I have had a host of friends whose parents have passed in the last couple of years, I must be in ‘that’ age group! Well, I am in that age group! And of course you all know it has happened to me.
During the same time, I have had friends who have been married for 20 or 30 years separate and become single again. They are grieving for their losses.
And then I had a reader of my newsletter tell me about the loss of someone very special to their organization, a champion of the group and he asked me if I had written any newsletters on loss. This triggered my thinking and I had a few things I have learned since I wrote the last one about Mum.
Whenever humans suffer a loss, it is generally agreed in psychological circles that we go through a grieving process, and I have no doubt that it is true. What I have learned is that, for me anyway, we don’t really ‘lose’ anyone, we merely change the way we connect with them!
Since my Mama died, I have told many people about how she sends me butterflies and turquoise colored birds, and almost all of them have had similar experiences with loved ones who have departed this life.
At the wake after Mum’s funeral, I was standing and talking to one of her dearest and oldest friends. We were two stories up from the ground in an apartment. Suddenly I noticed a gorgeous turquoise butterfly fly by, and this is the strange part, I just KNEW it was Mum! There was no doubt.
Later when I was talking with her carer and dear friend Dorothy, I told her about the butterfly and she burst into tears and said ‘your mother loved butterflies!”. And I had no idea! The weird thing is that I was SO sure it was Mama! If someone had said to me ‘your mother will adopt some animal form after she dies and let you know she is ok’ I would have thought they needed help!
Since then, whenever I sit outside a butterfly will appear out of nowhere! Often they come down and hover over my head. Last week, Ken my husband was stopped at a red light in the middle of a busy road and a butterfly landed right in front on his eyes on his windscreen! He had just bought a new car and Mum wanted to see it I am sure, she loved cars!
If there are no butterflies, she sends gorgeous turquoise colored birds and Ken and I both say hello Mum! He found me lovely candle holder with turquoise butterflies on each side and we light that each night and have a drink with her!
If I am traveling and not in a place where real butterflies can come, she sends me pictures of them! On walls and in magazines and on people’s bags!
All this to say, that they don’t leave us! If we are alert and expect them to be with us, I bet we all find something meaningful. A friend of ours last week had a similar experience after her sister’s passing, but she sent rainbows!
In all the reading I did after Mama died, I learned that our grieving and despair is actually very painful for our loved ones who have passed, not to mention hard on us! If I challenge your beliefs, I don’t mean to or to upset anyone. Please don’t judge me on this, these are just my beliefs and I can suggest some books for you to read to see if the ideas appeal to you. Rudolf Steiner’s ‘Staying Connected’ was a great help and so was a fabulous little book, ‘The Bridge over the River’ translated by Joseph Wetzl and about a young soldier who died in World War 1 called Sigwart.
Anyway- I found out that if we send only thoughts of love and gratitude to our loved ones everyone has an easier journey! Even if you didn’t like the one who passed or are angry with someone who left you, try to find love and gratitude and send it to them. Consider this exercise good spiritual practice! It’s not easy to do but it makes life easier if you can do it, or choose to do it! We all can do it, it’s a choice as to whether we will do it to the best of our ability!
At Thanksgiving time, remember that we never know how long we will have our family members with us, so lets give those still living love, and thank them for everything they have done for us, maybe write little notes to each family member thanking them for the specific gifts they have given you!
Take this special time of the year to connect with those who are still living with love and gratitude. Reconnect with those who have passed with love and gratitude. Forgive and reconnect with those from whom you have been estranged! And if you don’t want to reconnect, forgive and move on! Free yourself with love and gratitude. Choose to count your blessings rather then dwell on your misery!
So I am sending you a turkey not a butterfly!! Think of me every time you see one, or turkey of any kind, and use it as the symbol to find someone to love and be grateful for something! LOL
Happy Thanksgiving, with love and gratitude - from Ken, Somer and me!
