The A in F.A.R.C. may change your day
Hello everyone!
Last time I shared the first step in F.A.R.C., which is:
F, Focus on Feelings and Find the Fear.
This week we are moving to A. And A is huge! A stands for:
Awareness
Appreciation
Acknowledgment
Allowing Grace
Awareness is Where Everything Begins
It's extraordinary how many of us walk around completely unconscious! Epigenetics proves that 95 to 99% of the time we are unconscious of our thinking, or awareness!
Awareness often begins with an intention to just be more aware of everything around you that you can see and not see!!
In real life it often begins with noticing that you are cranky, judgemental, reactive, and possibly blaming the wrong person for the fact that you are hungry. LOL.
Without awareness, we are just a walking bundle of old programming, old stories, old fears, old wounds, family patterns, cultural conditioning, caffeine, hormones, and whatever happened in the car park five minutes ago!
And then we wonder why we are not peaceful. Awareness is the equivalent of a sacred pause.
It is the moment you go: "Ohhhhhhh. I am not angry because they loaded the dishwasher incorrectly. I am angry because I feel unseen, unsupported, and like I have to do everything myself." That is your own story! Not the truth.
I am not saying the dishwasher thing is not important. Some people load a dishwasher as if they are tossing things into a cave! But the deeper issue is usually not the dishwasher. It's the feeling underneath.
Awareness asks: What is really going on here? Am I in my head or my heart? Am I present? Am I telling myself a terrifying story? Am I making someone wrong so I can feel safe? Am I making myself wrong because that is my old favorite hobby? Am I assuming the worst? Am I allowing fear to influence me?
Or am I choosing love? That one question can change everything.
Once you consider those questions and unpack the answers, you may have a very different perspective on your life!
Appreciation, Put On Your Gratitude Glasses!
As we have more awareness, we can focus on appreciation.
One of the principles I love to share is putting on your gratitude glasses! Gratitude is the master re-framer in every situation. Because gratitude changes what we see, and gratitude glasses filter everything we see through that lens.
It doesn't deny reality. It doesn't mean everything is fabulous. Or suggest we pretend pain, grief, frustration, disappointment, illness, uncertainty, or difficult people are not real.
It's important to feel rather than deny all feelings and live in our heads, and once you have processed some of the feelings, it's time to find gratitude for the lessons within the difficulties, or look for the gift in the experience.
Focusing on gratitude reminds the nervous system that there is still goodness here. There is still love here and always something to appreciate.
A hot shower. A clean bed. A friend who gets you. A roof over your head. A dog's face. A functioning knee. A person who still loves you despite knowing your foibles!
Or look at the beauty of a tree. Or clouds or a beautiful flower. The smallest thing can change your state if you genuinely feel gratitude for it.
And that is the key. If you just list things for which you are grateful like a homework assignment, it won't work! Get into your heart and feel it. Let it move you from your head back into your heart.
Because fear and judgment live in the head. Love lives in the heart. And gratitude is one of the pathways to connect your head and your heart.
Acknowledgment, The One Everyone is Hungry For
Another A is acknowledgment! This one is huge in leadership, relationships, families and teams.
Almost every aspect of our lives involves people! And people have not changed in thousands of years! People want to feel they matter, to feel seen. They want to feel that what they do matters.
And acknowledgment is one of the simplest ways to help people feel that. You have heard it many times: catch people doing something right. That's because it works!
Notice (part of awareness!) what they do. Thank them. Notice the effort they are making. In fact, one of the ways to develop a growth mindset is to praise effort, not skills, abilities or talents!
Notice courage, kindness, any improvement. Notice the person who quietly keeps the wheels turning and never gets applause, or the one who stayed late, the one who is struggling but still showing up.
And remember to acknowledge yourself! Most of us are experts at judging ourselves harshly. Criticising ourselves or comparing ourselves poorly with others. We are often terrible at acknowledging ourselves.
We notice what we didn't do. What went wrong. What we should have done better. What is still on the list. What we forgot. What we should have said. What we shouldn't have said. What we should have eaten or shouldn't have!
What we should have achieved by now, according to some completely imaginary timeline we created in our heads and then used as a weapon against ourselves.
At the end of the day, we have a 'what I should have done better list.' Instead of a TO-DO list... what if we created a TA-DA list?
TA-DA!
TA-DA! I got through the day.
TA-DA! I made the phone call.
TA-DA! I didn't say the thing I wanted to say in the tone I wanted to say it.
TA-DA! I noticed I was judging and I stopped.
TA-DA! I drank water.
TA-DA! I sent a zoot instead of a dagger.
Tiny celebrations matter. They cement any change you make at a neurophysiological level! I love to suggest you do TINY TA-DAs!! Acknowledge any small change you notice in yourself, and maybe give others TINY TA-DAs as well!
Allowing Grace, Because You Are Not Stuck, You Are sTuck
Which brings us to Allowing Grace. Because once you start becoming more aware, you may also become aware of how unaware you have been! When I started noticing how much I judged, I could have used that as another reason to judge myself! Well, let's be real, I did initially!
The goal is not self-attack. The goal is self-love.
If you find yourself at the SUCK end of life, full of fear, judgment, criticism, blame, excuses, fixed mindset or misery, please remember this:
You don't suck. You are sTuck.
The T is the difference. And the T stands for THINKING.
Change the thinking, change the feeling. Change the feeling, change the choice. Change the choice, change the behavior. Change the behavior, change the culture. Change the culture, change the result.
So allow yourself grace. We are all learning. Every minute of every day!
We are all trying to remember who we really are underneath the fear, the conditioning, the old stories and the emotional lint.
Your Practice This Week
It is very simple. Pause and notice what you feel. Find the fear. Then put on your gratitude glasses. Appreciate one thing. Acknowledge one person. Acknowledge yourself. And allow everyone grace.
And if you forget all of it and behave like a deranged wombat, just notice that too! LOL! I know that experience of a deranged wombat! HAHAHHA!
But I just begin again. I give myself grace. You can choose to do that too!
Zoot, zoot, zoot from my heart to yours.
Amanda
PS. Your TA-DA list does not have to be impressive. "TA-DA, I did not lose my mind in the supermarket" is a perfectly valid achievement! LOL
PPS. Next time we move to R, Remember, Restore Calm and Repeat. This is where breath, the heart, and repetition start rewiring our emotional operating system. Sounds fancy. It is also very useful when people are annoying. LOL.
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