From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
I was privileged to hear a courageous young woman speak at a conference. You may have heard of her book "Never tell me Never" - she was preparing herself for the Olympic ski team when an accident nearly claimed her life and left her permanently disabled. It's the story of Janine Shepherd's amazing willpower and brilliant attitude. And it led me to thinking about happiness - does everything have to be perfect for happiness? Sure isn't for her and yet she's happy.
So I explored the idea of happiness and what it is. Have you ever been asked what makes you happy? Or how do you know when you are happy? Think about it - children are happy most of the time - but not all the time. They find happiness and joy in the smallest of things - a leaf sparkling, a bug crawling, the dog doing something silly. I think we might become a tad too complex about happiness and what will make us happy as we grow older!
According to the 'experts' on this topic, happiness comes from the frequency , not the intensity of positive events in our lives. To quote from Psychology Today "big bang achievements" are not the answer to happiness - it's life's little daily victories interspersed with 'big bang experiences' that make us happy!
John Reich believes happiness is recognizing the positive events in our lives as well as the concept that we are the cause of these events and that this sense of mastery is important. He thinks we need to know what it is that really makes us happy (and find 'happy triggers'); we need to know how to create such events and then make the effort to go and actually create the event. Ed Deiner (these guys are PhD professors in this area) suggests that it's the frequency not the intensity of positive events that makes the difference.
This one is my favorite - David Meyers , author of "The Pursuit of Happiness: who is happy and why" suggests that happiness is an 'enduring sense of positive wellbeing , an ongoing perception that life is fulfilling, meaningful, and pleasant.' Happy people look happy; they act happy and he has a list of suggestions to help us feel happier on a daily basis. They are: 1. act happy - sort of fake it till you make it. (From me - AG - before you scoff sceptically - this actually works if you are prepared to try it because your body going through the motions effectively fools your mind and you release happy chemicals- simplistic but true) 2. seek work and leisure that engage your skills - find work that's purposeful and meaningful to you 3. exercise (surprise!!) - it's a powerful anti depressant 4. give priority to close relationships 5. take care of your soul - let your souls catch up with your bodies.
Happy people often have • fit and healthy bodies • realistic goals and expectations (They don't go around muttering 'I'll be happy when I have a million dollars'). Have long and short term goals • feelings of control • optimism • outgoingness • supportive relationships • challenging work and active leisure activities punctuated by rest and retreat • some sort of purpose, faith, community connection and self acceptance. Add these to Alex C Michalos' ideas of • have a portfolio of desires and interests • healthy self esteem • balance life with work and • be active. Sort of sums it up doesn't it?
Is happiness possible without money? Lots of lotto buyers would say no! But research shows that money hasn't increased our happiness. The last thirty years has shown a dramatic increase in the spending power of individuals yet depression and divorce rates and teen suicides are up, crime has increased etc. So maybe money doesn't have all the answers - it helps but is there ever enough money, no matter how much you have?
So, what does all this mean to us? Well, before you go to bed at night , what do you think about? The good / positive experiences that happened to you that day - or do you focus on the one or two catastrophes? Try focusing on the happy moments. During the day , do you take time to stop and notice small things that could bring you pleasure - a child playing, sunrise/set, a beautiful piece of music - do you really wrap yourself in the experience? Do you look for things to laugh at? Do you try to view situations in a positive light or brood on what misery might happen? Or worse - what might have happened but didn't!
Try making a list of all the activities that make you feel good about yourself or just make you feel good - or ones that you just enjoy. And make a plan of when you can do them - give yourself something 'big bang' like to look forward to and then list all the things that happen (or could happen) on a daily basis that would offer you a moment of joy. What about things you would like to achieve? Or dreams you have dreamed. And make a plan to help you achieve them.
Ask yourself do you have meaningful work - and if you don't can you make it more meaningful? Or can you do volunteer work on the side that makes you feel fulfilled? Are you putting enough time into your relationships - are you nurturing and treating with loving care those that love you? What can you do on a daily basis to nourish that (or those) 'special' relationship in your life?
What about your relationship with yourself? Do you accept who you are or are you your own worst enemy? Be your own best friend.
Do you walk around slumped and depressed looking? Do you smile much - especially when there isn't too much to smile about! Is there enough exercise in your life? 'Victims' won' t like to hear this but happiness is a choice - lots of badly disabled people are happy; lots of poor people are happy; lots of rich people are unhappy!
In short, do you choose to be happy? Will you take responsibility for your own happiness - you can't control another's. What does happiness mean to you? What does it consist of? Try discussing it a dinner tonight - you may be surprised by what your partner/ friends/ colleagues say. Oh yes.......make sure you have fun as you do this!
