The phrase ‘get real’ is often used to imply that someone needs a ‘reality check’.
To stop living in an imaginary world.
To look at the ‘truth’ of a situation.
To stop being ‘unrealistic’.
People pride themselves on being ‘realists’, but they often means negative, pessimistic or fearful!
At an astonishing seminar I recently attended called The Gathering, I learned what I believe is one of the most valuable benefits of ‘getting real’.
Dr David and Kim Martin have created a truly life changing course which altered every aspect of my life – profoundly. Which says a lot, as I have attended a bazillion events in my 40 year journey of personal growth!
I learned that almost no one ‘gets real’ with themselves! Including me – despite my life long search.
I have for years been talking about beliefs, epigenetics and the stories we tell ourselves and how they shape our reality – and create our lives.
But I have never encountered a course that allowed me to truly ‘get real’ and see just how much I was deceiving myself, and to honestly face my own lies.
Lies is a harsh word but I was completely unconscious of the stories ‘trapped’ in my cellular memory and looping in my brain to stop me seeing a different ‘reality’. The stories we tell ourselves have been embedded for so long and are so deep that we don’t even know we are lying to ourselves.
The aim of the course is to get you to ‘know yourself’ – and you do! And it changes everything!
The greatest deceit in our adult lives comes from an unexpected source!
From those stories we fabricate to ‘make sense’ of our experiences as children. And at other major impact moments of our lives.
These stories control everything we do; how we behave; our lives, relationships and success. And anything else I left out!
To make it practical, I would like to share one of the (many) AH HA, blinding flash of the obvious, and not so obvious moments.
For much of my later adult life, I have been attempting to stop a pattern of behaviour that would drive my husband and friends mad. On the one hand it was an excellent pattern – or reflex – that helped me have a successful speaking career. And on the other hand – personally, it could be very disengaging. OK, annoying!
The only memory I have of my childhood is that of feeling responsible! I have always known that but I didn’t really know why! I just was always responsible – I thought it was a personality trait!
And I not only made myself responsible for me – but for everyone else as well! I then managed to turn that into a lifetime mission to ‘fix others’! Didn’t matter who you were or if you wanted ‘fixing’, I was there ‘fixing’ you!!!
I had tried so many things to change that pattern but nothing worked – until The Gathering!
Part of the process is reflecting on 6 things or experiences in life that had influenced you deeply or created an imprint on you.
During the process, I learned this about myself.
After my mother died, I found out that she had left us for a year when I was about 2 as far as I can work out. I had no recollection of this. As my father was an alcoholic at the time and we had an Indian Nanny – we lived in India – it would appear that I, as a little girl, with no idea of what was going on. And I told myself (I discovered) that there was no one else to take care of me, so I was responsible – remember I was 2!!!
As I lived my life with this core belief operating in the background of everything, I enlarged it to encompass the idea that I was responsible for everyone else – not just myself!
Believing this, also fuelled my capacity to focus totally externally and not feel. If I didn’t feel then it didn’t hurt – nothing emotional could really bother me too much. Or so I told myself.
The truth is that just that one belief or story (and there were several more!) ruled my life; stopped me feeling; kept me separate from others; fostered a career where I travelled a great deal and found it hard to keep connections, but made a great income from telling people what to do! So there were up and down sides.
But for me to fully live, to truly find my joy, and stop feeling a fraud at some level as I spoke and wrote about Joy, I needed to ‘get real’ with myself.
It is not for the faint hearted as it takes commitment and persistence but I was ready.
I was SO ready to truly, fully live and love my life!
I no longer am driven by the need to ‘fix’ people who are not actually broken!!
But wait – there’s more! It would make this writing too long to tell you all about the other massive AH HA, get real moments I had but suffice to say, it is transforming my life.
But here’s a hint! We may all suffer a little from this one!
David helped me understand that I – Amanda- was not even present for most of my life! I know this sounds odd – but it resonated so strongly with me at a deep level.
I have up to now, lived as a ‘persona’. The persona on the stage. The persona who didn’t have to dive too deep or feel too much. The persona who moved very fast and kept DOING things ALL the time to avoid. The persona who saw herself at not worth loving or important. The persona who diminished Amanda wherever she could.
Getting real changed everything. Once you are really honest with yourself and why you are where you are, there are so many more options and you have a capacity to make conscious choices.
If some of this resonates with you, and you would like to know more, just email me and I can give you details.
Meantime, my speaking has also transformed and the impact of my presentations is profound based on what people are telling me afterwards. I am more authentic on stage, even though I actually focused on, and prided myself on being authentic on stage before! But then, I didn’t even know there persona was there running the show!
But now I do! And now I am really authentic. Me. Amanda. The person. The human. The spirit. Warts and all!
And all this and more because David taught me what ‘get real’ really means.
I am so deeply grateful.
I can only hope that my sharing with others, gives them the same gift of ‘get real’, really real and helps them fully live.