Last month an astonishing thing happened!

After working with a lovely Social Media person for over a year, one of her many clipped reels of me from a live presentation went viral!

I had no clue until a wonderful Aussie friend of mine sent me a message from Australia saying, "Congratulations on your viral video," to which I replied, "What video?"

She said, "The one on Instagram." Now Instagram has been a challenge for me in the past. I am pretty tech savvy, but Instagram always escapes me. I went to Instagram and looked at the videos, and all I could see were ones that had 5,000, 2,000, 3,000 views. I texted her back and said, "Is 5,000 viral?”

She texted me back and said, "No, silly," and then had a screenshot of the actual video that, at that stage, was at 830,000 views, I think.

Needless to say, I was stunned, and I thought, "Wow, what's in that video?" Well, a month later, it's now had 1.4 million views. It's a 48-second video, and here's what it's about.

People leave bosses, not jobs! I've been saying this for years based on my own experience, and I remember that Marcus Buckingham said that people leave managers, not companies, in his excellent book "First Break All the Rules," had just made it more simple: people leave bosses, not jobs. Well, that seems to have resonated with over a million people! Although I very closely followed it with "IQ gets you hired, EQ gets you promoted, but JQ makes people want to stay."

IQ is intelligence quotient, and we all know that IQ is generically known as how smart you are. Just because you have a high IQ doesn't necessarily mean you're the wisest person on Earth, but IQ often does get you interviews and a job. However, EQ (emotional quotient, emotional intelligence) is what gets you promoted, and many leaders of huge companies these days are saying that the so-called soft skills are the most important for today's workplace.

If that post went viral because people are leaving bosses, not jobs, then it would be a really good idea, I imagine, for anybody who is in a leadership position, a management role, or aspiring to be a leader to pay attention to the so-called soft skills, of which JQ (joy quotient, joy intelligence) is one.

One of the most fundamental aspects of a leader with high JQ is self-awareness, because without this self-awareness and a good understanding of ourselves and what drives us, it's very difficult to be able to focus on how others are feeling around us. I believe the most important thing in life is how we feel about ourselves, and the second most important thing is how others feel around us, so both of those aspects have to be addressed if you're really looking at great leadership skills.

There are many elements to having a high JQ, but for today's purpose we'll just focus on self-awareness and being conscious of what state you're in and what is causing that state within you. You are emanating energy whether you know it or not. You are emanating nonverbal messages 24 hours a day, and if you're not conscious of that energy that's inside you, every verbal message you deliver will be tainted by the so called 'invisible' internal state you are experiencing.

Perspective is a word that's rarely used in terms of self-awareness, and yet it's absolutely critical! I'm writing a book called The Perspective Payoff. What if the problem isn't really the problem?, to help people understand that how they look at the world determines the 'world' they see.

Wayne Dyer, whom I had the incredible joy of meeting several times and spending time with, has the most spectacular saying, which is, "When you change the way you look at things, you change the things you look at.” Most of the time, people have no awareness at all of the way they are looking at things and that it's an actual choice. Or that thoughts are in fact a frequency and have been proven to influence what we call reality in front of us.

In quantum physics, one of the most breathtaking discoveries was that, in a wave of energy, if a human focuses on a particular point in that wave, it becomes a particle. Our attention, focus and thinking change what we see in front of us. In other words, our perspective literally changes what we see in front of us.

I like to think of it as if we are all wearing a set of glasses, and we have at least three different sets of glasses. These glasses are heavily influenced by our childhood, in particular from the ages of zero to seven. They're created by the stories we tell ourselves. We repeat those stories to ourselves so much that they become embedded as beliefs. Those beliefs then form the filter / the lenses of the glasses through which we look.

We have bright yellow glasses that, when we wear them, we look at everything with gratitude, with an optimistic perspective. We're a good finder. We see the good in others and in situations. We may have challenges, but we're grateful for the opportunities that those challenges bring, and we consciously choose to see the challenges as opportunities. We have a growth mindset. We embrace change. We engage and make things happen!

The black glasses are the ones that filter everything we see through a lens of fear and darkness. Sadly, the collective consciousness of our planet is based on fear, whether it's a fear of separation, not being good enough or not worth loving, of not belonging or not fitting in, and just generally being unsafe in some way. The black glasses indicate we have a very fixed mindset. We resist change with a passion. We judge situations and others relentlessly, but most of all we judge ourselves and most of the time negatively. We make excuses. We blame. We avoid responsibility. Generally, we're just miserable and feel that life is incredibly hard and unrewarding.

The third set of glasses are the gold glasses. These are the ultimate glasses to be wearing! We wear these when we are in advanced or evolved levels self-awareness to the point where we recognize we actually are love. (Long story and more on this later!) We look at everyone else through a lens or a filter or a set of glasses of love, and we choose consciously to love, not judge.

Now, in the workplace, talking about love is always a dodgy subject. However, who is in the workplace? Humans.

Humans haven't really changed in the last many thousands of years. We all want to be seen, valued, heard, acknowledged, and recognized. We want to feel cared for. We want to feel that our boss is interested in us; wants us to grow and develop; and encourages us; that we matter to the boss; that what we do matters and how we do it matters. It's really not rocket science!

When you remember that every grown-up is basically a terrified toddler walking around in a grown-up body, then it becomes easier to care for them or love them. Remember, that includes you! Most of us are terrified toddlers walking around in grown-up bodies.

I mentioned that to someone recently, and I was stunned at the response! They were offended that I implied adults were terrified toddlers walking around in grown-up bodies. But they were the first ones ever to respond like this; most people identify immediately with this concept at some unconscious level.

So to manage the energy you emanate - the non verbal messages - one of the most important things you can do is to decide what you can do to soothe your terrified toddler to reassure them that they're safe, that they are worth loving, that they are loved, that they are good enough, that they belong and fit in?

What most people don't realize is that we are constantly swapping our sets of glasses. The real key to self-awareness is to be curious and to work out which color glasses am I wearing right now that are determining the way I'm seeing the world? And can I change them and see what's in front of me in a different light?

Many people might say this is very touchy-feely stuff for a corporate environment. However, remember you're dealing with humans, and everything - everything - in business and life is about feelings. We may not talk about it out loud. We may not be encouraged to talk about it out loud, but how we feel about ourselves and how others feel around us determines our success, our results, our performance. Who buys from a person they don't like? Who buys from a person they don't trust? Who follows a person they don't trust? Who wants to stay with a boss that we feel doesn't care about us and what we do! Obviously - over 1 million people!

If you stop and consider this just for a small moment, you'll start to understand that focusing on joy at work and raising your own JQ are fundamental to becoming a leader where people feel seen, valued, heard, and acknowledged.

Instead of being the boss they want to leave. You are the boss they choose to stay with. They engage and love working with you. Now that's what I call a great high JQ boss!

Zoot, zoot, zoot. From my heart to yours!

PS. Share this with as many people as you can so we can create a JQ movement!

I want you to try something with me. Think about the last time something went wrong at work. A difficult conversation, a project that fell short, a presentation that didn't land the way you'd hoped, or perhaps a meeting where someone said something that sent a tiny jolt of something unpleasant through your chest.

Now. What was the story you told yourself about it?

Not what happened, the facts. The story. The interpretation. The meaning your brain constructed in the milliseconds after. Because I promise you there was one. There always is. And it went something like: 'I'm not good enough at this.' Or 'They don't respect me.' Or 'I always do this.' Or 'That's it, they've seen through me now.' (This last one is called Imposter Syndrome, by the way, and I have never met a high-achieving person who doesn't have it to some degree. If you don't have it, you may not be trying hard enough.)

Here's the thing about that story: your brain presents it to you as a fact. Delivered with complete confidence, in your own voice, with the authority of someone who clearly knows exactly what's happening. And yet, and here's the part that's going to change things for you, it is almost certainly not true.

THE RESEARCH SAYS: Neuroscience research on self-referential thinking shows that the brain's default mode network, the part that activates when we're 'resting', is largely engaged in constructing narratives about ourselves and our social world. These narratives are not neutral: they are strongly biased toward threat detection and self-protection. Which means your brain's default story about yourself skews negative. Not because you're pessimistic. Because you're human.

, Frontiers in Behavioral Neuroscience, 2025

The Stories That Run the Show

Most of the stories we tell ourselves were written a long time ago. Some of them were written before we were old enough to question them, by well-meaning parents, early school experiences, an unkind comment from someone who was having a terrible day and took it out on a seven-year-old version of you who absolutely did not deserve it.

And then we updated them, added evidence over the years (our brains are brilliant at finding evidence for the things we already believe, and remarkably bad at noticing evidence that contradicts them), and now we carry them around as if they are simply the truth about who we are.

'I'm not a natural leader.' 'I'm not creative.' 'I'm too emotional.' 'I'm not detail-oriented enough.' 'I'm not good with people.' 'I work best under pressure.' (That last one, I'll gently note, is often a story we tell ourselves to justify not dealing with the procrastination. I say this with enormous love and personal experience.)

In the workplace, these stories become self-fulfilling. You believe you're not a good communicator, so you avoid the conversation, so the relationship deteriorates, so you have evidence that you're not a good communicator. Round and round it goes, and the story gets more solid with every loop.

Questioning the Story (Nicely)

I am not going to suggest you simply think positive thoughts. (If that worked, we'd all be fine. We are not all fine.) What I am going to suggest is that you learn to question the story, gently, curiously, without self-criticism, using what I think of as the three most powerful questions you can ask yourself:

• Is this story actually true? (Not 'probably' true. Not 'feels like' it's true. Actually, verifiably, objectively true? In most cases: no.)
• What would I tell a friend who came to me with this exact story about themselves? (The gap between how you speak to yourself and how you'd speak to someone you love is usually enormous. That gap is where the work is.)
• What's a more useful story, not a more positive one, a more useful one? One that opens doors rather than closes them?

THE RESEARCH SAYS: A 2025 clinical study demonstrated that mindful self-compassion training, which includes learning to recognize and question self-critical stories, produced measurable reductions in self-judgment in fMRI brain scans, alongside increased activation in caregiving and reward circuits. In practical terms: when you're kinder to yourself, your brain works better.

, ScienceDirect / Neural Correlates of Reduction in Self-Judgment, 2025

The research on self-compassion is now overwhelming: treating yourself with warmth when you struggle does not make you complacent. It does not lower your standards. It does not make you less driven. It makes you more resilient, more creative, more accountable, and significantly less exhausting to live with, both for yourself and everyone else.

What to Do With a Story That Won't Quit

Some stories are sticky. Some of them have been there so long they feel load-bearing. Here is what I've found actually works:

• Name it. Literally say to yourself: 'That's the not-good-enough story.' Naming something reduces its grip on your nervous system almost immediately. You're not the story. You're the person noticing the story.
• Trace it. Where did this one come from? How old were you when you first told it? Does it belong to you, or did someone else hand it to you and you've been carrying it ever since?
• Choose a better one. Not a perfect one. Not an unrealistic one. Just a slightly more kind and useful one. 'I'm learning this.' 'I'm doing my best with what I have.' 'This is hard and I'm still here.' Those are all true. Start there.
• Be patient with yourself. You have been telling some of these stories for decades. They will not dissolve in a Tuesday afternoon. But they will loosen. Slowly, gently, story by story, they will loosen.

"You are not your story.
You are the person who gets to choose a different one.", Amanda Gore

The most important thing I know about joy, about performance, about the kind of leadership that actually changes organizations and the kind of life that actually feels worth living, is this: it all starts with the story running in your head.

Change the story. Choose love over judgment, starting with yourself. Watch what becomes possible.

Not because you've suddenly become perfect. But because you've stopped insisting that you need to be.

I have been talking about joy for a long time. Long enough that people who've seen me speak before will sometimes say, with great affection and only mild eye-rolling, 'Oh, Amanda's doing the joy thing again.' Which is fair. I am doing the joy thing again. But here's what's changed: the science has caught up. And it is frankly vindicating in a way that I am trying very hard not to be smug about. (I am failing. I am a little smug. The data is very good.)

For years, joy was treated in the professional world as a soft concept. A nice extra. Something that happened at the team Christmas party (before the DJ incident) or on weekends, when 'real work' wasn't happening. Something you might mention in a wellbeing initiative and then quietly deprioritise when Q4 arrived.

The neuroscience of 2025 would like a word.

THE RESEARCH SAYS: Recent neuroscience shows that joy triggers a cascade of neurochemical events that literally restructure the brain. Endorphins released during laughter and connection suppress the stress response. The mesolimbic dopamine pathway, the brain's reward and motivation system, activates most powerfully in states of genuine positive engagement. Joy doesn't just feel good. It measurably improves creative thinking, decision-making, memory, immune function, and longevity.

, NeuroLaunch / MindLab Neuroscience, 2025

In other words: joy is a performance strategy. A leadership strategy. A health strategy. It is not the opposite of hard work. It is what makes hard work sustainable, creative, and worth doing.

What Joy Actually Is (And Isn't)

Let me be clear about what I mean by joy, because I don't mean relentless positivity, or pretending things are fine when they're not, or the kind of enforced cheerfulness that makes people want to leave the room. (I have been in those workshops. They are not joyful. They are the opposite of joyful.)

Joy, as I understand it and as the research defines it, is a state of genuine aliveness and connection, to yourself, to others, to what you're doing and why it matters. It can coexist with difficulty. It can be quiet. It can be felt in a thirty-second conversation with a colleague who actually listened. In a problem that finally clicked. In a meeting where everyone in the room was actually present.

The research calls these 'micro-moments of positivity resonance', brief flashes of genuine connection and aliveness that, accumulated over time, literally build a more resilient, healthier, more creatively capable brain. You don't need a retreat. You don't need a sabbatical. You need Tuesday afternoon, and a little intention.

Joy at Work: What It Actually Looks Like

I want to get practical, because joy without application is just a very nice idea. Here is what I have seen, in twenty years of working with organizations around the world, that actually creates joyful cultures, which, by the way, also happen to be your highest-performing ones:

• Leaders who are genuinely curious about the people they lead, not just their output. 'How are you doing?' asked like you actually want to know the answer, not as a rhetorical opener.
• Teams that celebrate what's working before auditing what isn't. Start every meeting with one win. Even a small one. Especially a small one.
• Workplaces where it's safe to be human, to not know something, to make a mistake, to say 'I'm struggling with this.' Safety is the prerequisite for joy. You cannot have one without the other.
• Leaders who laugh. Genuinely, not performatively. (People can tell the difference with devastating accuracy.)
• Individuals who take their joy seriously as a professional responsibility, not just a personal preference, because they understand that their emotional state is contagious and they are choosing what they spread.

THE RESEARCH SAYS: The World Happiness Foundation's 2025 global report found that happiness at work, defined as meaningful connection, purpose, and positive emotional experience, is the strongest single predictor of both individual wellbeing AND organizational performance, outperforming compensation, benefits, and flexibility in every category tested.

, World Happiness Foundation, 2025

Your Joy Prescription

I know you don't have time for a forty-five-step wellness program. Here is your prescription. It has four items.

• LAUGH every day. On purpose if necessary. The body cannot tell the difference between genuine and intentional laughter, and the neurochemical benefits are identical. Watch something funny. Tell an embarrassing story. Be willing to be ridiculous.
• CONNECT, really connect, with one person each day. Not transact. Not update. Connect. Look them in the eye. Ask something real.
• NOTICE what's good. Not in a 'count your blessings' earnest way. Just, let one good thing land properly before you move on to the next problem.
• MOVE. Your body and your brain are not separate. Walking, dancing (Isabella-style, ideally), exercise, all of these trigger exactly the neurochemical cascade that joy requires.

"Joy is not a reward for when everything is going well.
It is a strategy for when it isn't.", Amanda Gore

The science has arrived, and it agrees with what I have been saying from stages around the world for decades. Joy is not soft. Joy is not optional. Joy is neurologically, physiologically, and organisationally the smartest choice you can make.

Choose it deliberately. Practice it daily. Watch everything change.

Every year, without fail, Valentine's Day arrives and approximately half the population panics. The other half either performs romance with great enthusiasm, or greets the entire occasion with the kind of cheerful cynicism that comes from having watched too many flower deliveries go to the wrong address. (I am not judging. I have been in both camps.)

But here's what I keep thinking about, and what I think is worth your attention for more than the fourteen days of February: we are in the middle of a global loneliness epidemic that is quite literally killing people, and we're still treating love and connection as a once-a-year occasion that requires special packaging and panic-bought chocolates.

We treat connection like a reward for a good quarter. Something we'll do once the project is done, once the kids are back at school, once things calm down. (Things don't calm down. You know this. I know this. Let's stop pretending otherwise.)

THE RESEARCH SAYS: Harvard's Study of Adult Development, the longest happiness study ever conducted, now in its 85th year and spanning two generations, reached one unambiguous conclusion: the quality of your close relationships is the greatest predictor of your health, happiness, and longevity. More than wealth. More than IQ. More than status, fame, or how many emails you answered before 7am. The people who stayed most connected to others stayed healthiest and lived longest.

, Harvard Study of Adult Development / WBUR, 2025

Dr. Robert Waldinger, who leads the study now, said something that I think deserves to be put on every boardroom wall in America: 'Loneliness kills. It's as powerful as smoking or alcoholism.' Not metaphorically. Literally. Physiologically. The absence of warm connection is a health risk on the same scale as a two-pack-a-day habit.

And yet. We live in workplaces where people sit three feet apart from each other and communicate primarily through Slack. We have dinner with our families while checking our phones. We schedule time with friends and then cancel it because something 'came up.' (Something always comes up. It's not the schedule. It's the priority.)

What This Means at Work

For those of you in leadership, and I mean leadership broadly, because if you influence even one other human being, you are a leader, this research should stop you in your tracks.

The data on belonging in the workplace is extraordinary. Harvard Business Review found that high belonging was linked to a 75% reduction in sick days. A 56% improvement in performance. A 50% drop in turnover. These are not soft, feel-good numbers. These are business numbers. And they all come from one thing: people feeling genuinely connected, valued, and seen.

Not managed. Not evaluated. Not measured against a KPI. Seen. As in: 'I notice you. I'm glad you're here. What you bring matters.'

When was the last time someone said that to you at work? When was the last time you said it to someone else? (If you're squirming slightly right now, that's useful information.)

THE RESEARCH SAYS: Gallup's global wellbeing research, 145,000 interviews across 144 countries, found that feeling respected and having someone who cares about your wellbeing were among the strongest predictors of positive daily experience. More than salary. More than title. More than perks. People need to feel they matter to another person.

, Gallup Global Wellbeing Study

So What Do We Actually Do?

I want to suggest something radical and also completely free: make connection intentional. Don't wait for Valentine's Day. Don't wait for the team offsite. Don't wait until things calm down. Start now. Start small. Start with one person.

• Call someone, a friend, a parent, a colleague you've been meaning to check on, and have a real conversation. Not a Zoom call with forty agenda items. A conversation.
• Tell one person today something specific that you appreciate about them. Not 'great job' (too vague, lands like wallpaper). Specific. 'The way you handled that client call yesterday, that took real skill and I noticed.'
• Put your phone face-down at dinner. (I know. Revolutionary. Do it anyway.)
• In your next team meeting, start with one question: 'What's one thing going well for you right now?' Give people thirty seconds each. Watch the room change.
• Write the bowl of love notes. (This is from one of my very old newsletters, you write everything you love about someone on little pieces of paper, put them in a bowl, wrap it up. They'll keep it forever and read it every time they need a lift. Cost: zero. Impact: enormous.)

"The warmth of your relationships is not a nice-to-have.
According to 85 years of Harvard research, it is the whole point.", Amanda Gore

Love isn't just for February. It's for Tuesday morning when someone on your team is struggling. It's for the phone call you've been putting off for three weeks. It's for the moment in the mirror when you decide whether to be kind or critical about what you see.

The science is in. Love connects us. Connection heals us. And it turns out, quite wonderfully, that it also makes us better at our jobs, better in our relationships, and significantly more fun to be around at Christmas parties.

Choose connection. Today. Not tomorrow. Today.

Years ago, I had a goddaughter called Isabella who was three years old and, in my entirely unbiased opinion, perfect. Every time I arrived at her house, I would call out 'YOOO HOOO!' from the doorway, and I would hear the sound of small feet thundering toward me from somewhere deep inside the house. Then she'd appear, face lit up, arms wide open, and we'd run toward each other like the world's most enthusiastic slow-motion movie scene.

If you have never had a small child run at you with unconditional, full-body joy, please, find one immediately. (With the parents' permission, obviously. Don't be weird about it.)

One Sunday, we went for a walk on a gorgeous day, the kind of day where the sun is doing everything right and the world smells like it just had a shower. I was so happy I started singing. I should tell you: I am not a good singer. Isabella, to her enormous credit, didn't care even slightly. We tangoed, we waltzed, we made up terrible songs. We laughed until we couldn't breathe.

About half an hour later, I noticed Isabella ahead of me on the path, completely alone, dancing and singing to herself: 'It's a bootiful day to be ouside! It's a bootiful day to be alive!' She had absorbed it. Without being taught. Without being told. Just from being in the presence of joy.

THE RESEARCH SAYS: New research from the Big Joy Project at UC Berkeley found that even tiny 'micro-moments' of joy, lasting seconds, not hours, measurably improve immune function, reduce cortisol, and rewire neural pathways toward resilience over time. Joy is not a destination. It's a practice, available in any moment.

, Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health / UC Berkeley Greater Good Science Center, 2025

The next day I was on a plane, as I usually am, being a person whose entire career takes place in airplanes and hotel ballrooms, and the weather in Dallas was gray and heavy and the sort of dull that makes you wonder if the sun has simply decided to retire.

And then we broke through the clouds. Suddenly: electric blue sky. Blinding light. Not a cloud in sight, because we were above them.

It is always sunny above the clouds. Always. Without exception.

I've thought about that moment hundreds of times since. Because it seems obvious, of course the sun is still up there, it hasn't gone anywhere, and yet when we're in the middle of a difficult stretch, when the gray has settled in and won't seem to budge, it is genuinely easy to forget. The sun feels absent. The warmth feels like a distant memory. And our brain, bless it, is absolutely convinced that this time, this time, it's different. (It is not different. The sun is still there.)

What Your Brain Does with Clouds

Here's the thing about difficult periods, and I'm talking about everything from a bad quarter at work to a relationship that's strained, a health scare, a team that's lost its spark, or a period in your own head that feels dark and relentless, your brain, when it's stressed, does something called 'negative forecasting.' It takes the current gray and projects it forward indefinitely. 'Things will always be like this.' 'I will always feel like this.' 'This will never get better.'

It is, to put it gently, lying to you. The neuroscience of resilience is now clear: the brain is neuroplastic, it can and does change, and the single most powerful thing you can do in a difficult period is to actively look for evidence that contradicts the 'it's always gray' story.

THE RESEARCH SAYS: A 2025 study published in PubMed found that habitual positive emotional states, including cultivated joy and gratitude, measurably promote brain health, reduce neuroinflammation, and are associated with significantly lower rates of depression, anxiety, and cognitive decline. The brain you practice most becomes the brain you have.

, PubMed / Healthy Happiness: The Effect of Happiness in Promoting Brain Health, 2025

In practical terms, for both your personal life and your professional one, this means: when you're in a gray patch, with your team, with a project, with yourself, your job is not to pretend the clouds aren't there. (They are there. Acknowledge them.) Your job is to remember, and to remind the people around you, that it is always sunny above the clouds. The sun has not retired. The warmth is not gone forever. This too shall pass, and while you're waiting, you can still choose to look for the light.

What to Actually Do When the Clouds Roll In

• Tell yourself, and your team, 'This is hard right now, and it won't be hard forever.' Both parts matter.
• Look for one thing that's working. Just one. The brain will try to dismiss it. Don't let it.
• Find your Isabella moment. Something tiny that brings uncomplicated joy, a walk, a ridiculous song, a child, a dog, a really excellent coffee. Let it matter.
• Remember: the sun is not punishing you by hiding behind a cloud. It's just a cloud. Clouds move.

"It's always sunny above the clouds.
You just have to remember it's there.", Amanda Gore

Isabella is grown up now, which is frankly hard to believe and a little rude of her. But I still hear her little voice when I hit a dark patch: 'It's a bootiful day to be alive!' And she's right. Even on the gray ones. Especially on the gray ones. The sun is always up there. Just reach a little higher.

I want to tell you about the worst version of myself. She shows up, reliably, I might add, in airport queues. Specifically, in the queue behind the person who has apparently never encountered a security conveyor belt before in their entire life and is now removing their shoes one at a time while also discovering, slowly, that yes, their laptop does need to come out of the bag. In that moment, I judge that person with an efficiency and creativity that is honestly quite impressive.

The silent running commentary goes something like this: How is this possible? Did they not read the seventeen signs? Have they never flown before? Is this deliberate? Are they doing this to ME? (They are not doing it to me. I know this. My brain does not care.)

And then, sometimes, not always, but sometimes, I catch myself. I notice the story. I see the judgment for what it is. And I ask myself the question I want to ask you today:

"Am I going to choose love or judgment right now?"

That question, simple, ridiculous, profound, is the one I believe changes everything. Not just in airport queues. In boardrooms. In team meetings. In the mirror at 7am. In the moment a colleague sends you That Email. In the conversation where someone says something that lands wrong. In the silence after a difficult performance review.

Every single moment of every single day, you are making this choice. You are either moving toward love, curiosity, warmth, openness, connection, or toward judgment, comparison, criticism, defensiveness, separation. And here's the part that will either excite you or horrify you (or possibly both at once): most of the time, you're not even aware you're choosing.

But First, We Judge Ourselves

Before we ever judge the person in the airport queue, the colleague who interrupted us, the boss who didn't say thank you, or the team member who missed the deadline, we judge ourselves. Constantly. Harshly. On an almost industrial scale.

We run a background program, twenty-four hours a day, that evaluates our performance against a standard that nobody ever actually set, comparing us to a version of ourselves that doesn't exist, narrating our every mistake and cataloguing our every inadequacy. (And then we wonder why we feel tired.)

The stories we tell ourselves about ourselves run the show. 'I'm not good enough.' 'I should be further along by now.' 'If they knew what I was really like, they wouldn't respect me.' 'I always do this.' 'I'm too much.' 'I'm not enough.' Sound familiar? Of course it does. Because we are all doing it. Every single one of us. Including, I promise you, the people you most admire.

THE RESEARCH SAYS: A 2025 fMRI study found that self-judgment activates the same threat-response circuits in the brain as physical danger, meaning your body literally treats your own inner critic as a predator. No wonder it's exhausting. Meanwhile, self-compassion activates the brain's caregiving circuits, releasing oxytocin and dopamine, the same chemicals that create trust and connection between people.

, ScienceDirect, 2025 / Frontiers in Behavioral Neuroscience, 2025

Here's what the neuroscience is now telling us loud and clear: judging yourself does not make you better. It does not motivate you. It does not sharpen your performance. Decades of research show that self-criticism actually REDUCES motivation, increases anxiety, and makes you MORE likely to give up when things get hard, not less.

Self-compassion, on the other hand, treating yourself with the same basic warmth you'd extend to a friend who just made a mistake, does the opposite. It increases resilience, improves decision-making, and actually makes you more accountable, not less. (I know. It seems backwards. But the brain is weird.)

The Corporate Cost of Judgment Culture

This isn't just personal. It is profoundly professional. Because the way we talk to ourselves is the way we eventually talk to each other.

When a team is operating in judgment mode, when people are afraid of being criticised, afraid of getting it wrong, afraid of being seen as not enough, the creative brain shuts down. The prefrontal cortex, which handles innovation, problem-solving, and good decision-making, goes quiet. People stop contributing ideas. They stop admitting mistakes early enough to fix them. They start covering, competing and playing small.

THE RESEARCH SAYS: Harvard Business Review research found that high belonging in teams, the opposite of judgment culture, was linked to a 75% reduction in sick days, a 56% increase in performance, and a 50% drop in turnover. The single biggest driver of belonging? Feeling safe enough to be seen, imperfections and all.

, Harvard Business Review / World Happiness Foundation 2025

Love in the workplace doesn't mean everyone holds hands and sings. (Though honestly, sometimes that would help.) It means psychological safety. It means people feel valued rather than evaluated. It means leaders who ask 'what happened?' before 'whose fault is it?' It means a culture where getting it wrong is part of getting it right, not a career-limiting event.

So How Do You Actually Do This?

I want to give you something practical, because I know what you are thinking: Amanda, this is lovely, but I have a 9am with a difficult stakeholder and I cannot stand there going I choose love! It is fine. I hear you. Here is what actually works.

Step one: Notice the story.

When you feel that spike of irritation, defensiveness, or self-criticism, pause. Just a second. Ask: what story am I telling myself right now? Is it 'they don't respect me'? 'I've failed again'? 'This is a disaster'? Name it. Naming a story loosens its grip on your nervous system almost immediately. (The neuroscience on this is remarkable, labelling an emotion reduces its intensity by up to 50%.)

