From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
men and women cover story
Hands up all those who don't believe men and women are different! And if you put your hand up where have you been living? All that stuff about we're the same and ought to be handled in the same way is baloney! Of course we're equal and deserve the same human rights but we are vastly different creatures who look, think and feel in ways that are completely foreign to the opposite sex.
The paradigm busting book that started the serious debate on the specific differences was "Brain Sex' by Anne Moira and David Jesses. This was the first book that accumulated all the scientific literature of the time and condensed it into a 228 page book identifying and discussing how the brains of men and women were differently wired.
Some of the theories and research have subsequently been challenged but it was and still is, a groundbreaking work. And it does provide explanations for many of the frustrating differences we observe on a daily basis.
Other researchers and authors who have written definitive tomes since then include Deborah a greatly respected American linguist who wrote "You Just Don't Understand" ; Suzette Haden Legion , author of "Gender Speak" and of course the fabulously popular (and much easier to read) John Gray who wrote "Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus". They are all excellent books to help with improving our 'inter sex' communication.
In my attempt to make a summary of the differences (so you can live longer and stay stress free) I have created a diagram of the two brains. You will notice the obvious structural changes that have emerged after rigorous scientific , double blind, cross over testing that I have conducted over the last two weeks! And my life. Please note that some of you may not have all the parts I have included and that your individual structure may have segments that are larger or smaller than the ones you see.
But seriously folks, according to Moir and Jessel, all embryo brains start off wired as for a female, and at about six weeks into the pregnancy , there is an influx of hormones. If they are male hormones, the brain starts to transmogrify (impressed by my big word? It means change!) into a male wired one. If female hormones come in then the female wiring is defined. So hormones do play an incredible role!
Apparently the differences in behavior are evident almost from birth , are more obvious as toddlers, and hit full swing as the hormones of adolescence kick in!
What are some of the specific wired differences? Firstly, women can multi track. That is they can do more than one thing at once. They can do two or three (or more) things at once - no problem. They can use several parts of their brains simultaneously. Flashy new testing techniques allow us to see glorious technicolour displays throughout the whole female brain when she is asked certain questions or thinks about something. The male wired brain has spectacular flashes in one spot then another - in sequence. Apart from keeping researchers entertained and employed, what does this mean?
It means women can cook dinner, be on the phone organizing a multimillion dollar deal, read something, watch the TV, AND stop the children climbing over the pool fence. Simultaneously. And it means that when a man turns on the TV he goes deaf! Cos he's busy using his brain to watch the program. Don't expect him to listen or talk as well. Even during the ads!
Now, before letters of complaint start pouring into the paper, keep in mind I'm generalising! There are always exceptions to the rule and according to my interpretation of Moir and Jessel's work , if 10 was a perfectly female wired brain and 0 was a perfectly male wired brain, we can be anywhere on the scale. So relax, you probably aren't a male trapped in a female body or vice versa.
( Although they do postulate that the vast majority of gay people are men and that the reason for this could be an abnormal influx of female hormones at six weeks , instead of male hormones, when the physical embryo is male. And vice versa.)
What other differences are there? Women are better at verbal skills than men. We make noises more to humans as babies. Boys make noises too but they don't need a human! They'll gurgle at toys, mobiles and the cot.
Women communicate more, and more effectively and are able to link the feeling recognition center and the speaking center instantly and say what and how we feel.
When asked about feelings, apparently men have to search for and find the feeling center, identify the feeling, then track back to the word center to describe the feelings and speak. But John Gray says but then they have forgotten what they found in the feeling zone so they have to search back again! Sp speaking and thinking about feelings simultaneously for a male wired brain is difficult.
This means men are often unaware of how they feel and they need to sit quietly to work it out and then put into words. Women actually use talking as a way to discover how they feel. We keep talking and talking (And talking) until we've covered all the things that could be bothering us and we discover finally what it is that is making us feel bad! This gives men migraines. Because they are busy trying to solve the problems we are stacking up in front of them!
And we speak more words. I don't know the exact figure but lets say women speak 24,000 words per day. Men speak about 12,000. When a man gets home, he's done. We have 12,000 to go! And this is the way we 'connect' and share (very important in a woman's world) and nurture relationships, which is the most important thing in a woman's life. We are hungry for detail from you when we ask 'how was your day' - this is our chance to share our feelings and love with you. Men are desperate to be left alone in
Women have better peripheral vision. This means they can not only register more than one thing at once, they can see much wider than a man! We see better in the dark and have a better visual memory. Men seem to have better long distance, focused vision in bright light. Maybe so he could be more effective when catching that pesky bison. Women have a good ability to notice detail. We can tell when something is out of place - a millimetre! And we use that noticing to create 'women's intuition'.
