A friend of mine who is a business coach sent me a great article last week called the "Neuroscience of Leadership" from the Strategy and Business Journal.
Essentially, it says we can literally change the way our brains are physically structured by changing what we repeatedly put our attention on. The term the authors (David Rock and Jeffrey Schwartz) use for this is "attention density." The higher the attention density, the more attention you are putting on a thought. And the more you focus on it, the more your brain changes structure. Brain connections are laid down and solidified by repetition. So when we want to change a behavior, it takes a lot of energy and attention to do so.
Our expectations also play a much larger role than we thought on what we perceive as real - not necessarily reality, but what we perceive as reality. And if those expectations are not met, an "error" message of sorts lights up in the brain, which can trigger fear or anger. It's true - we see and experience what we expect to see and experience and it's been scientifically proven that we skew reality!
Any change we experience almost becomes a battle between the higher thinking parts of our brains and our so-called lower reactions that are automatic, instinctive and routine (the patterns that have been solidified in our brains previously). The part of the brain that controls fear and anger (the amygdala) is where our brains register any "error" between what we expect and what actually occurs. So change is usually perceived as painful and often elicits fear.
The good news is that with awareness or consciousness of old patterns and focused attention on what we would rather have happen, we can change the structure of our brain! YIPPEE!
Of course, this takes a lot of insight, effort and will…not to mention courage! It sounds easy (so let's EXPECT it to be relatively easy!). These authors say "expectation shapes reality" - so let's take charge of our minds and expect only good things from now on! It may sound simple, but it really does take conscious effort, constant awareness and focus.
The first step is to take an honest look at your expectations. After all, there is no point in lying to yourself! No one else is listening or judging you, so be very honest and truthfully write down a list of all your current expectations.
An expectation is something you say to yourself or have an image of, about yourself or a situation or person and the way it should be. For example, you probably have expectations about your spouse or partner in life; the "perfect" relationship and your current one; expectations around yourself; of your luck; your talents; your ability to be promoted; how entrepreneurial, innovative, creative, artistic or competent you are; your ability to learn; your athletic prowess; or expectations about your job; your future. Just write down any expectations you discover lurking in your brain!
Then do this exercise with your spouse /partner/ relative - and see if you learn anything about whether or not they are realistic for the present time.
Our expectations are laid down by repeated thinking or images. Then when life doesn't turn out the way we expect, we're disappointed. But instead of asking ourselves why this happens and gaining some insight, we forget until it happens again - because we are still operating with the same old expectation no matter how many times our hopes are dashed.
Falling back into unhealthy expectations is a sign of unconsciousness or lack of awareness of how we are functioning. We must wake up and become aware of the silent programs that are running in the background of our minds all the time. They're often completely unrealistic and because we're rarely conscious of them lurking in the nooks and crannies of our being, we don't have the insight to see how much they are affecting our lives.
Are you someone who habitually expects things to go wrong - or right? I hear so many people in airports say "I knew the plane would be delayed - this always happens to me!" It is amazing how expectations can be and usually are self-fulfilling prophecies. (I am tempted at times like that to say to people "if you say so!")
Do you expect your relationship to be perfect all the time, do nothing to change it or yourself and continually have your hopes dashed? Or do you realize that all relationships have ups and downs expect yours to have more highs than lows - which is optimistic AND realistic! And are you working on yourself to address specific issues which would then begin to bring some change?
Do you expect the worst of people? Do you have a hard time trusting anyone and are skeptical of all new ideas? Or do you give everyone the benefit of the doubt? (Of course in dark, isolated areas at night, be careful. But have an expectation you will be safe as you are a cautious person who is on the alert for anything that might be harmful. There is no point in allowing fear to overwhelm you and stop all level of higher thinking which is what would get you out of a dangerous situation anyway!)
Do you expect people to ignore you or not like you or single you out or pick on you or anything else negative? These expectations probably come from deep childhood fears that no longer apply but your brain is still hardwired that way and the only way you can now change that is to gain insight into what you think about yourself; look honestly at the truth (even if you need to ask others to help you see how good you really are!) and then focus your attention on the new patterns of behavior you would like or the new direction you would like to take.
Do you expect to be passed over for a promotion or do you expect to be recognized for the work you do? And if you do - do you make sure that you are fabulous at your job? Too many people expect to be acknowledged and recognized when they have below average performance. So be honest in your assessment of yourself and your skills when you look over your list!
Expectations can be tricky - why do we not wait and allow events to unfold rather than predict and plan out everything we want to have happen? Is it just a habit or human nature and part of our DNA? Expectations are so much a part of our lives, silently operating in the background, like a computer operating system - we can't see it, but it's controlling everything that happens in the computer.
What if we worked at finding all the negative expectations operating in our minds and challenged them with the hope of eliminating them - and then lived in the present with a joyful certainty that miracles will unfold before us each day?
Before you go and judge what I have written, and come up with all the reasons that it's impractical and dangerous - stop and open your heart. Filter the information through your heart and see if you still have that judgment. Judgments come from the head and wisdom can only happen with the heart!
Your mission (should you choose to accept it!) for this month is to write down ALL your pessimistic expectations and challenge them. Are they true, accurate, realistic, or helpful? Any that are not helpful, wake up to those - be conscious and on the alert for them and their impact on your life. As soon as you are aware of the expectation operating, focus your attention on the present and being receptive to what is around you and unfolding before you. It takes a concerted effort and will - but you CAN do it.
This could be a fabulous month for you all!!! Let me know if this makes a difference for you!