Step two: Ask the question.

'Is this story true? And even if it is, am I going to choose love or judgment right now?' You don't have to choose love for them. Start with yourself. Can you extend the tiniest bit of warmth to the person in you who is struggling in this moment? That's it. That's the whole move. Everything else flows from there.

Step three: Get curious instead of critical.

Judgment closes us down. Curiosity opens us up. Instead of 'why did they do that?!' try 'I wonder what was going on for them.' Instead of 'I can't believe I said that' try 'that's interesting, what was I actually feeling in that moment?' Curiosity is love in action. And it produces wildly better outcomes than judgment, in relationships, in leadership, in life.

THE RESEARCH SAYS: Harvard's 85-year Study of Adult Development, the longest happiness study ever conducted, concluded that warm, close relationships are the single greatest predictor of health, happiness, and longevity. More than wealth. More than IQ. More than status. The quality of your connections determines the quality of your life.

, Harvard Study of Adult Development, ongoing since 1938

"The most important choice you make, in every moment, is love or judgment.
Start with yourself. The rest will follow.", Amanda Gore

Final Thoughts, For Both Your Personal and Professional Life

I'm not asking you to become a saint. (I certainly haven't managed it. See: airport queue.) I'm asking you to become aware. To catch the moment of choice. To build the habit, slowly, imperfectly, with great compassion for yourself when you don't manage it, of choosing love.

In your teams, it looks like psychological safety. In your relationships, it looks like warmth and curiosity. In your own head, it looks like talking to yourself the way you'd talk to someone you care about.

The science is unambiguous: love heals. Connection protects. Belonging makes people brave. And it all starts with the story you're willing to question, the one you've been telling yourself, quietly and constantly, since before you can remember.

What if that story isn't true? What if you are, in fact, enough? What if they are, in fact, doing their best? What if this moment, this exact, imperfect, complicated, sometimes infuriating moment, is actually an invitation to choose something different?

Love or judgment. Ten thousand times a day. You get to choose.

I am so, so sorry for being out of touch for so long! I AM NOT DEAD!!! LOL. Nor have I vaporised into the cosmos.

But I have been extraordinarily distracted by so many things while time itself seems to be vaporising. Most people I know are saying the same thing: time is flying by, we are working hard, yet somehow it feels like we are achieving less. Have any of you been feeling that too?

Apart from renewing my visa, spending six weeks in Australia as part of that process, moving to Dallas, finding a place to live, and settling back into life, I also caught a virus and lost both my voice and my hearing for six weeks - which was horrible. And a little inconvenient for a speaker!

But it did give me a much greater appreciation for anyone who is hearing impaired. I was also fascinated to discover that if you indicate to someone that you have lost your voice, they automatically whisper back to you! LOL. Since I couldn't hear either, life became quite an isolating experience for a couple of months.

But this week, for the first time in ages, I felt like myself again. And I realized how deeply grateful I am for every speaking event I get to do.

I had a wonderful experience in Fargo, North Dakota, where the people are AMAZING. I had the blessing of speaking to a group of wonderful dental practices, sponsored by some equally wonderful orthodontists with names like Go Ortho and Molar Bears. I mean honestly - I want a dental practice with a sense of humor like that!

I was sharing my new work around JQ - Joy Intelligence - the next evolution of leadership and life - and the practical tool that helps increase our JQ: The Joy Switch. The method is F.A.R.C. It is simple, practical, and focused on what I believe is one of the most important choices we make, every moment of every day:

Do I choose love, or do I choose fear/judgment?

Because judgment always - always - comes from fear, the real choice is this:

Do I choose fear, or do I choose love?

At the start of this year, I set myself a goal to learn how to surrender - which, for someone who is VERY good at control, has been quite a challenge!

Part of that practice was to notice how much I judged - people, situations, experiences, everything - and to stop doing it, because I really have no idea what is going on for anyone else, or what deeper reasons lie behind what is happening.

That journey has been enlightening and disturbing all at once.

I had no idea how much I judged. All the time. Everything.

It was incredibly humbling.

Ever since I first started speaking, I have focused on connecting head to heart. In fact, my first business was called Head2Heart. Fear and judgment live in the head. Love lives in the heart. It grows there, and then expands out to everyone around us.

So the first half of my career was about making that connection. The second half was about eradicating fear. Little did I realize all of it was preparing me for the simplest expression of the last 38 years of study.

Because here is what I have come to believe:

Most of us are not actually conscious of the choices we are making. Epigenetics shows us that it's 95-99% of the time we are literally unconscious of our thinking!

We are making choices every minute of every day - yet so many of them are automatic. And once I started truly paying attention, I realized how many of my own choices were being driven by fear.

My terrified toddler had been ruling my life.

Maybe yours has been too.

So this is really what I want to share with you:

Start noticing.

Notice what goes on in your head. Notice how often you judge. Notice what you are choosing, moment to moment.

Because once you become aware of fear and judgment, you can bring them into consciousness - and then you can make a different choice.

You can choose love.

I was astonished to realize how much I judged absolutely everything while simply walking down the street.

What if, instead, we chose to see the divinity in everything?

What if we chose to love it?

And most importantly - what if we chose to love ourselves? (It's the most important thing in life!)

How often do you judge yourself?

How often do you give yourself love?

How often do you acknowledge the Divine spark in you - that IS you?

Something that may help comes from a gift my mother gave me years ago.

My mum and stepdad were married for 25 years, and when he passed away she was devastated. She came to stay with me for about six weeks. I loved my mother dearly and truly wanted to support her. And when it was finally time for her to leave, I am slightly ashamed to admit I felt a little relieved.

When I got home from dropping her at the airport, I found a note she had left on my pillow. In it, she told me how much she loved me, all the special moments she remembered us sharing, and what a wonderful daughter I was. By the time I finished reading it, I was sobbing - overwhelmed by how lucky I was to have her as my mother, and also feeling terrible that I had been glad she had left!

At the bottom of the note, she had drawn a big heart on one side, a big heart on the other, and a whole lot of little hearts in between.

That was her way of sending me love.

Those little hearts became our symbol of love. At the end of every card, letter, and email, we would write: zoot, zoot, zoot.

Each little heart was a zoot.

Since then, I have taught this concept to hundreds of thousands of people, and it has become a tradition in thousands of families across generations.

Back to that beautiful group in Fargo - there was a very creative bunch at one table, and when I said, “Send zoots from one person to the one on either side of you,” their imaginations took off and they created a zoot train.

I loved it.

We had everyone do it, and it completely changed the energy and dynamics of the event. I am so grateful to them.

Normally it would have taken me ages to create an image of that, but thanks to ChatGPT, it took minutes. And I thought you might like to have the image - and the mantra - for the rest of your lives.

Print it out. Put it on your fridge, your computer, your car, your mirror - anywhere that will remind you to:

Consciously choose love.

Not occasionally. Not when it is easy.

All the time.

Watch your world change as you emanate love - because that is what and who you really are.

You were born as a little bundle of love.

Your essence is love.

You are love.

Babies are not born terrified and evil. Our first seven years are when we begin telling ourselves the stories that create fear - and fear becomes the basis of judgment, which we use to protect ourselves. Those stories make us forget who we really are.

So let this newsletter be your reminder:

You are love.

Your purpose is to emanate love.

And you are deeply loved.

Choose love over fear and judgment.

Notice what you are thinking.

Notice what you are choosing.

And then - choose consciously.

Zoot, zoot, zoot. From my heart to yours!

PS. I will share more about the full F.A.R.C. process next time. Stay tuned!

PPS. Share this with as many people as you can so we can create a zooties movement!

Hello everyone!

We have reached the final letter in our F.A.R.C. series.

So far we have covered:

F, Focus on Feelings / Find the Fear

A, Awareness, Appreciation, Acknowledgment and Allowing Grace

R, Remember, Return to Your Heart, Restore Calm and Repeat

And now we come to C.

C stands for:

Consciously Choose Love

Connect

Care

Celebrate

This is the heart of the whole thing. Because awareness is wonderful. Gratitude is powerful. Breathing is essential. (HAHA) Remembering who we are is transformational. But eventually, we have to choose. And because 95 to 99% of the time we are unconscious of our thinking, we must make a conscious choice!

We are making choices in every moment of every day, consciously or not! Whether it's in a conversation, a meeting, a car, the kitchen, in an email, how we speak to ourselves, what to pay attention to, or what to have for lunch!

We are constantly (unconsciously mostly) choosing between fear or love; judgment or grace; protection or connection; reaction or response. In other words, are we going to choose an old story or decide consciously?

This is where F.A.R.C. becomes real.

Consciously Choose Love

C is not about thinking loving thoughts while secretly wanting to strangle someone. LOL. But no judgment! I have done this many times!

C is about conscious behavior. It's choosing love over judgment. Choosing love does NOT mean becoming a pushover. You can love someone and set boundaries because you love yourself as well!

And that might be the most important aspect of choosing, choosing to love yourself first! Not in a selfish, narcissistic way! But truly loving yourself, accepting yourself and loving everything about yourself! I am still working on it!

Sometimes love is setting a boundary; love says "No more.", "This is not acceptable.", "I care enough about you and this team to tell you the truth."

Sometimes love is the courageous conversation. Sometimes it is letting someone experience the consequences of their own behavior and still supporting them. Sometimes it's letting them go and learn on their own!

Fear says, "I must protect myself by judging, attacking, blaming, controlling or shutting down."

Love says, "I can be connected to my own and to others' hearts, and be clear, kind, honest and grounded."

Unconditional love is that special ability to love everyone and everything without judgment. Totally without judgment! It's a rare quality in most humans!

Fear disconnects and lives in the head. Love connects and emanates from the heart. And connection is one of the greatest human needs. People want to feel seen, valued, heard, included, safe, to feel they matter, they are special and cared for. In other words, people want to be unconditionally loved!

That is tricky for most humans to give! But we can aim to do that.

Whether it is a person, an animal or a tree, unconditional love is total acceptance of who or what they are, not judging, wanting to fix, improve or adjust them! Just love them as they are! And if they are not respecting you and your safety, you can love them from a distance with boundaries!

Care - The Smallest Things Change Everything

Unconditional love takes a lot of consciousness, awareness and conscious choosing. Genuine caring itself often doesn't take much to demonstrate. And it's a start!

A sincere thank you. A smile. A note. A pause. Sincere listening. An apology. A hand on the shoulder. A "How are you really?" A zoot.

If you have heard me speak, you probably know about zoots! Zoots are a little stream of love from one heart to another.

Over the years I have taught zoots to hundreds of thousands of people, and they have become traditions in families, teams and relationships all over the place. Which makes me very happy. Because sometimes we need a simple, slightly silly way to express something profound.

We can send love this way and you can even do it silently! Imagine little hearts going from yours to another person's and you might just be surprised that their mood or attitude changes!

Try sending zoots to yourself, the person in the mirror! Loving yourself unconditionally is a lifelong journey for most, but start consciously now. Catch yourself being nasty, critical, demeaning or harsh with yourself. And replace it with grace, acceptance and eventually love!

Teenagers may look like they are allergic to us, but underneath the hoodie, the eye rolling and the headphones is a human who still wants to feel loved. So send zoots.

Your partner, if you have one, is also a magnificent F.A.R.C. opportunity. Once upon a time they could do no wrong. You loved their quirky behaviors and jokes! Then time passed...

And now they breathe loudly, stack the dishwasher incorrectly, leave things in strange places, put the toilet paper in the wrong way, and somehow have become your greatest spiritual opportunity. LOL

Thank them! Have true gratitude for them. You now have thousands of opportunities each week to choose love over judgment. What a gift. You can choose to see it as a gift. Or not!

Connect - What Leadership Actually Looks Like

And at work? Leadership is not just what you say. It's how people feel around you. Which depends on how you feel about yourself.

Can they tell you the truth? Can they make a mistake and learn? Can they ask for help? Can they speak up? Can they be human? Do they feel they matter? Do they feel cared for?

Because people don't leave jobs, they leave bosses. I know you have heard that before and I wish I could acknowledge the person who first said it, as it is so true!

People perform at their best where they feel safe, seen, significant and supported. That is Amanda Gore JQ, Joy Intelligence in action. Being connected, caring, as loving as you can, nurturing, supporting, encouraging, including, working with compassion for yourself and others. That is F.A.R.C. contributing to culture.

Celebrate - This Is What Cements the Change

The last C is celebrate. In neuroscience, we know that for real change to occur, the brain needs to focus on what it wants to change, be aware of the patterns, repeat the new pattern and then celebrate. Even the tiniest results!

The celebration is what cements the changes!

So give yourself a TA-DA every time you make a change!

If you are by yourself or with someone you love, make it a big noisy TA-DA! And have everyone cheer!

If you are in a place where you can't be too obvious, do a TINY TA-DA! I love Tiny TA-DAs.

You just use your fingers and whisper it to yourself.

Your brain doesn't care!! It senses the emotion of celebration and it still works! Celebrate every positive change!

The Full 60-Second F.A.R.C. Reset

Here it is, all in one place:

Pause. Focus. Ask: What am I feeling?

Find the fear. Put on gratitude glasses.

Appreciate something. Acknowledge someone.

Remember who you are. You are love and your mission is to love.

Return to peace and calm with a long exhale.

Consciously choose one loving, caring, non-judging action.

Then celebrate that you noticed. Do big TA-DAs! Or do a tiny TA-DA!

That is it. And the new behavior is cemented into the brain.

That is F.A.R.C.

It is not complicated and it's not silly, it’s actually scientific! It's not pretending everything is wonderful when it isn't or ignoring bad behavior or bypassing pain.

It's choosing to become conscious. And to stop letting fear run your life. It's choosing to see yourself and others with more grace and love. Repeatedly.

Because the world does not need more unconscious fear. It needs more conscious love.

GO FORTH AND F.A.R.C.!

Choose love over fear and judgment.

Send zoots all the time.

Be your own CJF, Chief Joy Facilitator.

Start with yourself. Then scatter it everywhere.

Zoot, zoot, zoot from my heart to yours.

Amanda

PS. This week, choose one relationship where you have been judging more than loving. Don't make a big drama of it. Just send zoots. Notice something to appreciate. Choose one caring action. Tiny choices change everything. Do tiny TA-DAs! Give others big TA-DAs!

PPS. Share this with someone who needs a little more love, grace, laughter, or F.A.R.C.ing in their life. Which is basically everyone. LOL.

LEARN MORE ABOUT AMANDA

amandagore.com

USA: 469 500 4045 | AUS: +61 414 282 218

Please forward this newsletter to your friends and family!

Hello everyone!

We are now halfway through our F.A.R.C. series.

So far we have covered:

F, Focus on Feelings / Find the Fear

A, Awareness, Appreciation, Acknowledgment and Allowing Grace

Today we move to R.

R stands for:

Remember

Return to Your Heart and Restore Calm

Repeat Gratitude

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to always choose love over fear and judgment. But when your nervous system is activated, your inbox is feral, your partner is breathing incorrectly, someone has scheduled a meeting at 4:30pm on a Friday, and the printer has once again become a spiritual teacher, you need something very simple.

Remember Who You Really Are

Remember who you really are. You are not your fear or your stories! You are not the person you have judged! You are not the email you wish you had not sent.

You are not your anxiety, not your judgment, not the voice in your head that says you are not enough. You are not the terrified toddler who occasionally hijacks your adult body and starts running the show!

You are love. You were born as a magnificent little bundle of love and joy. You did not arrive here judging your thighs, comparing yourself to other babies, worrying about your productivity, or wondering whether your LinkedIn profile was optimised! You were born as pure love!

Initially it showed up as eating and sleeping and pooping, but by the time you were a toddler you radiated love and joy to everyone around you!

Then life happened. Stories started. Family patterns imprinted. School happened. Culture happened. Heartbreak and protection started. And slowly many of us forgot who we really are.

We built protective layers and learned to perform. To please. To control. To take responsibility for things that are not our responsibility! To hide, judge, push away, pretend, fool ourselves, be 'perfect', to be terrified someone will find out we are faking it!

And underneath all of that, the essence of us remained the same. Love.

So R begins with remembering. Remember and remind yourself: you are love! You can be in your heart where the wisdom is, not the head where the fear rules!

In your heart, you are safe, wise, discerning; you can breathe and respond; you can think clearly; you can find peace.

If your nervous system is in fear, you can't think clearly, discern, choose wisely, listen, lead or love!

You may, however, be excellent at catastrophising, blaming, interrupting, imagining worst-case scenarios, and giving Oscar-worthy speeches in your head to people who are not there.

Restore Calm, The Exhale Is Everything

Restore calm by reminding yourself to breathe deeply, which brings the body back to safety. Especially the exhale. Not a tiny polite exhale but a noisy "I am letting go of the fact that this human is doing that thing again" exhale!

This often works beautifully:

Breathe in for 7

Hold for 7

Breathe out for 7

Hold for 7

(or a number that feels comfortable for you!)

And in that final hold, place your attention in the heart area. Notice the stillness. Find your peace point there in that sacred gap. That gap is where wisdom lives and where you get to choose love instead of fear.

You don't need to do this perfectly or wear a special outfit! You don't need a retreat in Bali!

You can do it in the car. In the bathroom. Before a meeting. After a difficult phone call. While standing at the sink. Before responding to someone who has just said something spectacularly irritating! LOL

If you are in a public place and need to sigh dramatically, you might decide to do it quietly. It still works!

Repeat, The Unglamorous But Transformational Part

We don't change because we had one insight! We cement change because we repeat a new choice until it becomes familiar first. Then natural. Then it becomes automatic and unconscious.

This consciousness changes cultures, families, workplaces, leadership teams, safety cultures, dental practices, marriages, friendships and your own head.

Especially your own head. Become aware of the culture of your own mind every day. Is it safe in there? Is it loving? Kind? Encouraging? Or hostile? Some of us would be reported to HR if other people heard how we spoke to ourselves. LOL. Ok, most of us!

So return to your heart as often as you need to!

Repeat the exhale; wearing gratitude glasses; zoots; consciously choosing love over fear; love over judgment; finding grace.

Repeatedly check whether you are in your heart or your head. And when you forget, begin again.

Keep going!

Your F.A.R.C. Practice for This Week

Three times a day, pause, breathe in for 7, hold for 7, exhale loudly for 7, hold for 7!

Then say silently: I remember who I am. I AM love. I choose love.

And if that feels too deep, just say: Zoot, zoot, zoot. To yourself and to others! Your nervous system will understand.

Zoot, zoot, zoot from my heart to yours.

Amanda

PS. If you use this before replying to a difficult email, you may save yourself three days of regret and one apology. Very efficient.

PPS. Next time we finish with C, Consciously Choose Love, Connect, Care and Celebrate. This is where F.A.R.C. becomes visible in your behavior, your relationships, your leadership and your life.

LEARN MORE ABOUT AMANDA

amandagore.com

USA: 469 500 4045 | AUS: +61 414 282 218

Please forward this newsletter to your friends and family!

Hello everyone!

Last time I shared the first step in F.A.R.C., which is:

F, Focus on Feelings and Find the Fear.

This week we are moving to A. And A is huge! A stands for:

Awareness

Appreciation

Acknowledgment

Allowing Grace

Awareness is Where Everything Begins

It's extraordinary how many of us walk around completely unconscious! Epigenetics proves that 95 to 99% of the time we are unconscious of our thinking, or awareness!

Awareness often begins with an intention to just be more aware of everything around you that you can see and not see!!

In real life it often begins with noticing that you are cranky, judgemental, reactive, and possibly blaming the wrong person for the fact that you are hungry. LOL.

Without awareness, we are just a walking bundle of old programming, old stories, old fears, old wounds, family patterns, cultural conditioning, caffeine, hormones, and whatever happened in the car park five minutes ago!

And then we wonder why we are not peaceful. Awareness is the equivalent of a sacred pause.

It is the moment you go: "Ohhhhhhh. I am not angry because they loaded the dishwasher incorrectly. I am angry because I feel unseen, unsupported, and like I have to do everything myself." That is your own story! Not the truth.

I am not saying the dishwasher thing is not important. Some people load a dishwasher as if they are tossing things into a cave! But the deeper issue is usually not the dishwasher. It's the feeling underneath.

Awareness asks: What is really going on here? Am I in my head or my heart? Am I present? Am I telling myself a terrifying story? Am I making someone wrong so I can feel safe? Am I making myself wrong because that is my old favorite hobby? Am I assuming the worst? Am I allowing fear to influence me?

Or am I choosing love? That one question can change everything.

Once you consider those questions and unpack the answers, you may have a very different perspective on your life!

Appreciation, Put On Your Gratitude Glasses!

As we have more awareness, we can focus on appreciation.

One of the principles I love to share is putting on your gratitude glasses! Gratitude is the master re-framer in every situation. Because gratitude changes what we see, and gratitude glasses filter everything we see through that lens.

It doesn't deny reality. It doesn't mean everything is fabulous. Or suggest we pretend pain, grief, frustration, disappointment, illness, uncertainty, or difficult people are not real.

It's important to feel rather than deny all feelings and live in our heads, and once you have processed some of the feelings, it's time to find gratitude for the lessons within the difficulties, or look for the gift in the experience.

Focusing on gratitude reminds the nervous system that there is still goodness here. There is still love here and always something to appreciate.

A hot shower. A clean bed. A friend who gets you. A roof over your head. A dog's face. A functioning knee. A person who still loves you despite knowing your foibles!

Or look at the beauty of a tree. Or clouds or a beautiful flower. The smallest thing can change your state if you genuinely feel gratitude for it.

And that is the key. If you just list things for which you are grateful like a homework assignment, it won't work! Get into your heart and feel it. Let it move you from your head back into your heart.

Because fear and judgment live in the head. Love lives in the heart. And gratitude is one of the pathways to connect your head and your heart.

Acknowledgment, The One Everyone is Hungry For

Another A is acknowledgment! This one is huge in leadership, relationships, families and teams.

Almost every aspect of our lives involves people! And people have not changed in thousands of years! People want to feel they matter, to feel seen. They want to feel that what they do matters.

And acknowledgment is one of the simplest ways to help people feel that. You have heard it many times: catch people doing something right. That's because it works!

Notice (part of awareness!) what they do. Thank them. Notice the effort they are making. In fact, one of the ways to develop a growth mindset is to praise effort, not skills, abilities or talents!

Notice courage, kindness, any improvement. Notice the person who quietly keeps the wheels turning and never gets applause, or the one who stayed late, the one who is struggling but still showing up.

And remember to acknowledge yourself! Most of us are experts at judging ourselves harshly. Criticising ourselves or comparing ourselves poorly with others. We are often terrible at acknowledging ourselves.

We notice what we didn't do. What went wrong. What we should have done better. What is still on the list. What we forgot. What we should have said. What we shouldn't have said. What we should have eaten or shouldn't have!

What we should have achieved by now, according to some completely imaginary timeline we created in our heads and then used as a weapon against ourselves.

At the end of the day, we have a 'what I should have done better list.' Instead of a TO-DO list... what if we created a TA-DA list?

TA-DA!

TA-DA! I got through the day.

TA-DA! I made the phone call.

TA-DA! I didn't say the thing I wanted to say in the tone I wanted to say it.

TA-DA! I noticed I was judging and I stopped.

TA-DA! I drank water.

TA-DA! I sent a zoot instead of a dagger.

Tiny celebrations matter. They cement any change you make at a neurophysiological level! I love to suggest you do TINY TA-DAs!! Acknowledge any small change you notice in yourself, and maybe give others TINY TA-DAs as well!

Allowing Grace, Because You Are Not Stuck, You Are sTuck

Which brings us to Allowing Grace. Because once you start becoming more aware, you may also become aware of how unaware you have been! When I started noticing how much I judged, I could have used that as another reason to judge myself! Well, let's be real, I did initially!

The goal is not self-attack. The goal is self-love.

If you find yourself at the SUCK end of life, full of fear, judgment, criticism, blame, excuses, fixed mindset or misery, please remember this:

You don't suck. You are sTuck.

The T is the difference. And the T stands for THINKING.

Change the thinking, change the feeling. Change the feeling, change the choice. Change the choice, change the behavior. Change the behavior, change the culture. Change the culture, change the result.

So allow yourself grace. We are all learning. Every minute of every day!

We are all trying to remember who we really are underneath the fear, the conditioning, the old stories and the emotional lint.

Your Practice This Week

It is very simple. Pause and notice what you feel. Find the fear. Then put on your gratitude glasses. Appreciate one thing. Acknowledge one person. Acknowledge yourself. And allow everyone grace.

And if you forget all of it and behave like a deranged wombat, just notice that too! LOL! I know that experience of a deranged wombat! HAHAHHA!

But I just begin again. I give myself grace. You can choose to do that too!

Zoot, zoot, zoot from my heart to yours.

Amanda

PS. Your TA-DA list does not have to be impressive. "TA-DA, I did not lose my mind in the supermarket" is a perfectly valid achievement! LOL

PPS. Next time we move to R, Remember, Restore Calm and Repeat. This is where breath, the heart, and repetition start rewiring our emotional operating system. Sounds fancy. It is also very useful when people are annoying. LOL.

LEARN MORE ABOUT AMANDA

amandagore.com

USA: 469 500 4045 | AUS: +61 414 282 218

Please forward this newsletter to your friends and family!

As promised, I am going to share the full F.A.R.C. process with you over the next few newsletters.

Because apparently I have created a framework that sounds slightly naughty, is very memorable, and allows me to say things like:

"Go forth and F.A.R.C."

Which gives me great joy. And makes people laugh! I get away with it because of my Aussie accent, I truly cannot say R like Americans do!

But underneath the acronym is something deeply practical, very human, and, I believe, urgently needed right now.

F.A.R.C. is the simple daily practice that helps us increase our JQ. Amanda Gore JQ, Joy Intelligence is the bigger idea. And F.A.R.C. is the practical tool or framework to elicit change.

It is what you do when you are triggered, cranky, anxious, hurt, judging, blaming, controlling, catastrophising, overthinking, or about to send an email that should really be slept on, prayed over, deleted, or buried in the backyard.

We have all been there. Some of us were there this morning! Ha ha...

No judgment! Just awareness.

The First Letter is F

F stands for Focus on Feelings and Find the Fear.

Because everything in life and business is about feelings. Everything.

How you feel about yourself is the most important thing in life.

When you feel good about yourself, you are kinder, clearer, funnier, more creative, more generous, more patient, more loving and much less likely to mentally stab people in traffic!

And in business, leadership, parenting, relationships and life, the second most important thing is: How do other people feel around you?

Do they feel safe? Seen? Valued? Encouraged? Do they feel they matter?

Or do they feel judged, dismissed, stupid, invisible, unsafe, or like they need to protect themselves from you?

That is leadership's current struggle, to help people feel safe. But that's not taught in the strategic planning offsite that focuses on only facts and KPIs, not how people operate!

Great leaders create an emotional climate in which people can thrive. And you do master mind and create that environment!

So the First Step in F.A.R.C. is to Stop and Ask...

How am I feeling right now?

Not how am I pretending to feel. Not how should I feel. Not 'I don't have time to feel'.

Not how would a highly evolved spiritual being with perfect hair feel!

How do I ACTUALLY feel? Am I angry? Hurt? Anxious? Resentful? Lonely? Overwhelmed? Invisible? Embarrassed? Ashamed? Burned out? Afraid?

Because fear is very sneaky.

It wears disguises. It looks like control, like perfectionism, like defensiveness, like sarcasm. It can look like "I'm just being realistic" or like disconnection or being uncaring.

It looks like judgment. "They should know better." "I'll just do it myself." "No one ever appreciates me."

Sometimes it looks like drinking a good bottle of wine while calling it relaxation. LOL. I know that one!

But underneath so many reactions is fear. Fear of not being good enough, of not being loved or lovable, of being unsafe, rejected, excluded, not belonging, being judged, being wrong, making a mistake, or not being seen.

Generally, fear is exhausting!

And once I started noticing how much I judged, people, situations, myself, the weather, the traffic, the woman walking down the street, the person buying strange things at the supermarket, I was horrified! Because I realized at its core I was judging myself more than anything!

I had no idea how much judging was happening in my head. It was very humbling. And pretty disturbing! But then I realized I was judging again!

Here is the Good News

You cannot change what you cannot see. Once you see it, you have a choice. And that is the beginning of awareness and freedom.

Most of us are not consciously choosing our thoughts, feelings and reactions. Epigenetics and neuroscience show us that we are unconscious of our thoughts 95 to 99% of the time! That's a lot! Our old programming, stories and beliefs are quietly running the show.

Or, as I like to say, our terrified toddler is driving the bus. And no offense to toddlers, they are adorable, but I do not want one running my life experiences.

So F is the pause.

