Last month I started a series on stress, and I promised I would give you a new Stress Buster each month. Here is the first gripping episode.
The best place to start for busting stress is with ourselves. You are the only constant factor in your life. Everything else may change, your partners, your jobs, your children grow up, your governments change, but you still 'hang in there'. How you hang in is a different matter! If we clearly know the difference between our stressed selves and our relaxed/happy selves then at least we can identify warning signs that indicate a need for a 'time out'.
The human body is designed to cope with crises, short-term stress. That's the old 'fight or flight' response most of us have heard of. If a physical stressor (thing that causes stress), like a saber-tooth tiger jumping at us in the jungle or a car doing the same thing on a road occurs, our body-minds release adrenalin and other stress chemicals that prepare our minds, muscles and joints to catapult us to safety. This is great as long as we can react in some way physically so we can burn off the massive physiological (chemical) response to the actual physical event.
The twentieth century is pretty free of external sabre-tooth tigers but full of non-physical stressors or internal saber-tooth tigers, like worries about safety, money, job security, parents, children, relationships etc. And it would be fine if the body understood the difference between a real and a vividly imagined or perceived experience. But it can't.
So every time we are anxious or worried, we release the same chemicals as we would if we were being 'real tiger' attacked although we can't react in the same physical way. It's not appropriate to run, shout or scream! Instead, it becomes internalized - literally stored in our bodies…
where it 'festers'.
And now folks, for the bad news! New research is suggesting we become sensitized to stress. We might respond to stress as 'we do to an allergy,' according to a report in Psychology Today - so that
a stressful event from the past can magnify your reaction to a relatively minor stressful event in the future.
But wait - there's more! While we are full of these stress chemicals and our whole physiology is altered; our perception of stress stays the same. We know that what we are encountering may be a normal, everyday episode of stress, but the brain is signaling the body to respond inappropriately, according to Michael Meaney a Ph D psychologist fromMcGill University .
What does this mean? It means we really have to pay attention to our stress levels BEFORE they become a stress level! If we wait until we feel stressed, it's too late. We need an army of quick stress-busters that will keep our stress chemicals at bay, and we must to know when to use them.
Unfortunately, we haven't evolved enough yet to handle long term insidious stress without burning out (like the frog in the saucepan where the temperature was gradually increased and it allowed itself to boiled to death). We are often unaware that our base chemical stress level has reached an all time high…and that it has been there for five months. We are so used to it that we feel 'normal'. We have forgotten how creative, relaxed, friendly, patient and loving we used to be.
Our friends and family remember! And remind us on a regular basis! (This makes us even more irritable because they keep making unreasonable demands!) They can act as stress barometers. If we give them a code that they can use - a word, sign, symbol, song, note - something that lets us know they are noticing we are stressed, we can ask them what they see or hear - (notice I did not say "we can bark at them "what do you bloody mean ...."!) that indicates to them we are under pressure. Give them permission to gently hint (or possibly scream) to you that you need a time out.
But the best method is to be self aware, to know our own body and behavioral reactions to stress. What do we notice when we are a) mildly stressed, b) unhappy, c) bordering on burn out, and for some d) dead?
First, learn to notice the physical indicators. Find a piece of paper and draw an outline of your body. Mark on this body what you notice - and where you notice it when you are mildly uptight, tense, or stressed.
It may be neck, back or joint pain, or burning, tingling, tightness, stiffness, heaviness, dragging, discomfort or pulling. Your hair may fall out. Your digestion may be impaired or appetite affected. Your vision may change. Your posture may slump. Headaches, heart palpitations or racing, sweaty palms, skin problems, nail biting, asthma, low grade sickness (flu, sinus, colds etc) , eye twitches, blank minds, a 'knot' in your stomach, constant fatigue, waking up tired after a good sleep, not sleeping well, and crying for no reason are all potentially stress related signs.
What appears on the diagram is what you believe to be the first warning signs that your body gives you when you are stressed. They are in fact, usually warning sign number 973! By the time you notice any one of these there will have been 973 previous, milder versions! These are the ones to keep an eye, ear and nose out for!
Now this time, make a list of the thinking and behavioral things that will tell you that you are stressed. At a time like this, do you have a 'short fuse', mood swings, do you feel unhappy, angry, irrational, depressed, anxious, nervous, negative, are you lacking in confidence, have low self esteem? Are you irritable, procrastinating, snapping at people, losing your temper, uncreative, impatient, easily frustrated, taking longer to do simple tasks, unable to think clearly and/or completely drained? Has your memory gone? Are you grinding your teeth? Tapping your fingers a lot? What are you saying to yourself at this time? What are the key or trigger words for you to become stressed? Is what you are saying to yourself the truth? Is it in perspective and appropriate? Are you being kind to yourself with your words?
Become an 'inner travel agent' - be familiar with the differences between your mild, moderate and severe stress signs so you can accurately gauge your level. Keep your awareness of one or two indicators from each category high, and pay attention to them immediately when you notice them. Develop a routine where you take stock every hour, or every time the phone rings, or whenever you sit in the car. Then, take the appropriate steps to bring yourself back to balance.
How do you know you are balanced? This is probably more important than knowing what happens when you are stressed. This gives you a target, a goal for which to strive. Ask your partner, children and friends to describe your behavior when they thought you were really relaxed and happy. Find photographs of these times.
Then make a list of what you think you behaved like, thought like and felt at times when you can remember feeling relaxed, calm and unstressed. Put the photos and description on a wall or mirror, somewhere to remind you of the base line! The best wall in the house for this may be the toilet! So that you see it every day, I hope.
