From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
"Life is not the way it is supposed to be. It is the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference." Virginia Satir
I found this fantastic quote the other day and thought 'wow'! Of course, it takes small things to impress small minds! But often it's the most obvious things that we lose sight of in this age of super stress.
This year has been one of tumultuous personal change for most people I know - it must be the planets! And I think that's why this quote had such an impact on me. There is an element of acceptance or surrender that is necessary for us to flow with the tidal waves of life as opposed to the struggle involved in battling the inevitability and relentlessness of those waves. Learning to let go and flow is perhaps one of life's great lessons.
We are living in a society where personal ambition and drive are applauded and encouraged. We are very busy doing more and more to achieve more and more; we admire those who have done lots and achieved huge personal wealth - the mark of 'success'.
But there must be a balance between this driving desire and allowing things to pass or occur. This is a difficult concept to discuss without being branded 'new age' or 'cosmic'! However, some of the most truly successful people I know have given up struggle as a way of life and found that balance between flow and active pursuit of what they think they want. As a consequence, they are some of the most serene people I know - a personal goal of mine!
It would seem to me that most of us have that state of peace and serenity as a personal goal whether we have recognized it or not. Which brings me back to Virginia Satir's quote. She was one of the most extraordinary personal and family therapists the world has produced. Her insights and abilities helped thousands of people through trials and tribulations.
The concept of acceptance is not just 'lie down and die'! It is that we see life as it is , accept it and then work with things the way they are - not grumble and bemoan our fate because life isn't supposed to be like this - it's easier for everyone else; how come I get all the problems and no luck etc etc. That's loser's language!
I would like to paraphrase her quote to " it's what we choose to do with it, that makes the difference". Not just how we 'cope'. Hard as it is to sometimes see, we do always have a choice as to how to behave or respond to the tidal waves.
Sometimes we need to learn new skills to respond in different ways - then crises become a learning opportunity. Before you cynics mumble 'bull @#*#', think about it. We can (once we take a step back and breathe) choose our reactions - often by what we say to ourselves or images we create. and , with personal effort (ie bloody hard self control), we can change our habitual way of behaving or reacting.
So , how serene are you? How calm do you feel inside? What events disturb your equilibrium? Do you ever have equilibrium or a deep sense of contentment! Have you had a situation in the past where you have just accepted things as they are and worked with that situation as it evolved?
Do you listen to intuition or hunches or gut feelings and use them to guide you? Or does your mind take control and tell you things are not 'supposed' to be like this; tell you it's unfair and paralyse you with the unjustness of it all?
Intuition, hunches, gut feelings are your best guides - not what others think, or what others have told you in the past, or what your parents may have embedded when you were a child. This awareness of 'inner guidance' and feelings is a great gift our children are born with, so talk about this article with them and encourage them to make it a lifelong awareness.
To rediscover your awareness, give yourself solitary, quiet time to become sensitive to those intuitive leads you have - and reflect on them. Ask your inner self (gut feelings etc) to give you some indication that you read the hunch correctly and then look for a sign as they say! Before you ridicule this idea , know that it's the way many highly effective (and rich ) people operate.
Anyway no matter what you think , life IS the way it is! So will you flow and work with it, or exhaust yourself with constant struggle ? 791 words