F is the moment you ask: What am I feeling? What story am I telling myself? Where is fear hiding? Where am I judging? Where am I reacting from an old wound or old belief?

And please, for the love of zoots, don't judge yourself for judging. LOL.

That just creates judgment lasagne. Layer upon layer of it.

Just notice with compassion, curiosity and love. Notice like a loving detective and not a prosecuting attorney!

Because the goal is not to beat yourself up. The goal is to wake yourself up.

Your F.A.R.C. Practice for This Week

It is very simple. A few times a day, pause and ask:

What am I feeling right now?

Is there fear underneath this?

That's it.

No giant self-improvement project. Just notice.

Because the moment you can name what you feel, you are no longer completely run by it. And the moment you can find the fear, you can begin to choose something else.

You can begin to choose love.

Zoot, zoot, zoot from my heart to yours.

Amanda

PS. If you catch your terrified toddler running your day, stop and remind them you have got this! You are grateful for their efforts but it's time for them to go and play and have fun. They can stop being vigilant and protecting you! Give them a metaphorical hug!

PPS. Next time, we will look at A, which stands for Awareness, Appreciation, Acknowledgment and Allowing Grace. It is one of my favorite parts because it involves gratitude glasses, TA-DAs and not being so mean to ourselves. Which would be a nice change for many of us. Well... me anyway! LOL.

LEARN MORE ABOUT AMANDA

amandagore.com

USA: 469 500 4045 | AUS: +61 414 282 218

Please forward this newsletter to your friends and family!

Hello everyone!

Have you ever been in a conversation that started out perfectly reasonably, and somehow within about three minutes it has completely blown up and you have no idea how you got there? Or have you ever caught yourself reacting to something your partner, your colleague, or your boss said and thinking afterwards "WHY did I say that? What is wrong with me?!"

Well, I have some very good news and some slightly confronting news for you, and I am going to give you both at once!

The good news is that it is not really your fault.

The confronting news is that you have a Terrified Toddler living inside your head, and they have been running the show for most of your adult life without you even knowing it! Think unconscious mind! (Take a look at the image below. Does any of that look familiar to you?!)

You Were Born Love. Did You Know That?

Think about a newborn baby for a moment. Actually, think about any baby or toddler you have ever loved and watched. What are they, at their absolute core, before life starts offering them 'learning experiences'? They are pure love, aren't they!

They are joy and curiosity and absolute openness. They have no judgment, no agenda, no defences. A baby doesn't come into the world thinking "I wonder if I am good enough?" They just ARE. Perfectly, completely, wonderfully enough. And so were YOU, once upon a time, even if it doesn't feel remotely like that on a Tuesday morning when everything is going wrong!

Here is what I know after decades of working with hundreds of thousands of people all around the world. We are all born love. It is our essence, our core, the truest thing about us. But in our first 7 years, we, as toddlers, perceive various events in only the way toddlers can perceive! Very self-centric and not very wise!

We forget we are love. Loveable and loved. Then 'scary, confusing things' happen. Moments where we felt ignored, or criticised, or left out, or not chosen, or frightened. Mostly frightened!

And our little one or four year old brain did what it had to do to make sense of all of that. It made up a story.

And here we are, decades later, still living by that story. Running a toddler's operating system on a grown adult's life!

No wonder things get complicated and confusing sometimes!

The Three Core Fears Your Toddler Lives By

In my experience, and I have been doing this work for a very long time now, almost every relationship problem, every workplace conflict, every communication breakdown, every moment where you feel miserable, lonely, afraid, completely lose the plot and say something you regret, comes back to one of three core fears that got planted when you were tiny.

The first one is "I am not good enough / I am not worth loving."

This is probably the most common one I see, and I see it everywhere, in boardrooms and bedrooms and everywhere in between! It drives perfectionism, overworking, people pleasing, and a constant nagging feeling that you are always about to be "found out." Does any of that sound at all familiar?! This is the one that makes perfectly rational adults suddenly behave in ways that make no sense whatsoever to anyone around them, including themselves.

It drives jealousy, neediness, isolation, loneliness, clinginess, pushing people away before they can leave first, and sabotaging beautiful relationships to prove that the fear was right all along. (I know this one very personally so I am not judging anyone! In fact, I know most of them!)

The second one is "I am unsafe in some way." And this one is a humdinger! It leads to all sorts of controlling behaviors; desires to know outcomes so we feel safe; a desperate running away from any kind of uncertainty; huge stress and anxiety. And basically constant exhaustion from being on red alert!

The third one is a fear of separation, "I don't belong, I don't fit in." Of being left behind, excluded. Humans are tribal beings!! We need community, to feel we belong somewhere and it's instinct! The sad part is that the truth is we are never separate!

In the quantum world we are all connected all the time. Think of the last time you had the thought, 'gosh, I haven't heard from John for a while'... and that day or the next, John contacts you! Separation is an illusion, designed to keep you in fear! Connect, connect, connect, your head to your heart and your heart to other hearts. It will save your life!

Most of us are completely unconscious of these fears. Yet they rule our lives and create patterns of behavior. We don't walk around thinking "ah yes, my core abandonment wound is being triggered right now." We just suddenly feel FURIOUS, or desperately hurt, or completely shut down, or insecure, or that people are upset with us, and we have no idea why.

And neither does the person we are talking to, which is why conversations go from "I just need us to work better together" to "YOU NEVER LISTEN, I AM NOT IMPORTANT!" in about forty five seconds flat! (Sound familiar? Look at the picture again!)

And then again, the self-fulfilling prophecy (core fear story) proves right. Our relationship breaks down (cos we are not worth loving) or we lose our job (cos we are not good enough) etc etc...

What Your Terrified Toddler Actually Needs

Here is what is so sad, and I mean this genuinely. Look at that image above once more. Both of those people are saying something completely reasonable on the outside. "I just need us to work better together." "I just want to feel more supported." Those are not unreasonable things to want! But their terrified toddlers have grabbed the microphone and what is actually coming OUT is accusation, defensiveness, and a broken heart crackling with lightning bolts between them.

Because what the toddler is really saying is "I am terrified I am not important to you" and "I am terrified I am not worth loving and you are going to leave." And those things are almost impossible to say out loud as an adult, so instead we REACT. We control, we attack, we shut down, we over explain, we storm off, or we go very quiet in that particular way that everyone around us knows is not actually quiet at all!

The toddler is not trying to make your life difficult. They are trying to keep you SAFE. That is all they have ever been doing. They just told themselves the wrong stories about thirty years ago and nobody has updated the software since.

Three Things You Can Do Right Now

So what do you actually do with all of this, today? Here are three simple things that will genuinely change things if you use them.

The next time you feel yourself starting to react in a way that is bigger than the situation really warrants, stop for just a moment and ask yourself "how old do I feel right now?" Not how old you ARE, how old you FEEL. Because I guarantee you it is not your actual age! Check to see if the adult is present, breathing and responding, or if the toddler is frantically putting up a shield!

If it feels like about four, your toddler has shown up and they need a moment of comfort, not an argument. Take three slow breaths, exhale deeply, put your hand on your heart if you can do it without feeling completely ridiculous (and even if you do feel ridiculous, do it anyway!), and just acknowledge to yourself "my little one is scared right now. I need to tell her she's (or he's) ok!" That is it. You do not have to do anything else with it in that moment. Just naming it changes everything.

The second thing is this. Start getting curious about your own three core fears rather than just reacting from them. Which one resonates most with you? "I am not good enough," "I am not worth loving," or "I am unsafe or separate"? Work out what story raised its head.

Because once you know which one is your dominant story, you can start to see how it plays out everywhere. Why certain comments sting so much more than they should. Why you respond to certain people in certain ways. Why some situations send you completely sideways while other people seem totally unbothered. You are not broken. You are not weak. You are a person with a terrified toddler inside, and now you can see them, you can choose differently.

If you then work out (roughly) when the story started, it helps to reduce its impact! You don't have to dive in deeply and re-traumatise yourself! Just recall when it started and you will understand that the story you told yourself was not the truth. It was merely the best story the toddler could come up with at that time! Just understanding that seems to make a big shift!

The third part was given to me by Dr David Martin who said to add this question: who benefited? Who benefited from the toddler telling themselves the story? Was it really you? Or was it another family member? In my case, I told myself I was not worth loving (actually I got the trifecta!!) and that as a consequence I was responsible for my mother's happiness! My mother benefited greatly, even though she didn't ask for it! But it was not such a great thing for me in the long run! Sometimes understanding this dynamic changes everything as well!

The Heart of All of This

If we all communicated from our hearts instead of from our terrified toddlers, relationships would be so much easier. Not perfect, because people are people and life is life!

But so much more connected and so much more honest and kind. When we communicate heart to heart, we hear what someone is actually saying underneath all the noise. We understand that the person who is attacking us is actually frightened. We understand that the person who went very quiet is actually hurting. And we can respond to THAT, instead of just firing back with our own toddler's ammunition!

You are pure love underneath all of those stories. So is the person in front of you, even when they are making you absolutely crazy. And when you can remember that, even for a moment, everything gets a little more compassionate, patient and understanding.

Your terrified toddler has done an incredible job of protecting you all these years. It is time to give them a rest, wrap them up in a warm blanket, and let the adult run the show for a while! As David said to me "you have lived 62 years of your life based on the story of a two year old. Do you want to keep going?"

It was a pivotal moment to say the least!!! Apply it to yourself and see what your answer is!!!

You've got this. And your toddler is loving the concept that they can chill and relax and play, at last!!

Want to go deeper on this?

This is one of the core frameworks in JQ Joy Intelligence and I bring it to life in keynotes, leadership labs, and executive retreats in ways that are funny, practical, and genuinely transformative. Come and find out more at amandagore.com!

Zooties, Amanda

PS. Send this to anyone you know whose terrified toddler has been running the show lately! (That is probably most people you know, to be honest!)

PPS. Next time, I will share more of the practical tools for working with your inner toddler. Stay tuned!

LEARN MORE ABOUT AMANDA

amandagore.com

USA: 469 500 4045 | AUS: +61 414 282 218

Please forward this newsletter to your friends and family!

(And Why Your Brain Needs It More Than Ever)

Hello everyone!

How many of you love watching flames flicker in a fire? Waves crashing on a beach? Water bubbling along a creek? Leaves rippling in the wind, or clouds crossing the sky?

How do those things make you feel?

If you are like most people I talk to, something in your shoulders just drops a little. Your breathing slows without you even trying. Your mind, which has been sprinting from email to meeting to deadline to "what's for dinner?" all day, just... wanders. You are not really thinking about anything in particular. You are just watching. And it feels wonderful, doesn't it!

Well, the Japanese have had a word for this for about 1,300 years. It is called tayutau (揺蕩う) and it means to drift, to sway gently, like the space between waves. I absolutely love that there is a word for it, because most of us have been doing it our whole lives and feeling secretly guilty about it!

This Isn't Meditation. And That's the Point.

We have spent the last decade telling leaders (and everyone else!) to meditate. Breathe in for four counts. Focus on the breath. Notice when the mind wanders and bring it gently back. All very worthy and I am not knocking it at all, but the truth is that most people find it really, really difficult to do and give up after about a week feeling like failures!

Tayutau asks for absolutely none of that effort, which is why I find it so exciting to share with people. There is no technique. No goal. No "doing it right." You simply gaze, at fire, at water, at clouds, at leaves moving in the breeze, and you let your mind go wherever it wants to go. The ancient Japanese poets wrote about it over a thousand years ago, describing the drift of white clouds rising on restless waves over an empty sea. They were not trying to calm their minds. They were just watching the sea do what the sea does. And that was enough!

What is Actually Happening in Your Brain (Here Comes the Science!)

Now here is where it gets really interesting, because I know a lot of you are skeptical of anything that sounds too soft or too "woo woo." (And you know who you are!) So let me give you the neuroscience.

When you let your mind drift like this, staring at a fire, watching a river, gazing at clouds, your brain activates something called the Default Mode Network. This is the network that switches on precisely when you are NOT focused on a task, and it is responsible for some of your very best thinking: insight, creativity, emotional processing, problem solving, and that wonderful feeling of knowing who you really are. In other words, the very thing that feels like "wasting time" is actually your brain doing essential, irreplaceable work. Work it simply cannot do while you are answering Slack messages! (I find this enormously validating and I hope you do too.)

There is also something quietly magical that happens the longer you gaze. The line between you watching and the thing you are watching starts to soften. You stop being a person looking at a fire and you just become part of the moment the fire is making. This, by the way, is the opposite of burnout. Burnout is the self, gripped too tightly for too long with no release at all. Tayutau is the grip simply loosening, on purpose, for no reason other than it feels good.

Why This Matters Especially if You Lead People

If you lead a team, or a family, or both (and most of you do both!), your Default Mode Network is probably absolutely starving. Back to back meetings, constant decisions, a phone that never really goes quiet, an inbox that fills faster than you can empty it... this is a life almost perfectly designed to prevent the kind of unfocused drifting your brain genuinely needs to process, integrate, and reset itself.

This is exactly the gap that Amanda Gore JQ, Joy Intelligence addresses. We cannot out-strategy a nervous system that never gets to rest, and the leaders who sustain high performance over the long haul are always the ones who have built in moments of tayutau, even if they have never called it that and even if they felt a bit guilty about it at the time!

So How Do You Actually Do It Every Day?

You do not need a retreat. You do not need a subscription to anything. You need permission and about five minutes. Here are some ideas to get you started.

In the morning

Before you open your laptop or pick up your phone (I know, I know!), look out a window for two minutes. Watch the light. Watch a tree move. Don't try to think about your day. Just watch. It sounds almost ridiculously simple and that is exactly the point!

At your desk

Try keeping a candle nearby, or pull up one of those slow burning fire videos that you can find all over YouTube. When you feel your thinking going tight and circular and you are going around and around the same problem getting nowhere, watch the flame for sixty seconds before going back to it. You will often find the answer waiting for you when you return. It works more often than you would think!

On your commute

If you are a passenger, watch the clouds instead of your phone. If you are walking somewhere, find a moment to watch leaves moving in the wind rather than listening to a podcast. It is not wasted time. It is brain food!

At the end of the day

Sit somewhere you can watch water, even a fountain, even a glass of water catching the afternoon light, and just let your mind go wherever it wants to. Don't direct it and don't judge whatever comes up. This is one of the loveliest ways I know to transition out of work mode before you arrive home and actually be present for the people you love.

With your team

Next time a meeting feels stuck and you are all going around in circles, try suggesting two minutes of everyone just looking out the window in silence before you continue. It will feel very strange the first time. It will feel completely necessary by the third time. I promise you that!

The Real Practice

Tayutau is not a productivity hack and it is not going to show up on anyone's performance review. But it might just be the missing piece between the leader who burns out chasing the next milestone and the one who sustains their clarity, creativity, and connection for the long haul.

So next time you catch yourself staring at a fire, a wave, a cloud, and you feel that familiar urge to apologize for "wasting time" or to grab your phone instead... don't. You are not wasting anything at all. You are doing exactly what your mind was built to do!

And doesn't it feel wonderful?

Zoot, zoot, zoot from my heart to yours.

Amanda

PS. Next time you are in a meeting that feels stuck, suggest two minutes of window gazing before continuing. You may never go back to starting meetings any other way!

PPS. Share this with someone who has been feeling guilty about daydreaming. It's not laziness. It's neuroscience. And now they have proof!

LEARN MORE ABOUT AMANDA

amandagore.com

USA: 469 500 4045 | AUS: +61 414 282 218

Please forward this newsletter to your friends and family!

Think about the best team you have ever been part of. Not necessarily the most talented collection of people, or the one with the flashiest resources or the most impressive title on the org chart. The team where something just worked. Where people were honest with each other. Where someone could say "I don't know" or "I got that wrong" and nobody flinched. Where the best idea won, regardless of who had it.

What made that team different?

And now think about the worst team you've been part of. Where the meetings were exercises in careful performance. Where credit was hoarded and blame was shared generously. Where people said one thing in the room and something completely different in the car park afterwards. Where you were permanently slightly on guard, never quite sure where you stood.

Same people. Different team. Completely different results. What changed?

Trust. And trust is just safety between people who have to work together.

Teams change at the speed of safety.

Why Your Team Is Probably Performing Below Its Potential

Here is something I share from stages all over the world and it lands every single time. Most teams are not underperforming because of a skills gap. They are underperforming because of a safety gap. People are holding back. They are protecting themselves. They are giving you a carefully edited version of their thinking because the environment, consciously or not, has taught them that full honesty is risky.

And you cannot get extraordinary performance from people who are partially switched off.

Google spent years and millions of dollars studying what made their highest-performing teams different from their average ones. They called the research Project Aristotle, and what they found was not what anyone expected. It was not the smartest teams that performed best. It was not the most experienced or the most credentialed. It was the teams with the highest psychological safety. The ones where members felt safe to take risks, to speak up, to be vulnerable with each other without fear of being humiliated or dismissed.

In other words, the teams that trusted each other.

Trust Does Not Just Happen

We tend to talk about trust as though it is either there or it isn't. As though some teams are lucky enough to have it and others just aren't. But trust is not luck. It is a culture that someone built, usually a leader, through hundreds of small daily choices that told people: you are safe here. Your honesty is welcome here. Your mistakes will not define you here.

Think about the leaders you have trusted most in your career. Were they the ones with all the answers? The ones who never showed doubt? I doubt it. The leaders people trust most are the ones who were honest when something wasn't working. Who said "I was wrong about that" without it costing them their credibility. Who created a room where the truth could actually be told, because they modelled it themselves.

Trust flows downhill. When a leader trusts their team with honesty, the team learns that honesty is safe. When a leader admits a mistake, it gives everyone else permission to be human too. When a leader responds to bad news with curiosity instead of punishment, people start bringing them the real news instead of the edited version. And that is when a team starts to actually function.

The team that can tell each other the truth is the team that can solve anything.

A Question Worth Sitting With

When was the last time someone on your team told you something you didn't want to hear? And when they did, what happened next? Did they feel glad they said it? Did it change anything? Or did the silence in the room afterwards teach everyone present that honesty comes with a cost?

Because your team is learning from every single one of those moments. They are building an internal map of what is safe to say, safe to try, safe to admit, safe to question. And they are adjusting their behavior accordingly, often without anyone realizing it is happening.

The beautiful thing is that this can change. And it can change relatively quickly, because when people feel a genuine shift in safety, they respond to it. Not always immediately, and not without some healthy scepticism at first, but they respond. People want to trust. People want to contribute fully. People want to be part of something that feels honest and real.

They just need to know it is safe to do so. And that is a decision you make every single day, in every single interaction.

The question is not whether you can build a high-trust team. You absolutely can. The question is whether you are willing to go first.

About Amanda Gore

Amanda Gore is a Hall of Fame keynote speaker, CEO of The Joy Project, and author of Joy is an Inside Job. She works with organizations across the globe to build leaders who create cultures where people feel safe enough to bring their best. Find out more at amandagore.com

WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS YEAR?!!

It has disappeared! Something very strange has happened to time LOL - well not that funny really! It is just vaporising or that is how it feels to me! I have moved from Virginia and am settling in Dallas - just because I had not had enough moving in the last 2 years hahahahaha! Fast track to insanity!

However, I came across this list that I had started writing some time ago and thought it was timely! With so much uncertainty and disruption happening it is a reminder of ways to become grounded or still ourselves.

Here are some of the strategies that work best for me to calm myself and fight off overwhelm and burnout!

1. Be in silence - find a quiet place with no noise - no traffic, radio, podcast, TV or any sounds if possible. You will be stunned and how your whole nervous system relaxes! If you breathe in for a count of 4, hold it for 4, breath out for 4, hold it for 4 while saying to yourself 'I AM here' it will be transformative!

2. Be in nature - go and sit with your bare feet on the grass or earth. This recharges you - literally! With electrons!

3. Go Camping - with your family or by yourself and you achieve both 1 and 2 PLUS another critical one - connection.

4. Connection - connecting heart to heart with people you love and connecting to your own heart are secret weapons of burnout busting! Humans need other humans - even if they don't think they do and we are all connected all the time anyway!

5. If camping is not for you - then try Glamping!! It's very civilised! LOL.

6. Have a picnic in a park which grounds, connects and add the value of play into that - fly a kite - lighten up and play like children! Laugh more!

7. Go into the garden and stay there till you feel better - that is what my cousin Juliet would say to me - and it works!! Just weeding or watching weeds grow works. Fill yourself with gratitude for the wondrous plants and rocks and beings in the garden!

8. Create a magic moment book - this is a book full of photos or stories of wonderful times in your life - and when you need a lift - just open it and focus and relive one of those events. You can create an album online or in your phone and use it in the same way.

9. Remember that the number 1 thing is life is how you feel about yourself - so do your best to love yourself and remind yourself you are worth loving every day - several times if necessary. And ALWAYS choose love over fear. Be aware of the basis on which you are making a decision - is it on fear - or love! Make a choice based in fear and it will bite you in some way!

10. Unplug for an hour - get away from all technology - and avoid looking at your phone or computer immediately before bed - the frequency on the phone will influence your brain waves and you will take forever to get to sleep! I broke my own rule this week and was wide away until 2am - VERY frustrating!!

Short - and simple. These things really work so prioritize time for them and notice how different you feel after a month!

Zooties to you all and visit me in Dallas if you are here!

I woke up this morning with these words in my mind!

Last night a very good friend who is my 'soul sister' and I were chatting and we decided we were both so used to 'doing' ALL the time that we had forgotten how much 'doing' actually is in 'being' still and in silence!

I had visited the beach the day before and at the Virginia Beach beach I visited, there was about half a mile of sand it seemed before you arrived at the water. I didn't notice on my way down but on my way back, about 2/3 of the way back, I had left the noise of the ocean behind and there was this little 'zone' of silence and stillness. It was really palpable and felt lovely.

I stopped and just stood there - luckily there were not many people - and felt everything in my body relax as the silence almost held me. It was so calming and peaceful. It reminded me to be more conscious of making time to just stop doing, be still and feel the silence - it's tangible and restorative.Have you ever experienced that? If you have - relive it as often as you can as it will restore your energy and state.

Then, as synchronicity would have it, I randomly found a fascinating YouTube video on a prophesy made by Edgar Casey decades ago. As it happens - he lived most of his life in Virginia Beach where I currently live and I have visited the center several times. It's fascinating as it has all the records of his work.

In the video, they describe what he said about people over 60 and how this particular time in our history is when we come into our most rewarding time of life - depending on how we choose to view it. Rather than feeling we have lost relevance, meaning or purpose - he sees it as an invitation to dive deeper into our essence, into truly knowing and having faith in ourselves. Without the distractions that much of youth provides, without as many financial, parental and time burdens, we have the time to dive more deeply into ourselves and be more aware of that essence - in other words, who we really are.

We can choose to acknowledge our regrets, resentments, grudges and any other unresolved emotions and let go of what no longer serves us. He says 'not to forget but to understand' and then with compassion, grace and humility, we can let go of the hurts and pain and transform that into the wisdom of our lived experiences, which can then be shared and provide encouragement and direction for younger people - particularly at this time when there is so much chaos and uncertainty in the world.

If we resist change, cling to old patterns and routines, then instead of truly having one of the richest times in our lives and serving a huge purpose, we can shrivel, become disheartened and potentially miserable!

That was very encouraging for me LOL! I turn 71 next month and have had waves of feeling irrelevant and that I have passed my use by date!!

The reason I mention his video is that he also mentioned stillness and feeling peace in your own soul. And to be willing to listen in the silence - to your own wisdom. And that wisdom is the ability to perceive what is really before your eyes. Not just what we think superficially. Our lived experiences, if we let them, have trained us to 'see' more than what the eye perceives and think how valuable that is for others. Sometimes a word spoken calmly can change an entire situation; a welcoming genuine smile can transform a life - and truly being present with someone in your heart is always life changing.

If you are 60 or older - you are not done yet!!!

So….how does that tie into STOP. START. SETTLE. SUCCEED?

Well….I am glad you asked LOL! Cos I was rambling a bit!

This formula I suppose you would call it applies to ANY age!! Because everyone seems to be uber busy and distracted, lost in uncertainty and bordering on burnout and feeling stressed. It's the burnout buster strategy if you like!!

The first step is to STOP DOING! Not altogether obviously! But to carve out a period of time each day where you give yourself time to do the burnout buster strategy (BBS) and also do it whenever you notice you are feeling anxious, stressed or your stomach is churning.

We all seem to have programmed ourselves or been conditioned by society to value 'doing'. If we are not 'doing' something then we are not achieving anything and therefore less than worthy! Of course, I am generalising but you know what I mean. Sitting and relaxing is often associated with guilt - especially for women! So give yourself permission to stop doing just for 10 minutes!

The second step is to START BEING. Become very present and still. Feel into the moment and feel your body and what is going on inside it and outside it. Remember, you are a spiritual being embodied! So feel into your temple (your body for those of you who don't see it as that!). See if you can find a spot in nature or at least somewhere with no noise - especially traffic noise! That deep silence that is so nourishing. Or as little noise as possible! Or find a YouTube or podcast that is just silence embedded with solfeggio frequencies!

Then focus on being still. START being in stillness and silence. For as long as you can manage and as often as you can manage. You will be surprised at how everything in your life and energy levels changes. If you can find a secret spot it's even better! Or create a space where you can be still, in silence. For many, this would be really uncomfortable as first - but be patient with yourself and start small and build up to doing it for 20 minutes if you can - or more!

Once you have become present, still and hopefully found some silence, then SETTLE into your heart. This is your seat of wisdom, peace and rest. If you can stay in your heart all day you are doing better than I am LOL! But it's my goal - to live from my heart space all day. From there you can feel, but also perceive accurately so you can deal with everything with more grace. Your heart knows. Your brain thinks. There is a big difference! Feel into your knowing by focusing on being in your heart space, being still and listening.

So there you have it!

Another path to what I consider really succeeding. By starting to be more often, being more present, discovering and knowing who you really are, resting and restoring in stillness and silence, staying in your heart, you have the hallmarks to succeed at everything in life!

Let me know what you think and how you feel about these concepts - and if you were able to do the Burnout Buster Formula! Or if you have a better name for it I would LOVE you to let me know!

And I would love you to subscribe to my YouTube channel, Instagram and any other SM channel you visit! You can send me messages in any of the platforms and I hope I will find it! LOL.

Visit our website to see other blogs and bits and free stuff!

I created a little canva poster to remind you of this - click on this link to download it!

Have you ever really considered how you make decisions?

I thought I had…until these books made me question my entire process. They suggest that any decision made from fear will eventually come back to bite you. Even if just a hint of fear is involved, it can create complications down the line. That hit me because, honestly, I'd never truly examined how I make choices. I would just think my way through them, analyzing, planning, evaluating, without ever stepping into a place of true knowing and clarity.

At first, avoiding fear-based decisions seemed obvious. Who would knowingly choose fear? But then it struck me, I did it all the time!

I recently had a few important choices to make, and in one of those "aha" moments, I realized just how sneaky fear can be. It wasn't obvious, loud, or dramatic. It was subtle, lurking beneath my reasoning, quietly shaping my choices without me even realizing it.

That's the tricky thing, fear doesn't always show up as panic or doubt. It can disguise itself as logic, practicality, or responsibility. Unless we consciously shine a spotlight on our decision-making process and ask ourselves, Am I choosing this with any fear attached to it? We might never see it at all.

For example, I was debating whether to attend a seminar that I knew would be valuable. But I hesitated, telling myself it was too expensive. At the time, I thought I was just being responsible with money, but in reality, I was acting from a hidden fear of scarcity. And that fear stopped me from saying yes to something that could have been an amazing opportunity.

Now, this doesn't mean we should ignore logic. But there's a difference between discernment and fear-based thinking.

I've been training myself to shift out of my head and into my heart when making decisions. To listen to my gut rather than overanalyzing everything into oblivion. Because when we know something is right for us, there's no fear, just clarity.

How many times have you known you should do something, but fear held you back, and you regretted it later?

I've been there. Walking down the aisle for my first wedding, every fiber of my being knew it was wrong. But my mind, full of fear, told me I couldn't back out. “People are here. They'll be shocked. He'll be hurt.” So I ignored my gut… and what followed was far more painful than if I had just trusted myself in that moment. Can you relate?

Most successful leaders will tell you: they think things through, but ultimately, they trust their gut.

Looking back, I can see that almost every decision I made was influenced by fear in some way, not by my internal knowing. And honestly? Until now, I never even considered the difference between thinking and knowing.

For years, I made decisions by overanalyzing, second-guessing, and working through every possible scenario until I was completely drained. By the time I finally made a choice, I was so confused I didn't even trust it!

But here's what I've learned:

When you know, you know. There's no fear, just certainty.

When you think, fear has much more room to creep in and distort things.