Not to mention hearing. Women are more sensitive to sounds like the baby crying in the middle of the night or the tap dripping. In a crowded room full of party noise, a woman can hear husband or partner talking about her or another woman at 400 metres! Men as you will see on the diagram, have a whole particle devoted to listening skills!
But they have an enormous problem solving section. This is great for work and their own problems. Not good for women's stress levels where we really just want you to listen attentively, making appropriate noises and face movements as we speak! And of course, we women want to talk a man to death if he has a problem. And all he wants is to be left alone in peace to solve his own issue. Do not take this personally ladies! This is normal for men. This is the main purpose of sheds and workbenches and in some cases the toilet.
But our spatial ability is not as well developed as a man's. Men are better at 3D models and doing things like map reading. Women usually don't know where north is - other than up! And this causes lots of pain and distress in the car when the female is navigating and the male is driving. We try really hard to catch the name of a street as the man drives by at the speed of light and then when we finally have a glimpse of something we recognize, we have to turn the book around! It's impossible for most women to not have the actual street and the street in the directory going in the same direction. We often confuse left and right as well - we don't do this on purpose to annoy men. It's genetic! We're programmed that way. Fellas - you drive and navigate and let us talk! This will help the relationship stay intact!
Here's a goodie! Men will remember better when the information has some relevance to them. Who said men were self centered! They can't help themselves!
Of course, I'm assuming that we all can develop whatever skills are not inherent to us. Women can learn map reading. Men can learn to listen and to remember things important to others. We can practice visual and speaking skills and men can start noticing more and by paying attention to detail they can develop women's intuition!
So what about environmental influences? Moir and Jessel believe that the environment only enhances the underlying differences laid down chemically. And I'm inclined to agree. Too many of my friends with children tell the same story about being committed to bringing up different sex children in exactly the same way. Only to find boys longing for cars, trucks , guns and pow wow games and girls hankering for dolls and tea sets!
Testosterone is a fact of life. Men have more of it. It makes them more aggressive, more competitive and more self confident. And makes them think about sex 3 million times a day! Women have oestrogen and more oxytocin - a 'cuddling' hormone. We fantasise about closeness, affection and real love.
We also have a martyr gene that is closely linked to a guilt gene! This means we do not take care of ourselves as well as we could - we need to be more wise selfish so that when we do something pleasant for ourselves, (without the children) we are not attacked by the guilt gene!
Men show love by protecting, providing and performing - especially at work. Women want tenderness, caring, affection and thoughtfulness. And some sex. Women show love by caring , nurturing, mothering and talking or relating! Men want to be admired and respected. And lots of sex.
So what's the good news? Well, as we age, the differences that are enhanced by hormones diminish as our hormone levels fall - so the strain of wanting a woman to be a 'good bloke' or trying to change a man into a female thinking fella can be forgotten!
And why do we need to even explore this arena of differences? So we can laugh more! So we can notice the differences and honor them. I mean what would women talk about if all their relationships were perfect? And a whole world of sport would disappear! Shops would take over the world. But seriously folks, understanding the differences and how they are created gives us more information, which allows us to deal with awkward situations (flash words for brawls) with greater insight. We don't take behaviors so personally. We can think 'he's just being a bloke' - or 'she's just being a women' (I was going to say a sheila but thought I might receive death threats!). In short, we reduce the desire to kill our partner!
These differences seem to extend into the animal world as well. We have two cats - Fox and Fluff. OK, not very original names but they're cute (cats, that is) ! Personally, I think cats are more like us than rats anyway. So I conducted another super scientific ,double blind, cross over trial , valid and reliable experiment. The methodology involved lots of lying about and watching them. Very carefully of course.
Here are my findings. He (Fox) is a real 'bloke'. He is brave, adventurous, intrepid, an explorer, who is not afraid of anything. She (Fluff ) is soft, cuddly, cute, coy, much more cautious, aloof at times and she follows him everywhere! If she can't see him she starts to miaow! She lets him attack her as she lies next to the heater and when she has had enough (because he hasn't noticed) she wops him with one of her paws! He wanders away , wondering what went wrong!
See....it must be chemical.
