A popular saying in America for years has been 'feel the fear and do it anyway. There's even a book called that. The theme behind the saying is common - if you are scared of something, walk up to it, meet it head on and you may be surprised that it's not as scary as you thought.
Remember the Wizard of Oz story? The Tin Man had no courage - until he found that what he had been afraid of all his life wasn't really frightening at all. And he regained his self-esteem.
Fear is like furniture and objects in a dark room. We walk into a dark room and start to bump into obstacles and soon we are anxious and stressed because we don't know what is in our way. We stop and become paralysed with fear. Yet once we turn the light on, we see that our fear is unfounded. What we thought was a terrifying thing that goes 'bump in the night' was only a sofa or a small table! Some people are so immobilized by the fear that they wait outside the door - they are not even willing to walk into the dark room let alone walk thought it! All that anxiety and strain may be unnecessary.
It's like people who have for example, a lump in their breast or pain in their chest and they ignore it because they are too scared to go and find out what it is. This is one situation where fear is very damaging. If the lump or pain is from some innocent cause, it doesn't matter because the person has really done physiological damage through stress changes. If there is a more sinister problem (that's a scary way of saying if it is cancer or a heart problem) the sooner you know and do something about it the better. In fact, many people could have been cured if they started lifestyle changes sooner. So either way fear is going to create problems - maybe life threatening ones.
Much of our fear in real life is the same - imagined. If we could face the fear (even if we don't know why we have this fear) either in our mind or in reality, it's often like turning on the light - things are suddenly in perspective and we can even feel foolish for being scared.
How does most fear start? By what we say to ourselves. Fear is an intangible thing - in extreme cases we may smell it. In some cases it's a very useful emotion. When we are walking down a dark alley, it's smart to be alert and aware that danger might be present; we may even decide to go another way that is safer (if we have brain in our heads). But most of the time fear is a force that stops us in our tracks; hinders our growth, development and progress.
Some people find fear is a motivator. They move away from the thing that frightens them. For example fear of a heart attack may prompt someone to make mega lifestyle changes like taking up exercise and adopting a totally new eating pattern. In this case it's useful - although it may be interesting to consider moving towards the concept of a new, healthy, energetic and enthusiastic you instead.
Perhaps we could look at fear as a signpost. It may indicate another 'growth opportunity' in our lives! So that if we are feeling frightened about something could we look more objectively and see what would happen if we faced the fear (with some trepidation) but confident that we would survive?
Of course, if you are in some hideous violent situation, stay calm (as much as possible) and be sensible - nothing rash here. At least if you are not paralysed with fear you may be able to think of some clever way to escape harm. In domestic violence it's often the fear of the 'bashee' that encourages the 'basher' to continue - they are bullies and like all bullies the falter if they lose that sense of 'she/he is scared of me'. Psycopaths are not just bullies. They are people to be avoided by all means possible. Seek help - do not let fear stop you seeking outside help and support.
The majority of fears that slow our progress are imaginary. People sit around worrying about what might happen, what the consequences might be, what a phrase might mean or they know they are frightened senseless but they don't know why. To some degree it's useful to THINK about outcomes of various behaviors and situations. It's not useful to dwell on all the negative aspects so much that you scare yourself into inaction! Or to allow fear without a conscious source to ruin your life.
What about the old classic 'fear of failure'? We can be so scared of failure that we don't even bother trying! It's one of the main factors that differentiates people who get what they want and those who don't. What if we viewed mistakes as learning rather than telling ourselves we failed? Imagine the difference in our chemistry and physiology (ie the chemicals we release in our own bodies as a result of what we think - you know - think fear and we release adrenalin (not good) or think positive and release endorphins and other good drugs) over a long time. This can be the difference between having an ulcer, cancer, heart attack or not.
Fear of looking stupid - there's another good one! Who cares? Who cares if we look silly? Other people may look and think 'what an idiot' - but do I care? I don't but lots of people do and so they stop doing fun or silly things in life. They let what they think other people are thinking stop them enjoying themselves! They don't even really know what the other person is thinking! So the next time you want to do something outrageous or silly or fun - DO IT! As long as no one gets hurt or offended. You'll have a great time and laugh - and you may be surprised, the others you thought would be horrified may join in - they might have been waiting for someone else to be brave enough to do it first!
Fear is something we can learn. Children will pick up a parents fear of bugs for example. Who knows, an irrational fear may be karma - from another lifetime. Either way, no matter what causes the fear, ask yourself is this rational? Is it a necessary part of my life? Is it useful to me in any way? If you answer 'no' to all the above, the FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY!
AGL Custodians P/L
For further information on Amanda please visit http://www.amandagore.com