So here's a challenge for you:

For the next week, before making any decision, big or small, pause. Ask yourself: Is fear involved? Am I thinking my way through this, or do I truly know? Is this coming from my head or my heart?

Try it out, and let me know what you notice!

Thank you so much 🙏❤️

Zooties galore to you!

Amanda

PS. I just had an article published in Elephant Journal it would be great if you popped over for a look to help support the magazine and help me boost my views LOL! Thank you!

What happened to January? We had planned to send this out so you could have a new year message from us but now it’s closer to Valentines Day!

Luckily, the message applies to both! Time ran away with us and Mel was on a wonderful trip to Japan and she is our tech wizard!

This message is timeless - and also relevant right now!

Everyone is talking about AI - it’s the latest buzzword. But for me, the real AI is Awareness Inside!

Understanding the core beliefs that drive us which I have rabbited on about forever (sheepish grin!), the reflex behaviors that are a consequence of those beliefs and knowing how we feel are all the keys to a more joyful and peace filled life.

Mel and I wanted to wish you all a great new year and instead of giving you even more resolutions, we thought you might like this little PDF we put together on 12 steps to mental wellness (https://amandagore.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/12-Steps-to-Mental-Wellness.pdf). And seeing it’s almost Valentines Day - they are also useful tools for anyone in a relationship.

Relationships are essentially managed by how we feel about ourselves! Think about it - when we are happy, healthy and feeling good about ourselves, everything flows more smoothly; we are more attractive to everyone - including ourselves!

We tried to make the handout fun and something that you can print out and post on your mirror or a wall to have as a reminder to be aware of what is going on in your heart - and head.

And to repeatedly find your way to the wisdom and knowing that exists in your heart at all times. There is no fear in your heart...so whenever you feel fear, anxiety or any state other than peace, you know you are out of your heart and connection to your true self. I too have to make this a daily activity - in fact, several times. Fear is so sneaky - it doesn’t pop up and shout ‘here I am’!! It just insidiously shows up as anxiety, uneasiness, pain, insecurity and a whole host of other emotions. We have to stay alert and practice AI every hour!

I read a quote many years ago from a professor I listened to at a University whose name escapes me - but he said ‘Life is not about feeling good - it’s about being good at feeling!’. And that is so true. We are not really taught to recognize emotions or feelings let alone acknowledge them and allow those emotions to pass through us. This is a secret life hack that changes everything if you can master it.

I would love to say I have mastered this and am always in my core I AM heart space but I can’t!

However, I work on it daily and am better now at recognizing when I am allowing my head, fear and false beliefs to influence my behavior and how I feel - and doing one of these 12 things to move back to my heart which brings me peace.

Or at least acceptance.

Holidays are often a time that bring up all those beliefs and old lies we tell ourselves (and I am no different!) but as long as we consciously choose to be aware of our inner heart space and move to it, we will find the path to peace.

So our wish for you all is to use this year to focus on your heart and your connection to the truth of who you are (which is AMAZING!) - and when there is chaos all around you - remember, your heart is the most powerful organ in your body and probably the most powerful 'technology’ on the planet!

So take a breath in and out; drop to your heart and feel the peace that will come.

Wouldn’t it be great if we celebrated pure love - and being in our hearts - every day instead of just once a year?

Put on your ‘love glasses’ today and see everyone through the eyes of a Divine love - and if you can’t do that - aim for pure acceptance of who the other person is and see their true nature - even if they don’t! Wear them every day and see how your life changes!

Happy new year and happy valentines day to you all! We love you and are grateful for your support!

Thank you so much 🙏❤️

Zooties galore to you!

Amanda and Mel x

PS. Please share this newsletter with your family and friends

PPS. Please join Amanda on socials

And subscribe to my \>\>\> Youtube Channel (https://www.youtube.com/AmandaGoreTV) \<\<\<

After 38 years of speaking, my last five have been the most transformative, not the easiest, but definitely the most rewarding. I had the privilege of spending time with Wayne and his amazing assistant, Maya, and lately, that metaphor has been resurfacing and making me reflect.

COVID brought its own lessons, and falling in love, only to be told I was one of three, added an unexpected ‘opportunity’ to learn. Then, moving countries again and settling in two different cities in two years taught me even more. All of this has had a profound impact on how I show up on stage.

What’s Changed?

I no longer prepare the way I used to. Sometimes, I don’t even know how I’m going to start until I’m walking up to the stage, and yet, the impact is greater than ever. I’ve been trying to pinpoint the “difference that makes the difference,” and here’s what I’ve discovered:

1. Your Emotional State Shapes Your Reality

My emotional state directly impacts how much work flows my way. When I let uncertainty, doubt, or fear creep in, those frequencies ripple through the quantum field and affect everything. If this sounds too “out there,” consider this: How often have you randomly thought of a friend you haven’t heard from in ages - only to get a message from them shortly after? That’s the quantum field at work. We are all connected, all the time. I have studied quantum physics since I was at college trillions of years ago! It matters!

Every thought we have holds a frequency or vibration that others pick up on, consciously or not. When I’m worried about lack or slowing business, I’m unknowingly emanating that signal. But as soon as I shift my internal state, stay in my hearts wisdom, opportunities start flowing again. Be very aware of what you’re feeling and thinking. Observe your thinking and stories. They are creating your reality.

2. What’s Inside You Comes Out on Stage

Wayne’s metaphor applies perfectly to speaking. Your internal state, your presence, your being, your authenticity - radiates from the stage. A truly authentic speaker doesn’t have to “say” they’re real. The audience feels it. To be a speaker who facilitates real transformation, mastering this becomes a superpower.

Being calm, present, and fully in your heart allows you to hold the space for the audience, so they can experience that same transformation. Genuine joy, energy, and enthusiasm radiates out from you to the audience and they resonate like a tuning fork.

I’m also a Yuan Gong Qi Gong teacher, having studied for seven years with a Chinese Master. One of the core principles is creating the qi field for your students - “qi” meaning information. My master, Yuan Tze, taught us to “set the field” before class. Speaking is no different. The field you create, by your internal state, thoughts, heart and presence - transforms a ‘speech’ into an experience that moves people.

3. Stop Rehearsing. Start Internalizing.

My first mentor, still the best speaker I’ve ever seen, would never let me rehearse. He insisted I internalize my message so deeply that I could focus on the audience, not on where I was in my speech. Rehearsing in front of a mirror might make you feel prepared, but it’s one of the most disconnecting things you can do. Worse, it sets you up for fear if things go off script. Having a ‘set speech’ stops you in many ways connecting to humans in the audience!

To truly connect, focus on the group - not the speech. Internalize your message so well that you can walk into any room, set your state, and focus entirely on sharing your message in a way that resonates and is a non-verbal conversation (literally) with the audience.

4. Master the Process, Not Just the Content

At Influence, I’ll expand on this, but my non-verbal mentor, Michael Grinder, taught me over 30 years that there’s a critical difference between content and the process of delivering it. Content needs to be relevant, up to date, and internalized. But the process, how you deliver that content, is the real magic that creates unforgettable experiences.

I’ve had clients come back to me literally 20 years after hearing me speak, repeating concepts verbatim that I taught them - concepts born from my own life experiences. They’ve passed them on to their children, who’ve done the same. That’s the power of mastering the process. It’s the ultimate superpower for any speaker, on stage, in meetings, in leadership, or in sales.

So, What Comes Out When You Are Squeezed?

When the pressure’s on, will the real, authentic, vulnerable you show up? Or does that idea fill you with fear? If it does, it’s time to go inward. Set your ego aside, settle into your heart, and focus on creating a deep connection with yourself, which will allow you to truly connect to your audience. Because who you are - when you’re squeezed or not - is what truly influences others. ❤️

One of my favorite American traditions that we don’t do in Australia is the celebration of Thanksgiving! It’s a wonderful concept - families and friends come together to celebrate gratitude and it’s a reminder to appreciate all we have!

So this is my newsletter on gratitude for the fabulous tribe we have accumulated through the years!

THANK YOU all for your support and the lovely responses so many of you send to me from the newsletters - and thank you for your patience while I relocated to the USA and missed a lot of months!!

There are so many things for which I am grateful about this move to the USA and my life…mostly that it was a sort of forced deep dive into myself!

After being on a journey of self development since I was 21 - you would have thought that by 70 I would have sorted myself out! And to some degree I have but I think the deepest dive has been the last 18 months.

Here are some lessons I have learned - 70 of them! One for each year. I hope you find some value in them!

1. That I am the source of my peace and calm! Making the conscious effort to drop into my heart changes instantly how I feel. Staying there is my next challenge!

2. That my life depends on me and my imagination - and more importantly, my beliefs. I found that a lot of my core beliefs were hidden and took considerable consciousness to uncover and over time, change. And then be able to tune into my ‘knowing’ which is much deeper and more accurate than a belief.

3. That my stories I believed I have cleared I had not! It is an ongoing journey!

4. I am not responsible for others behavior and perceptions - but I can use discernment and choose my responses - and take responsibility for my part and not then beat myself up.

5. That stillness and silence are really important to recenter myself. I use my SOS method! Stop and be still. Observe what is going on in my head, in the wider environment and avoid judging. Start being aware of my knowing and create a new story from a new perspective and shift to gratitude. I aspire to - slow down to the speed of consciousness!

6. That going outside into the garden barefoot - or the beach - or some earth somewhere and grounding always helps me feel better.

7. To always try to see 3 different perspectives before I make a decision - It’s amazing how differently we respond if we do this.

8. That judging others seemed to have been an Olympic sport for me! And as I age - I am much more aware of when I am judging others and then making a conscious decision to stop it!

9. How to mow and edge a lawn! LOL.

10. That I am worth loving….and this is still the hardest lesson….And I am working on that one!

11. I understand better the difference between knowing and thinking. Knowing comes from my heart and thinking from my fear based head. Recognizing the difference lets me make more conscious choices.

12. Life is all about feelings. Every aspect of it. And not just emotions but how we truly, deeply feel about something.

13. Yes - you do have work to do with your inner child! LOL I vehemently denied this for many years. I was wrong!

14. That any decision made in fear will come back to bite you. However, recognizing the fear that is often sneaky takes real effort and deep diving!

15. We are never separate - we are all connected all the time in the field. You haven’t connected with someone for a long time and you ‘randomly’ think of them. They call you the next day! It’s not a mystery or coincidence!

16. That choosing the see the Divine in everything is a very satisfying way to live.

17. The value of true friends. It has been a spectacular year to highlight this lesson. I am so deeply grateful for them.

18. Laugh a lot - it matters.

19. Connecting to your community and reaching out to people to make new friends is hard work but worth it!

20. I am grateful I have looked after my body and lived a healthy lifestyle - I have the body and energy of a 40 year old!

21. Thinking young works! But then I can’t imagine being 70! I only feel 40!! My face gives me away but the rest of me doesn’t hahahahaha

22. I love my Powerplate - it is the single best exercise machine on the planet in my opinion! It is a primary reason I have such a fit, agile, flexible, strong body with great balance and good metabolism.

23. Gratitude is the master reframer - it’s impossible to have a heart full of gratitude and a heart full of misery at the same time. Seeing everything through a lens of gratitude (gratitude glasses) makes life much better!

24. The heart is the most important organ in the body. And truly feeling from it and knowing from it creates joy.

25. Sunshine matters - get outside without sunscreen! Not only does it increase Vitamin D but it just makes you feel better.

26. That only I can give my power away - which I have done many times - and only I can take it back.

27. Listen to my language about myself - stop making out loud or inside ‘predictions’ about what is going to happen and how bad it will be. Our words are frequencies that emanate out and bring in a reality!

28. Kindness is critical. Be kind - to yourself and everyone.

29. Keep learning all the time - it keeps you young and smart!

30. Take responsibility for yourself and set boundaries.

31. Choose to love your job and focus on what’s good.

32. Give yourself permission to relax and enjoy yourself.

33. Celebrate - all the little things. Not just the big ones.

34. Savor the good times.

35. Allow things to unfold and stop clinging to outcomes.

36. Give up control of anyone but yourself.

37. Stop complaining, start appreciating.

38. Stop seeking external validation - find your intrinsic worth yourself - accept yourself - perfectly imperfect.

39. What you think is not 'the truth’! We give meaning to everything and that becomes our truth!

40. We are our own worst enemy a lot of the time. Be careful of what you are saying to yourself - be your best, most compassionate friend.

41. To truly know yourself is life’s journey

42. Work in and on your life and yourself.

43. Learn, unlearn, relearn - until you die! It will keep you young.

44. You mission is to be an emissary of love

45. Knowledge accumulates in the head, wisdom grows in the heart.

46. Be kind - all the time.

47. Set boundaries and discern what is really on around you.

48. Ask myself 'Am I being person I want to be in this moment.’ And if not - I change my behavior.

49. Our frequency matters - your thought are frequencies that are projected out and just like a tuning fork, your world around you starts to resonate with your thoughts!

50. Be a good finder. Find good in every situation and every one. Then focus on that.

51. Our cells are receivers of frequencies from the universe. Look after your cells! And your body.

52. Allow things to unfold rather than forcing things into existence - it never works!!

53. Who you are shouts so loudly I can’t hear what you say - Ralph Waldo Emerson said this and it’s true! You radiate your essence!

54. What you eat matters. The mood you eat it in matters more - gratitude is the best probiotic ever!

55. That how I feel about myself changes everything and confirms my belief that it’s the most important thing in life!

56. See every challenge as an opportunity to grow and develop.

57. Our hearts radiate a magnetic field that goes 6 feet out from our bodies in a sphere - if you carry anger and hostility, it is killing your heart and influencing others negatively.

58. Accept yourself - Be comfortable with who you are - living life trying to please others rarely works in the long term!

59. Realize your magnificence. Because you are an astonishing being of light! See that Divine Spark in everyone.

60. Your blood relatives aren’t necessarily your real family.

61. Use it or lose it - especially with your body. Keep it moving and active.

62. Fear is at the root of all pain.

63. Give up control of anyone but yourself!

64. The value of being present - your presence and being matters.

65. Comparison is a soul destroyer.

66. Separation is our biggest fear - not belonging, not fitting in, being separate from ourselves and others. Connecting with our true selves is most important.

67. I am good enough. That one took a while!

68. That there is nothing to really fear - and my little girl had been terrified since she was 2 - until I was 69! It was a shock to realize that. I now have much less fear in my life because I am conscious of not allowing it in. It’s sneaky. I am still working at eradicating all fear. I have made progress!

69. I almost learning to embrace the uncertainty - the not knowing and not feel horribly uncomfortable. To trust my own wisdom and knowing and find a sanctuary within myself.

70. I am aware of when I am blaming others and maintain an alert watch on any tendency I have to be a victim - while recognizing I am not responsible for everyone else’s happiness! That was a big one!

So there you have it - I’m so old you probably have bleeding eyes by now LOL.

I am sure I have learned a lot more but I will save them for my 80th!

We would love you to subscribe to our YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/amandagoretv) channel - I need help with all my Social Media to increase followers because I am reapplying for my visa next year - so if you feel inclined it would be a lovely birthday present for me!

THANK YOU again everyone for staying with us many of you for a very long time!

If you enjoyed this newsletter would you mind sharing with others? Thank you!

Finally, if any of you have seen me speak and could think of someone else who might be interested in booking me to speak I would love you to connect me with them!

Thank you so much 🙏❤️

Zooties galore to you!

Please join Amanda on socials

Subscribe to my \>\>\> Youtube Channel (https://www.youtube.com/AmandaGoreTV) \<\<\<

When someone asks you, How are you? It’s almost a badge of honor to say I’m so busy! We feel it makes us sound important, valuable and that we are doing something worthwhile!

It often means we are lost in incompletion and feeling overwhelmed! Starting one task then realizing there was something else to do then starting that and continuing with that pattern until you forgot what you were doing originally. It is a pattern I seem to have made an art form!

Science shows us that no one can multitask and be really effective! No matter what you tell yourself. Multitasking impacts your capacity to focus which impacts your productivity and the effectiveness of everything you are doing (Forbes: https://www.forbes.com/sites/curtsteinhorst/2024/01/23/the-fallacy-of-time-management-why-its-time-to-rethink-productivity/).

In life part 1 of my journey, several millenia ago it seems, I was a physiotherapist working in ergonomics and I co-authored a book called “Pause Gymnastics”, back in the day when it was a new concept.

The revolutionary idea at the time now proven (https://hbr.org/2023/05/how-to-take-better-breaks-at-work-according-to-research) was that taking regular short breaks from a task actually improved productivity and reduced injuries.

The same strategy can be applied to life today. Not just work life. Busyness is contributing to constant sense of anxiety and stress that seems endemic (Verywellmind: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-the-glorification-of-busyness-impacts-our-well-being-4175360)

We are busy juggling work, life, families, aging parents, anxious children and more mental health issues at work. Work life balance has gone out the window! Now it’s just 'life balance' with work an integral part.

The last 18 months, I have moved country, and lived in 3 different cities before buying a house, moving in and finding my feet in a place where I knew two people and had never lived. It was an enormous growth opportunity! If I am being positive.

In reality, I have allowed myself to feel constantly overwhelmed! I seem to have so many list’s and things to do and bits of paper - and stuff to find out and electronic lists too - reminding me what else I need to do everywhere. Oh and add re-establishing myself as a speaker after 10 years away to that list of things to do. I was busy from the moment I woke up to the minute I fell exhausted into bed, feeling anxious and stressed. And I woke up the same way.

I found myself spinning into stress, triggered by all the lists, thoughts and everything I looked at….and the work to be done.

I was not living nor was I achieving a great deal and I knew better!! But I’m giving myself some grace as it’s a great kindness strategy for all of us. Being unkind to ourselves and others is never a great strategy for joy.

The busyness trap is where we lose sight of what we are really doing - to ourselves. And of who we really are. We are human beings not human doings as I’m sure you have heard many times!

The antidote to busyness (which is doing stuff) is to be!

Be still.

Breathe.

Be in your heart and breathe.

Be kind.

Being still connects you with your heart, with your self and gives you time to reflect, restore and recharge so you are more creative, productive, effective and most importantly joyful.

The concept of being still seems somehow tainted with guilt. The guilt really kicks in when we actually stop and are still! Our minds start running out of control scrolling through all the jobs to be done that you could be doing instead of sitting there, doing 'nothing'! In reality, we are 'doing' a lot in the stillness - we are reconnecting to ourselves and what matters. And calming down, so we can be more effective once we start doing again!

Stillness. Know yourself. Find yourself.

Tap into your inner wisdom and knowing. What is it saying?

Stillness gives you silence, space and awareness.

Observe thoughts and just allow them to be.

Breathe. Release the tension.

Appreciate and savour nature.

Focus on and tune into your heart. Listen to its wisdom and avoid being distracted by your thoughts. Control them rather than letting them control you.

Recognizing our addiction to busyness is the first step.

Second is to make the decision to stop it!

Third is to commit to being still each day. Just for a few minutes - 10 if you can.

Make it a ritual or routine. Find a spot in nature. Or the garden. Or out a window.

Of if you want to meditate do that - but just being still works.

In the stillness, ask your heart what it/you need in this moment.

You can take mini stillness breaks by dropping to your heart for 2-5 minutes. It changes everything. Stress falls away. Intelligence returns. Wisdom emerges. Innovation and creativity kick in. And best of all you are more joyful during day and not exhausted at the end of the day.

Another Busyness Trap Buster is realistically prioritizing. Amalgamating your lists (crossing a thing off a list gives you a hit of dopamine). Give self permission to stop; to rest; to breath; to be still.

Being still is the secret weapon of success. And productivity.

Be kind to yourself. We all know we are our own worst critic! When it would be much more valuable and productive for us to be kind to ourselves. Harsh self criticism rarely motivates us to be our best - let alone do our best.

Give yourself the gift of space to be still, connect with your heart, be gentle and kind to yourself and see how much more productive and happier you are.

Sending you hugs and... Zooties

Join Amanda on socials

And PLEASE (Pretty please!) subscribe to my \>\>\> Youtube Channel (https://www.youtube.com/AmandaGoreTV) \<\<\<

Please forward this newsletter to a friend who suffers from being stuck in the Busyness Trap.

If you have a moment would you reply to this email and let us know what your favorite social media platform is? Thank you.

I know I said I was going to write more regular newsletters and I have not done that and I am sorry!

To reframe that - at least I am not adding to the overload of emails these days! Hahahahahaha!

I don't even know where to begin with all that has happened - are any of you noticing that time is disappearing? It has been going faster for ages but now it’s just vaporising!

I can’t believe it’s nearly 6 months since I wrote that last newsletter - it feels like about a month!

The big news is that I bought a house in Virginia Beach! Although Charlottesville is a truly beautiful mountain area that has lots of lovely wineries and glorious scenery, I was missing the beach in Australia so much I branched out! I have a lovely home now on a river so I can still see the sparkling water! And it’s only a short drive to a beach.

Below is a photo of my beach in Australia and those sparkles just used to fill me with joy and energy. Walking on the beach was my life energiser! And now I sort of have that again!

What do you do that is a ‘life energiser’ for you? It seems to me now that it’s even more critical to do this in today’s chaotic world. Something that fills you with joy or peace (an aspect of joy!). Sitting on my back deck, looking at the river is so tranquil. I see ducks and eagles and birds and rabbits and even a racoon visited last week!

I was listening to a podcast this morning and the woman suggested we focus on things that bring us joy because they raise our level of vibration - which we feel as lightness, positivity and a sense of ease and flow.

Moving country at this age and stage of life has been more challenging than I had anticipated - but - I have grown so much and am so grateful for that growth. Even though I have been working on myself forever it seems - at least since I was 21 and I have just turned 70 (EEK!) - I have reached much deeper levels thanks to the wonderful mentors I have.

I will write more on this later, but I was oblivious to the depth that my sense of worthlessness. It turns out, not surprisingly, that it has unconsciously impacted every aspect of my life and I am feel like I have finally - finally - found the source of my very irritating (for other people) desire to ‘fix people’! They didn’t have to be broken! But I could see how I could ‘help’ them!

So I am in the depths of that deeper understanding of myself. I wish I could give you some good skill to practice to do this for yourself - before you hit a ripe age! But I am not sure I can yet….but what I can say is that your perceptions are a clue; the life you find yourself living is a clue; how you feel inside is a clue!

If you start to look at your life and see patterns that are repeated, it’s a clue!

Once you have some clues - then examine how you perceive people, situations and events. How much you are judging others? And as importantly - how much are you judging yourself?

What I have discovered is that challenges are never about us and are always about us!

By that I mean, my deep fears which have become stories and then beliefs are causing everything that happens in my life! My sense of worthlessness, my deep seated fear of being unsafe and not worth loving, are at the root of behaviors that have consequences for others. Although I have diligently worked on these for a long time, I feel I am finally able to see the consequences of those beliefs in my life. And I have decided to stop this living with false stories!

And then there are the actions of others driven by their own stories that are actually not about us! So discernment is another skill I am developing. Instead of assuming everything is my fault and blaming myself and judging myself, I am working at being more conscious and aware of my contribution.

So do you see - our actions are based on our stories / beliefs so our part is about us and their actions are based on theirs and the only thing we can do is reflect on ours and get to the root, apologize for what is ours and then allow them to own their perspective.

I hope this makes sense - and the question I have really been wrestling with is 'Who am I? Really.’

And that might be the next instalment!!

This was a tough newsletter to write but it’s as authentic and vulnerable as I can be - and if it has value for you I am very grateful!! And if not, thank you for reading it, recognizing we are all on a journey, no matter how old we are or how much we have been ‘working’ on growth and development!

I am grateful for the help I have had along the way; the opportunity and continued desire to grow; the chance to create something different in my life and all of you!

Until the next newsletter - focus on things that bring you joy; be aware of the stories/fears that are driving you; and go find your ‘life energiser’!

Sending you hugs and...

Zooties

Amanda xx

PS. Pop over to my Youtube channel (https://youtu.be/s-RswHqaWn4?si=uVU2FuhaYZFlwYoN) to watch my latest video - Who are you really....a series of videos which I hope you find useful.

Well, I’ve came up with this recipe: Love - Fear + Gratitude = Joy.

It’s kind of like a blinding flash of the obvious, but it’s true! With a little bit of mindfulness, and a whole lot of magic, this formula isn’t just about adding or subtracting random things, each element plays a crucial role in creating the joy we all crave.

And the best part? You’re the chef in your own kitchen of life, deciding how much love, fear, and gratitude go into the mix. Spoiler alert: self-love is the key ingredient!

Love: Start with Loving Yourself

When we talk about love, it’s easy to think about loving others, family, friends, pets, or even that perfect cup of coffee in the morning. But the most important love of all? Self-love.

Imagine trying to pour from an empty cup. That’s what life feels like when you give love to everyone else but forget to show it to yourself. Self-love is the foundation of the whole formula. It’s recognizing your own worth, treating yourself with kindness, and knowing that you deserve just as much care and compassion as anyone else.

Self-love isn’t selfish; it’s the most important thing in life! How you feel about yourself affects everything! When you more love for yourself, you have more to give to others, and your capacity for joy grows. It’s like oxygen on an airplane, you’ve got to put your own mask on first before you can help anyone else. How you do that is outlined below!

Fear: Recognize It, Don’t Let It Rule You

Fear is that sneaky ingredient that tries to creep in and mess up your recipe. It’s not always loud and obvious, it can be subtle, hiding behind decisions that seem safe or practical but are really driven by anxiety or self-doubt.

One of the greatest challenges I faced this year was making a commitment to examining every decision or choice I made and finding any fear attached to it. If there was fear, it wasn’t the right decision! I had to dive deeper and really feel into knowing the right choice. When you know, there is no fear. When you think there is usually fear!

The trick here isn’t to ignore fear, but to recognize it. Ask yourself: Am I making this decision from a place of fear? Is fear driving my actions? Being conscious of fear is half the battle. Once you spot it, you can choose to subtract it from your equation. Instead of letting fear dictate your choices, ask yourself, “What would I do if fear wasn’t a factor?”

Fear often masquerades as logic or caution, but it can hold you back from living fully. By becoming aware of when you’re operating from fear, you can consciously decide to move forward with love instead. Subtracting fear isn’t about being reckless, it’s about being discerning and making room for courage, curiosity, and growth.

Gratitude: The Amplifier of Everything Good

Gratitude is like the magic ingredient that makes everything else taste better. When you add gratitude to your life, you amplify the love, and you weaken fear’s grip. Gratitude shifts your focus from what’s lacking to what’s abundant, from what’s wrong to what’s right.

It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and forget to appreciate the little things. But gratitude doesn’t require grand gestures. It’s as simple as acknowledging the warmth of the sun on your skin, the laughter of a friend, or the fact that you woke up this morning with another chance to make the day your own. When you decide to focus on gratitude, you will be astonished at how much better you feel.

When you practice gratitude, you’re training your mind to see the good in your life, even when things are tough. And that shift in perspective opens the door to more joy.

Joy: The Beautiful Result

So, here’s where the magic happens. When you start with love (especially self-love), consciously subtract fear, and sprinkle in gratitude, what do you get? Joy.

Joy isn’t about everything being perfect, it’s about finding peace and fulfillment within yourself, no matter what’s happening around you. It’s the realization that you have the power to shape your experience of life by choosing love over fear and focusing on what you’re grateful for.

This formula works because it’s simple, but powerful. It reminds you that joy isn’t something you have to chase, it’s something you can create by consciously choosing how you live, love, and think.

Final Thoughts: You Are the Architect of Your Joy

Here’s the best part: you are the architect of your own joy. By using this formula, Love (starting with yourself) - Fear + Gratitude, you can navigate the ups and downs of life with more grace, resilience, and yes, joy.

Whenever you feel stuck or overwhelmed, come back to this equation. Check in with yourself: Am I loving myself enough? Am I letting fear steer the ship? Have I taken a moment to practice gratitude today? Each time you realign with these principles, you’re inviting more joy into your life.

So, go ahead, put on that metaphorical chef’s hat, and start mixing up some joy. You’ve got the recipe, you just need to use it. And remember, no one’s going to make this delicious dish of life better than you can.

The Best recipe for Joy - Winning Formula: Love - Fear + Gratitude = Joy

What if I told you there was a simple formula that could unlock joy? And no, it’s not some complex equation with a thousand variables that only a genius can solve. I’m talking about a straightforward, real-life, feel-good formula: Love - Fear + Gratitude = Joy.

Now, before you start picturing yourself in a lab coat, let's break this down in a way that’s a little more… you. Think of it as the recipe for a delicious dish, with each ingredient playing a crucial role in creating something utterly satisfying. Except instead of cookies, you’re whipping up joy!

Let’s dive into the formula:

Love: The Main Ingredient

Love is the starting point. It’s that rich, warm feeling that fills you up and makes everything taste sweeter. Whether it’s love for your family, friends, or even that adorable dog who always wags its tail when you come home, love sets the tone.

