of purpose or fulfilment and many many more. I bet if you stopped reading right now and reflected on your own warning signs you would know precisely what they are. Anything other than a state of gratitude for what is, shows you that there is work to be done – for you, by you, on you and the stories you are telling yourself!
Think about how we treat others…we take others for granted and change our behaviour after the first ‘flush’ of love; we blame and judge our family members; we complain about our relationships and yet, when do we stop and consider our own patterns, behaviours and reactions? No relationship is a one way street. It takes two to tango as the saying goes.
You may not be consciously inviting particular behaviours from others – but unconsciously? Have you set boundaries? Do you treat them well? Do you treat them with respect? What do you tell yourself about the other? Do you treat yourself with respect and reverence? What about the monotonous goodness of someone who is always there for you – even if they are ‘boring’ or predictable?
Can you see your work (yes you can!) – no matter what it is – as worthwhile and make it so. Your role supports others – no one works in a vaccum. Be the best whatever you do all the time – and appreciate what everyone around you does as a contribution to your ability to be excellent.
Remind yourself that only you are responsible for your thoughts, patterns and behaviours. And only you can choose to change your perspective. Only you can learn who you really are and dive deep into what drives you.
We make choices every second and choosing to see everything that is good – visible and invisible – whether it’s sun rising and sun setting; the beauty of flowers and plants that not only inspire our senses but also give us the magic of scent; trees giving us life; clouds bringing us rain…everything in nature….will change your perspectives in all areas and that in turn, changes how you feel! Life might become wayyyy more joyful!
My own journey with David, through his courses and one to one coaching, has taught me how to find out who I am and be me – not just the best version but me! With my warts and imperfections and to accept myself. To actually become conscious of the stories and consequent patterns that were essentially ruining my life and then change them. I am still in the process, but so very different from where I was – and life is SO much better! The way I look at everything – my perspectives and my perceptions have transformed. My work is totally different with far more wide reaching results.
Not only is David running his life changing course in February (www.fullylive.world/events), but he is currently writing a magnificent book called Lizards Eat Butterflies and it’s also a life changer! It helps us deeply understand who we really are and see life from many other perspectives and to look at ourselves differently: To take control over the stories (usually lies) we tell ourselves: And guides us to working out our essence and actually being the person most of us want to be – who we really are – joyful, fulfilled and at peace.
I love his first paragraph….
The world doesn’t revolve around you. You are not the, or a, point. You are a temporary arrangement of matter and energy that is inextricably part of the fabric of everything and as such, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to make your best contribution regardless of the challenges, the frustrations, the pains or the joys. Do – not unto, but with – others. As elegantly as possible – not to someone else’s standard.
And celebrate the propagation of your goodness and elegance rather than expecting it to bounce back to you. Far from the Golden Rule – this is the Lightness of Life! Celebrate the ‘monotonous goodness’ of you….and of the things you may not currently perceive. The warmth of the sun; the exquisite silence of snow falling; the touch of a loved one; play; your parent; your lover; your children; breakfast every morning; gardening – even things you may have looked at as boring in the past.
Look for the monotonous goodness of the people in your life and let them know what you appreciate!
Mel, my confidant, my partner in my business, my friend and in my mind, my adopted daughter, and I were talking with David this week.
Our relationship which was already good before, has amped up. He helped us both realise that we see things in each other, are grateful for these things and we don’t tell each other.
Not the things like ‘great job’ or you are good at this or thanks for helping with this – but the deeper layers of monotonous goodness Mel brings to my life and work – and in turn, she does this for all of you!
Without Mel, I can’t get to places on time and be where I am supposed to be stress free! Without her constant support and acceptance of me and my little foibles, her brilliance at social media, her gorgeous daughter as my adopted granddaughter, her wonderful understanding husband who would support her when I am challenging (!), without her wonderful sense of responsibility, her desire to grow and so much more – none of you would have a connection with me and for that Mel – I am deeply grateful for the monotonous goodness you bring to my life!
She ‘does’ her with me and the rest of us, elegantly and with love.
We are all inextricably linked as David says. See and feel – perceive – those links. Acknowledge them and know you are never separate!
THANK YOU ALL and deepest gratitude for your presence in my life, for being part of our community and for being part of the inextricable fabric that allows me to be as elegant as I can be in all I do.
Happy 2020 – full of monotonous gratitude consciousness!