A few years ago, when I wrote for newspapers in Australia, to my great delight, I received a letter from some alert readers -- class 5C from Montrose Primary School in Victoria. Apparently, their (very intelligent) teacher had them read my column each week and the content formed the basis of a class discussion. Just after I had received their letter, I heard a song on the radio called "In the Living Years" by Mike and the Mechanics. It's a wonderful song with a powerful message (do we listen, as well as wehear). The art of listening is a subject dear to my heart and it never hurts to reinforce the message -- most of us can hear the words and sounds people make very well, yet, we rarely listen deeply to the true meaning of what we hear.
The part of the song I really want to discuss though, is when the character expresses his regret at not having told his father how much he loved him and what his dad meant to him, before his father's sudden death. I am thrilled that I didn't die before class 5C wrote to tell me about how they felt! It gave me such a boost for the whole month (year, life!) -- thank you.
How many of you have ever written a letter to a parent telling them how special they are to you and written about moments with them that stand out as turning points in your life, or just as treasured moments. This is extremely poignant for me right now, as I have just lost my beloved mother. Thank God I used to do these things, so I know she knew how much I loved her and that gives me a little solace in this first month of being without her.
The best birthday present I could imagine, would be a letter from someone I love or care about telling me how they felt and if I had helped them in some way -- just letting me know they thought I was special to them. If my adored niece and nephew did that for me, those letters would be packed away in a very special place and looked at whenever I needed a boost. As are the ones my Mum wrote to me that I can't look at yet! She was the one who taught me how to do this.
So how about it folks… Why not write a letter to someone special in your life -- it could be your parents, partner, brothers or sisters, aunts and uncles, teachers, mentors, friends, your baby or toddler for later years when they can read them, or your older children -- and tell them what they mean to you and how much you appreciate what they have done for you. Or how much just knowing they are/were there for you has helped you achieve what you have in your life. If you do this in a moment of great emotion, the feelings will sparkle through your words.
Or why not do this every couple of years? Or as a birthday present each year? Do it now before it's too late and you live the rest of your life regretting that someone died or left before you could tell them how you really felt about them.
Writing your feelings is often easier than saying them out loud or in person. And a written message allows people to absorb the full impact of your words and to enjoy it over and over again. Some people may be deeply touched but never mention the letter to you. (If you ask them if they received it, and they say yes and nothing else, assume they really appreciate it, but are unable to express their feelings to you. You may be surprised who they tell or how often they read it, but they would never let you know!) Apart from the joy you will give someone else by letting them know how you feel, it's a great way for you to 'open up' and release some emotions.
Or if you don't want to write and tell someone how much they have helped you (if they haven't), then write about how they didn't help you or hurt you, and then decide whether to send the letter or not. It's very cathartic (big word meaning "good") to do this. Bottling up anger, resentment, jealousy or hatred can literally make you sick. Angry, hostile people have more heart attacks (and they're no fun to be around anyway). It may not be a good idea to actually send the negative letter, but at least writing it and then crumpling it up and throwing it away, will help mark the end of your bad feelings. Maybe you need to write fifteen letters to vent all your fury and feelings…that's OK! The important thing is to write until you can let go of those feelings that fester like a cancer inside you.
On a more positive note, think about the special people in your life and write them a letter telling them how much they mean to you, how much you appreciate what they have done, or just that you love them, and see their faces light up whenever they think about reading it, let alone read it.
This is yet another legacy from my Mum and if you are hesitant about writing something like this, do it anyway -- for my Mum (not to mention your loved ones)! And her soul will see yet another way that she has helped many thousands of people around the world connect and reconnect. That was her passion after all -- helping everyone else.
Thanks Mum, from all of us!