But love isn’t just about the sappy, romantic stuff (although that’s great too). It’s about connection. It’s that glue that holds the important pieces of your life together. It’s the spark that ignites passion and purpose. It’s the foundation for the joy you’re seeking.

The more love you pour into the mix, the richer your life becomes. And here’s the kicker: the more love you give, the more you receive. It’s like the world’s most generous ingredient. Who wouldn’t want that?

Fear: The Unwanted Ingredient (Time to Subtract It)

Now, let’s talk about fear. It’s like that funky spice in your pantry that just doesn’t belong. Fear shows up uninvited, throws off the balance of your life, and leaves a bad taste in your mouth. But here’s the good news: you can subtract it from the equation.

Fear keeps you from living fully, loving deeply, and experiencing joy. It’s that nagging voice in your head that says, “What if?” or “I can’t.” Fear convinces you that staying safe and small is better than taking risks and stepping into your potential.

But what if you could subtract fear? What if, instead of letting it control your actions, you let love lead the way? Every time fear tries to creep in, remember that it doesn’t have to be part of your recipe. Replace it with trust, trust in yourself, in others, and in the journey you’re on.

Gratitude: The Secret Sauce

Here’s where things get really magical. Gratitude is the secret sauce that transforms everything. When you add gratitude to the mix, you amplify the love and subtract the fear even more. Gratitude shifts your perspective, helping you focus on what’s going right in your life, even when things aren’t perfect.

Think of gratitude as the seasoning that brings out the best in every ingredient. It adds depth, richness, and flavor to your experiences. By practicing gratitude, you’re reminding yourself of all the little (and big) things that make life beautiful, even on the tough days.

Gratitude also has this amazing ability to expand joy. It’s like that extra sprinkle of sugar that turns something good into something extraordinary. When you start seeing your life through the lens of gratitude, you’ll notice how much there is to be thankful for, and that thankfulness creates more joy.

Joy: The Delicious Result

So, let’s put it all together. When you start with love, subtract fear, and add gratitude, what do you get? Joy! It’s the delicious result of this winning formula, a life that feels lighter, brighter, and more fulfilling.

Joy isn’t just about happiness. It’s a deeper sense of peace and contentment that comes from knowing you’re aligned with what truly matters. It’s the result of living from a place of love, letting go of fear, and practicing gratitude daily.

This formula isn’t just some theoretical concept; it’s a practical guide to living a joyful life. And the best part? You get to experiment with it every day. So go ahead, stir up some joy and savor every moment.

Final Thoughts

Life is full of challenges, surprises, and moments of uncertainty, but when you have a winning formula, you can navigate it all with grace. Love - Fear + Gratitude = Joy is more than just an equation, it’s a way of living that brings out the best in you and those around you.

So, the next time you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or stuck, remember your formula. Subtract the fear, pour in the love, sprinkle on some gratitude, and watch as joy bubbles up. After all, life’s too short not to enjoy the recipe for joy, right?

We’ve all been there, those moments when life feels like a tornado of so many things swirling, and you're caught in the middle of it. The to-do lists keep growing, I have lists and bits of paper everywhere constantly reminding me of what I haven’t done! Deadlines are looming, and your brain feels like it’s juggling too many things at once.

Feeling overwhelmed is a common experience, especially in today’s fast-paced world where demands seem to multiply at every turn and everything is changing so fast. But while this feeling can be paralyzing, it doesn’t have to be. With the right strategies, or superpowers, you can navigate through the overwhelm and reclaim your sense of balance.

The Reality of Feeling Overwhelmed and The Master Superpower.

Before diving into the strategies, it's important to understand what feeling overwhelmed actually is. It’s more than just having a lot on your plate. It’s the sensation that you can’t keep up, that the demands placed on you, whether by others or yourself, are too much to handle. This can lead to stress, anxiety, and even burnout if not addressed.

Remember, we feel overwhelmed, it is not who we are! And that feeling comes from what we tell ourselves. So if we control our thoughts instead of letting our thoughts control us, this becomes the master superpower!

The good news? You're not alone, and there are tools to help you regain control.

Superpower #1: The Power of Prioritization

When you’re overwhelmed, it’s easy to feel like everything needs to be done right now. This is where the power of prioritization comes in. Think of it as your superhero ability to zoom out, assess the situation, breathe and determine what truly needs your attention.

Here’s how you can harness this power:

1. Make a List: Just One! Start by writing down everything that’s on your mind. This simple act of transferring your thoughts from your head to paper can provide instant relief. Although beware the trap of having lists everywhere like I do! I have bits of paper, note in my phone, evernote tasks, and emails! LOL Do not do this! Instead consolidate your lists into one place which makes it all more manageable!

2. Categorize Your Tasks: Separate your list into categories such as urgent, important, and non-essential. This will help you identify what needs immediate attention and what can be scheduled for later. Doing this on a computer allows you to adjust as you need to.

3. Focus on the Top Three: Choose the top three most critical tasks for the day. These are your “must-dos.” If you accomplish these, mark them off the list and you’ll already feel a sense of progress and relief.

Prioritization doesn’t mean neglecting everything else; it simply means managing your energy and focus on what matters most right now, then tackling the next issue. For me, the focus and sticking to one thing is very helpful!

Superpower #2: The Ability to Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries is like putting up a ‘force field’ around your time and energyand critical for self care. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s often because you’ve taken on too much or allowed others to encroach on your space.

Or we are not setting boundaries with ourselves! We are letting random thoughts of what we haven’t done come in and distract us! Learning to set boundaries is crucial for protecting your mental and emotional well-being.

Here’s how to master this superpower:

1. Learn to Say No: Saying no isn’t about being selfish; it’s about self-care. If a task or commitment doesn’t align with your priorities or capacity, it’s okay to decline. Practice saying no graciously and without guilt. If someone has asked you to do a number of tasks, you can ask them which ones they would like you to prioritize.

2. Create Buffer Zones: Don’t schedule your day back-to-back. Allow for buffer time between tasks or meetings to recharge and regroup. This helps prevent overwhelm from creeping in due to an overloaded schedule. I call them breathing breaks! Give yourself 5 minutes to stand up and move your body, take a few deep breaths, preferably go into nature barefoot if it’s possible and then go back to the task.

3. Communicate Your Limits: Be clear with others about your availability and what you can realistically take on. Communicating your boundaries helps manage expectations and reduces the chances of feeling overextended. And know that it’s ok to share with others what is possible and what will take more time! Be authentic and it’s ok to ask for help or understanding. Help them to understand what you are dealing with at that time.

By setting boundaries, you’re giving yourself the space to breathe and focus on what truly matters - it doesn’t take long to recharge!

Superpower #3: The Practice of Being Present

Mindfulness or self awareness is your ability to stay present and centered amidst the chaos. When you’re overwhelmed, your mind is often racing ahead to future worries or dwelling on past regrets, or things you have not done yet and must do. Awareness of what you are thinking brings you back to the present moment, where you have the power to stop, reflect, take action and make decisions. And calm down!

To cultivate mindfulness, try these techniques:

1. Deep Breathing: When you feel the wave of overwhelm rising, pause and take a few deep breaths. Inhale for four counts, hold for four counts, and exhale for four counts. This simple practice calms your nervous system and brings clarity to your mind.or my favorite is to ‘face plant’! My friend and mentor Dr David Martin taught at his course 12 Senses that if we plunge our face into icy water for 20-30 seconds, it resets our nervous system and brings immediate calm. This really works for me- and quickly!

2. Body Scan: Take a moment to check in with your body. Notice any areas of tension or discomfort. As you become aware of tension, you can release stress that you may not even realize you’re holding. I do this just before I go to sleep each night. I am astonished at how much low level tension I hold in my jaw, neck and shoulders! When I let it go, even though it’s only a tiny amount of tension, the relief is massive.

3. Being Present Breaks: Throughout your day, set aside small moments for being present. Whether it’s enjoying a cup of tea without distractions or taking a short walk and focusing on the environment and sensations around you, these mindful breaks can help stop the racing thoughts and prevent overwhelm from building up.

Mindfulness doesn’t require long meditation sessions; it’s about being present in all the small moments that make up your day, and finding gratitude and wonder in them.

Embrace Your Superpowers

Feeling overwhelmed seems these days to be a part of life, but it doesn’t have to control your life. If we understand all overwhelm is caused by our thoughts, and we believe we can control our thoughts (which we can) then it doesn’t have to be a part of our life! There can be moments of it, but by using these superpowers we can keep it to just moments!

But wait, there’s one more, laughter!

In one of your ‘be present’ breaks, watch a funny video on youtube or play with your pet or child! Do anything that brings a smile to your face or makes you laugh. A friend of mine loves fart videos and has shown me a few, and I must admit, it does make me laugh! Try it before you judge it LOL

Remember, even superheroes need to rest and recharge. Give yourself grace, practice self-compassion, and trust that you have the above tools to manage whatever comes your way.

NOPE - SHE IS RE-WIRING!

Hello everyone, SURPRISE!! I am not dead! Although it’s been so long I would not blame you for wondering!

Forgive my long delay but I have been very busy upgrading my operating system! And rewiring my brain for life part 64 it seems!

So where to begin…..

Having gone through life part 63 during COVID and learning how I used work to escape living, I thought I would have a period where I could reflect on the work I had done on myself and integrate and enjoy life as I had never known it before! While I did have a few months where I learned to enjoy slowing down, savoring the moments and joy and living closer to the ‘speed of consciousness’ as my mentor David Martin likes to say, the universe/my higher self/ God self or whatever resonates for you had other plans!

David asked me to consider moving back to the USA for a period of time. My initial response was ‘no’, clearly! I loved the beach and this new found slow way of actually living rather than existing and escaping through work.

The second time he mentioned it, I thought ‘darn (or worse). He doesn’t suggest things lightly!. Now I didn’t know.

So I sat on my balcony, looked over the ocean and lush tropical paradise in which I lived (and loved) and exasperated, I shouted out, ‘what am I to do’!

I would like to say a thunder bolt came down and instant clarity was suddenly present….instead, I very clearly heard the words ‘do you want to play big or small?’ This was quite uncommon for me but there was no mistaking it!

I knew in that moment I had to go. I had no idea what big meant. I had no idea what small meant! I must say the thought didn’t fill me with excited enthusiasm or a great sense of adventure or excitement!

But I knew I had to go. Have you ever had moments when you just know something? I have not had many moments like that and I have only ‘heard’ this loud, clear voice 3 times in my life. Reflect on giving yourself some quiet time and space to hear the whisperings (or in my case quite loud!) inspirations/clues/guidance. And on times in the past when you have had some ‘knowing’ and gone against it, what happened? Did it work out?

If you have had an experience like that, you will know I had to leave!

It was a big deal. And overwhelming and I am eternally grateful for my wonderful group of friends who supported and helped me through it, Gail and Callum, Ken, Mel, Lorraine, Michelle, David and others.

At 68, selling your fully owned, magnificent home, and ending up with 52 boxes of possessions (which I have managed to live without for 10 months! Which is a whole other newsletter on ‘stuff’!), working to get a visa (and thank you to all of those wonderful people who helped me with that), finding a place to live, learning how to live in another country (again) with all the practical and foreign things of daily life, and then make friends in a place where you only know 2 people was ….’interesting’.

And continues to be interesting, not to mention letting bureaus and clients know I was back so I can actually get work.

However, this journey has revealed a great deal about myself. So much for me having done SO much work on myself for so long LOL. I didn’t realize quite how far I had to go.

So here I am. In the USA. Learning pickleball; learning west coast swing (a dance at which I am very average at this point and eternally grateful to the lovely people who kindly dance with me, the beginner!); taking improv comedy classes; finding good food places, markets and learning about ticks. There are a lot of ticks in Virginia!

No more barefoot walking on the grass most of the year! But there are Fall/Autumn colors, beautiful walking paths and fortunately, a lot of good wineries!

Stay tuned folks as I emerge from my ‘chrysalis moment’ and share with you the journey. I really do feel like I did the caterpillar melting into an ooey gooey mess thing as David likes to call it; and am kind of still there in many ways. Learning how to deal with all the challenges /opportunities that are being presented.

I will write these newsletters more often now, and if you are interested share with you what I have been experiencing and learning. And how I am choosing to be grateful for the experiences and the range of roller coaster emotions. I made 'not feeling' an artform for most of my life and so much of this is very new to me. Stay tuned team to see what sort of butterfly emerges!!

Sending you hugs and...

Zooties

Amanda xx

PS. Please subscribe to my Youtube channel to help us grow the numbers (which we need to do!) but also because I will be posting more videos there and doing video updates as well! Thank you for helping us and hopefully receiving great value at the same time - Amandagoretv. (https://www.youtube.com/amandagoretv)

If you have ever seen the great Australian classic movie ‘The Castle’ you will understand what I mean and laugh when you read “How’s the serenity’! I highly recommend starting off 2022 by watching the movie with your family, a bunch of friends or by yourself! It’s brilliant, funny and carries a great primary message.

That a house is not a home, it’s the people that make it a home; and that it’s love that makes a house a home. It’s a story about how people help each other and show their humanity despite what is going on around them.

And I have a new understanding of what joy is and it’s ‘the serenity’! There is a very funny part of the movie where the family is at their ‘holiday’ house which is under massive powerlines and full of insects that are constantly zapping in a ‘mozzie zapper’! And the father is surrounded by his family as they enjoy each others company with the zapping going constantly in the background! Yet, he smiles, sighs contentedly as if all is right in his world and says ‘how’s the serenity’!

The last two years for me (as it has everyone) was a time of massive change, my calling (speaking) had to change dramatically as I transitioned to virtual. I am deeply grateful for winning a couple of government grants that allowed me to set up a professional studio, although I still don’t know how to master all the technology! It was set up by a generous friend and I touch nothing but the on buttons! LOL.

But it works and I’m grateful for positive feedback from our clients. And that there is still a way for me to share information with people and feel useful.

Personally, a lot has changed. For years I have been working at becoming more present, slowing down, more conscious and understanding myself better. And I actually truly appreciate the changes that COVID ‘life’ has presented.

I am much healthier, calmer and a much better gardener! HAHAHAHA. Not that I ever planned it. I am more connected to my friends here in Australia and very grateful for video calls that allow me to stay connected to my USA family. I can paint parts of a house now; and can sit quietly and leave chores undone; I can sit with friends and just relax more without telling myself I have a gazillion things to do; I have learned the enormous value of community and connecting with more people, more deeply. But I think the greatest gift from the last couple of years is my ability to tune into myself better and to be more clear on knowing what I want life to be like., and what really matters.

I am waiting with wonder to see what unfolds as it sure seems that speaking live in front of crowds is not going to be happening too often! Mel says she has appreciated learning to slow down, be more patient and do less with less as well. The slowing down has helped her connect even more deeply with her family and friends as well.

We wonder how it has been for all of you? And how you are dealing with the uncertainty and changes.

She and I were discussing how we could be of most value to you all and we decided it would be a great idea to ask you!

So this newsletter is a bit of an update on what is happening for us and to ask you if you would like to share with us how we can best serve you.

HOW can we be of value to you? If you would be willing to help us please click on this link (https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSckZtAwqG7dwXTSrX0iYGV8TijphqKMKcZGc4SO2U_kze8sNg/viewform?usp=sf_link) for a survey Guru Mel created where you can write your answers, it’s only short and won’t take much time!

For the meeting planners out there or people still working in companies, planning a meeting has been and continues to be a nightmare because of the uncertainty of bringing people together, which we so desperately need. If you have to plan any meetings, what we have tried to do is master the art of connecting heart to heart virtually, and from the feedback, it seems to be working!

We have attached a little video here that you can click on and see a virtual show reel, and if you felt it might be of value for someone, would share it if you think they could use me at an event? We would be so grateful.

‘How’s the serenity?’ How do you feel? Becomea master of knowing how you feel and when it is anything other than calm…stop, breathe deeply a few times (in for 5, hold for 5 and out for 5), listen to what you are saying to yourself and choose to tell yourself you are safe (unless you are not, in which case go to a safe place!); go outside barefoot if you can and ground yourself then find something for which to be grateful and focus on that until you feel calmer.

And when you sit with your family or friends, really savor it!

Mel and I are truly grateful for you! You have been with us a long time many of you and it helps us feel connected to a wonderful community!

Sending you hugs and zooties

Zooties

Amanda (& Mel) xx

PS. You can join us over on our new Facebook Group to share ideas, laugh and connect.

As I am committed to being authentic I am sharing that I struggled today at the thought of writing this newsletter! Things are a mess in Australia and we are under extreme totalitarian like conditions. I wondered how I could write a newsletter on gratitude!

So many of my friends are deeply distressed by the mandates and draconian rules - and no one can make plans because our state governments change the rules all the time. People are living in fear, fear generated from many different directions.

So I had to dig deep. Having said that, it didn’t take much effort to find things for which to be grateful!

But it was interesting because these last 2 years have made me re-evaluate everything.

I now treasure my freedom and my friends. I never thought of freedom before! But now, I understand what it means and how much I cherish it.

My friends who love me no matter what that offer me support, love and kindness (as I want to do for them) are more cherished than ever. I would have lost the plot without them and their love. A special thank you to My Mel and Kenny, Lorraine, Claire and Suzie, Gael and Gail, Karina and Ian, Laz and Alyce, Sonia - they have been saints putting up with me when I needed a lift!

As a speaker, I have a somewhat iterant life! Or used to! I fly in, speak and fly out after a short time meeting some of you; or I write to an anonymous audience! So when someone takes the time to write to me and share how they have used the information it’s very special!

All of you who subscribe to my newsletter are treasured as well. So many of you have sent me beautiful emails sharing with me what you have taken from my presentations or writing and how you have used them in your lives and what differences they have made. I would really love to honor you and share with you what it means to me! I LOVE hearing that people have taught their children who then taught their children! (Yes, I have been speaking a long time LOL) I LOVE hearing how you have reduced your own stress levels and made other changes in your lives using some of my strategies. In general, I just love hearing from you! THANK YOU all of you!

And also for the thousands of you that have stayed on my email list for years in many cases!

I am grateful for my clients who still ask me to present virtually, as presenting live is becoming less and less common in Australia. Because we have no idea if a conference will be allowed to go ahead! They are courageous and juggling incredible challenges to planning.

The beach is my place of peace and I am so deeply grateful that I can still get there and feel the sand on my feet and swim in the embrace of the ocean.

My garden has been my sanctuary. I love my veggie garden coach! Yes, I have one! I had no idea how to manage a garden let alone grow veggies! And now some of my greatest joys are baby tomatoes, zucchini, growing pomegranates and more!

My gardenias remind me of the purity of light and their divine scent restores my soul! I savor them and their beauty and smell. They have brought me so much delight in the moment. Research has shown that savoringany positive experience enhances the positive impact it has. Be really present with it and appreciate every aspect, all the senses.

I am grateful that this whole experience we are going through has taught me the value of being present. I would have gone mad if I had dwelled on the chaos! It has been good training to discipline myself to be present with every person with whom I interact; with every experience; every phone call; and while watching videos!

I am grateful I have a healthy body and can exercise every day, if I want to! I am grateful for my latin dance teachers, I would never has discovered Kizomba which I think is the best dance ever!!, for their patience for a much older woman than anyone else in the class! It does seem to me that there are lots of young people who can move their bodies in extraordinary ways! LOL

As I am writing this, I am thinking of so many things for which I am grateful that I will have to stop because it will be too long! Who knew?! It shows you that once we start to look for something, start to focus on something, we can create it!

Check yourself to see what you are focusing on most of the time, is it uplifting or depressing? Are you looking for reasons to have fear or focusing on the beauty and goodness that is in the very present moment?

Perhaps the best lesson for myself from writing this is that I must remind myself to reintroduce my gratitude break strategy! I admit I have let that slip….so I am back to having many gratitude breaks during the day! No matter what appears to be happening, I can choose to focus on gratitude for my tomatoes or gardenias, the beach, my friends, a hug, a dance or something that will give me a break from the drama.

To all of my American family and friends, I LOVE your thanksgiving holiday, we don’t do it here but we should! Be present with your family , enjoy the freedom, the hugs, the laughter, the community, all the ‘small’ things that matter more than anything material.

And once again, I am deeply grateful for all of you and your support and care!

Zooties

Amanda (& Mel) xx

PS. You can join us over on our new Facebook Group to share ideas, laugh and connect.

PPS. Amanda has been receiving some rave reviews from her virtual events - check here (https://amandagore.com/virtual-keynote-speaker/) for further information.

I found this fantastic quote and thought 'wow'! Of course! But often it's the most obvious things that we lose sight of in this age of super uncertainty, fear and stress.

This last 18 months has been one of tumultuous personal change and fear for most people. And I think that's why this quote had such an impact on me. There is an element of acceptance or surrender that is necessary for us to flow with the tidal waves of life as opposed to the struggle involved in battling the inevitability and relentlessness of those waves. Learning to be present to what is and flow is perhaps one of life's great lessons, for me anyway.

I would like to paraphrase Virginia Satir’s quote to "it's what we choose to do with it, that makes the difference". Not just how we 'cope'. We do always have a choice as to how we think if we are conscious. No one else is in charge of our thinking! Our thinking is what determines how we behave or respond to the tidal waves. And it is the one thing that is totally in our control.

Before you cynics mumble 'bull @#*#', think about it. We can (once we take a step back and breathe) choose our thoughts, the story we tell ourselves about what has happened or is happening. With consciousness and personal effort, we can change our habitual way of behaving or reacting, which is always a response to a thought or story.

Just this morning, I had a melt down! I allowed myself to lose connection with my heart and instead of staying present and doing one of the 3 things I often teach, to

1. Connect with my heart

2. Connect with nature

3. Connect with my breathing (take 15 big breaths in, hold and then exhale)

I only did the breath and then promptly allowed my thoughts to race ahead to what might happen or what could happen and focus on things that could go wrong! So I ‘phoned a friend’! A friend I knew would remind me the importance of those 3 things because I needed a little help and support at that moment. I am not ashamed to do that or ask for help because in these times, creating a community of support is so important.

So, how serene are you? What events, and more importantly thoughts - disturb your equilibrium? Are you able to find peace in the chaos?

Do you ever have equilibrium or a deep sense of contentment! (mind you I have not in the past few months!!) Have you had a situation in the past where you have just accepted things as they are, and worked with that situation as it evolved? Do you listen to intuition or hunches or gut feelings and use them to guide you?

Or does your mind take control and tell you things are not 'supposed' to be like this; that it's unfair which creates anger and paralyses you with the unjustness of it all? Or that you are not good enough, not lovable, or unsafe or separate?

Intuition, hunches, gut feelings are your best guides - not what others think, or what others have told you in the past, or what your parents may have embedded when you were a child or perhaps what you hear on mainstream media. This awareness of 'inner guidance' and feelings is a great gift we as children are born with, so talk about this article to your children (if you have them) and encourage them to make their ‘knowingness’ a lifelong awareness.

To rediscover your awareness, give yourself solitary, quiet time to become sensitive to the intuition you have - and reflect on it. Ask your inner self (gut feelings etc) to give you some indication that you read the hunch correctly and then look for a sign as they say! Before you ridicule this idea, know that it's the way many highly effective (and rich) people operate.

Anyway no matter what you think, life IS the way it is! So will exhaust yourself with constant fear and struggle or will you flow and work on yourself, control your thoughts and do things that bring you joy?

PS Taking gratitude breaks is a great strategy. If you are feeling overwhelmed or distressed, discipline yourself to stop, take a couple of deep breaths, look out on nature if you can, connect with your heart and find gratitude for something. I’m off to do that now! And I’m grateful for all of you that take the time to read my blogs/newsletters etc! THANK YOU.

Zooties

Amanda & Mel xx

PS. You can join us over on our new Facebook Group to share ideas, laugh and connect.

PPS. Amanda has been receiving some rave reviews from her virtual events - check here (https://amandagore.com/virtual-keynote-speaker/) for further

information.

5 lessons from 2020,

The ‘WTF year from hell!’

How to thrive during uncertain times

There are only a few people, or businesses, who have found themselves thriving under the current circumstances!

I wondered if it would be useful to share some of the lessons I have learned from my experience of COVID mania! Read on if you think you would like to hear more - otherwise turn on a good comedy and laugh to boost your immune system! Or better - go and laugh with someone - even if they have to be 6 feet away!

Uncertainty creates fear because we feel out of control. But...the great news is that we always, always have control over one thing. And no one can take that away from us.

WE control our thoughts; the stories we tell ourselves; how present we are; what we choose to believe and consequently how we choose to behave. WE create our life within the bubble of disruption. WE choose to find something good and work with it - or not. WE choose to show up and do our best - or not.

The greatest ability we can develop is to observe our thinking - the stories we are telling ourselves. Then assess whether they are helpful or destructive. Become conscious and observe of all your unconscious thoughts and stories. (95-99% of them are unconscious!) Your stories rule your life - but you are NOT your stories!!

Your emotional state and feelings can change even though nothing in your environment changes. Why do some prisoners of war survive well and others don’t? Mindset. Awareness of thoughts. Control of thoughts and stories. The decision to serve others. The conscious decision to stay present and show up.

Thrive lesson 1: YOU CAN CONTROL HOW YOU FEEL, RESPOND AND THINK.

Where do we belong? Most of the other global crises I have lived though at some level created cohesion. They pulled people closer together against common ‘enemies’ or entities.

But COVID is separating us in many different ways - obviously and insidiously. Humans NEED other humans. We need that interaction; the touch; the emotional highs and lows; the heart to heart connections; the capacity to see each other in person; to feel our ’tribe’. The concept of ‘fitting in’ and belonging somewhere is paramount at home and at work - for us to feel alive - even more at the moment.

All the work done trying to connect people virtually is aimed at one thing - to help people feel they belong to a team and to help them function in a coherent way - even though they can’t really ‘experience’ each other in the flesh - which is so important for all the non verbal clues and cues and to feel the quantum field around us. Any of you who feel mentioning the field is a bit out there - think of how many times you have felt a ‘vibe’. About a place or a person. It’s usually instant. And accurate. And what you did was to pick up on the ‘field’ energy that was present - either in the person or place. A culture is really a field that is created by everyone in it. It can be done when everyone is remote - but with much more effort and consciousness.

Thrive lesson 2: WE ARE NEVER SEPARATE. We are all connected, ALL the time - even if you don’t feel it. We are. Know that and make the effort to acknowledge and enhance those connections. Acknowledge people; have long and deep conversations with them; be real; share what is going on for you and ask them how they are - truly listen to them.

What to do with massive change - and with time on your hands but no familiar routine. Or if you are busier than you ever have been - home schooling, learning how to work from home and stay part of a team.

We have all had to learn new routines and patterns and if you have no work at all - like me initially - learn how to not to escape into busy-ness! Wrapped in the difficulty is a precious gift - if you choose to unwrap it! And that gift is to be present. All the time!

For me, it was a totally new experience to be present, let alone present every moment - present to my feelings being the most difficult challenge! I had no idea that I had not really felt for most of my life. Of course, pre COVID I was busy and usually felt overwhelmed most of the time! I was rarely home and it was difficult to accept I actually didn’t have a life! I had work.

I was more at home in airports and hotel rooms than at home! Although it was not in any way easy, the value learning to feel and be present has brought to my life is transformational.

Being present and feeling means I don’t focus on the drama of the past or the fear of the future….it means focusing on feeling calm and noticing what disrupts my calm state. Another great way to be present is to ground yourself. Go into nature. It calms us down; soothes our stress and souls; nature teaches us when we are still and observe and feel. Walk barefoot or stand barefoot on the ground. Get out into the sunshine - or at least go outside. Swim in the ocean. Bushwalk.

Thrive lesson 3: BE PRESENT. Slow down. Take a breath. Be right here, right now and notice how you are feeling. Then observe what you are saying to yourself to create that feeling. Then choose a different story or at least realize you have been living your life on the story of a 0-7 year old and decide if you want to keep doing it! (visit my youtube channel - amandagoretv (http://www.youtube.com/amandagoretv/) - to see more detail on this)

Show up! Show up as YOU! Take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Be conscious of any dissonance within you - or discomfort or a feeling that something is not right. Ask yourself - are you being really honest - with yourself and others? Do you have the low grade feeling of something is not right….that people will find out you actually are not up to the task - or that they will find out you are not good enough! It’s called imposter syndrome and is rampant - but we rarely talk about it!

Are you authentically expressing how you really feel? As long as the environment you are in is a safe one and the people are emotionally safe - be vulnerable and connect heart to heart with others. Sharing your experience and feelings with others gives them permission to do the same - it takes courage to be vulnerable - but the rewards are huge. As I have learned in the last year myself! I really believed I was being authentic - in fact, it was one of my core values. What I have learned as I have worked ON myself - not just lost myself rushing around IN my life drama - is that I was ‘authentic’ to my persona! The version of me I had created to make sure no one realized I was actually worthless! Or that was the story I had told myself - that I was worthless - which came from an experience I had when I was 2. The scary part is that I had no idea until I was 60 that I had told myself and believed I was worthless.

