This month I decided to write on patience because it is what I need to learn right now! Patience is different from equanimity although patience would automatically be present in someone with equanimity, I explored that concept a lot in my book on Joy, (to be released within 2 months I hope!) and had concluded that equanimity is the peace that passeth all understanding.
Equanimity is something we are blessed with, patience is a gift we give to others, it honors and respects them. And it’s a gift for ourselves.
What makes you impatient? People who speak or think more slowly or faster than you? People who don’t immediately read your mind and know what you want, despite you being unable to articulate it! When you are judging instead of listening? When you are making a customer service call and you are put through to someone in a different country!; Waiting at traffic lights or in a line? When you have lost interest in some activity or topic and you want out? Or ‘had enough’ of a conversation despite the other person’s need to be heard? Are you impatient with yourself?
There are a gazillion scenarios where we CHOSE to dishonor others (and ourselves) with impatience! Instead of choosing to give them (or ourselves) grace and mercy, we don’t stop to breathe or catch ourselves before an old pattern of self talk which causes frustration or impatience kicks in, and we show them the signs of our impatience. We sigh, sneer, look away, close our eyes, and do one of the hundreds of non verbal cues that tells the other person we are done with them!
My step dad Dick Lewis, was an amazing man. He was a farmer and when he was a young father of 2 boys, he became a paraplegic. He continued to work on the property, 5000 acres of a cattle ranch and did almost everything. He was in his late 70’s when he died. Living with someone so courageous, who is confined to a wheelchair fills you with admiration for their patience and humility.
In his later years, everything was an effort for him but he did it willingly and without complaining, although you could see the strain on his face and in his body. He had to wait for help from others for many things and he did it with dignity, patience and peace. He learned the hard way. Most of the rest of us can learn patience in much easier ways, but it takes just as much discipline and commitment as it did for Dick.
My friend Mary taught me a very useful concept for patience. She talks about how we all have a ‘conscience box’ above our right shoulder and a ‘strategy box’ above our left shoulder, sort of like those old cartoons we used to see where the character had an angel above one shoulder and a little demon on the other. Both characters would be telling the cartoon character what to do, and when things worked out well, the little character sought and followed the advice of the angel; the not so good outcomes came from listening and giving into the little ‘demon’ being.
So too it happens with us! When we find ourselves feeling impatient or frustrated, we need to stop, breathe and seek the advice of the little ‘angel’ in our conscience box! The advice from the conscience box is usually filled with love, grace, mercy and a desire to understand; to truly hear what the other person is trying to say; it’s a voice of reason; of kindness and compassion; it is wise counsel and always tells us the right thing to do!
Imagine your little angel hovering above your right shoulder, keep her in mind! She is always there to help you make the right choice!
Develop the habit of seeking her advice before you do anything that might dishonor another or yourself!
Be conscious of your conscience box angel and patience might become a lot easier!
