From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
This will probably be the five hundredth article you will read on new year resolutions! Because it's that time of year. Each year goes faster than the last and after a hectic holiday season we launch into New Year.
Now, if you thought holidays were depressing , wait till new year hits us ! After we have passed the age where our idea of a great new year's eve is to go to a wild party , full of strangers , lose our voice from screaming over deafening music and collapse in an alcoholic stupor by midnight, new year takes on a whole new meaning!
New year can be a time of reflection (or alcoholic poisoning!) when we think about where our lives are heading and is that the way we want to go. Or we think we are a year older and still doing the same thing. Or we think 'I promised myself that this year would be different' and we realize it wasn't. And so on until we feel the need to drink heavily again!
Or it can be a time for excitement and energy surging and challenge as we determine how we want our lives to be. But this takes commitment to ourselves! And we need to allocate a few hours or days for thinking about our direction and purpose and needs.
Michael Gerber in his book 'The E Myth' (E stands for entrepreneurial) says that the reason most entrepreneurs fail is that they are so busy working IN their businesses that they forget to work ON their business. I think the same thing applies to our lives. We are so caught up living in the day to day crises IN our lives that we forget to work ON our lives. And suddenly we are sixty and wonder what happened to our lives, dreams, hopes, and aspirations.
Most people a) don't use new year as a time for reflection and review and replanning; b) stay drunk until the urge to think has gone and c) if they do make resolutions make so many and such big ones that they are sure to fail!
Why not just make one or two simple, easy to apply commitments?
For example; when you come in the door at night, give your partner a seven second kiss and hug (it's not that long!); or when you greet each other ask each other ' what was the highlight of your day?' instead of you both droning on about the misery of the day; or have a massage once a week; or go on a date- with each other - once a week - together and alone!; or tell your partner you love them at least once a week; or go to dance classes together; or do something that you have both wanted to do for ages; have picnic once a week; plan to do something romantic at least once a month!; send you partner a card describing something you love about them every week; send them a flower every week for the year; remember that the relationship itself is a separate entity - it needs nourishment and caring; ask each other 'what do I do that makes you feel I love you? and then do the things; read books on relationships and make a commitment to discuss them and deepen the quality of your relationship; have quantity time not just quality time together; remind yourself daily of the qualities you really love about your partner.
Or just make a decision to improve your relationship with yourself! Dig deeply and find out what you need for you to be happier , more fulfilled , more content. What can you give yourself, learn or how can you treat yourself to enhance the quality of your life? Promise to be your own best friend and say gentle and loving things to yourself, and respect and nurture yourself in ways that no one else can - or should be expected to. Read books that may give you insight into why you behave or feel the way you do; or pursue a hobbie; give yourself time to relax, have baths, read, laugh, meditate or be with friends.
There are so many things we can do that are cheap, simple, quick and rewarding that may change our relationships and therefore our lives. Do yourself a favor - this new year , think small! But significant! And decide to make small changes that will really make a difference - and then do it!