Discover the stories you have been telling yourself (since childhood!) - those stories are NOT YOU but they rule your life and create all the patterns you see being repeated. Observe your thinking and anytime you are not feeling good about yourself, listen to the story you are telling yourself in that moment - question it! Most of the time it is SO not true - but something you took on as a toddler.

Thrive lesson 4: WORK ON YOURSELF - Find the real you - that amazing being that you really are. Be authentic to that, be real and vulnerable. Have the courage to do the work and show up!

Be Grateful!

Gratitude needs no introduction. Oodles of studies show the feeling gratitude and choosing to be grateful changes your entire physiology. It is the master ‘re-framer’. It changes everything that happens to you or around you - IF you choose to see things with gratitude - to actively look for things for which to be grateful. Or to look for something for which to be grateful in everything and everyone.

Thrive lesson 5: FIND THINGS FOR WHICH TO BE GRATEFUL - every morning, every night - and preferably every minute!

So the WTF year from hell held within it amazing opportunities for you to find yourself and your real purpose in life. If you choose to see it that way and do the work! I have and am SO grateful I embarked on this challenging but really rewarding experience.

Zooties

Amanda & Mel xx

PS. You can join us over on our new Facebook Group to share ideas, laugh and connect.

PPS. Amanda has been receiving some rave reviews from her virtual events - check here (https://amandagore.com/virtual-keynote-speaker/) for further

information.

despite Covid!

COVID Christmas/ Holiday Cheer, it’s an oxymoron!! But keep reading and it will make sense!

Well, as everyone has agreed……bring on 2021! The restrictions on what we can do in the holidays have seriously curtailed what matters most to humans, their connection to other humans. However, we are still always in control of how we feel - no matter how much uncertainty surrounds us. We may not feel we are - but only we control our thinking and therefore our feelings.

How can we make good out of the extraordinary challenges of this time?

As a speaker, work disappeared for the last 10 months pretty much and it has been a very steep learning curve for not only me but everyone. I refuse to use the word ‘pivot’, LOL, as it is SO overdone….instead, I would prefer to think of this time as an opportunity to actually do more of what I have been teaching and sharing for so long.

To actually work ON my life and myself and not just be lost in the busy-ness I had created! And here is the opportunity to make good use of this time.

About 4 months in, I felt lost and purposeless as speaking had always been a calling for me. There was not a weed left in the (very) large garden! The house was spotless. Almost sanitized! Repair jobs were completed. Cupboards cleaned. There was not a lot else to do!

Then I also realized I didn’t have a life! Not where I officially lived anyway!

I spent 35 years being away from home, in fact, this COVID experience has seen me sleep in my own bed longer than any other time (by months)! I could never do courses that went for weeks or months; I lost contact with local friends; I didn’t meet new people locally but I have heaps of friends and family all over the USA.

So I decided it was time to write another online course. But this time I was going to do it properly! So I signed up for an online course to write an online course!

In the process of interviewing 50 people who might be candidates for an online course on speaking, I realized the reason people wanted to do a speaking course was to mostly become more confident in front of other people or groups. Or to deliver their message once they worked out what it was.

And after all the questioning...it turns out that what people really want is to know how to be happy!

So my Holiday present to you is a video, a personal one from me to you sharing with you what I learned while interviewing all these people and how I distilled the information and findings into the 3 ‘F’s!

The 3 ‘F”s, the secrets of how to be happy!

Zooties & Happy Holidays!

Amanda & Mel xx

PS. You can join us over on our new Facebook Group to share ideas, laugh and connect.

PPS. Amanda has been receiving some rave reviews from her virtual events - click here for further

information.

Here are a few photos of fabulous Joy Buddy activities from past events…

And some creative things people have done!

People have taken the little yellow Joy Buddies I throw out at events and done all manner of wonderful things with them.

Such amazing creativity!

Like that which is exploding now as people are posting all sorts of clever and hysterical things on SM to lighten things up.

There have been two of my groups in particular - one from a library where a mystery person would create a Joy Buddy scene each week and no one had any idea who was doing it - but it brought the whole team together as they could not wait to see what was next and talk about it!

Look at the wonderful things they did! Even roast pigs on a spit! LOL!

You could be doing these at home now and sharing on our Your Joy Buddies Group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/2256861671286171/) page…or set up a competition to see who could create the best Joy Buddy construction and get your children and partner involved - or room mates or house mates or colleagues! You can make them, buy them on our website (https://amandagore.mybigcommerce.com/joy-buddy-finger-puppets-set-of-50-aus-only/) - or in the USA go to Oriental Trading Company (https://www.orientaltrading.com/smile-face-finger-puppets-a2-39_1245.fltr?keyword=finger+puppets))

But not all joy buddies are physically with you!

That’s the beauty of them at a time of ’social isolation’.

Like I say in the poster at the end of this, a copy of which we have made available on my website and everywhere else! - you can REALLY be grateful for the changes in your life right now - or let yourself be crushed.

Of course it’s not easy - my income stopped too. In an instant. Being a self employed speaker means that like it did with 911, my total income stream stopped overnight! So I know how you feel if you have lost a job or are on furlough.

Fortunately, I was earning enough to put money away in reserve, I know many of you would not have been in that fortunate situation, statistics tell us over 55% of people live week to week.

I learned that from the second similar event like this in my life!

For many of you this is your first event and I would love to think Mel (my wonderful VP of everything) and I could help you in some way.

At the time I lost all my money - the first time I have been through something like this - I moved countries and was on the most challenging and steepest learning curve I have ever been on.

Frankly it was horrible while it was happening and as I was teaching people how to stay positive, I had to practice what I preached - but it wasn’t easy! However, I did it and it helped me a lot - but I still had times of abject misery, hopelessness and rocking in a corner! But I knew I could not let it last for too long.

I had to WAKE UP and realize there were many lessons in this - and the hardest thing - admit my own contribution to my situation. And trust me, I did contribute - and if I am honest, I created the circumstances in which I could be taken advantage of, AND we all do in some way as we are the creators of our lives.

Now before you think she is a heartless b…h - I’m not. There is a global thing happening which appears to be totally out of our control. We always feel better when we perceive or we have some control, so here is the good news!

Right now, our response to the situation is totally in our control.

You are in charge of your thinking and your behavior and responses.

At the time of my deepest devastation, I knew I had a choice - to give in or give up - or own my part and get on and live!

As I started to get back on my feet - one year later 911 happened! WHAM! Overnight everything changed again - with a whole lot more trauma followed by fear.

This time it’s just fear! No real trauma - other than my income being shut down over night.

As Dr Mark Sircus said “Corona virus is nothing to take lightly. It is also nothing to panic about.’

Despite what the media is saying. Remember, there are many perspectives and many different statistics we can look at, all of which tell different stories.

If you buy into the hype and media terror and don’t look at other figures and scenarios going on then you are making a choice to shrivel up, close down and shut yourself off from this potential opportunity!

Before the cynics stab me in all the many ways we can be digitally stabbed today - stop and think about this.

The vast majority of people will limp along through this and just exist and make it. The vast majority will either not catch the virus or have a mild version and recover.

A small percentage - the ones at the right hand side of the bell curve - who are in the same situation as the vast majority - will look at this - will perceive this - will tell themselves a different story about this that is different from the majority. They will find a way to make it an opportunity.

They will use it as a time to expand; to grow; to invent; to work on themselves and their lives; to improve all their relationships; to learn something new; to fix everything that needs to be fixed in the house; to learn something new; to be present parents; to look for a job - they will consciously choose to find some good in this change that has been thrust upon them.

I plan to be in that small percentage.

You can too!

ANY work that you do on yourself that is deep and meaningful will change your circumstances.

ANY work you do to become a better human; to enhance your compassion, kindness, communication; to be more present; to connect with your essence; to remain positive will help you.

And THAT is where Joy Buddies come in!

You can poo poo it as a silly idea but you do realize that a Joy Buddy is like a mentor in many ways?

A Joy Buddy is your resilience buddy; your accountability buddy; your commitment buddy; your wake up buddy who can call you on the disaster stories or untruths you are telling yourself…and much more.

Now is the ideal time to establish a connection - which we crave as humans - with two people who are willing to be your Joy Buddies and engage with them - honestly and with real authenticity.

YOU will be the one who benefits most - you will ALL benefit - IF you choose to accept the mission!

Avoid buying into the field of fear that surrounds us all. Shield yourself in a joy bubble with your Joy Buddies and hold each other accountable for choosing to find the monotonous goodness that is always here and for the new goodness that comes out of the virus.

Things may never be the same again. They may just turn out to be better! It’s a possibility - if you choose to believe it.

For example….

I rest my case!

ENJOY! Our first poster is below - Please share it with your family, friends, colleagues and your Joy Buddies!

Or click here to follow the link to print your own copy.

Zooties from your online Joy Buddies,

Amanda & Mel xx

PS. You can join us over on our new Facebook Group to share ideas, laugh and connect.

We were discussing how many people focus on the ‘problems’ or issues in their lives; the things that are going wrong or not as they would like, and the way we blame and make judgments about people or situations as a consequence.

He said people forget about the constant monotonous goodness that happens every second. And if we did focus on that goodness, the impact of the disturbances would be much less - and our willingness to judge diminish. We might change our perspective on everything.

Goodness comes in many forms. MONOTONOUS goodness refers to all the wonderful things happening in the background - about which we are usually oblivious.

We ignore that our hearts are beating constantly; our lungs are working; that we can move and smell and touch and feel and see.

Do we go to bed every night grateful for all those things? Nope!

We don’t even think about it or consider it. Until something doesn’t work.

If we can’t see or move or we feel unwell; if we lose our sense of smell or taste; if we can’t feel sensory experiences; if we are depressed, purposeless - THEN we change our perspective!

’Suddenly’ we realize what we have lost.

We ‘suddenly’ appreciate - in other words - perceive that which was always there…always supporting us….with no acknowledgment - let alone gratitude.

Remember, for most people abusing our bodies, hearts, ourselves and relationships is a daily habit!

We eat foods - a lot of foods or foods that are toxic for us and yet our digestive system and livers work over time for years to adapt, absord, live and de-tox. Do we even recognize it let alone feel gratitude for that?

We play computers instead of interacting with others - human to human and actually truly connecting. We sit and sit and sit and don’t move and wonder why ’suddenly’ joints don’t move or we have pain. It’s because we stopped moving all our joints through all their ranges of movement. Or we ate something that inflamed everything. And yet our joints and muscles and ligaments do their best to keep us moving under often very difficult circumstances.

Our bodies give us warning signs all the time to help us stop the destructive behaviors - burning, tingling, tightness, stiffness, numbness, heaviness, dragging, discomfort and pulling…this is how your body speaks to you and begs you to consider it. Move! Exercise! Walk! Dance…jump on a trampoline (carefully!)...play outside…skip..stretch. And feel gratitude for your amazing body and its ability to have lasted as long as it has, with the lack of consideration it has been given.

What about your heart and emotions? Warning signs can show up as sadness, loneliness, disconnection, lack of community, feeling unworthy, lack of purpose or fulfilment and many many more. I bet if you stopped reading right now and reflected on your own warning signs you would know precisely what they are. Anything other than a state of gratitude for what is, shows you that there is work to be done - for you, by you, on you and the stories you are telling yourself!

Think about how we treat others…we take others for granted and change our behavior after the first ‘flush’ of love; we blame and judge our family members; we complain about our relationships and yet, when do we stop and consider our own patterns, behaviors and reactions? No relationship is a one way street. It takes two to tango as the saying goes.

You may not be consciously inviting particular behaviors from others - but unconsciously? Have you set boundaries? Do you treat them well? Do you treat them with respect? What do you tell yourself about the other? Do you treat yourself with respect and reverence? What about the monotonous goodness of someone who is always there for you - even if they are ‘boring’ or predictable?

Can you see your work (yes you can!) - no matter what it is - as worthwhile and make it so. Your role supports others - no one works in a vaccum. Be the best whatever you do all the time - and appreciate what everyone around you does as a contribution to your ability to be excellent.

Remind yourself that only you are responsible for your thoughts, patterns and behaviors. And only you can choose to change your perspective. Only you can learn who you really are and dive deep into what drives you.

We make choices every second and choosing to see everything that is good - visible and invisible - whether it’s sun rising and sun setting; the beauty of flowers and plants that not only inspire our senses but also give us the magic of scent; trees giving us life; clouds bringing us rain…everything in nature….will change your perspectives in all areas and that in turn, changes how you feel! Life might become wayyyy more joyful!

My own journey with David, through his courses and one to one coaching, has taught me how to find out who I am and be me - not just the best version but me! With my warts and imperfections and to accept myself. To actually become conscious of the stories and consequent patterns that were essentially ruining my life and then change them. I am still in the process, but so very different from where I was - and life is SO much better! The way I look at everything - my perspectives and my perceptions have transformed. My work is totally different with far more wide reaching results.

Not only is David running his life changing course in February (www.fullylive.world/events), but he is currently writing a magnificent book called Lizards Eat Butterflies and it’s also a life changer! It helps us deeply understand who we really are and see life from many other perspectives and to look at ourselves differently: To take control over the stories (usually lies) we tell ourselves: And guides us to working out our essence and actually being the person most of us want to be - who we really are - joyful, fulfilled and at peace.

I love his first paragraph….

The world doesn’t revolve around you. You are not the, or a, point. You are a temporary arrangement of matter and energy that is inextricably part of the fabric of everything and as such, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to make your best contribution regardless of the challenges, the frustrations, the pains or the joys. Do, not unto, but with, others. As elegantly as possible, not to someone else’s standard.

And celebrate the propagation of your goodness and elegance rather than expecting it to bounce back to you. Far from the Golden Rule, this is the Lightness of Life!

Celebrate the ‘monotonous goodness’ of you….and of the things you may not currently perceive. The warmth of the sun; the exquisite silence of snow falling; the touch of a loved one; play; your parent; your lover; your children; breakfast every morning; gardening - even things you may have looked at as boring in the past.

Look for the monotonous goodness of the people in your life and let them know what you appreciate!

Mel, my confidant, my partner in my business, my friend and in my mind, my adopted daughter, and I were talking with David this week.

Our relationship which was already good before, has amped up. He helped us both realize that we see things in each other, are grateful for these things and we don’t tell each other.

Not the things like ‘great job’ or you are good at this or thanks for helping with this - but the deeper layers of monotonous goodness Mel brings to my life and work - and in turn, she does this for all of you!

Without Mel, I can’t get to places on time and be where I am supposed to be stress free! Without her constant support and acceptance of me and my little foibles, her brilliance at social media, her gorgeous daughter as my adopted granddaughter, her wonderful understanding husband who would support her when I am challenging (!), without her wonderful sense of responsibility, her desire to grow and so much more - none of you would have a connection with me and for that Mel - I am deeply grateful for the monotonous goodness you bring to my life!

She ‘does’ her with me and the rest of us, elegantly and with love.

We are all inextricably linked as David says. See and feel - perceive - those links. Acknowledge them and know you are never separate!

THANK YOU ALL and deepest gratitude for your presence in my life, for being part of our community and for being part of the inextricable fabric that allows me to be as elegant as I can be in all I do.

Happy 2020 - full of monotonous gratitude consciousness!

Zooties,

Amanda

I have talked about a lot lately because what I would like to share with you is what has been happening for me in the hope that there may be value in it for you because the depth of the changes is so different from what now seems superficial work I have done in the past.

David was interviewed by Pat Armitstead, a Joyologist, this week. The interview was about grief, and David created a very useful acrostic:

Gratitude

Reminder

In

Emotional

Form

How brilliant is that?! I have always thought that grief is almost always about us and our sense of loss that we choose to focus on. But what if we honored the life of the person who has passed; or the relationship we just experienced or any other difficult time in life with gratitude? It is after all the master reframe.

When we were having a chat about this interview, he asked me why I had not been sleeping well the last couple of nights. And I didn’t really know. He, with his extraordinary insight, helped me understand that helping my former husband prepare his home for sale had stirred up something in me that had been unconsciously lurking! Keep reading, I tell you what it was below!

I am sharing this with you all (and there is a lot of you and it’s a bit scary to be so vulnerable!!) because I was so fascinated that I would have ZERO awareness of this consciously until it was pointed out and even then, it took considerable time of reflection to actually feel the impact of it.

He helped me understand that I had chosen (unconsciously) to tell myself a story about my life to date that was not very helpful, and one that triggered a very strong brain and body stress response!

So here goes, vulnerable moment coming up! I told myself that my best years of living had already happened. For those of you who don’t know, I am 65 on my next birthday and had never before viewed age as a ‘thing’, I always felt about 23 inside! But something that I suspect was a blend of focusing on what I had lost, feeling I have wasted my opportunities, and thinking I had lived most of my life already started me down the rabbit hole of essentially ‘it’s all downhill from here’!

I can laugh as I write this now, but I am still a work in progress!

It of course is no coincidence that this recorded interview with him launched 2 days after he asked me the question about sleep, and I have included the link below. Trust me, watching this will change the way you view loss, pain, grief - and life. In a great way.

If you choose to, use a sense of grief or loss as an opportunity to reflect with gratitude or to actively look for things for which to be grateful, and focus on them rather than the pain.

The information in the interview also helped me sort out what I actually was feeling and then deal with it way better than I normally would have.

It’s interesting that this has all happened in the lead up to Easter. I (semi) jokingly wonder if there is soon to be a resurrection of my essence; of who I really am. At this moment, I actually have only a few glimpses of who I might be and mainly from doing the work of The Gathering Course which David runs. And no, I don’t get a percentage for people signing up!

I have a better understanding of the core elements or energies that drive me; and I am working on integrating these so I can more consciously choose what I want and what really matters to me, but if you asked me what my essence was today, I might stare blankly at you!

I know this is pretty deep and I might lose many of you at this point, but here is how it might be useful for you in some small way.

I feel like I have lived the first 64 years of my life on the premise of fake stories. The stories I have told myself and believed since I was 3. I managed to make my life very successful business wise, but the rest of it has been not a particularly joyful time!

Do you remember a moment or time that had a significant impact or imprint on you as a small child? If you do, are you able to recall what you told yourself at that time?

Because of something that happened when I was 3, I basically told myself at that time that I was worth nothing. That everything was more important than I was. I certainly wasn't worth loving, according to my story.

To my 3 year old brain, what happened was a clear indication that my parents did not love me and I was unlovable, and worse, worthless.

Of course, this is how the 3 year old perceived the situation and it was very wrong! But when we are little children none of us have the adult ability to see all sides of a situation and understand what is really going on. The way we perceive it becomes truth!

My goal is to clear this obstinate 3 year old belief and emerge as who I really am. To finally feel I am worth loving; to feel that I am worth something; to know I am authentic and not just think I am authentic! To stop feeling like a fraud. To really know myself and what matters to me. To value myself.

I am on a journey to find my true essence and emanate that essence. No, I have not become a space cadet! I am just starting to see way beyond the superficial language our cultures use for much of our self growth and the cultural memes that so deeply influence our views of ourselves and others.

Listen to what you tell yourself. Observe with interest these thoughts that become your stories.

They are like the operating system in a computer, invisible but running everything. The program can be changed but only if you know how to find the program! Observing them gives you choices over whether you want to continue with that story or try another, or even the truth.

Examine your stories. Are they actually true? Were they ever true or were they from the perception of a toddler or child who had no capacity to understand all the elements that were going on at the time when the seed of the story was planted?

Identify your behavioral patterns as they are a clue to your persistent stories. Is there a persistent pattern in relationships? In handling challenges? At work? Is it the pattern you want? It can be changed. By really knowing yourself and seeing that you are indeed astonishing.

Check your ‘labels’. Are you ‘shy’? Really? Are any toddlers living in safety ever shy? Are you ‘difficult’? By whose standards? Are you a ‘loner’ or an ‘introvert’? Many of these labels are based on other people’s perceptions or words.

Take time to reflect on what really matters to you as that gives you clues to your essence.

This sounds easy but I must say I have found it rather challenging. It takes for me, quite a lot of reflection and deep honesty. So far I have come up with: it matters to me that I am kind; conscious; healthy; vibrant; caring; able to really love, for starters. Once I have identified the things that really matter, I can focus on them more.

Find all the areas of shame and guilt and grief and pain and see what message they deliver. Then look at them in this new light, as a Gratitude Reminder In Emotional Form.

Can you find something for which to be grateful in each area? Or more accurately, will you? Because there is always something if we look deeply.

This is very different from my normal newsletter but I am committed to being authentic.

This is a new journey for me. I truly thought I was authentic but I wasn’t! So at this point in my life, this is about as consciously authentic as I can be.

Vulnerablity has not been a strength for me in the past. And it is amazing how it changes everything!

I am also working on not fixing people, which is a totally new way of living for me! And even since the last newsletter, I have discovered that one of the reasons I ‘fix’ people is to validate myself and win approval! At this point, there seem to be a lot of layers I am working on but I am willing and able!

Stay tuned for the changes that come!

So with this newsletter, I am sharing my experience with you and it may or may not help some of you. At nearly 65, I am no longer living according to my old stories. I am finding out how to fully live!

My best years are definitely ahead! Thank you David for giving me this opportunity.

If you would like to listen to David and Pat, here is the link (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpuPed7kuew&t=14s)

Thank you for taking the time to read this long newsletter that doesn’t have a lot of laughter in it! But I hope it has some value for you!

Zooties,

Amanda

Many people and magazines write about the stress of holiday season and give you all sorts of tips and skills - only for us to do the same things again the next year despite new year ‘resolutions’!

What are the resolutions about anyway?

Essentially a new year resolution is about creating new habits - deleting old ones and wiring in new ones. The success of which depends on what choices you make in every single present moment.

What if the really simple (not necessarily easy) message was…in this moment, do you choose FOMO (the fear of missing out) or JOMO (joy of missing out)?

Do you choose the pain of comparison and judgment or the awareness that comes with choosing yourself and what is intuitively right for you - not anyone else.

Without wanting to be a broken record…the only way we change anything in ourselves is to become more self aware. To observe the stories we tell ourselves. To notice patterns in our behavior that are triggered by particular beliefs (which are stories we tell ourselves) that are most commonly unconscious and lies!

It’s very tricky to do that well until we take time out for JOMO. And let go of FOMO.

In the JOMO moments, we tune into our hearts and spirits where our innate wisdom lives. Rushing, stressing, doing too much, ‘having’ to get everything done, pleasing others all take us away from our hearts wisdom into the chaos of our minds which are usually full of those stories/lies!

If you wanted to dive deeper into this, perhaps you could make a commitment...you could choose to make a commitment - to yourself. To finding out what really matters to you and why; what you love to do; what makes you feel alive; to what programs (stories) are operating in your background computer in your mind running the show without you even knowing!

I have written in the last few months about my experience at an astonishing event called The Gathering. Where after 30 years of working on myself - and making progress - but never earth shattering ones! - I learned some core truths about myself and how I had distorted these with stories that my 0-7 year old told herself. I had no idea these stories were controlling several habits in my life that I had tried to change for years.

The process is powerful and revealing. And with Dr David Martin’s permission, I am sharing with you the first question in the process that if you choose to explore, you too may shed some light on those ‘invisible’ beliefs/stories/ lies ruling your life.

Here it is: What 6 events or experiences had the most significant impact or imprint on you?

Try to find 3 positive and 3 not so positive and write about them in detail. Give yourself a page for each of the 6 answers.

Go through the process 6 times over a period of days (or weeks) to really drill down into what it was about that experience that had the imprint or impact on the rest of your life.

Your goal is to recognize a time when you actually told your self something that was embedded as the truth. For example my big ah ha moment - which took some help to get to was the time I was molested by a stranger. I was about 2. And the impact/ imprint that experience primarily had was that I told myself ‘I am responsible for me’. No one else was around and without the capacity to rationalise the situation and see it for what it was, that was the conclusion my 2 year old mind came to.

What impact did that have? Well…running on that program, my only memory of childhood was being ‘responsible’. As I grew older with this program orchestrating things, I expanded that into ‘I was responsible for everyone else’. Which I refunded into ‘it was my job to fix everyone else’!

In some ways this is an excellent mindset for a speaker! LOL.

But for life and relationships it sucked! And I tried all I knew how to do to change it once I recognized this pattern in my 50’s! Nothing worked until I had this ah ha moment as a result of the answers to this question and time to soul search. It’s critical to be really honest with yourself and have NO - zero - zip judgment. It was. It happened. You did what you could in that moment. And now…with self awareness we can change the imprint or impact. If you choose to.

There is much more to the process but this first question is a gift from Dr Martin (https://www.davidmartin.world/).

And a first step into discovering JOMO and a sense of peace.

So there you have it - not 3 strategies to bust stress but an invitation for 2019 to become an inner travel agent for yourself! It might seem hard an uncomfortable at times but it’s sooooo worth it!

And if you don’t choose to do it, then at least choose JOMO. Choose to give yourself permission and time to JOMO!

If you don’t - look at what you tell yourself to stop you.

JOMO is a great way to find peace and that is what i wish for you for 2019 - many more peaceful moments in the chaos.

Thank you for being such loyal subscribers - many of you have followed my writings for a lot of years!

I hope this newsletter gives you a tool to rediscover your innate wisdom, potency and peace!

Happy New Year!

Amanda

PS. If none of the above resonates (and you find yourself judging it) watch this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow0lr63y4Mw&t=4s) and at least you will laugh!

PPS. Help your friends or family kick start the year in a joyful way! Give them hours of watching and reading pleasure! Have a look at our USB Joy in Box (http://amandagore.mybigcommerce.com/your-one-stop-joy-in-a-box-usb-over-280-value/)!

"Joy in a box will give you hours of laughter, new skills to be calm, peaceful and joyful. It will teach you new ways to connect in relationships and provide hours of inspiring reading"

It’s astonishing when I ask audiences this question to see how few raise their hands! Unless it is a sales team!

We are ALL in sales of some sort!

Whether it is ‘selling’ a product or an idea or having a conversation or convincing someone else to do what we want them to do - it’s all selling!

As a physiotherapist, I used to have to sell the idea to people that although I was going to hurt them, it was for their own good! I would have to sell them my trustworthiness, my competence, my caring and instill them with confidence in themselves and me.

Teachers are in sales, just like physios and speakers! I can’t think of a profession or job where we have no component of sales in it. Even if you work in a solitary manner, there are usually other people who depend on what you do, you are ‘selling’ competence as they need to trust your capacity to deliver.

Anyone who interacts with anyone else in some way sells something! If you are trying to influence anyone or thing, you are in sales!

Recently, there is more research into sales with researchers trying to find reasons behind the consistently high performing professionals.

There isn’t too much rocket science there though!

When we talk about sales, we are talking about selling products, ideas, concepts, policies, rules, yourself, treatments, expertise (in other words, anything) to other people.

Sales is a label for a complex matrix of connection, communication, trust, competence, expertise, non verbal skills, mindsets, capacity to read people, empathy, engagement, listening, language, perceptions, epigenetics, neuroscience and a whole lot more!

But if we Get Real About Sales, there is not a lot of new material to change things. It’s about doing what we already know to do, with more elegance, authenticity and integrity. And developing in areas where we can grow and become the best we can be.

So how do we teach those?

I came up with a Mnemonic!

That is just a small sample of what we can cover when we talk about sales and how to improve them in every area of life. How to have more influence and joy-fully live in whatever you are doing.

TA DA!!

Zooties,

Amanda Gore

PS. STORE ROOM SELLOUT!*

We are downsizing our store room and need to reduce our inventory! This is good news for you!

Wands are for the next month 50% off - buy a box of 10 and only pay for 5!

Wave magic over your staff meetings, colleagues or family - they are great fun and wonderful reminders to focus on the magic in life and not just the not so magic!

Plus you can turn people into frogs! Just kidding. You can’t really!

BUY HERE

*Australian Store Sales only

PPS. Look at the new toy we found!! It’s called Promo and you can make little videos like this one! Please let us know what you think about it. Would it make you interested enough to click on the link to read more? If not, how could we make it more interesting!! Thank you!

Once somebody subscribes via this link that you can share anywhere on the web. The person who subscribed will get 10 % off for the first 3 month, and you will get 2 free videos automatically.

What we tell ourselves, the stories we repeat inside our heads about ourselves and others create our perceptions, expectations and therefore reality! So if we can change our mindset by changing our beliefs; and change our beliefs by changing our thoughts, you begin to see how critical it is to be conscious of our thoughts and choose consciously.

Did you know we are unconscious of our thoughts 95-99% of the time? And our thoughts rule everything.

Our thoughts determine how we feel about ourselves. And others.

Imagine if you felt calm and peaceful, yet at the same time, really alive. Yes, it IS possible!

