(Before you read any further - with all the controversy over saying "Merry Christmas" vs. "Happy Holidays" - I'd just like to say I am Christian and would like to keep this article about Christmas. Not because I am not tolerant or respectful of other religions and beliefs. If I had an experience of Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or something else then I could write about that and would - but I haven't, so I can't! If you celebrate something else besides Christmas, you can still read the article - as the principles apply to whatever family holiday or traditional gathering you have. Please allow those of us who are Christians to demonstrate our concepts with tolerance, as I hope others do for you. Have a lovely December 25th, no matter what religion you are!)
All the rushing has stopped. It's Christmas day. You're driving to the "event." What can you do to become calm? First, play something pleasant on the tape in the car - a comedy or calming music. Say positive things to yourself. Smile - for no reason. If you're having trouble with this, stick a pen between your teeth and keep your lips off the pen. (This releases endorphins which make you feel good!) Think about the best time you've ever had in your life. Dwell on it.
You arrive. KEEP SMILING. This releases endorphins, as well. Do not drink alcohol. Alcohol has a nasty habit of encouraging you to be "brutally honest" - only to be helpful of course! Try drinking a glass of water in between every beer, wine, scotch, etc. Or drink only at dinner - not lunch and dinner, unless you can have a big nap in the afternoon!
Keep breathing! Stress and tension make you breath in a very shallow way. Breathe deeply and you can stay calm and rational.
Be forgiving of others. Accept them for who they are. They don't wake up in the morning and wonder what they can do specifically to irritate you on that day! You may think they do! But that's rarely the case. Don't expect them to change or want them to be different. It's amazing how much people's behavior actually changes when you finally accept them for who they are. It would also be a great idea to accept ourselves, as well!
Decide to enjoy yourself, no matter what. Plan to be grateful for something about the day, even if it's only the food. Then again, remember to eat moderate amounts - that bloated, sick feeling from overeating is one of the most common Christmas complaints!
If you find yourself in an argument - stop for a second and ask yourself "what is my outcome, here, now?" You will occasionally find you are arguing for the sake of arguing, rather than any valid reason. This is a very useful technique to ask at any time of conflict. (Check your breathing at this point!) Sometimes, it's useful to count to 100 before you react to someone. This saves you from saying something you might regret later.
One more little suggestion. Do not set out to change the world on Christmas Day (or any holiday)! Family dynamics take years - often lifetimes to establish. Even if you don't like your family behaviors and rituals, you can't change them in one day - so give up now! Just accept that's the way it's going to be until slow change sets in - if it does at all. Accept it and enjoy it as much as you can. Relax, you're not the savior; or the matchmaker; or repairer of failed marriages; or surrogate parent; or adviser; or any of the other things we call ourselves to excuse the fact we are interfering. Most people do not want our opinion! Unless, of course someone asks for your help - then you can "go for it!" Once they ask, you have permission to give advice or take action.
Hopefully, this will give you some strategies on how to handle the stress that can come along with Christmas, so you can enjoy it more!
P.S. Remember, it's the thought behind the gift that counts - not the gift! When Grandma or Uncle Bernie gives you the ugliest thing you've ever seen in your whole life, just beam them an adoring smile and think of them in the shop searching for something you would like. And respond to that - not the actual present. Not many people go out specifically to buy you something you would hate!
P.P.S. If you're one of those many people who love Christmas and always enjoy it, fantastic! Have another great year…eat, drink, be merry, don't drive, drink water and sleep!
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and anything else I may have forgotten! Many zoots to everyone for a fabulous holiday season!!!
