From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
wellness - emotional part 1
What does emotional wellness really mean? It's one of the components of inner peace; it's how well we like ourselves; and how much we accept ourselves just the way we are; how optimistic or pessimistic we are; it's how much responsibility we take for our own actions; how well we nurture ourselves....and how we manage stress. For starters!
And it's reflected in how we treat ourselves and others. If we are perfectionists or very harsh and judgemental about ourselves we tend to have similar expectations of others. God help them! So first of all think about how you value and treat yourself. Do you really believe you are a worthwhile person and that your emotional happiness is your right and choice?
Do you nurture yourself? What does 'nurture' mean to you? (Some people don't even know how to spell it, let alone do it!) Do you allow yourself treats for achieving something or completing a task or for just having had a hard day or even better, for no reason at all other than you would like it?
Think of five things that really make you feel nurtured - baths? A walk in the country? A magazine? Special music? Your favorite food? The movies? A massage? Facials? Lying down when your are exhausted - or even when you're not! Whatever it is, make sure you do something that nurtures your emotional self daily - we need it. If we don't nurture ourselves , who will? In fact, if we can't allow self nurturing, it's on the cards we won't allow anyone else to nurture us - even thought we may be desperate for it.
Do you say positive things to yourself about yourself or do you use negative, abusive language to berate yourself? It's really worth paying attention to your 'self talk' (the voices you hear in your head!) for 24 hours. You might be amazed at how little you praise yourself or give yourself credit.
If you do find yourself saying other than positive things, and you would like to change that (rotten) old habit ( they're usually not your 'voices' anyway - they are old 'shoulds' from your parents or other influential people from your childhood) then put a rubber band around your wrist, and pay attention to your own inner mutterings and every time there's one that has no truth to it or is negative, pull the rubber band well away from your wrist and let it snap back! The pain soon trains your brain to stop that unnecessary negative input! Silly but it really works!
Try it on worry, which is another useless pastime eroding our emotional health. Dwelling on past events is a waste of time once you have learned to lesson and being anxious about the future is plain stupid! How can we worry about something that hasn't happened but we think it might; in fact, if we really focus on what we don't want to have happen, we might just be able to make sure it does! Think of the number of times you have 'worried yourself sick' all for no reason. The rubber band is a really effective strategy against worry. And it's cheap!
Dwell on joy and the good things in your life ; every day , think of two things for which you are grateful and be amazed at how much happier you feel. For the cynics reading this and thinking 'this is too trite!', or casting these ideas aside as 'positive , new age hype' , you are probably making yourself and those around you miserable, so try these techniques for a week and you may be surprised at how much more energy you have. It's very draining being constantly negative or cynical. And it stuffs your immune system.
As for stress, what sort of unwind strategies do you have? How do you relax on the way home, so that when you arrive you are able to relate lovingly to your partner or children...or the dog! Try listening to a comedy tape, or a laughter tape or beautiful music (singing is a great unwinder). Forget the news - it just depresses you more! Or perhaps you could sit quietly and meditate for 15 - 20 minutes before you reach home? Or go home via the gym, or walk home or go for a swim? What about writing everything that's bothering you in a book which you close and put in the glove box/briefcase etc and that symbolises the end of the work day, so you can now start the you and / or family part.
Or just breathe. Deeply. Get the air down to the base of your lungs and always make sure you take two big breaths - it's the second one that makes the physiological (big word meaning internal!) changes which relax you. It's why singing is so effective. Find a Monty Python tape and play "The Life Of Brian" track -' always look on the bright side of life' and sing your heart out on the way home - it's fantastic! Keep the windows up if your singing is a tuneless, for your physical, and their emotional, wellness! Ha, ha just joking. (Before you rip the paper to shreds, remember, the ability to laugh at ourselves is critical for emotional wellness!)