Imagine if you felt really good about yourself and knew who you were!

Imagine if your relationships with others improved. How would you feel?

What if you had more energy and vitality, and a renewed enthusiasm for life?

Or what if you could change your mood so you didn’t need to seek out other stimulants/’vices’?

What if you made conscious choices and could change the way you think?

How would you feel if you found your purpose in life, and elt fulfilled?

Or what if you started sleeping really soundly, had energy, lost the weight that has been bothering

you and felt healthier than you have in years?

Overall, what would life be like if you felt joyful most of the time!

3 X 3 Weeks To Rewire Your Brain

It takes at least 3 x 3 weeks to rewire a new program into the brain, which is why we created this 12 week online course.

Did you know we are unconscious of our thoughts 95-99% of the time? And our thoughts rule everything.

Our thoughts determine how we feel about ourselves. And others.

We implemented the principles of the book and the online program into a primary school in Adelaide. There, the amazing Principle John Clarke and his wonderful team have transformed the way the students are feeling, operating at school and in the world.

They incorporated exercises from the chapters in the book as part of the curriculum. They have taught the children to be conscious of their thoughts and how they have control over them; how to feel and to recognize what they feel; how to feel good about themselves and accept themselves as they are, yet still develop a growth mindset.

Every day for 12 weeks, you can do one easy, simple exercise (joy-excises) and you can create the life you want, literally! Or be well on your way to it.

If you think there is value in this course for you or for a friend or relative, we would love it if you spread the joy!

YOUR FAMILY

Please consider having your whole family do the course together, you can make each joy-excise a discussion at dinner. It’s a brilliant way to teach children how to change and take charge of their thinking. Even with your older children who live some distance from you, you can all electronically meet each week to discuss what happened for you when you chose to see the world with gratitude and did the joy-ercises.

AT WORK

At work, you could begin each staff meeting with the joy-ercise of the day! Or at least use the joy secret of the week as a ‘theme’ for the staff meeting. Eg Today we will focus on gratitude…

A JOY CLUB

If you have a small band of friends, instead of a book club, create a Joy Club of Joy Buddies and you get together each week and you can do the same daily joy-excise every day for a week and then meet and discuss what happened. I love this idea because it means you have 84 weeks of re-wiring your brain! And your life and mindset will most definitely change for the better!

AT SCHOOL

If you are a teacher, you could spend a bit of time each week, and teach your students some of the concepts I have written and do an exercise with them like our School Joy Project in Adelaide. Create a culture in your classroom of Joy Buddies who help each other become more joyful. Or become a volunteer at the school dedicated to teaching and modeling joy, mindset and joyful thinking.

If you would like to begin the Joy re-wiring process, click the link below and join today.

I can’t believe another month has gone by - time is moving at lightening speed isn’t it?

I am so blessed to have received so many kind messages from many of you after the last newsletter and you will be pleased to know that apart from breaking a rib, I have been traveling well!

THANK YOU to all of you for your kind comments!

I have been speaking these days about working ON, not just IN your life so you can CONSCIOUSLY co-create what it is you want and am learning lots as I teach for which I am eternally grateful!

I hope that this month of Thanksgiving, which I love, is a time you are filled with a better understanding of the concept of gratitude.

IT is so much more than just ‘thank you’! It is a DEEP APPRECIATION of what has had to happen for someone or something to get to a point where we have been blessed by their action or thought.

Let me unpack that a bit!!

When we feel a deep sense of gratitude, it encompasses an ability to truly appreciate everything that a person has done to get them to this point. For example, a parent. Rarely does a child truly appreciate and therefore feel deep gratitude until they have had children of their own!

Because up till then, they had no idea / were not conscious / or were unaware of what goes on to be a parent!

If someone if thoughtful and kind….we might say a superficial thank you - but do we truly appreciate what work they have done in their lives to get to a selfless point where they can focus on helping or serving you?

This Thanksgiving, make a point of speaking with deep appreciation, deep reverence and deep gratitude to those around you. At home AND at work.

Try to see what they have worked on in their lives; what struggles they have made it through; what they have done to be the people that you love - and acknowledge that.

Speak from your heart……and try to teach children a greater sense of gratitude than just ‘thank you’. Those words often are said unconsciously!

Start a new tradition from Thanksgiving this year….every night you sit around a table together, everyone needs to answer the question…

'what is the thing you are most grateful for since we last met?’

or

‘what are you most grateful for today?’

Instead of Thanksgiving being the only day of the year we focus on gratitude - make it a daily deep appreciation of the wonder of life and deep reverence for others and their journey!

Meanwhile - from my heart to yours - a deep appreciation and gratitude for the time you take to read my posts and newsletters; to stay in touch; to offer me support and just to be the family that gives me an opportunity to have a career that is truly my calling!

Bless you and thank you!

Zooties,

Amanda Gore

(just kidding!)

Please forgive me! I have not written to you for ages - literally - and I would like to share with you why.

My thanks to Jim who prompted me to spur myself into action after he sent an email wondering if he was still on our mailing list! Yes, Jim you are - and here is the newsletter, thank you!!

So, in December my husband and I decided to separate. We loved and respected each other but we were not 'in love' any more. And we had both tried very hard for a long time. It wasn’t easy and took courage and involved a lot of heartache. It was a huge change obviously for both of us and we are still in the process of adapting.

It has been an interesting time and I am proud of both of us for the way we have managed it. It is probably one of the most amicable divorces in history and we are both committed to continue supporting each other and being in each others lives. For many this is not the case. There are many reasons for separation and there are always lessons to learn - hard as that is to hear at times. For me, our thinking is a huge part of the consequences of a split. Read on!!

As I reflected on this newsletter and not only what to write but how to write it, I realized that the lessons I have learned may be helpful for some of you! Or I hoped they would! And if not, then at least you will know why there have been no newsletters for a while! LOL.

Keep in mind, this is all new and I am making slow progess and I am sure there is much you will think I could be doing better! And also that for some, who have not been able to navigate an amicable split for whatever reason, there is still something of value in it. Being angry and bitter only harms the person who is angry and bitter! But you all know that! And it’s a choice we make.

I am committed to being the best version of myself and with a lot of help from my BFF who has been so kind and such a rock, and my former husband who is also incredibly kind and generous, I am imagining I will get there! And I am choosing not to allow ‘victim’ or blame thinking to enter my mind - it does no one any good! But is an interesting pattern to notice if it’s present and work out why it’s there.

Lesson 1: Allow vs Avoid

I spent a good 6 months avoiding feelings! But I wasn’t conscious that I was avoiding feelings! I just stayed busy and did things to occupy my mind so I didn’t have to deal with what emotions were arising! It seems a pretty common theme with humans - to avoid feeling pain and I can understand why, but it’s part of life and actually has to happen. If you don’t allow it to happen, it’s my belief the Universe steps in to help you feel and face what is going on! And, in it’s wisdom it did with me.

We lived under the same roof for 6 months after the decision and about 2 weeks after he moved out, I had avoided feeling brilliantly by cleaning! It was therapeutic and there was a lot to do. One day, after a LOT of cleaning, I looked at the pool and realized the acid levels were low. Ken was away so I thought ‘I can do this’! Well I did but to cut a long story short…I mixed chlorine with hydrochloric acid UNCONSCIOUSLY…by not being present and paying attention to what I was doing! Unbeknownst to me, that created chlorine gas which when you inhale ulcerates the tissues in your sinuses, nose and lungs! So the next week was spent in bed thinking I was going to die!

However, it did give me time to reflect on why this had happened. Things always happen for a reason - we just can’t see it at the time. It taught me that important lesson - I had been avoiding feeling and taking time to process those feelings and what had happened - the grieving, loss, pain and fear.

Have you had a similar experience where you have avoided or ignored processing some emotional event and something happened that forced you to deal with it?

So that is where I am now - allowing myself to process the feelings and learning to sit still and with being uncomfortable. I have - up till now - not been good at either!

Lesson 2: Accept - and surrender to the flow

One of the lessons that is emerging is to accept what has happened and not plague myself with ‘what if…’; ‘if only…'; if I had done blah’; thoughts. We both really did work and do our best to create a great relationship. We are both great people - well I think he is great and I am working on thinking I am great!…ish! Which brings me to another part of lesson 2 - to consciously observe my thoughts and not allow the negative ones to take over!

Even as I was typing - we are both great people I had to say ‘well I am working on thinking I am great’ - and I decided to leave that in the newsletter. Because it’s a reminder to me that I still have some distance to go!

It’s so easy to be unconscious of our thoughts and then notice - ‘suddenly - we feel sad or anxious or depressed…and not connect the two. If you examine what you are saying to yourself when you feel sad or anxious, I guarantee you will find thoughts like "I’ll never find anyone else’; ‘no one else will love me’; ‘I’m too difficult’; ‘all men/women are #@$%*’; there are no good people out there’; ‘at my age…’; and so on!

Check your fears as well - cos I know they are well and truly trying to ‘get me’ at the moment and unless i am diligent, they will win! And I will feel miserable!

Becoming a master of observing our thoughts is critical for dealing with everything - literally - in life! Our thoughts literally create our reality - because they control our perceptions. We see what we expect to see (determined by our thinking which also determines our beliefs and our mindsets) - not reality.

The trick I am finding is to not only observe my thoughts but to consciously and diligently focus on gratitude. Actually finding things for which to be grateful no matter what the situation looks like has helped me enormously.

Really, at the end of the day, my life is all about the decisions I make; the choices I make - and I want them to be conscious choices. We are making choices all the time - unconsciously. And these unconscious thoughts and fears rule our lives - so if you want to break a habit or a pattern of behavior - start observing your thinking and making conscious choices!

Once we are conscious of the thoughts we are having (remember you think with your head, heart and gut - literally!), then we can choose to surrender to the flow of the process.

Everything in life is a process! Something happens and then we deal with it - consciously or unconsciously. Some choose to drink or drug themselves out of feeling; others clean (!!); others get and stay depressed; others tell themselves how everything is wrong and become victims by not taking responsibility for their actions and thinking.

Surrendering does not mean giving up! It means not defending or fighting what appears to be. And acknowledging that our learning might be to wake up - to become conscious! It is about accepting what has happened and following intuition about what our role is - what is our part and our path from here. Sit and meditate and see what comes to you - allowing emotions and feelings to be there….which leads me to lesson 3. It’s about asking yourself ‘what am I learning’ vs focusing on ‘what I have lost’.

Lesson 3: Adjust

This is the phase I am in at the moment. Adjusting to the change. It is different and if I am honest, at times a bit scary! But I remind myself how blessed I am and how grateful I am that we are amicable and Ken is still in my life and we are friends and he will help me when I need it - as I will him.

When I focus on the gratitude, the ‘uncomfortableness’ becomes more tolerable. I can breathe better! And I know I have to do the uncomfortable-ness because if I don’t - I might have another ‘chlorine gas’ incident or equivalent cos I will never do that again! LOL.

Adjusting takes time. Periods of feeling uncomfortable, sad, scared etc and then finding moments of peace. Doing my work - on myself - not just cleaning and speaking!!! LOL. Allowing myself to feel...and time to just ‘be’ with it all. Knowing that I am adjusting and being kind to myself and giving myself grace to fumble through!

All in all…I am grateful for the many lessons and for Ken’s kindness and generosity and willingness to keep our ‘best friend/brother/sister’ status. I know it has not been easy for him either.

But...we are both moving forwards. Allowing, accepting and adjusting. And we are both trying to make the process as joyful as possible!!! And trust me there are times when it’s nothing like joyful but again, we can choose to have peace about it or not. And real joy is inner peace.

TA DA to us and everyone else who is dealing with some change in life or circumstances! Keep going!

Zooties,

Amanda Gore

Do these 12 things!

I created a little poster the other day after reflecting on the secrets of great relationships - of all kinds - in my life!

THE POSTER: Want a Great Relationship? Do These 12 Things!

1. Know yourself - it's a lifelong journey

2. Honor yourself - if you don't no one else will

3. Like yourself - if not, change!

4. Aim to love yourself - you ARE loveable

5. Listen to yourself - notice your patterns, change what you need to

6. Take responsibility for yourself - only you can

7. Stop judging yourself - or the other

8. Know the other person, REALLY know them

9. Honor them, warts and all. You have warts too!

10. Like them, like who they are as a person

11. Listen to them, to the feelings behind what they communicate

12. Ask and clarify vs guess and assume you know

www.amandagore.com

And as it was Valentine’s Day this week and supposedly love is on everyones mind - I started thinking about love and what was happening in all the relationships I have anything to do with!

One of the great myths of romantic relationships is that everything is peaches and cream ALL the time! If they were, you would probably both be ascended masters and had learned all they needed to know! The rest of us humans are still on a steep learning curve of growth and development!

And our life partner (or current life partner) is the best gift we have - they trigger all the personal growth for us by allowing us to see the areas that need changing - or not - if we are not ready! LOL!

There is another ‘thing’ I wanted to add to the list but it was something that underpinned all of them so I will share it with you before you read the list.

It’s GRATITUDE! Great relationships are full of gratitude - instead of needs.

When you have worked through most of your own needs, addressed them and met them (or at least are on the way) then you can focus on how you can help and support your partner to be the best they can be - and not expect them to fill your needs!

We rarely talk out loud about this! No one - repeat - no one else can fill your deepest needs - which usually stem from the fears that usually unconsciously drive us. Only WE can deal with them - others can support us or help us or encourage us but no one can do 'the work' for us.

'The work' is to wake up and be conscious of what is driving you; disappointing you; making you angry; frustrating you; what are you avoiding; what is challenging and difficult and why; why you are not joyful - these are all clues! Have a conversation - with yourself - about what needs your partner is ‘not meeting’ as you see it, and then turn it around - what needs of my own am I not meeting? What fears am I not facing? What behaviors am I not proud of and what is causing them?

(Hint: The 3 core fears that exist in most people - 1 or all of them are 1. I am not worth loving or not good enough; 2. I am unsafe in some way and 3. a fear of death, abandonment or separation. Most have one or two - I had the trifecta!!)

It takes soul searching but then that’s what ‘soul mates’ are all about - helping you do it - whether they know it or not!

My wish for you this week is that you consciously make a decision to do everything you can on that day to love YOURSELF so much that you stop looking to your partner to fill your needs and shower them instead with gratitude, and honor them for who they are, where they are in their lives.

Have conversations where you REALLY listen and be engaged and interested in their answers. You might be surprised at what you learn and how wonderful you feel at the end of the day.

This applies of course to single people currently not in a relationship - there are many other ways we can learn, grow and develop to know ourselves, honor, like and love ourselves. And all this makes for great preparation for a much more fulfilling, truly loving relationship - if that is what you are looking for.

PS. Try this behavior every day with everyone! Oh and print out the poster and put it where you see it very day as a reminder!

Happy Valentine’s Day - I hope you and yourself had a wonderful day! LOL!!

Zooties,

Amanda Gore

THANK YOU everyone - even though Thanksgiving has passed, it’s never too late to thank people!

THANK YOU to all the wonderful clients who have invited me to speak to their teams in the last 12 months. I hope you have had ongoing great feedback and that you have actually seen behavioral change - or at least changes in attitude or thinking - and spirit! And that you have spirit igniters popping up all over the place!

It has been a very big year for Mel and Me, and Gracie, her 3 year old has been a source of great wisdom and joy. If you have a chance to hang around a 3 year old next year - do it! I learn so much from her each time we are together and my heart always opens with JOY and laughter! And I see pure thinking in action!

Which brings me to my QI Gong retreat where we focused on opening the heart and using the heart qualities of love, gratitude, openness, respect and trust. Even though almost all my clients are corporate in some way, these qualities are still SO important. Everything in business (and life) is about feelings. And strong relationships are critical in a world where there is constant competition and a need to differentiate.

We are all HUMAN - we are people doing jobs! People are 80% emotional and 20% rational - no matter what they do! That’s why emotional intelligence (EQ) keeps coming up and the most important factor in a successful organization. Focusing on feelings and opening our hearts and trying to work with understanding makes for a much safer and more joyful workplace.

I have just left the school where we are trialing our first school joy program and it once again was fascinating!

The Principle is an amazing man who has such vision, and is a genius in terms of EQ! Every day, he has to manage primary school children, their teachers, aides, school staff and parents and he does it with grace and patience. He also has to manage the budget, strategies, learning outcomes, government initiatives and about 100 other issues that play into the community and school. I think it ranks up there in my mind as the hardest job in the world! He deserves a huge TA DA as do the team that supports him.

I am very grateful to him and the coordinators of the School Joy project there for their dedication and creativity. They are adapting the book and seeing very good results!

If we can build a program that sends our children out into the world feeling good about themselves and skilled up with EQ and the ability to self manage, we will have done very well!

I would love to think that 2017 is the year people focus on feeling good about themselves - because it is the source of all joy and allows you to spread joy!

Mel and I hope you have a wonderful Holiday Season - a great rest and return from your 'Joy Spot’ refreshed and resilient!

Zooties and thanks again

Amanda and Mel

PS: Hopefully we can do Part 2 sometime soon

Those of you who don’t know me so well - I pride myself on trying to bring the latest and greatest information I have come across that might help you or someone you know in a significant way.

Well my latest find is very interesting! And I hope will bring great relief and joy to many of you! And if not you - then someone you know! Please, please share this information with as many people as you can - on Facebook - anywhere it could help someone!

But first….a little about my history.

Recently I visited beautiful Tasmania for a speaking engagement. When I graduated from University, I went straight to Hobart, the capital of Tasmania and met my first love! We were living together and the house we lived in was still there! Below is a photo of it! It’s exactly the same 35 years later! Probably the most stable thing in my life! LOL!

Firstly that gave me a sense of nostalgia as the memories flooded back and secondly it reminded me of one of the sickest times in my life.

I was so exhausted at 23 that I would leave a job I loved (physical therapy) at the end of the day, go home and sob in the shower for 30 minutes and collapse exhausted into bed. I was too tired to eat. Doctors said it was in my head!! Tests showed nothing.

When my partner developed ulcers up and down his throat and other symptoms, the doctors tested him and said ‘oh, you have Glandular Fever (GF) also known as Mononucleosis (Mono). When he told them he was living with me, they said ‘oh she needs to be tested as she is likely to have it too!’

This disorder is caused by the Epstein Barr Virus (EBV) which can only be detected when you have an acute infection period. Otherwise, blood tests just show you have had it and doctors assume it is harmless.

Of course, I had it and had given it to him! It took me over a year to recover - or more. And they, at the time said there was nothing to be done.

YOU MUST DO SOMETHING TO ELIMINATE IT FROM YOUR SYSTEM….

Once you have had it, if you don’t get rid of the EBV virus, it sits in your system slowly multiplying until your immune system is compromised and then it comes out in one form or another. This is what happened to me. Luckily now I know how to clear it from my system.

Fast forward 30 years and I am living in the USA, traveling an outrageous amount within the USA and flying to and from Australia to visit my sick Mum and new fiancé, and I became ill again. In a very similar way. But 30 years later, I didn’t really link the two.

A similar pattern emerged, doctors saying there was nothing wrong until one day I found a naturopathic doctor who said ‘I think you have Lyme Disease.’

At last, I didn’t feel insane or stupid! I knew something was wrong but I just didn’t know what it was. Tests showed spirochetes in my blood but I had not been bitten by a tick or mosquito where I had a bulls eye rash. But I was so happy to have a reason for my malaise I did the treatments suggested.

Stay with me - there is a reason for this story and it may just change your life - especially if you have ever had - or known you had - or know someone who has had - Mono or GF.

Our front door in Hobart!

ON NO IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN.

So now I am in the USA and many things were happening in my body….menopause had started (and I was young!), I was exhausted all the time; not sleeping well; waking up exhausted; had strange joint aches and pains, memory problems, brain fog, low libido, no energy etc etc.

I didn’t go the traditional route for treatment of Lyme and after years of different things I found a way to clear most of the symptoms but by now I was having hot flashes every night, every two hours and that went on for 7 years!

Now fast forward to today. Living in Australia. With most of my symptoms gone, my memory is still not what it used to be and I am still having the hot flashes and waking almost every 2 hours - which means I never sleep well and still wake up tired! People say it’s just menopause but I now know it’s not!

I have done many, many things to find a way to restore my hormonal balance and adrenals and brain and was making slow progress in this area until……

THE ‘MIRACLE' BOOK!

I found what I am writing this newsletter about!

A book called The Medical Medium. If you know anyone who has had GF or Mono; anyone with thyroid problems; gut issues; brain issues; chronic fatigue; MS; rheumatoid arthritis; any neurological disorder; pain; adrenal exhaustion; hormonal issues; heart arhythmias; or some sort of chronic ‘mystery’ condition that no one really knows the cause of it will be worth them reading this book!

It’s by Anthony Williams who is an author from Hay House with an extraordinary history. His book taught me that I didn’t have Lyme Disease - I had an Epstein Barr Virus flare up. And I am still suffering from the impact of it!

I am now convinced IT is the cause of every symptom I have had. It causes the spirochetes in the blood that were seen - typically they are only associate with Lyme. It has caused all the menopausal symptoms going on for so long; the locked jaw; the bladder issues; (sorry - too much info!!!); my memory loss; low energy and libido and my sleeping issues.

See, the EBV multiplies and gets fed by certain foods we eat and damages the liver, adrenals, and in particular the nervous system and brain by way of the neurotoxins the EBV produces. It gets into every cell in the body given long enough!

The good news is that he gives you a way to clear your body of EBV.

TO CLEAR YOURSELF

In summary, he advocates herbs and food (a 28 day diet) which is great because you can easily get both!

Apparently, the EBV actually lives on certain types of food we eat - like eggs, dairy (especially cheese!), gluten, corn and canola oil (which is in about everything you buy in a supermarket!).

Foods like celery, cilantro (coriander), lao vera, mangoes, asparagus, change mushrooms, cucumber juice, bananas, raw spinach, ginger, avocado, sweet potatoes all serve to clear the effects of the virus and stop feeding it. Apples starve EBV. Wild blueberries are powerful against it. He says starting the day with a glass of celery juice - I have done it and it’s quite refreshing - actually restores the damage done to our guts by EBV.

So if you try this diet, take the herbs he recommends, rest so your immune system can recover and do other things that make you feel joyful which help your immune system, you stop feeding the EBV encouraging it to multiply and boost your compromised immune system so it can fight as well - you may notice massive changes!

I have had this for a very long time and can now see the pattern over the years; it will take longer than 28 days for my EBV to clear but I am on the path. For those of you who have had symptoms for a long time, it may take you a long time too - but it’s worth it. It took years to develop so it may take one or two to go finally - but at least you will be feeling much better along the way!

I have stopped all eggs, dairy and gluten and the other foods and I have not felt great as it’s a detox process as they die off. But I know it will improve. I am taking homeopathics and herbs and resting (sort of!!); I am doing more work on my emotions and spiritual side - I am determined to clear this once and for all!

I feel great because I now know what beast I am battling and it won’t hold me back any longer!

Imagine how much energy I will have when my body is clear of it! LOL Look out world!!

I hope this has been a useful post for you - let me know if you need any more information! I have a few resources that might be of value for you as well!

Zooties,

Amanda

P.S. ANOTHER BIT OF INFORMATION YOU MIGHT FIND USEFUL - MENTAL HEALTH OR POST TRAUMA ISSUES

A very dear friend of mine, Judith Richards told me today that ... ‘It was World Suicide Prevention Day on 10th September.’ And then she told me of a horrifying statistic.

in Australia, suicide is the number one killer in people aged 15 to 44, claiming more lives than cancer, car crashes and various diseases. ABS 2014

If you, or anyone you know, is a mental health practitioner with an interest in preventing suicide, or in resolving the issues which lead to suicide - trauma, anxiety, depression etc., or dealing with people who have suffered trauma in the past - and dealing with these issues in a faster, more effective, safer way, then tell them of TRTP, the technique that she created after a history that most of you would not believe. I know it’s true and still have trouble comprehending it.

I have first hand experience of the difference this technique makes.

She is an extraordinary person doing amazing work. Her technique REALLY works. The stories she has told me are nothing short of what we could call ‘miraculous’ yet she and her practitioners are getting those results every day.

The Richards Trauma Process (TRTP) is being used by medical doctors, psychologists, counsellors, hypnotherapists, nurses, paramedics etc., across Australia, to resolve these major mental health or trauma induced issues.

There are 2 webinars this week, giving an outline of TRTP and why it is so effective. On these webinars, the first steps of TRTP will be presented in detail, giving attendees tools to be immediately more effective, in whatever therapy they use.

To register, copy and paste this address:

https://zoom.us/webinar/register/773c00e68e03784f8c34be5db4a05ad8

The next student intake for the full trauma training program using TRTP will be in October. For further details, click here: judithrichards.com.au/training

PPS. Trauma includes childhood abuse that leads to many of the mental health issues of today. 1 in 3 people are abused as children in some way. EEEEK.

So, it’s been a big - no, HUGE, month for me. Of course, all this year ‘stuff’ has been brewing to be released and as God, Source, The Universe or Spirit - whatever works for you - had planned the preparation for a course I took.

I am a bit embarrassed to share this with all of you, but for some years now, I have felt a fraud at teaching about joy and not really feeling it - even though there was little obviously wrong in my life. In fact, I realized I was not feeling at all! I think I have mentioned this before…but for those new readers, all I could feel really was ‘numb’. I even had to look at a list of feelings to get some idea of what I was feeling.

I attended a course where my BFF, Lorraine from Breathing Enterprise, offered to work with me to get rid of any unresolved anger I had that might be blocking my feelings. She said I might have to process the feelings from past abuse - and I have to say, I was not looking forward to it in one sense, but I was SO ready to get past it and feel, that I was keen to do it!

Before I share what happened - read this with your judgment suspended! You may not believe in what I say and that is perfectly OK - just as it is OK for me to believe that it did happen!

On Monday, 2 weeks ago now, we sat down, and started to explore my insides!! And it took about 3 hours but I am very glad to say - I FELT at the end of it! LOL I know this will sound stupid to a lot of you - but there are probably many more who have shut their feelings down in response to feeling unsafe. But like me, they may not be aware of it. I felt peace. I felt like I could breathe deeply for the first time.

My block was a complicated past experience - and I actually felt and saw this in my minds eye as if it was actually happening in the moment I was watching. I was a mother of small children; a leader in some movement to help women have more power in their lives.

The men who were threatened actually took me and my children and told me they were going to kill the children and would torture them more if I showed any expression or made any noise - as this 'no reacting' behavior would make me a fraud in front of the other women.

You can only imagine what that does to a mother’s soul to watch that and as it was happening, I felt that my soul left my body in an explosion of light and at that moment, I remember thinking, with such pain in my heart - ‘how can human beings do that to each other?’; while I simultaneously thought ‘forgive them for they know not what they do’.

With Lorraines' excellent coaching, I came to see that it was forgiveness of MYSELF that was the primary act that would change everything. And it did!

That was a long introduction to the core content of this newsletter - forgiveness and in particular, forgiving yourself. THAT is the thing that changes everything else!

Once you forgive yourself, you can find it in your heart to forgive others. And if you can forgive yourself and others, then your peace is restored. And feeling peace is feeling joy!

I have learned to tell the difference when I have peace in my gut (where I actually feel most things) and not. And I am working on recognizing it, then finding out what fear lies behind the lack of peace and then letting it go or addressing it.

Peace in your gut is a great indicator of your level of joy - in everything. Without forgiving yourself and feeling compassion for yourself, that peace is hard to find - or feel!

So this is your mission - should you choose to accept it!

Give yourself 30 minutes every couple of days for a couple of weeks (if you need that long), and reflect on and write down all the situations in your life in which you need to forgive YOURSELF! Remember, if you are one that was abused as a little child - IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Or if you feel you have been a ‘bad’ parent or grouchy - be gentle on yourself. Forgive yourself and make a promise that you will be more conscious of how you behave!

Just forgive yourself no matter what - not even for anything specific - no need to delve - just decide to forgive yourself - and make a decision to be mindful and conscious of how you are behaving in every moment - and you won’t need to forgive yourself!

If it’s the little child in you that needs forgiveness - hug them and let them know you love them and you forgive them no matter what.

When you forgive yourself for whatever you have done in the past or have had done to you, you can then work on forgiving others.

You don’t have to feel great love for them or speak to them - just decide to forgive them. Most of us will never understand why things happen in the grand scheme - but we can chose to do what we need to in order to learn our lessons - or not!

Our lesson is often self forgiveness! And always LOVE - self love first, then you can love others.

If you can’t think of a way to forgive yourself, try the ancient Hawaiian Ho’oponopono Prayer - used for centuries to heal.

Repeat with as much feeling as possible:

I am sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you

I love you.

You, the adult, can say this to you, the fearful, unsafe child trapped inside - or to you the adult who needs to be forgiven.

