From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
EVERYONE WANTS A WIFE
I received a wonderful letter in response to one of my previous articles from Mrs Doherty in Corinda , a suburb of Brisbane. This letter reinforced beliefs I have on the importance of the role of a housewife - and how unfortunate it was that many women were embarrassed to respond to the question of 'what do you do?'. And frequently answered with 'oh, I'm just a housewife'. Not that there are many of them left!
Mrs Doherty has noticed the change in the way we live our lives these days - from a 'gentle world' in her youth, to one of fast food, rushing, urgency and chaos. A business career woman who had been very successful, she chose to make a new career based on her family, and she made some insightful comments on the value of a homemaker.
To quote " I'm one of the few females who admits to being truly happy. I work at home, rather than outside now, and make a comfortable , happy and secure 'support base', with clean sheets and towels, good food and wine, freshly ironed clothes - a place of security and peace from which my husband (yes, 'husband - not partner) can sally forth to confront the world. And I have all the time in the world now for me! (sounds great to me!)
'When asked by various power dressing, assertive career females 'And what do you do?" I love the look of bewilderment on their faces when I can answer truthfully "happily, whatever I like'! As someone said, I make life livable while my husband makes the living'
I want a wife like Mrs Doherty! In fact she and I agree that a major requirement for any person with a full time career - regardless of sex - was a good wife. The trouble is , these days everyone wants a wife and no one wants to be one!
I'm here to shout from the tree tops the value of a 'wife' - male or female. Someone who does make life livable and cares for and loves us. Someone who delights in making the outside working persons burden and load easier to carry.
It seems that we have relegated the 'irritating' everyday aspects of living that need to be done for daily life to continue smoothly into a 'scorn box'. And one would never aspire to be a housewife or admit to enjoying ironing or cooking or cleaning etc because we are all so busy that the only way these extra duties get done is to use pleasure/relaxing or unwind time. So we have cleaning people, gardeners, housekeepers , childminders, and all sorts of other help.
Which is great if it's really what you want. But I know huge numbers of women who clean the house BEFORE the cleaner comes so it's not too messy! Not smart folks! Or who aren't really happy with the food that's prepared; or clean again after the cleaner because it's never good enough!
I say we should start a business called 'rent a wife' - or 'rent a mother'! Find someone who will come to your house every weekday; say a warm 'goodbye' when you leave; play with the children and keep them smiling and loved during the day; clean and wash and iron; make cookies; prepare dinner; and fill the house with wonderful smells of cooking food and inviting light , as they greet us with warmth, caring and love on our return from the career jungle. Or if you're single, do all of the above without looking after the children - more the 'rent a mother ' model!
Perhaps it is an ideal solution for the rapidly growing aging population who feel there is no purpose to life now they are older and career-less. They could form lasting bonds with busy career people and regain self esteem and confidence knowing they are contributing in some way. Of course, many of these more mature adults might be horrified at this concept - they figure they've done the 'hard stuff' and the rest of their lives are for partying! Oh well, a few might be interested!
In the age where independence is paramount and we all seem to strive to leave home and live on our own as quickly as possible, we might be losing sight of the importance of nourishment and support at home - for our wellness, career and general satisfaction with life.
Granted , many dysfunctional families may never have had this supportive environment, although I wonder if , in those households where both husband and wife worked, it was a situation which generated two adults too exhausted to put in the extra time to create this sort of home life - for themselves or their children.
Even housewives want a wife! Being a housewife (or househusband) is very often a thankless task - toiling away at all these unseen, unrecognised, seemingly insignificant details - yet it's these details that ensure the home works smoothly and supports the nurturing, closeness, growth and learning that creates family life. It's as though a wife/househusband is like the glue that holds the family unit together.
Many women would like to be able to stay at home and be that glue, but they can't afford it. Sometimes I wonder if we have become too driven by the dollar - could we be happy with a little less affluence, less possessions, a smaller house and a lot more love, energy and vitality?
So let's hear it for people who are happy to be homemakers - they do a fantastic job!
