It’s all about feelings!
Between new findings from neuroscience, and books like Bruce Liptons The Biology of Belief, David Rock's 'Your Brain at Work' and Management Rewired by Charles Jacobs a whole new realm of leadership is emerging!
Firstly, we have instinctively known forever that leadership is all about feelings! Yours and your team. And perceptions, which drive feelings.
Back in 2001 The Havard Business Review published a special edition on breakthrough leadership and it recognized Emotional Intelligence as the number one factor in great leadership. EQ could be summed up as the ability to know yourself, manage yourself and manage others.
Of all the characteristics that were encompassed in EQ, one stood out above the rest in terms of impact on the culture of an organization. The leaders MOOD! Yes, once you are in a leadership role, the luxury of a bad day is gone!
As I demonstrate in my presentations, if the boss emerges from an office fuming, looking distressed or even distracted, people do not immediately think 'oh the poor boss is upset. I wonder what is wrong. I hope he/she are ok."
No way! They see the boss and immediately personalise it and go in to fear or panic mode - wondering what is the matter and if they have done something wrong or are their jobs in jepordy or if the company is struggling - all thoughts about what does the boss's mood /facial expression/ sigh mean to or for me.
Seeing the boss in anything other than a happy, optimistic, confident mood triggers a threat response! Sad but true. The threat response impairs analytic thinking, creative insight, problem solving and engagement.
So lesson number one, be conscious of your mood, your non verbals and how YOU are feeling! Learn to manage your moods and feelings BEFORE anyone in the workplace sees you.
Techniques like talking 2 big breaths in and out (the important part) before you walk out the door of your office help; or if you can go for a walk to blow off steam; or look at a ‘magic moment’ book, a small photo album of the special people and events in your life that make you relax as you see them; perhaps you can listen to some relaxing music.
And if all that fails, forget about how you are feeling and seek to help someone else. That will immediately change how you feel and shift your own perception.
Why are perceptions so important?
We don’t see reality. We perceive, judge and create our own reality, There is much research now that indicates we are all living in our own movies, which we create by the stories we tell ourselves.
We don’t believe that our movies are not the truth. We don’t believe that everyone else has their own movie that is just as real and truthful to them. But they do!
But wait there’s more! If what we actually see and hear does not match our movie, our own personal editor will adjust what we perceive to match our own movie and value system!
According to David Rock, a staff member’s perception of their “status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness and fairness” rules their performance and engagement at work.
So make sure the individuals in your team feel that they are acknowledged and recognized for what they do; that uncertainty is at a minimum or limited as much as possible; that they feel they are not micromanaged and allowed to self manage as much as possible; that they feel part of the social group at work, not isolated or ostracised; and that life at work is fair.
In a nutshell, we are always dealing with perceptions (which determine feelings) and not reality, remember that when you are managing others. If they tell themselves that you don’t like them, or that no one in the office cares about them, or that things are unfair, you need to find out and discuss with them so they can express their feelings and perhaps see that what they perceived as not caring was in fact just busy, ness! Or something else innocent.
Understanding what people say to themselves about you, what you think about them, what others think about them, the work environment and the job they have and the contribution they make is paramount. Facilitate open and easy communication over a cup of coffee or tea with individuals monthly. Chat to them about how they are feeling and if they are having any issues. Just a friendly, casual chat, it’s more effective than a lot of more formal meetings!
Life is like a Petri Dish!
Bruce Lipton, an amazing biologist, has written a fascinating book called The Biology of Belief in which he highlights the importance of the environment in which cells grow.
Recall your early science lessons at school. Remember the Petri dish, the small glass dish - that we would put solutions into? The health of the individual cell is determined by the environment (or solution) within the Petri dish.
What does that have to do with leadership? People are the same as the individual cell, their health and functioning is determined by the environment in their ‘petri dish’ called the work culture! And the leader determines that environment.
A leaders job is to create an environment in which people can be the best they can be. That’s your mission, should you choose to accept it!
If you hire people who destroy the culture (Petri dish ‘solution’) then they must go; hire the people who have the right fit for your Petri dish; create an atmosphere of trust, openness, honesty, and learning. Grow your people and ask them about their own growth and development expectations.
Read The People Pill, written by my husband! It is an excellent, practical, specific guide to creating a perfect Petri dish environment! A must for all leaders, even if I married the author! He wrote it because I nagged him into it, I saw him do things that I had never seen other leaders do in 25 years of speaking. He was head of financial services for Westpac and had amazing results no matter where he worked, all because of the strategies and simple ideas he shares in this book!
Its interesting, but what he wrote about and has been doing naturally for 30 years, is now being proved to be the way to effectively lead people to facilitate lasting change.
For example, it’s his idea to have ‘coffee chats’ on a regular basis, and he has a unique plan for individuals to chart their own development programs and run them, so they perceive they are genuinely cared for and developing the skills they want to develop, but that you have really engineered them to identify!
In a nutshell, It’s all about YOU, your perceptions and how you feel about you, your boss, your job, your life and how you feel about each of your team.
Above all, enjoy your work!
Have more fun and you give your team permission to have fun!
And your patients will love the changes!
