It’s a big statement…BUT…I believe it’s true! The most important thing is life is how you feel about yourself!
Think about it….if you have ever been in love, how did you feel in the early days of the relationship? Fabulous! Life was great, everything looked wonderful; things just flowed; people were nicer and kinder and more interesting!; you laughed more; others loved being around you, you vibrated at a higher level which was very attractive to others.
All because ‘someone loved you’. No, it was because YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF!
When you are surrounded by the adoration of another who thinks you are amazing, witty, funny, sexy, charming, clever and capable and all those others things we think our perfect partner is, you feel wonderful!
And every thing else changes!
Or think of a time when you were filled with purpose and meaning, you were on a mission! You were working towards something you really believed in or you enjoyed doing. Other people were not nearly so aggravating! Things flowed. People thought you were interesting! Life was great!
THE THREE MAIN FEARS THAT UNDERPIN MOST PEOPLE’S LIFE ISSUES.
I believe that they three key unconscious fears that drive people’s lives are
- I am not good enough/I am not worth loving
- I am unsafe in some way
- Death or separation
Remember, most of us are unconscious of those fears…and there are many layers between them and our awareness and many things we can ‘blame’. But keep digging down from the issues we have in our lives and I bet you end up in the darkness of “I am not good enough” or “I am not worth loving”. With those core fears driving us a huge range of negative states emerge…
Jealousy
Depression
Anxiety
Stress
Anger
Poor self esteem
Needing endless approval
Never trying anything new
Beating ourselves up as failures
Resenting others
Fearing change
Unhappy relationships
Divorce
Alcoholism or drug dependancy
Feeling a lack of control
Being a control freak
Performance anxiety
And about a zillion other issues people deal with daily!
AL ANON AND FAIRY STORIES
At 53, I found myself in someones home, where there was a history of alcoholism. They had the AL Anon ‘Bible’ on the table and I wondered what it was! Glancing through it began life part 2 for me! I realized that although I believed I had a great childhood, my father was an alcoholic (they split when I was five)and according to this book, I was exhibiting a whole lot of ‘adult children of alcoholics’ behavior!
Then when my Mum died, I learned that she has been ill and left us for a year when I was about three. Along with many other pieces of a puzzle, I realized that at 3, I told myself the fairy story that I was not worth loving cos Mummy had gone away and Daddy didn’t love me! Neither of which was true, but at 3, that’s all that made sense to me. And so the belief became the ‘fairy’ story I told myself about myself!! That I was not worth loving.
And it has brought me many great lessons in life!!
It’s interesting that these fears really are fairy stories we tell ourselves! It’s not the truth, it’s just the perception of a three or four year old.
I had no capacity at that time to discern or understand that neither my mothers absence nor my fathers drinking were my fault! But you don’t know that when you are 3 or 4!
In fact, I didn’t realize it till I was at my Qi Gong retreat in November last year! I was 57!!!
WHAT’S YOUR FAIRY STORY?
If your life is not everything you wanted and you are not feeling joyful, satisfied and fulfilled, what is the ‘fairy story’ you are telling yourself that is driving all your unhappiness?
It’s most likely one of the above 3 fears!
WHY IS IT WORTH DELVING?
Because once you find that core fear embedded in your fairy story, you can question it! You can see if your behavior and need for acknowledgment and unhappy relationships are linked to this fear (They are!).
One you stop blaming others or circumstances and being a victim, and realize the truth of what is really driving your behaviors, unconscious fears, then you have choice back again! You can choose to behave like an adult! You can CHOOSE to stop behaving like a 3 year old needing attention and needing to prove yourself worthy of loving or good enough and accept the wonderful person you ALREADY are.
You are an ‘astonishing being of light’, in a poem by Hafiz, translated by Daniel Ladinsky in “I heard God Laughing” , the sun says
“I wish I could show you,
when you are lonely or in darkness.
the Astonishing Light
of your own Being!”
No matter what fairy story you tell yourself about yourself and your life, it’s ONLY A PERCEPTION! And a judgment! You TRULY are an astonishing being of light! When you were madly in love and they loved you, that’s what it’s like to live at your highest vibration, the vibration of love, unconditional love for yourself and others.
Believe that, isn’t that a better fairy story to tell yourself? If everything is based on a fairy story, then at least pick a GOOD fairy story that has a joyful ending!
And as long as unconditional love, or just real love, is involved, there is always a joyful ending…and more importantly, the journey TO the ending is WAYYY more joyful!
YOUR MISSION TODAY, IF YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT!
Take an inner exploration and wake up to what your current fairy story is.
Then question it, it’s not true!
Change your fairy story to one that is the story of a lovable person who has had many learnings and done the best they can along the way. Love yourself.
Oh yes…remember to forgive yourself, you did the best you could!
Loving yourself is the most important thing you can do in life. EVERYONE else benefits! At work, in your life and at home.
Zooties,
Amanda
PS. If you would like to watch Amanda talk about this click here.
