I have just watched the movie 'Pay it Forwards' and if you haven't rent the DVD now! It is one of those special movies that really makes a difference - or can if you let it! I don't want to tell you too much cos it will spoil it but in principle, a boy does a class project. This project is to make a difference in the world - to change the world in some way.
His plan is that he does something to help someone else but he expects nothing in return other than for that person to help 3 other people - and it's not just to help them carry their shopping - it has to be something significant.
Each person continues to pay it forward (as opposed to pay it back) and soon the world is changed in many little ways. And for some, in very major ways.
Somer (my amazing VP of everything) and I have been talking a lot lately about traditions - specifically family traditions. One of my driving passions in life is to teach families how to be families again. These days we are all so busy, so consumed by materialism and the drive for things that we are missing the essence of life. We rarely spend time together as a family; just sitting, or talking, or connecting, or being. We don't create any rituals or traditions that create a sense of belonging that is so essential for spiritual health.
At conferences, I speak of symbols and the importance of creating symbols for significant ideas that you want remembered. Traditions are just symbols in another shape! They are the symbols of our family, or our workplace, or that you belong to this group.
As parents, it's our responsibility to instill good, moral values into our children. To teach them optimism (gasp!), and to teach them life skills and how to teach their children the same things in turn. That's where the power of traditions emerges. Not only do they bond your family members together now, but your children will follow and do the same with theirs!
Many of these traditions will of course be rejected as your children graduate to the teen years...but you can have quiet solace in the knowledge that as soon as they have children, they will be repeating the steps and traditions you have just instilled in them! And you can smile to yourself as you see them teaching their own children!
What traditions do you have at home? In your workplace? For yourself?
What if you had family traditions that encouraged kindness? If you told the family one night about 'pay it forward' and you all watched the movie together...and then the tradition of passing on kindness started. Each year at Christmas or some other time, you would all meet and share three people you helped in some significant way and if you had heard of any consequences of the deeds. (Not that this is the purpose - you may never know how profound an impact you had; what life changing effect you may have triggered.) But you then have a tradition in your family that teaches your children many different lessons as well as doing good in the world.
My words for this concept of 'pay it forwards' are 'spread the sparkle' - make someone else's eyes sparkle. Think back to times when you have been talking with someone who is excited about something, or speaking of someone they love - what do their eyes do? They sparkle!
Well - your mission should you choose to accept it, is to go out there and put sparkle back into people's eyes! Do whatever it takes to see their eyes sparkle! It may make you and them better listeners, more caring, less selfish, and a whole host of other great character qualities. Take the challenge - start a 'spread the sparkle' tradition today!
This could also be called the 'no more Wallys' tradition. We all have a choice to be a Wally or a Sparky. For those of you who have not heard me speak, I talk of energy suckers and givers! Those who are suckers, drain us of our energy and leave us feeling horrible, empty,or angry etc. They are "Wally the woeful wabbits"! I have a set of ears that I put on to symbolize Wally. Wally is very unhappy and has had the sparkle sucked out of him.
Everyone is born with sparkle! Babies are born optimistic (assuming a healthy, drug free pregnancy) - they have sparkle that comes out of their eyes. Then something happens - usually from a parent or relative or some aspect of life takes that sparkle away. Then the children become Wally's. Often grown-ups can become Wally's depending on their life circumstances.
Something happens and they become cynical, pessimistic, angry, selfish, self-centered, and generally horrible to be around! Five minutes with them and you are sucked dry!
Sparky is the baby kangaroo whose job it is to put the sparkle back. He bounces around paying it forwards, putting sparkle into everyone he meets - even if they already have it! He gives them more. I have ears for him as well!! You want to make sure all your children are Sparky's in your family! It is a learned habit - it is not just innate and something that comes only with certain personalities.
Imagine how powerful this is to teach children from an early age. Use the ears to symbolize the concepts, and then use the language at home - or at work. If someone is behaving like a Wally (teenagers are classic Wally's!!!) wave the ears at them....call out 'oh-oh wally is back'!