You can say it to anyone in person - or send the thoughts to them.

If you can really mean the words, it works faster! Start with saying them and grow into meaning them!

Above all - find a way to forgive yourself!

When you feel peace in your stomach (or heart) - you will know you have succeeded!

I NEED SOME HELP!

Would you like to ….

Be a more confident speaker?

An engaging and entertaining presenter?

Able to do great sales pitches?

Able to conduct yourself better in interviews?

Make speaking your career?

I have been asked so many times if I coach people on how to be a speaker that I have finally decided to write a program so you can learn it online!

Would you help me though by filling in this questionnaire to help me know what matters to you and what doesn’t?

What you would like to learn from me - or from any speaker program.

I would be so grateful - the more information I have, the more useful I can make my product!

Click on this link - and there is a small number of questions that would take about 5 minutes max to fill in! ZOOTIES and thanks!

I have been challenged in many areas and ended up feeling miserable and not knowing what to do about it, when an angel appeared yesterday! An earthly angel!

Judith Richards (http://www.judithrichards.com.au/training/) is an astonishing woman who has had a life that makes most of our complaints look like fabulous holidays in the sun! Seriously. Yet she is one of the most wonderful people I have ever met. Upbeat. Positive. Encouraging. And doing extraordinary work.

As a result of her past, she has created a way to deal with trauma that is very effective - and fast. Universities are doing research on her work because the results are blowing many old theories out of the water. I have experienced her work (she now has many trained in it) and it did change my life.

As we were having lunch and chatting about the misery that was making me feel such a fraud (a speaker on joy!) - and stupid as well because there really is nothing in my life to be miserable about - she was teaching me with great love and wisdom.

At the end of it, my heart and mind were different (again)! And I became very creative. I put together this infographic as a reminder for myself that

I am in charge of how I feel!

I choose.

I decide.

It’s under my control.

I can take responsibility for where I am, and I can decide how I feel.

I decide what I want my life to look like for me to be happy.

(To download the infographic please drop and drag to your desktop or right click on your mouse and Save As)

Thanks Judith! Visit her website - you’ll enjoy it!

Zooties

Amanda

PS. If you can think of anyone who might benefit from hearing Amanda’s ideas - please visit our store (http://www.amandagore.com/store) for books and DVD’s, magic wands, gratitude glasses and other wonderful ways of finding joy!!

Look back on everything that happened in 2015 and consciously choose to find something good in every thing that happened. Some will be easy. Look back at the challenges and explore what happened from the ‘benefit of hindsight’ - and work out what was the lesson in it for you. If you are thinking - ‘there was no lesson - it was nothing to do with me - it was all rubbish’ or anything along those lines - you may want to reflect on it a little more!

There are ALWAYS lessons for us in everything that happens to us and around us. Be grateful for all of them - good or challenging. Gratitude is the master reframer - look at anything through your Gratitude Glasses and it will change - and so will your cellular memory!

2. Create what you want for 2016

If you want to have a positive and wonderful year - see it beforehand! Imagine it. Create a story that supports it. You may not be able to design specific events but you can vividly imagine the sorts of things you would like to have happen! We often make lists at new year with resolutions and things were are going to do differently and they are mostly forgotten by February!

Instead, why not imagine you are a movie maker and you are writing an outline for a movie? You have the theme, you know the gist of the movie, you know how you want it to end up - but you leave the details to be filled in at a later time.

Giving your unconscious mind some direction like this allows it to keep running in the background, engineering things to make that movie reality!

3. Make symbols or a vision board

Go and make or buy some symbols of what you want to have happen in 2016. If it’s a fabulous holiday - buy or make something that symbolises the destination. If it’s a change in your relationship, buy a heart shaped something and put it where you look at it every day; if it’s a dream you have to start your own business, create a vision board with images of all the aspects you can think of that make your success something you can see. Put your symbols and vision board in places you see it every day - several times to impress on your subconscious the direction you want!

4. Be present

One of my best friends who is an astonishing person says that her life purpose is to be fully present in every moment! It’s so easy to say! She is very psychic and another friend of ours asked her if she wanted to look into her future and see what was ahead. The answer was ‘no!. Because every moment is to be lived in and enjoyed as it presents!’

Living for the future - or living in the past - are both habits and patterns that keep us trapped! Being present, open to what is happening right here, right now, is the secret to enjoying every moment - even if it is an uncomfortable moment!

5. YOU are responsible for everything that happens in your world

This is a tricky one to actually get our heads around!

Your thinking creates your reality. Let me say that again - your thinking creates your reality!

The ‘glasses’ through which you see the world and everything that happens to you determine literally what you will ‘see’. It’s not the ‘truth’ or actual reality or the whole picture, but it will be your reality. How is it that 4 people who all see the same accident or event will have 4 different versions of it - and ALL of them will totally believe they are telling the truth and describing what actually happened?

Perceptions - that’s how! We don’t see, we perceive and judge. The stories you tell yourself will eventually show up in your life. Yesterday, I was working with another amazing woman and I discovered another layer that had been holding me back in life. (I am a constant work in progress!) I was totally unconscious of this - even though I TEACH this stuff! I knew something was wrong. I knew there was something that was making me see things in a way that was not working in my life but I could not put my finger on it - let alone eradicate the fear and emotion.

It was resentment. From a childhood that involved some abuse. My conscious mind had covered things up and moved on to have a successful career and apparently successful relationships but they were difficult or short lived. Why? I became very good at blaming the other person! Sure, I was involved too but really…..I was the minor contributor to the issues!! Or that was my story! LOL.

SO NOT! Everything I looked at, I saw through a wall of resentment - unconsciously. So in my mind - I would tell myself things that allowed me to justify my resentment - I would see things not as they really were so it would validate my beliefs.

Luckily for me, my friend has created an astonishingly effective, fast working treatment that seems to have just torn away that filter of resentment and a feeling of calm and peace has replaced it. It’s brand new for me! I have revelled in it today! And I am pretty sure everyone else around me will benefit!

6. What environment do you want to create for yourself?

Bruce Lipton in his excellent book ‘The Biology of Belief’ says we are all ‘skin covered petrie dishes’ and that the environment we create inside our bodies - the culture in which our cells bathe every day, all day, is determined by our minds. Our mindsets - our beliefs, our repeated thoughts.

Is your petrie dish full of love and joy - or is it full of fear, anger, resentment and habits and patterns of thinking that have us looking for the worst in everything? Do you tell yourself - ‘I attract idiots’; ‘I am not good enough’; ‘I am not worth loving’; ‘I always …..'; ‘good things never happen to me’; ‘just my luck..’. Are these the things you want to program into every cell in your body?

STOP…OBSERVE your thinking and thoughts ….CHOOSE wisely and replace them with either neutral or positive phrases. CHANGE your environment.

Paint a picture of what an environment that would nurture you would look like. What would make it safe? Joyful? Happy? Fulfilling? Satisfying? Rewarding? Exciting? This may take time but it’s a worthwhile exercise!

Awareness and consciousness changes everything - it gives you choices. When you become aware of the patterns that are ruling your thinking - work on yourself to identify and remove the old habits; find someone to help you; contact me and I can give you some websites of people that can help.

We usually need the help - it’s very hard for most of us to be so aware of our deeply unconscious, ingrained patterns and habits that we can see them let alone change them!

If you want a calm, joy filled, loving environment - WHO is going to create that for you?

WHO is going to be able to change the way you look at the world?

WHO is the one that will trigger you to seek insights into yourself? Whether on your own or with the help of others?

WHO will change your world so it you live an amazing life?

I hope 2016 will be the BEST year ever for you!! Mind you - if you choose to BELIEVE it is in every moment - it will be!

Zooties

Amanda

PS. IF you can think of anyone who might benefit from hearing Amanda’s ideas - please visit our store for books and DVD’s, magic wands, gratitude glasses and other wonderful ways of finding joy!!

The first one my eye’s fell on was her book 'Turning Within - words heard from within'. Then I opened it at ‘Wipe The Slate Clean’ and it was perfect!

Firstly, try that technique yourself. If you are out of sorts or feeling strange, ask God, your heart, a spiritual helper or angel or the Universe or Source or whatever you call those who help you, to show you a book, movie or something that would offer you guidance!

Then listen carefully or allow yourself to be open to what you see!

No, I have not become all cosmic! I have always had this faith and those of you who have been reading my newsletters for a while know that Mum guides me a lot!

But I have to ask, be open and listen!

So Claire Blatchford was profoundly deaf from a bout of mumps when she was 6 but developed an inner capacity to listen to what she believes was Christ - and I must say on reading her books, I feel the same way! She explains that in another book - Friend of My Heart.

Anyway….I opened the book at page 21 which was titled ‘Wipe the slate clean’. And it was perfect! I hope she does not mind me printing the words here (buy her books - they are worth it!) :

Every day begin again:….

Wipe the slate clean,

Come to me whole and new,

Come to me empty

Yet full of gladness and praise.

Look on each day as a new creation

And you will be new also.

Let there be expectation in you,

Eagerness to see what the day may bring.

Only the old live in the past or the future.

Imagine the day is full of gifts,

Some deserved, some not,

Many, perhaps, what you won’t consider as ‘gifts’!

Let your gift to me be yourself,

Willing my will,

Awaiting my word.

What did I learn from this? Well a number of things but for starters it made me go through this process of thinking:

1. be present. Look around me and focus on what was actually there. FEEL the warmth of the day, the sheets on my skin. SEE the beauty of nature surrounding me outside; HEAR the birds and sounds of the wind in the trees. Just BE in that moment.

2. talk to my heart. (Sometimes I talk to Mum, to God, to Christ, the Universe!) And ASK what is it’s will for me today.

3. then I needed to listen. This took patience! And a prayer that I get better at hearing! But at least I was willing to wait, listen and hear. And have faith that something would come!

4. then I needed to act on what I thought I heard! Which was to go to the beach for a walk and a swim! That was not hard to do! BUT…I had to overcome the feelings of ‘no, I don’t have time; I have been away for so long, I need to be catching up’ etc. All those thoughts that if I had listened to would have stopped me being grounded, feeling more connected and able to work effectively.

5. I needed to imagine the day flowing and full of ‘gifts’; and consider everything that happened a ‘gift’, no matter what it looked like! So the uncomfortable feelings that lurked inside me that I could not really identify needed to be reframed into gifts, and I chose to find gratitude for those feelings - I chose to believe they had some purpose, so I was able to flow more easily with them.

6. I consciously chose to stop focusing on the past or future - and to catch myself when I was drifting back to dwelling on the challenges of the past or fast forwarding to unfounded fears of the future! And bring myself again to the present.

7. In other words, to wipe the slate clean and start afresh. To forgive and move on. To be full of joyful expectations and faith that I was not alone, but supported and guided - if I chose to ask and listen!

There are many more things I learned but you don’t have all day to read so perhaps to make this time useful to you - ask yourself these questions:

Do I start again each day? Or do I hang onto stuff that happened yesterday or last week or last year or last relationship or lifetime!!

Do I have enthusiasm to see what the day might bring? Do I imagine the day full of gifts?

Do I ask for guidance and help - and do I listen for the wisdom of that guidance?

How can I think so that I create each day to be wonderful, no matter what happens?

What choices can I make with my thinking?

How can I be conscious and present in every moment?

Stick these questions on a note beside your bed or on your computer to remind you.

One of the hardest things to accept in life is that we are responsible for what we have created! And we DO create our world. We are guided, helped and supported but only WE can make the decision to act on that help or guidance.

What will you chose today?

Meanwhile, I went to the beach; came home and chatted to a friend I love; worked on my emails; wrote this newsletter; talked to my nectarine tree that is full of wonderful fruit; forgave a couple of people; let go of a situation that I allowed to make me angry; appreciated the amazing place we live in; enjoyed the warmth of spring; tried to serve and help a couple of others; fixed a broken sink; packed to go to New Zealand; did QI Gong and focused on being thankful for all the blessings that are present in my life - and some sure don’t look like blessings! LOL.

All in all a MUCH better day than if I had continued to focus on the first world problems I was letting get to me! Thanks Claire, Mum and everyone else!

Zooties

Amanda

PS. This might be a useful tool to help you to change your patterns of thinking!

MINDPT

Last newsletter I mentioned that I have just joined a new group of people using some very exciting technology based on state of the art science! It’s designed to help you change your patterns of thinking - easily!

Together we have created a MindPT program called The Joy Project.

The way they have put it together means that you can spend just a few minutes a day watching it and your brain absorbs the information. There are wonderful images and phrases you watch daily - and you can even customise your own session! You can watch it on your phone, iPad or computer!

There are many different programs as well as mine - all designed to create new patterns and habits of thinking - easily and quickly using visualisation and affirmations. The ones in my session are taken from my book.

We had such a great response that I thought I would offer it to you again if you missed out last time. If you would like to try it - we are offering it at a super low launch price of $9.99 - this price is only valid until the 23rd November 2015 - its a HUGE saving of 75%. Click here to get started today!

Zooties again!! And remember - your mission is to start each new day with a clean slate!!

She is astonishingly accomplished, recognized and the MOST beautiful woman inside and out! She taught me many things one of which was this:

Anger is always - always - an alarm for us. It’s a trigger for us to ask ourselves - ‘what do I feel I have lost?'.

Anger is always about exploring ‘what do I need for emotional wellbeing’.

Anger is always about disconnection from ourselves.

The way to make anger a useful emotion in your life is to recognize it for what it is - an alarm - you are allowed to feel it (as long as you are not cruel) and then use it to remind you to:

1. reconnect with your emotional self and

2. ask yourself “what have I lost that I need for my emotional wellbeing?”

This is the way you can process your anger and then you can - as Cynthia says - get to your happy place!

While I was reflecting on what she said...and how I felt afterwards - it connected with another concept I had been exploring for a while - that of how our thinking controls our feelings, which controls mindsets, which control our lives!

I created a rather complicated (as it turns out) map of my ideas!! But hopefully if I explain them, it will all make sense!

Starting at the top:

Most of the time (95%) we are unconscious of what we are actually THINKING - it is just running in the background as our ‘operating platform’ controlling our behaviors.

These thoughts - the patterns of thoughts are created from our family thinking (Optimistic? Pessimistic? Victims? Proactive? Encouraging? Supportive? Building self esteem?); from our life experiences; from information we gather from everywhere; from the world culture as installed into us via the news and most significantly the unconscious fears that have been installed in us especially during the time we are 0-7.

These patterns of thinking become cemented in with repetition and reinforcement and they become our MINDSETS - collections of thoughts, beliefs and stories that we tell ourselves about who we are, how we operate, how we react to things (like stress for example), how open we are to learning and growing or embracing change or new ideas etc.

Those mindsets (and random thoughts that have not yet become a habit) determine how we FEEL - which rules pretty much everything else.

They also determine our PERCEPTIONS - the way we see the world - which is not reality - but seeing the world through our own set of ‘glasses’ which filter everything. Think ‘rose coloured’ glasses - where everything we see looks positive and optimistic. They are mindsets - unconscious mindsets until we choose to become conscious of them.

Our perceptions influence how we feel and vice versa.

Our mindsets and consequent perceptions out manifest in our lives - in other words, the life we are living is the one we have CREATED through our mindsets and perceptions. It’s a hard pill to swallow but we are truly responsible for our lives as they are right now!

Because our mindsets and perceptions limit our ability to see all sides of ‘truth’ or to see other people’s points of view and perceptions - in fact to see the big picture (reality), we see only what we expect to see! Repeat - we see only what we EXPECT to see - which we use to justify and defend our mindsets - not what is really in front of us.

All of the above REINFORCE the mindset that we have already created as true and meaningful for us. ‘SEE, I TOLD you this would happen!’

If we ever SPEAK the thoughts out loud - it adds a whole new dimension of manifestation! And makes it MUCH more likely to happen - be VERY careful of what comes out of your mouth or is thought inside your head!

The starting point is UNCONSCIOUS thinking patterns and thoughts! Just like for most of us, until someone like Cynthia points out the anger is an alarm to warn you that your emotional self needs help, we have no idea where the anger REALLY comes from. We justify it and judge others and blame others - but really, the anger is coming from our fears, feelings and stories that we have lost something important to us.

Until we become conscious of what it is we feel we have lost, by connecting with ourselves again to find the answers - we can’t really resolve the anger. And it will affect our relationships with everyone else.

So, your mission should you choose to accept it! Become conscious of your thinking and mindsets and beliefs and the stories you tell yourself to reinforce all those thoughts, mindsets and beliefs!

Once you are conscious, you can challenge the stories and beliefs.

And remember - the next time you feel angry, stop, reconnect with your heart and ask yourself ‘what is it that I feel I have lost here - or in the past?’ or 'what fear is behind this anger - fear of losing something, or fear of something else?'

I would love to hear about your experiences if you actually did try this! And how you changed your life by changing your thinking and mindsets.

Zooties

Amanda

Zooties again!! And remember - your mission is to OBSERVE your thinking and see if your stories are working for you - and if not, change them!

It is short lived and propels you into action when then burns off the impact of the hormones released.

Sadly, the vast majority of things that ‘stress’ us are non physical - they are related to how we view things; what we tell ourselves about situations or events. But those thoughts and what we say have a profound physiological impact.

Our thoughts change our physiology - so becoming aware of them and controlling them is very important for us to live a long, healthy life.

Our ‘stress mindset’ - what we believe (the story we tell ourselves) about stress is critical.

Did you know that ‘believing stress is bad for you’ it is the 15th largest killer of people in the USA today?

And that if you believe most people can be trusted, you will live longer?

And that having a positive view of aging adds almost 8 years to your life? And that the people with the most positive view of aging had an 80% lower risk of heart attack?

Beliefs become self fulfilling prophecies. And you get what you expect!

Bruce Lipton highlighted the importance of beliefs on every aspect of our lives several years ago (The Biology of Belief) and a new book authored by Kelly McGonigal called 'The Upside of Stress’ gives us many great studies that prove stress can be good for you. And that how you think and perceive things had direct physiological impact on your longevity!

For years I have been teaching that what we tell ourselves about an event determines how we react - or respond! And now we have all the proof in one place - Thanks Kelly!

Those who believe stress is enhancing are less depressed, more satisfied, have more energy and fewer health problems! They are happier and more productive at work and they are more likely to view stress as a challenge and rise to it!

Just today, I had the fortune to hear a famous Australian Olympic athlete. Alisa Camplin was the first Aussie female to win a gold medal in the freestyle jump at the Seoul winter Olympics. She is an astonishing young woman. She described what it was like to be standing at the top of that HUGE, steep slope that propels them into the air. I would have called it terrifying. She said that she could feel her heart pumping and called it exhilarating because she knew her body was preparing her!

She has a 43% less chance of dying than I do according to the research! Just because she believes stress can be good for you.

Guess what? If you change the way you view stress; if you tell yourself a different story about the experience or event that is happening; if you are aware of what you are saying to yourself, if you truly believe there have been times in your life when your bodies reaction to stress has been of value to you, then you can live longer, score better grades and be happier!

Most medical or scientific research until quite recently has been done on men and rats! True! Women are not rats! Some years ago now, a group of scientists realized that women respond very differently to ‘stress’ than men! We tend and befriend rather than fight or flight - although we do that as well! But when we feel stressed, we really just want to talk to our girlfriends and have our feelings validated! Doesn’t matter if anything changes - just feeling heard and validated makes us feel better.

There is a third category apparently of reactions to ‘stress’. Excite and delight is the catchy phrase coined. It means we are on heightened alert and excited about what is going to happen! Think Alisa at the top of the run!

So to live longer,

1. Believe that stress CAN be good for you and be optimistic

2. Be present in your situation and be mindful of what is going on inside your head! Although the situation you are in may be challenging, if you consciously choose to see some upside to it - everything changes!

3. If you understand why you feel so strongly and remember your values it helps you reframe the ‘stressful’ event

4. Become better at tolerating uncertainly - life is uncertain. The only thing you can control is YOU! And how you are thinking and therefore feeling

5. Change your mindset about stress: choose to think that any stressful situation you are in is building your resilience and resources to deal with stress; it is helping you develop relationships, enhance your ability to focus and strengthen your personal values. Who knew (LOL)!!

Kelly tells us about 2 x 30 minutes activities done in studies that transformed people’s lives - just by changing their mindset about stress.

All of which comes back to reinforce that what you think is critical. And becoming aware of what you think so you then have a choice to change it may be the most powerful tool you have in your life.

Alisa also talked a lot about discipline and she has it in spades as well as determination to succeed! The mental training she did in preparation for success embodies all that is outlined in Kelly’s book. Consider this newsletter the beginning of your mental training - designed to change your current stress mindset - unless of course you love what happens to your body when you are challenged in any way!

Here is your challenge: ‘listen’ to what you say to yourself every time you feel ‘stressed’ or say ‘I am so stressed’ or ‘overwhelmed’.

What is really going on?

What are you caring about?

Can you reframe what is going on and find a way to thank your body for preparing you for action?

If you can and you discipline yourself to practice this - you will notice huge changes in your life! TA DA! Thanks Kelly McGonigal and Bruce Lipton!

Zooties!

Amanda Gore

7 Steps to True Wellness

I remember reading a book called The E Myth many years ago by Michael Gerber. The one thing I remember that I have used many times is “Entreupreuners who fail work IN their business, not ON their businesses.”

It’s the same for our lives! Most of us are too busy. We are rushing to do ‘things’ all the time, working, looking after children, being with family, housework and gardening, going out socially, studying, and generally feeling overwhelmed the vast bulk of the time.

We are working IN our lives and not taking time out to work ON our lives!

This is where the Life Pizza comes in! It’s a 7 step guide to setting up a plan to work ON your life, restore your JOY, create some balance and find energy!

You can quickly look at this diagram and instinctively you will know where the imbalances are. And you might want to spend a bit of time thinking about how to restore some balance.

Or to do it more specifically as a Life Plan you might want to wait until you have some downtime where you can be alone and focus on the pizza, and your life!

Find yourself some paper or a lovely diary or book you can keep as your Life Pizza Guide! Or of course, you can create a document in your computer and save it somewhere safe!

Create a separate page for each segment and write the segment name at the top of the page; and draw a 0-10 scale next to it.

REFLECTION TIME

Now comes the reflection time! Look at one page at a time, at that one aspect of your life and if 0 is you put no attention on it at all and 10 denotes you are doing well at it, think about where you are on the scale of 0-10.

So the same with the importance and significance of each area to you.

If you have an area that you believe is really important to you but you place no or little attention on it, what impact do you think it will have on you?

I bet a lot of unconscious misery and illness comes about when we are:

1. not conscious of our Life Pizza, of how we feel

2. unaware of the imbalances in each area

3. don’t have a plan or commitment to address those imbalances

LEISURE

For example, if you look at Leisure/ relaxation/ time for yourself, where would you be on the attention scale? Do you pay attention to you and your needs? Do you give yourself time on a regular basis to just stop?

To stop and breathe and relax completely? To focus on you and how you are feeling? To work out why you are feeling a certain way and decide what would make you feel better?

And now decide how important you are to you! How important is it to you to take care of yourself? To renew your spirit?

If you are not putting much attention on you and your leisure time and playing sport or socializing, having fun or just connecting with others, AND you place little importance on it, what does that tell you about you? And how you feel about yourself?

Taking time out to recover and renew your physical, mental, spiritual and emotional wellbeing is essential! It’s not a luxury. It needs to rank at about 10 on the scale of importance!

Given where you are now in both areas, where would you like to be on those scales instead? Jot that down.

And what do you need to do to reach those numbers? How do you have to think differently? What beliefs do you need to address?

What specific commitments will you make to yourself to give yourself the time and attention you need, and to give yourself permission that you are more important than perhaps housework for 3 hours!

It reminds me of the warning flight attendants give prior to takeoff. They say roughly, “Should anything happen like the plane plummeting towards the earth, oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling”. If you are with a child, what do they tell you to do?

Put the oxygen mask on yourself first! Why? Because if you are dead you are not much use to the child!! You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of others when you need to!

It’s important AND it deserves attention!

ALL THE OTHER SLICES

Do the same with the other ‘slices’ of Pizza!

Rank yourself on the scale of 0-10 for both the amount of attention you place on it and how important it is to you.

Flag those where they rank low in both, and those where you rank high in importance but low on the amount of attention you put on it. They are the primary ones to begin with.

Decide where you would like to be in each area on both scales and then start a plan.

Tackle one slice at a time!

If you would like to have more information and thoughts about exploring each ‘slice’ I will do a series of emails and blogs where we address each one in detail.

28 years ago when I started speaking, my topic was Wellness. Back then, people looked at me as if I was stupid and said ‘huh’! We have come a long way since then thankfully and now people understand that wellness is much more than health. Whether you think about wellbeing or wellness, it’s the same thing and we are the ones in charge of our wellness, our joy, our experience of life!

We, more than anyone can influence our own state of mind and heart, and physical health, with our choices and decisions. Becoming aware of where we are on the wellness scale is the start. So here you have two tools to help you!

1. the wellness scale for an overall cute idea of where you are (your energy and vitality reflects a lot of other things in your life!) and

2. the Life Pizza that gives you specific areas to address and the way to form a wellness plan for your life!

Until then, enjoy your Pizza! Use it as the guide to start enjoying your life more - one slice at a time!

Zooties!

If you're interested in finding out more about my new travel business....

Here's the link to my video! \> YOU SHOULD BE HERE!

Most of us are so busy with work and our lives that we never stop to experience or truly feel our feelings! We are either numb or too rushed, stressed or overwhelmed to even know we are feeling something!

We fall exhausted into bed, and our relationships deteriorate or our performance goes down but we still don’t notice how we are feeling. We just think life is hard or sucks, or worse, our partner/work/children/friends are the cause of our issues!

How we feel about ourselves is the most important thing in life.

It forms the foundation for everything else we do. For our success or failure! How do you feel about yourself, really?

There are 3 core fears that undermine how people feel about themselves, do you suffer from any of them? They are unconscious so you might have to spend a little time exploring your inner caves to find where they lurk!

1. I am not worth loving or I am not good enough!

2. I am unsafe in some way

3. Fear of death, abandonment or separation

These fears are usually embedded by the time we are 7, so they may not be yours and they most often are not true! Take some time today or this week or sometime soon when you can be quiet, to reflect on patterns in your life and what might be driving them.

One of the clues to these feelings is to ask yourself at the end of every day ‘what was my dominant feeling today?’

In an effort to help a friend of ours through a tough time, my husband and I are meeting every night with a couple who have become our family! We go through a series of questions and it has helped us all so much, not just our family member.

Then we ask ‘what caused you to feel that way today?’ and we all listen without judgment or defensiveness, but with empathy! It creates the most wonderful, safe environment where we can learn to identify how we feel and what to do about it.

There seem to be some patterns emerging! When any one of us feels disconnected from ourselves, when we are scattered, we multitask or rush, our feelings are negative!

When we have meditated and connected to ourselves and a greater sense of love; when we focus and stay on task; when we avoid negative self talk and say present, our feelings reflect it and we feel much happier, positive emotions or peaceful!

So start today, as you are heading home get into the habit of asking yourself, ‘what was my dominant feeling today?’ and then ‘what caused me to feel this way?’ and reflect on your answers.

Attached is a chart of feelings which has helped us identify what we actually are feeling on days we were unsure! It sounds odd but some days it’s really hard to know what you are feeling!

I have taken this from a clinic that hands out this form and I am not sure of it’s original source but whoever did it, thank you! It has helped us all a great deal! I hope it helps you to make 2015 a predominantly joyful one!

Zooties

1. work out how you feel about yourself..

Being a good finder means that no matter what happens to you, you consciously, on purpose, find something good about it. No matter who comes into your life, you find something good about them.

I learn Qi Gong from a wonderful master in NZ who taught us to work on believing - by saying to ourselves constantly, ‘Every day is a good day. Every thing is a good thing. Every place is a good place. Every person is a good person.”

It’s simple but profound, and it changes your life. Whenever anything happens that would normally elicit negative reactions from you, catch yourself and STOP! Then choose to look for something good.

If you are at the airport and your flight is delayed, find a good reason like ‘it’s better to get there safely’; or ‘maybe we are delayed so we avoid crashing with a bird!’

If there is someone at work you don’t like, find one thing, just one thing, that is good about them and focus on that! You might be surprised at how they ‘change’! The truth is of course that they don’t change, your perception of them changes and they respond!

There is a gift in everything that happens to us, if we are conscious enough to receive it! Sometimes we have to look long and hard and sometimes we think there is nothing, nothing, good in what has happened but then we look back after time and see there was.

What about a time in your life when you broke up with someone you deeply loved? At the time you thought life was over. You would never love again. You would never find anyone else who was your perfect match! Then 6 months later, you look back and think ‘ whew, lucky escape!’

How we think is a choice. What you say to yourself is a choice. Choose wisely! Choose to be a good finder. You might become very popular!