Will this new year be the same as usual for you? You rush around during the holidays, eat and drink way too much, find the best party to go to on new year's eve, drink buckets more, and the next morning think about what resolutions you need to make for the new year…like change your life, or give up every bad habit you've ever had, or some other "simple" task.
The new year is a fantastic opportunity to spend time (preferably a couple of hours) working ON your life, rather than just being caught up, running around in circles, IN your life. Time is so precious that we barely get the basics done, let alone have time to think about our lives and how we are functioning. How long has it been since you stopped and thought about how your life is going - even if it seems to be going well?
Pretend you are in a helicopter up above your life looking down on it. What do you see? Is that person's life balanced? What advice would you give the person in that life? (I know it's you, but pretend you are observing someone else and giving them wise advice. Help them to live a wellness lifestyle.) What does that person need to do? Or is there something that person wants to do? Do they need to have more time for themselves? Do they need to laugh more? Play more? Lighten up? Exercise more? Study harder? Sleep more? Give up smoking? Lose weight? Eat properly? Be nicer to their family? Change jobs? Leave behind a relationship that isn't working? Reduce their stress levels? Meditate regularly? Have a massage once a week?
We all know what usually happens to new year's resolutions….we forget them, or they're too difficult, or we change our ways for two weeks and then go back to normal, which reinforces the rotten old habits we were planning to give up! So, here are some strategies to help you really make those changes you think you want to, or know you should:
- Make sure ALL OF YOU really wants to change. We have lots of parts of ourselves that often pull us in different directions, and most of those parts want to make the change, but maybe there's one persistent part that clings onto the old habits or patterns. Often, that's enough to pull us down. If you are aware of this part, you need to negotiate with it. (This may sound bizarre, but it works!) Talk to the part, acknowledge it by knowing it has your best interests at heart, and that the behavior it wants you to continue would have worked for you at some time. It's just that it's no longer useful. So discuss it and see, hear, or feel what has to happen for that part to relinquish its hold onto the old, and allow in the new. It may just need to be acknowledged and given a very small role as a monitor to check that all is OK.
- Make them SIMPLE. We often think we'll change every aspect of ourselves and transform our whole life to make things better, but it's just too much! Think of a series of small things or perhaps just one "biggie." Or if there are several biggies, then plan to tackle them over a long period of time - like every two months start a new project, when the previous one has become a habit.
- "Chunk down" big resolutions into SMALL STEPS that are manageable and do not dramatically upset your routine. When we aim a dart at a dart board, if the second we throw our hand moves a fraction, we miss the target by miles. (And we could even pierce someone else's head!) In the same way, small consistent changes now, can make dramatic and relatively painless changes in the long term!
- Give yourself REWARDS when you keep your resolutions. Probably not chocolate if you are trying to give up sweets! But something you really feel is a special treat, so you have something to keep you on track when you are being tempted. They can be simple rewards (like letting yourself spend an hour outdoors or at the gym) or something bigger (like a holiday at a wonderful resort). But it has to be something that will motivate you!
- ACCEPT yourself as you are. We need to be careful to tell ourselves that we have been doing the best we could, given the skills and knowledge that we had at the time. So we need to be gentle with ourselves (after all, no one else is!). It's just that now we have some new information that may have made a difference to our thinking and made us decide to change our previous ways. And forgive ourselves for how we have been behaving, or for having some of these habits - instead of berating and beating ourselves up as being bad, or feeling that we should have known better, or been better, or done better. Be kind to yourself. It's OK not to be perfect (something I have to keep reminding myself of, too!).
- Set up SUPPORT mechanisms. It helps to surround ourselves with people that applaud the changes we want to make and that will help us "stick to our guns." People who will pat us on the back for succeeding and who will gently help us back on track when we veer off course.
- Create ENVIRONMENTS to help facilitate the change. What triggers have started us on the old habits again? Can we avoid them? Or at least prepare for them? For example, if we are trying to give up smoking, it's probably not smart to immediately go to a party where you know they will be smoking like chimneys! It would be very difficult to avoid an old habit we are trying to break when we return to an environment that has always been associated with that behavior. Do yourself a favor - minimize the triggers of the old behavior in the first few weeks of your new resolutions. Think about the culture you are in, and will be in, instead of constantly reminding yourself of the unwanted behaviors.
- RECOGNIZE what your coping mechanisms are. We need to understand that some behaviors and habits are a way of handling stress in your life. This doesn't mean they are worth continuing, but you probably need to think about what you are trying to cope with, and can you change the thing causing the stress rather than changing the habit or behavior which represents the coping mechanism. If you can't change the thing causing stress, choose another (possibly healthier!) coping mechanism. Sometimes just realizing that you have adopted this behavior as a coping strategy allows you to change more easily or deal with the real issue.
- Work out WHY you want to change and adopt these new resolutions. Think about what has been motivating or driving the behaviors you want to change, or what has stopped you from sticking to the new behaviors. Do you tend to be motivated by the thought of a "new and improved you" or driven to change by the thought of a "fat, slobby, ugly you" that you don't like much? It helps to know if you have a "move away" strategy or a "move towards" strategy because you will have a better sense of how to stick to your resolutions.
- If we PRACTICE our new resolution EVERY DAY FOR 30 DAYS it is more likely to become a habit. If we practice it every day for 3 months, it just may become a habit for life. If you were really serious about regular exercise (remember, you only have to walk 2 miles in 30 minutes four times a week to be pretty fit - but check with your medical professional before you start any kind of exercise program), then you would need to walk every day for a month to create the new habit and then it will be set in concrete after you have done it every day for three months.
These are some ideas that may help you have a stronger resolve - just keep in mind, people living a wellness lifestyle acknowledge they are human and it's OK not to be perfect. We're all doing the best we can and that's pretty good! Happy New Year everyone and here's to a healthy and balanced 2006!