A little girl was playing with a slinky one day. It broke and her mother saw her go into a corner and put on the Wally ears. She sat there a few minutes and then took off the ears and came out smiling. When her mother asked her what she was doing, the little girl answered "my slinky broke so I was feeling like a Wally. I put the ears on until I stopped feeling like a Wally and I'm Ok now!" What a gift for children!
This is a powerful tradition that prevents moodiness in children - and their future partner in life will be incredibly grateful for your skillful parenting!
Here's another tradition that is fabulous for all families - at work and at home. The tradition of "TA-DA!" Many of you will have read a recent article on TA-DA...so forgive me if I give you the details again.
At a conference in Wisconsin, a man named Roger told me about his little 4 year-old nephew. On a visit to his brother's house, Roger's nephew invited him to his gymnastics competition. When Roger asked what this little four year-old boy would be doing, he replied TA-DA's ! Not sure what that meant, Roger learned this little boy walked along a balance beam (that is 2 inches off the floor!) jumped off the end and shouted TA-DA as he threw his hands up in the air!
This triggered a whole line of thinking with me about how as children we do TA-DA's all the time and adults give us wonderful praise and recognition. We shout,and cheer, and clap to encourage them. But as we leave toddlerhood, we are less and less likely to do TA-DA's because it becomes not so socially acceptable. Although inside we are all shouting silent TA-DA's!
Think of every time someone comes to you with a task they have completed, or a project, or with something they have made, or an achievement they have accomplished, as they present whatever it is to you - at the completion of the presentation, they are literally jumping up on the inside shouting TA-DA!!! But many, many times we don't see that - and we don't give that individual the kind of recognition that they are hoping to receive. They walk away feeling dejected, unappreciated, unloved or unrecognized.
We all need to have the family tradition of TA-DA to make sure that the grown-ups keep doing TA-DA's until they are old and that these TA-DA's are recognized!! Create the right language. Somer and I now have a phrase - 'that was a TA-DA Somer'!! Which means that I believe she should have done a TA-DA because of how good her work has been! Silly little things like that can really make a huge difference to a household, an office, and to your leadership or parenting style. They can become the basis of a tradition that connects your family better than anything you have tried so far!
Perhaps in meetings, you create TA-DA awards,or you have a TA-DA segment which acknowledges the accomplishments or contributions of members of your team. You may have them do a TA-DA or everyone else can do a TA-DA to them!! Either way - your team or family will feel motivated.
There is a story that I read from the Internet; and I am sorry I cannot acknowledge the author... if you happen to know who wrote it, please let me know!
It's the story of a school teacher who hands out three lapel ribbons to each member of the class. She asks them to go out and pin a badge on someone that they admire or appreciate and tell them why they admire or appreciate them. Then ask them in turn to take the last two ribbons and pass them on in a similar fashion.
A teacher in New York decided to honor each of her seniors in high school by telling them the difference they each made. She called each student to the front of the class, one at a time. First she told each of them how they had made a difference to her and the class.
Then she presented each of them with a blue ribbon imprinted with gold letters, which read, "Who I Am Makes a Difference."
Afterwards the teacher decided to do a class project to see what kind of impact recognition would have on a community. She gave each of the students three more ribbons and instructed them to go out and spread this acknowledgment ceremony. Then they were to follow up on the results, see who honored whom and report back to the class in about a week.
One of the boys in the class went to a junior executive in a nearby company and honored him for helping him with his career planning. He gave him a blue ribbon and put it on his shirt. Then he gave him two extra ribbons and said, "We're doing a class project on recognition, and we'd like you to go out find somebody to honor, give them a blue ribbon, then give them the extra blue ribbon so they can acknowledge a third person to keep this acknowledgment ceremony going. Then please report back to me and tell me what happened."
Later that day the junior executive went in to see his boss, who had been noted, by the way, as being kind of a grouchy fellow. He sat his boss down and he told him that he deeply admired him for being a creative genius.
The boss seemed very surprised. The junior executive asked him if he would accept the gift of the blue ribbon and would he give him permission to put it on him. His surprised boss said, "Well, sure." The junior executive took the blue ribbon and placed it right on his boss's jacket above his heart.
