" We are becoming an nation of men and women who, in their quest for happiness, all too often fall short of achieving any kind of inner peace.....We think that by always reaching higher, accomplishing more-more money , a better body, the perfect mate - that we will automatically be happy. That's an illusion. All this reaching is making us crazy. We need to rest."
So spoke Mervyn kinder a clinical psychologist quoted in Psychology Today. I reckon he's one hundred percent right.
How can we have inner peace when we are traveling so fast that our souls can't even keep us with our bodies! We rarely stop and genuinely celebrate our successes or reflect on the progress we have made - we just keep driving ourselves to have more. More of what? Stress, urgency sickness, frustration, anger, impatience, depression or just general anxiety?
Do you feel you have inner peace? Even for a minute? A sense of calm, and contentedness that frees up your breathing and allows you to truly savour a moment .
Most of us yearn for this kind of serenity, that is if we can still recognize how we are feeling! Yet our focus is on the relentless pursuit of happiness which, of course, we think will only come when we have huge amounts of money. Not only is that exhausting but it's often also futile. We kill ourselves before we can enjoy the fruits of our years of intense labor.
Although we know that if the choice is between being poor and happy, and rich and happy, most of us would choose rich and happy. But that's not the choice most of us face in daily life.
We face the choice of a balance between doing and being. Doing often keeps us permanently busy but unaware of how we or others are feeling. Being, allows us to stay in touch with ourselves and how we feel, and connected to others.
It allows us to savor the good moments - even if they are only fleeting. It encourages us to see and appreciate beauty wherever we are. It allows us to regenerate and recharge, so we can continue our crazy lifestyle with less likelihood of illness. While being , we are resting. In short, we may find that happiness finds us while we are being.
It reminds me of the old story about the kitten chasing it's tail. A wise old cat wanders up and asks the little one what it is doing. The kitten replies that it was told happiness could be found in it's tail and so, it was chasing it's tail in the pursuit of happiness. To which the wise old cat smiled and said , 'that's funny, I find that if I go about living my life, happiness seems to follow me'!
How can we regain the 'lost art of being'? We had it as children. so we have the skills - we just need to rediscover them!
Meditation or prayer is all about just being; no judgments, minimal thinking, relaxed breathing, a deep sense of calm- it's a very deep resting state for our bodies. There are many ways to meditate, pray, attend classes on it, read a book or two on it or just sit quietly every day for twenty minutes and gently focus on a word or sound or your breath. It doesn't have to be very sophisticated to be effective!
How else can we rest and recuperate? Stop and take three or four deep breaths every half hour - no matter where you are. Imagine all the stress and tension flowing out of you as you breathe out.
We need to remember how to recognize feelings and be aware of them. And notice what makes us feel calm and rested and do it more often.
We need to have plenty of good quality sleep so we are truly rested. The average person needs about between five and eight a night - uninterrupted! And if you regularly get five hours a night, then you need catch up sleeps of eight hours!!
If you sleep poorly, try to exercise more so you are physically exhausted rather than just mentally fatigued when you go to bed.
Naps are great rechargers - ten minutes here and there can give us the energy to keep going on a tough day - don't just have a coffee break to give you a lift - all coffee does is rev you up chemically which exhausts you more. Nap or meditate for that ten minutes and notice the difference it makes. (make sure someone wakes you up after ten minutes!).
If you are in a relationship, rest together or not! If you're not in a relationship, rest by yourself! Relax and listen to music - with no guilt for not being active every waking moment and achieving something ‘worthwhile’. Recharging is worthwhile, it lets you do the other stuff well.
Read together. Lie on the lawn and look at the clouds go by; or look the sky through the trees. Stay there doing nothing for ten minutes. If you feel guilty , remind yourself you are actively recharging your life batteries.
Watch ants working - notice how they even take rests!
Sit on a beach and feel the energy of the waves rolling over you. Just sit and watch them.
Stop and make time to watch the sun going down or coming up and bathe yourself in the incredible beauty of a new day.
Be with your children without rushing them or you. Allow them the time they need to explore, rest, expand, be excited and enthusiastic, rest, laugh, play, rest and grow.
Rediscover the wisdom of our toddler hood - remind your self of the importance of resting and find a variety of ways you can incorporate rest into your daily life. You'll be amazed at how much happiness effortlessly seems to follow you!
