As I was walking yesterday morning, I saw a two year old boy, playing cricket with his father. He had a two year old size cricket bat and after a few attempts, he actually hit the ball - well, rolled it along the ground really.
He immediately dropped the bat, turned to find his mother and started clapping and cheering and laughing. She of course reciprocated.
And it started me thinking about how much we encourage ourselves and others in life. Think about how we treat toddlers. Every time they take a few steps or try any new activity - we don't just mumble 'well done'; we laugh and clap and cheer and smile and laugh and call out 'good boy' or 'good girl' with great enthusaism.
This obvious encouragement becomes less apparent as our children age. We expect them to respond just as positively to mildly enthusiastic responses. By the time we've reached teenager level, our parents normally criticize our every move and seem to think that this will encourage us to adopt more human like behavior!
The best way to encourage children at weekend sporting events is not to yell and scream at them when they are not performing, but to scream with delight when they do something right!
As adults or teenagers we forget to reinforce the positive and leave the negative alone as much as possible. In fact, we often focus on the negative and forget all about the positive! This certainly wouldn't work for a toddler and adults are not so different from toddlers - they're just bigger.
How do you encourage others in your life? At home? At work? Your friends? People need different sorts of encouragement of course, but we rarely think consciously about how, or how often, we do it.
Why not make a decision to encourage everyone you meet today in some way - whether it's a compliment on how they look ; on a work task performed; on the dinner they cooked; homework project they completed or just the fact that you love them just the way they are.
In my mind, encouragement and compliments are similar but not exactly the same. Compliments are specific statements about the person or a job or a task they have completed. Encouragement is more about the process - encourage the effort that the person made in attempting to change, or the effort they put into something even if the outcome was other than perfect. It's about acknowledging that they 'had a go' or took a risk.
Actively look for opportunities to encourage those around you - and genuinely mean it. No good being jealous of someone and offering an encouraging statement that is laced with hidden venom!
Find someone doing their best and give them all the positive support you can. Watch people blossom as you do this - it's one of the most effective ways to bring out the best in others.
It's not just encouragement of others that's important - how often do you encourage yourself? What nurturing or comforting words do you say to yourself about your accomplishments or attempts to improve or perform? Are you constantly negative or damning about the quality of what you have done? Or critical of your abilities?
Is it your criticism or a past one you heard from a parent or sibling? It's not unusual when we become aware of self critical talk, to realize that it's just a line we heard as small children from someone we loved or respected - parents, teachers, siblings - which slipped it's way into our belief system tapes and has been on re - play ever since. If you are in the habit (and that's the key word) of putting yourself and your efforts down, instead of using positive encouragement, decide now to change the habit!
Be aware of what you are saying, where it originated and then when you hear yourself saying it , stop yourself; and ask 'what would I say to a toddler who had just done what I have done?'.
Then try a modified version on yourself! Not only does it have a spectacular effect on others, it has a pretty amazing impact on how you feel. Make sure you have at least one day per week as a formal encouragement day (one for you and one for others)- you don't have to tell anyone - just do it!
PS if you break down the word encourage, it stands for EN - COURAGE, in other words to give others and yourself courage! Anyone who encourages us gives us courage to continue…think about that and en courage someone today.
