Christmas has become a time for giving - as I recall, it was originally a time for thankSGIVING and being grateful! It now seems that everyone celebrates Jesus' birthday by giving everybody else presents.
Anyway, for whatever reason this concept of 'Christmas is a time for giving ' seems to have stuck. So we all go nuts at Christmas time running around trying to find time to buy affordable presents and dealing with family squabbles.
Whatever happened to giving of oneself? Or giving love? Or giving the most precious commodity for most people today - time? What about wellness gifts? Or gifts of the heart ? How about just thoughtful gifts - small things that really mean you have thought about the other person, and what would make them happy?
Why is it that most stores think that all mothers/ women yearn for is a new cotton housecoat; or that she has a mega passion for household cleaning products or kitchen whizzes! (I bet men do most of the marketing and advertising programs!) A new vaccum cleaner might be the very thing she wants - but not because it's shiny and new - because it will save her time and effort. I bet a present that will be more treasured by her would be a new (cheaper) vaccum cleaner with a note that says 'this cleaner goes with a gift of 3 months free vaccum cleaning from me'.
Or men. Do you always want a new B&D workmate? Or power tool? Oh, you do! Well, it does seem that men are a tad more practical than women, so they probably would like something more useful, functional, or logical! Socks, ties, handkerchiefs, or underpants (unless accompanied by a note promising a good time!) are boring!
It would appear that men do not approach present buying in the same way women do. Do not, repeat , do not, get your secretary to buy your female partners gift! Some men ,of course, would not stoop to this low level and do take hours in shops - on Christmas Eve - deciding which piece of jewellry or article of clothing to buy, but not many!
Women will agonise over the ideal gift; we will think and shop about for weeks to find what we think is perfect. When he looks at it and doesn't gush wildly about our amazing thoughtfulness we are disappointed. Men don't gush. They like it when we gush. A little. Cos then they feel a hero! Fellas - if you are in a happy relationship - when your partner gives you a gift, know that she has spent ages searching for it and make sure you acknowledge her thoughtfulness.
I was in a ladies clothing store last week commenting on how lucky I was to have a man who loves to buy me beautiful things. Her reply was that he was lucky to have a woman who appreciated his efforts. She said it was amazing the number of women who walk in and return something their partner gave them because 'it was awful', 'I didn't like the color' etc. Think about what this would do to the man's enthusiasm for buying you a surprise. Unless the behavior is reinforced in some way, it may never be repeated. Or he does it less and less often. Most men feel uncomfortable in a women's clothing store - let alone lingerie department! So if they have braved the embarrassment of entering these female domains and bought you something - gush! A lot! And wear it. Especially around him.
Both sexes have to be careful to think before they react (or don't react) to presents. The old saying 'it's the thought that counts' is true. But we forget that after we have been with our partner for some time. How would you have responded to his or her gift in the early days of your relationship? You would have responded to the thought - not the actual gift.
For example, he gives you perfume that you don't like. What happens to his confidence about buying you gifts if you say 'oh, do you mind if I change it?'. If you only have to wear it once a week - will that hurt? Maybe , next time you could subtly let him know what your favorite perfumes are; or try one in a shop and ask him if he likes it , cos you love it. Reinforce the behavior by acknowledging the thoughtfulness - see that , not the actual gift. If the gift is fabulous as well - it's a bonus!
Lousy presents are usually a sign of carelessness or ignorance or misguided effort- not that he/ she doesn't care.
Our partners need educating about our likes and dislikes. We can't expect them to mindread! Give them lists of the sorts of things you would really love and let them choose the detail.
Ladies - here are some ideas to help your man understand your likes , be thoughtful and give you a great gift: Give him a wallet size piece of paper with your clothing sizes and favorite colors; also your shoe size and ring finger size!
Write out a holiday wish list and give it to him in November; do not be too subtle - mark things that you would like in catalogues and tell him of things you would love to receive. Men - you are not allowed to beligerently avoid buying the things she has mentioned because you don't like being told what to do! She is trying to educate you so you really can delight her.
For the man: she will be thinking about what you would like - any hints you give over the year she will be saving up! Men are often difficult to buy presents for so really think about some things you would like and let her know. She can surprise you when she gives you something you mentioned in passing six months ago! Let her know anything you would like specifically, pleassse.
OK, what about wellness or heart based gifts?
- a massage - one of each type you can find so he/she could experience them and decide on the favorite. Aromatherapy, shiatsu, swedish, or even one from you!
- a meditation course - or relaxation course.
- adult education course - something they have always wanted to learn or do - piano, woodwork, painting, art, sewing, cooking - or book the class for you to go together
- a weekend away at a romantic resort (preferably together!)
- a weekend away , alone, camping in a romantic spot
- dinner at their favorite restaurant
- a weekend where you arrange for the children to be transported away so you have the whole weekend together - you don't even have to leave the house! Caution: women almost never feel relaxed at home - they will always be aware of what they have to do - take a woman away for her to completely relax!
- a week at a health farm
- agree to go to a yoga class weekly with your partner
- comedy videos or tickets to a comedy program
- motivational / educational audio tapes for car relaxing
- tapes of laughter or comedy tapes for unwinding in the car on the way home (or my tapes!)
- a years supply of fresh unpolluted, spring water
- a subscription to a favorite magazine
- aromatherapy oils and/or a 'burner' for them
- a self help book
- any comedy books - Dave Barry is good
- 12 months membership to a gym or health club
- a glass vase or jar full of little bits of paper. On each piece of paper you have written one different thing that you love/like / admire about your partner
If you can't find a great Christmas gift from the heart from this list then think of your own - remember , it's the thought and feeling behind it that counts.
