From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
Happiness according to Dennis Prager CHECK SPELLING
This month I presented at a conference in America and was inspired by a man called Dennis Prager. A well known media personality, he has had his own radio program for many years and is known for his insightful and profound philosophies on life.
He is releasing a new book this year called "Happiness is a Serious Problem" and gave us a snapshot during his presentation. In his list of 8 barriers to happiness, the two that made me think the most were 1.the fact that we compare ourselves to others and 2. having expectations.
Nothing new here you might be muttering to yourself - we all knew that! But listen to the way he made it real and relevant. Imagine this scenario: couples A and B have a dinner arrangement for the evening. On the way to the restaurant, each couple argues heatedly after a busy and tiring week. They storm into the restaurant , hating each other but as soon as they see their friends they pretend all is well. Life is great. They may even call each other loving names and be very caring towards each other during the meal.
After a pleasant dinner, both couples return to their respective cars in silence; the anger and hurt still predominant; only now it's made worse by each one thinking "they are so happy - why can't we be like that?" So one of the two says 'did you see how happy John and Sarah are? Why can't we be like that?". And world war 3 erupts!
As Dennis says we compare ourselves with people who we think are happy. The truth is often very different; the more we get to know others the more we realize they are not the 'ideal, incredibly happy' couple or person , in the perfect situation we had imagined. Beware what you assume about others!
This only goes to reinforce age old wisdom your grandmother probably told you - 'comparisons are odious'. So stop them! When you find yourself comparing yourself with others, stop and ask yourself - 'how well do I really know this person/ couple/ situation. Do I know the truth? '. And if you don't, change what you are saying to yourself. Be more realistic; if you don't live in their house , you probably don't really know what goes on.
Let other people be, and you pay attention to improving your own life if it needs it. Be honest with yourself and in relationships, be honest with each other and with your close friends - that's what makes them close friends - you can be honest! If you had a fight on the way to the restaurant, laugh about it with your friends who will probably tell you they did too!
The other big obstacle to happiness in Dennis' opinion was having expectations . He linked this to the real secret of happiness which is gratitude. I think he's right when he says if we do not have gratitude , it's impossible to be happy, and what undermines gratitude is expectations.
I have tested his theory and I reckon it works! Try waking up and noticing things for which you can be grateful. The fact you woke up is a good number one! That you are relatively healthy; you have a job; you have people who love you or like you; you live in Australia; you can laugh and speak and sing and dance if you want to ; you have food to eat - these are just a few ideas to trigger your thinking. There are people who do not have some of these , then be grateful for sunshine; for clean air; for the beauty in nature all around you; for social security - for the ability to breathe - find something.
There are many things all of us can appreciate. Look around you and every day internally (or to others) express those feelings. Around the dinner table every night, make it a ritual to search for things that happened during the day for which you might be grateful.
Make it a habit to be grateful for something as soon as you wake up; each lunchtime and before you go to bed. I know it sounds a little over the top but it's very effective! I resolved to do this after I heard Dennis Prager and it's great! As an extra technique, anytime I feel a little stressed, tense, upset or other than happy, I look around and find some wonderful things I can appreciate and I think how lucky I am - amazing how it changes one's mood!