As he gave him the last extra ribbon, he said, "Would you do me a favor? Would you take this extra ribbon and pass it on by honoring somebody else? The young boy who first gave me the ribbons is doing a project in school and we want to keep this recognition ceremony going and find out how it affects people."
That night the boss came home to his 14-year-old son and sat him down. He said, "The most incredible thing happened to me today. I was in my office and one of the junior executives came in and told me he admired me and gave me a blue ribbon for being a creative genius. Imagine. He thinks I'm a creative genius. Then he put this blue ribbon that says: "Who I Am Makes a Difference", on my jacket above my heart. He gave me an extra ribbon and asked me to find somebody else to honor. As I was driving home tonight, I started thinking about whom I would honor with this ribbon and I thought about you.
I want to honor you. My days are really hectic and when I come home I don't pay a lot of attention to you. Sometimes I scream at you for not getting good enough grades in school and for your bedroom being a mess, but somehow tonight, I just want to sit here and, well, just let you know that you do make a difference to me. Besides your mother, you are the most important person in my life. You're a great kid and I love you!"
The startled boy started to sob and sob, and he couldn't stop crying. His whole body shook. He looked up at his father and said through his tears, "Dad, earlier tonight I sat in my room and wrote a letter to you and Mom explaining why I had killed myself and asking you to forgive me. I was going to commit suicide tonight after you were asleep. I just didn't think that you cared at all. The letter is upstairs. I don't think I need it after all."
His father walked upstairs and found a heartfelt letter full of anguish and pain. The envelope was addressed, "Mom and Dad."
The boss went back to work a changed man. He was no longer a grouch but made sure to let all his employees know that they made a difference. The junior executive helped several other young people with career planning and never forgot to let them know that they made a difference in his life...one being the boss's son.
And the young boy and his classmates learned a valuable lesson. Who you are DOES make a difference.
If you have anyone who means a lot to you, I encourage you to send him or her this message and let them know. You never know what kind of difference a little encouragement can make to a person.
Send it to all of the people who mean anything important to you, or send it to the one, two, or three people who mean the most. Or just smile and know that someone thinks that you are important, or you wouldn't have received this in the first place. Remember that! I give you a blue ribbon.
WHO YOU ARE MAKES A DIFFERENCE, AND I WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT
And those traditions you create and foster in your family make a difference. We are creating tradition kits - things that you can take back to your family and start your own family tradition - TA DA badges, pay it forwards story books, spread the sparkle kits, gratitude journals - whatever we can think of to help families become families again - and to help you facilitate that!
Let us know if you have and special family traditions that unite and encourage...we will see if together we can spread that tradition to many families. We would be honored to hear your story and may feature it in the next newsletter...just email somer@amandagore.com
Remember - what you do and who you are and how you make others feel makes a difference!
Spread the sparkle today and make someone feel so good their eyes sparkle!
"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate."
Dr. Albert Schweitzer
1875-1965, Medical Missionary and Nobel Prize Winner
"Live Out Loud" Kits
To guarantee Christmas delivery in the continental US, orders must be placed by December 15th!
"Live Out Loud" Kits (http://www.amandagore.com/html/store.htm)
Start your holiday traditions with a "Live Out Loud" Kit! A complete kit consisting of the one hour "Live Out Loud" video of Amanda presenting live, a wonderful magic wand, and 10 endorphin finger puppets...but wait there's more! We will include a set of "Sparky, the Baby Kangaroo" and "Wally, the Woeful Wabbit" ears!! YAAA - a perfect tool kit for leaders at work or parents at home. If you have not heard Amanda speak, then you'll understand all the props when you watch the video. The items that come with the video you can use to great effect to be a better parent, a better leader and just to have more fun in your life. Amanda is committed to helping people put the heart and fun back into business and life. This kit will help do just that! Available only in the United States, Canada and Mexico. $65.00
To learn more or find out about Amanda's other products and services, please visit Amanda's store and explore her website!
(c) 2003 Amanda Gore
