First, I'd like to say thank you to the many, many kind people who wrote to me after last month's newsletter, with kind words about my Mum's passing and shared their stories and love. It took me awhile to reply to all of you, as I could not stop crying when I read your emails! (Not so good for creating endorphins, but very good for my heart!)
As I read the stories and reflected on how unprepared I was for the reaction I had to my mother's passing, it seemed to me that if I had read something like this before my mother died or straight after, it would have helped me a great deal. So I decided it would be a wonderful book - to help those who are grieving over a lost loved one or those facing death of some sort and one I have not yet seen published. I know there are a few of you out there amongst our faithful subscribers who have already shared some of your stories with me, but are there any others who have stories that may lift the hurting heart of someone who is grieving?
Perhaps it is what you did with your parents or loved ones before they died? For example, one person gave each parent a book that was filled with photos and memories of times together and how much it meant to their daughter. Another sat with her dying father and wrote in a book all his favorite things…foods, movies, times in life, memories, songs. Some readers mentioned passages and poetry that acted as balm for their souls. Others told me of ways their loved ones connected with them and helped them after they had passed. I know for me, one night when I was missing my Mum really badly and I looked up, there was only one cloud in the whole sky. And in the middle of the cloud was a perfectly shaped heart hole - and I knew it was my Mum! She is the one who taught me about zoots and hearts were always her thing!
I was totally unprepared for the sense of loss; the lost feeling; that my anchor for life had gone; that I was all alone in the world! I say this just to share with you how unexpected my reactions have been. I am a strong independent woman who really looked after my mother for the last 10 years and almost played in some ways a reverse role - parenting her. But I have come to realize that my only source of unconditional love (on earth!) went with her. It is so rare in life to find unconditional acceptance, let alone unconditional love and parents are typically our main source. For those of you who might not have strong relationships with your parents, I bet there was someone who loved you unconditionally! I know I love my niece, nephews, and Goddaughter in that way.
So this month, the newsletter has two purposes:
- To ask you to send me your stories, ideas or poems that might uplift the heart of someone who is grieving; or might give them some ideas on how to make the most of what time someone has left; or ways to transform the sorrow into joy; or how you know your lost one is still in your life; or anything that you think we could put in a book designed to help others through these painful times. (If we can get enough of them, and have the book published, we would be happy to send you several copies!)
- The second purpose is to explore what is meant by unconditional acceptance.
The idea of loving someone unconditionally at all times may sound difficult. And yet, I believe that having someone love you unconditionally is the greatest gift anyone can be given! Because true unconditional love is so challenging for people to attain, I wonder about unconditional acceptance. It's a little easier (not much though!). Think of what the world would be like if we unconditionally accepted others for who they are. We would almost eliminate judging others and that would be fabulous!
How often can we honestly say … "Oh that's just Sue or Frank and it's the way they are!" Maybe we can do it with friends, but that's because we don't have to live with them! What about the people we love? We become irritated with their little idiosyncrasies and habits; what we fell in love with sometimes becomes the thing that irritates us the most and we want them to change! In other words - we want them to be what we want them to be, not who they are!
Imagine a world where we all managed to have unconditional acceptance just for a short time each day. How would that change the expectations we put on other people? Or the expectations that people put on us? Wouldn't it be better for our families if we unconditionally loved AND accepted them?
So here is our challenge for the month….think of all the people you love and search your heart and see if you unconditionally accept them for who they are - warts and all! And if you don't, (be honest now!) how can your behavior and beliefs change? What can you say to yourself differently about them, that will make them feel unconditionally accepted? And see what happens when you do your best to just love and accept who they are, as they are, RIGHT NOW. I think we might be amazed! (I am going to try and just see if I can do it - let alone notice the results!)
Thank you all again for your caring and kindness over my Mum's passing - you all helped me a great deal. And remember…if you have a story to share, just send the reply to amanda@amandagore.comand it would be our pleasure to send you one of the coveted Magic "Fun Fairy" Wands to thank you for your contribution!
