From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
Bears and Love
Why are bears so popular? Everywhere we go bears abound - cute little furry or fuzzy ones; great big ones; little itty bitty ones ; bear cards, posters, pencils etc. We think bears are just for little people - babies or toddlers. No, no, no! Lots of grown ups stroll around teddy shops looking for a special bear for a 'little one', when they are in there to buy themselves or their grownup partner a special teddy!
How many grownups do you know that have an obvious (or hidden!) Teddy somewhere in their house?
Last night, I was at a conference talking about the importance of social support- having friends and family around you and I talked a little about children. One of the participants - a man - commented that I had missed out a very important componenyt. Intrigued, I asked what. He answered 'Bears'. He and his wife had a family of bears - they had bears they took on trips with them; bears that sat in the bedroom; others that guarded the rest of the house - bears everywhere! (They didn't have children!)
These bears fulfilled more than just a 'cute and cuddley' role in this family. Although that role was important, he felt the best thing about hte bears was that it allowed
personreally ehe and his wife to talk more easily about feelings!
Children are just one big ball of feelings - they run around laughing, crying, and doing what they feel like doing. Wayne Dyer tells a story about his litte daughter standing in front of the glass in the oven crying her eyes out. Worried about her he asks 'what's wrong Honey?'; and she answers 'nothing, I just felt like crying!'.
So children are wonderful at feeling and expressing emotions - until grown ups teach them how to behave! We teach them how to stop showing their emotions and eventually they completely lose touch with their feelings. Not only are there millions of adults walking around unable to speak about their feelings, but they are often completely unaware that they have feelings! They may be vaguely aware that they have some feelings but if asked to, they could never identify them.
This is not good folks! We need to know a)that we are feeling something, and b) what those feelings are , c) their source, and d) be able to talk about those feelings. And that's where Bears come in. I know it sounds ridiculous - but I've done it and it works! Use the bears to help you communicate about sensitive issues, conflicts or feelings.
It's amazing how easy it is to say 'the bear is missing you'! Or 'how are the bears getting on?'; or 'one of those bears is feeling frisky!'; or 'the bear is very angry or upset'; 'the bear asked me to tell you the she really loves you'; the bear said '.....' (insert relevant phrase!) . You can imagine how many different versions there are to this story! And you can make the bears act out situations; or leave them in different positions or with notes in their hands! Bears can also write letters and leave messages.
Sometimes you can each have a bear, and the bears have a conversation about difficult issues. And although as adults we know exactly what's going on, that two grown ups are holding two bears which are 'talking' ot each other, at some level we allow ourselves to talk much more freely about our emotions when we use bears (or whatever you prefer) as the 'spokespeople'.
Maybe it helps us to distance ourselves from the issue, and not take what was said personally. Maybe it allows us to talk, and listen, less defensively. Or it could make it safer for our mate to open up and share their feelings. I guess there are many different reasons - who cares? It just works - so why not be adventurous? And try these techniques on children who have learned to close off to their feelings.
Bears can be best friends. They don't criticize or leave you; they don't talk back; they're always there for you; they cuddle back etc etc! Why do so many people
Bears can keep you company too! If you're single, away from home or by yourself for a while you can chat to your bear! Or discuss difficult decisions. I have a bear that my partner gave me specifically for when I'm away ( and that's a lot!) and it has a little bed in my suitcase. Every night I'm away, I sit it next to me in the bed and I feel like I'm home! (Course the bear at home is a bit bigger and I'm simple!).
Bears can also be very romantic. They can send flowers, cards, gifts; they can be secret admirers; unexpected visitors and very sensitive! And the best part is that when they are given with love , that love shines out of them even when the giver is not around.
And you thought they were just cute little furry things!
