A quote in a volume of Reader's Digest attributed to Dr. Bernadine Healy caught my attention. She says, "People facing death don't think about what degrees they have earned, what positions they have held or how much wealth they have accumulated. At the end, what really matters is who you loved and who loved you."
Ain't it the truth! What drives most of us for most of our lives is the search for love - of ourselves or others, or the maintenance of the love we find. Sure, we can be driven to achieve status, wealth and power but real satisfaction, happiness and joy comes from love.
Seeing Mother's day is around the corner, I thought it appropriate to reflect on the love our mothers, or those who have been like our mothers, have given us - seeing that's what we started with.
So reflect on the following questions and see where you are on the 'love chart'. (Most of the answers, your mother (and father) directly influenced.)
How much do you love yourself?
How can you love others if you are unable to love or feel compassion for yourself?
What do you say to yourself about yourself - critical, harmful comments or positive, forgiving phrases?
Treat yourself as you would treat someone precious in your life - as someone you love a great deal.
Have you forgiven yourself and others? For some of us, forgiving our mothers is the greatest mother's day gift of all. It may not be easy, but you - and they - will live longer, happier and healthier.
Are you a loving person?
Do you let others know you love them? How do you do that?
Are you thoughtful and caring?
If someone is having a difficult time, do you stay in touch and make a special effort to support them?
Are you sensitive and do you read between the lines with your loved ones ?
Do you detect, without their asking, when they need extra support and nurturing?
Do you let others love you?
Does everyone you love in your life know this loud and clear?
Have you ever written them a letter telling them how you feel?
Reminding them of special moments you have shared together?
Commenting on what specific aspects you love about them?
Do this for your partners, parents, children and friends. Corny as it sounds, a letter lasts forever…unless they throw it out! Letters can be re-read a million times, whenever they need support. My nephew Thomas (then age 10) wrote a letter to his then 8-year old sister in response to her letter to him:
"Dear Clelia,
I am sorry too. I feel like an idiot. I know when I say I hate you it really means I love you with all my heart. So in other words I love YOU."
Isn't that beautiful!?!
Do you say 'I love you' every day to your partner and children? And at least once a week to your mother? Because it's the thing you'll regret the most if something happens to them that day. And do something that behaviourally shows them you love them daily - a phone call, a special hug, word or action.
Mothers of baby boomers are often on their own and have no one to hug them - and touch is critical for life, literally. PLEASE hug your older mothers, hold their hands, rub their feet - show them you love them the tactile way! And give them your time….
For the mother's of small children - give them a rest! Do something for them that lets them sleep - uninterrupted for 2 or 3 WHOLE nights!
Give all the people you love your time. It's the most precious commodity we have although we often forget this. If you have heard Harry Chapin's song "Cat's in the Cradle", you'll know it's a father's lament of the time he didn't spend with his son. Instead, he pursued career and wealth. It's also a song that upsets many men because they relate to it so much.
Scientific research shows that when we give love to another person, we actually boost our own immune systems. So not only is it a great gift to someone else, we are giving ourselves a gift of health at the same time.
Even if you have loved and lost, as the saying goes, "it's the loving someone and being loved that you'll remember, and be remembered for." No matter how short a time a loving relationship exists and how painful it seems when it finishes, that love and time is a precious gift that gives our lives meaning.
Do you remember your grandparents saying "What you give out, comes back"?
Perhaps they were referring to love as well. I often quote the phrase (although I am unable to find the source reference), 'people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care'. If you want to feel satisfied in life, as if you have made a real contribution and to be remembered, care and love for others.
Especially your mother! She is extraordinary.
Mother's day is a great time to return some of that extraordinary love she (or the closest thing you had to a mother) gave you.
As Dr Healy said, "The circle of love is everything".
