The malware that corrupts business – and your life

Daniel Pink said ‘There is a mismatch between what science knows and business does.’  

That’s why I blend modern science with practical strategies and skills to help businesses create great leaders, and cultures where people feel engaged, acknowledged, connected and joyful. In short – where people actually love their work, their colleagues and themselves. 

Gathering research from epigenetics, neuroscience, quantum physics and emotional intelligence, I use stories and humour along with skills in group dynamics to transform people and events into experiences that facilitate behavioural changes and create life long memories. 

To anyone looking from the outside, 10 years ago I looked like I was a super successful, confident 60 year old who had everything going for her.

Your perception of me might have been that – but the reality was that I was really struggling! With everything really and although I had been teaching these ideas for years, I couldn’t seem to integrate them into my own life and make the changes I wanted to make.

So I dived more deeply into what was really fueling my misery – with an amazing man called David Martin. And I discovered these fears. Although I had a sense of not being worth loving as an issue in my life – I didn’t realise about the other fears! I scored the trifecta! 

The core fears that are the ‘malware’ corrupting our life success code are the root cause of most of life and business dysfunction. And the source of why we judge ourselves and others so harshly.

So…what is the ‘malware’ – ie the fears? 

These are stories we have told ourselves by the time we are 7. They are NOT real – toddlers have no idea of reality – they assume everything is about them or caused by them, so the stories are not reality. They are just stories or perceptions of a toddler! And we told ourselves the story – so once we know this malware has been inserted, we can become conscious of it and choose to change it – with consciousness and awareness.

The core fears are:

1. I am not worth loving or I am not good enough.

2. I am unsafe in some way.

3. I am separate. I don’t belong or fit in.

Ask yourself these three questions questions to help shine a light on them and start to eradicate them:

WHAT story did I tell myself?

WHEN did it start?

WHO benefited from me telling myself this story?

Which one did you get?

Once a light is shone on these fears, the unconscious vice like grip they have on us is released and we can begin to be more conscious and respond rather than react in every present moment.

Instead of being present, and aware of everything that is really going on so we can consciously choose wisely how to connect with others, behave or respond with wisdom, we become triggered into reflexively reacting often to the detriment of everyone.

But changing those stories has taken me years and I have tried a million different things it seems! My new podcast is going to look at the strategies we can use to feel good about ourselves and actually learn to love ourselves!

Why does this matter at work?

People leave leaders not jobs – and we have all heard that phrase but we rarely look at the root causes of poor leadership and cultures. 

The root causes are the fears – the malware.

We forget we are ‘leading’ humans. That business is not B2B or B2C as much as it is H2H – human to human! 

The truth is that we are ‘modelling’ rather than leading. And how we feel about ourselves cannot be hidden – no matter how great we are at acting – because non verbal communication reveals how we really feel. Imposter syndrome is rampant.

Becoming authentic is the latest buzz – the real reason we are not authentic is because most of us are terrified we will be found out as not as good as we should be – it’s one of the core fears. It’s not true but that fear makes us assume everyone else is judging us – when the really harsh judge is ourself!

In reality, most humans are toddlers walking around in grown up bodies! The ‘inside toddler’ fears are embedded unconsciously (according to epigenetics by the time we are 7) and rule everything we do and how we feel.  Once we become aware of them we can make more conscious choices in everything we do and then change everything.

It is impossible to have a heart full of misery and a heart full of joy and gratitude at the same time. I am passionate about helping people feel good about themselves; connected to themselves, to others and aware of the ‘malware’ that really unconsciously runs your lives. It impacts every aspect of your work and lives.

People who don’t feel good about themselves don’t treat others well and sabotage teams and results – and their families. 

I am super passionate about children and how they feel about themselves…and helping adults be parents who consciously strive to have their children leave home feeling good if not great about themselves.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it is to eradicate the fears and make sure if you have children or know children that they leave home feeling good about themselves – the greatest gift you could ever give them. 

At work, the greatest gift a leader can give the organisation and team is create an environment in which they can feel good about themselves, where they are fear free and feel safe, believe in themselves and feel empowered to change their behaviours.

Would you like to chat about this further? Please reach out and email me.