Reader's Digest often has wonderful little "thought provokers." In one of their issues, I read a comment by Mary Kay Ash, the founder of a very successful cosmetics company. The advice she gave to salespeople was to pretend every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says "make me feel important."
I thought about this and wondered what life would be like if we all walked around imagining that every person had a sign around their neck that says "make me feel special." Think about it - we all want to feel special and that we matter to those around us.
Human beings thrive on recognition! It's the number one motivating factor in the workplace, the number one driver of behavior in personal relationships, and - if we can't matter to you in a positive way - then we'll cause arguments or conflict so you will have to notice us.
What about children? If they are ignored for any length of time or if they don't feel special, what do they do? Anything to catch your attention - perhaps smear chocolate on the walls, bite your ankle while you're on the phone, and in general - they misbehave! But at least then you notice them.
Think about how your reactions to people would change if you saw this "make me feel special" sign every time you looked at them (even if they don't necessarily deserve it). I bet you would be amazed at the results! Maybe you would have less conflict, or people would treat you better, or with more respect, or they would seek out your company and want to spend more time with you.
To me, this is one of the most powerful communication tools I can think of. I've tried it and it really does change your mindset/attitude/approach (whatever you want to call it) when you communicate one-on-one and in groups.
How can you make people feel special? Well, try giving them your full attention when you are listening! Stop all that self-talk that is going on in the background. (You know, that little voice that mutters judgments simultaneously as they are speaking like "that's ridiculous!" or "how long is this going to take?" or "I'm missing the last episode of America's Got Talent while she's blabbing on and on!") Notice how much more quickly someone may stop talking because they feel you have really heard them.
Or you could try remembering their name; or some issue that was worrying them the last time you saw them and ask them about it; or the names of their children; or that there was some major event coming up in their lives and asking them about how it went; or by acknowledging some accomplishment of theirs; or a compliment about how they look; or what they did. There are a zillion things we can do to make other people feel special!
You could comment on a child's behavior when he or she was quiet while you were on the phone - telling them afterwards how much you appreciated their being quiet while you were talking - instead of shouting at them when they interrupt you.
Perhaps you could just smile at someone. What would the effect be if you tried this approach on strangers?! If you saw everyone as wanting to feel special - the bus driver, butcher, business person, accountant, policeman, store clerk - and tried to think about how to do that, everyone you meet for the first time would have a great first impression of you, because you made them feel good about themselves! Helping others boosts your immune system, so when you make other people feel special, you are also promoting your own health.
The other aspect to consider - and this is critical for wellness - is that YOU are walking around with a badge that says "make me feel special," too! When you look in the mirror, you see this neon sign flashing back at you, and hear a voice saying (maybe even pleading!) "make me feel special." If you find yourself looking in the mirror and muttering "yuck," or "geesh, look at those wrinkles," or "oh no, I look awful," or any of those familiar phrases we use to make ourselves feel anything but special...STOP!
See if you can find some aspects of yourself - behaviors, as well as physical and/or personality characteristics - that you are proud of. Think about comments others have made to you that made you feel special or unique. Remember and relive times when you felt wonderful, excited, or proud. These will all help you believe that you're special - because you are! You're unique and so is everyone else. We all have special gifts and if we recognize and acknowledge them in ourselves and others - just watch, hear, and feel how your world changes for the better!
