From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
how do you nurture yourself? NEEDS WORK
When we were little children, it's expected that our parents (especailly daddies for little girls) will nurture and protect us. This is true formany families but waht about divorce and it'sö impact on that nurturing aspect? Divorce affects at least one in two marriages today - so if you come from divorced parents - especially if there was abuse or major conflict - look at your pattern of nurturing.
Publicity about sexual abuse has helped us realize that this hideous crime may affect at least 60.000 children in Australia a year. And that it's mostly men who are guilty of this. What does that do to a child's sense of being nurtured?
It seems to me that this 'protected' feeling as a child allows us a sense of freedom to be our natural playful andjoyful selves. It sets the sense for self esteem and confidence in the future. It also determines a lot of our adult behavioral patterns in realtionships.
Wheh! This is a heavy article for me! But I was thinking about this last week and I wondered how many of my alert readers (including class 5C at Montrose school) ever thought about the issue of nurturing themselves.
What did (or do) your parents do to nurture you? How did they make you feel safe? What did they do or what circumstances did they create in which you felt protected? Where was your favorite place as a child? And why was it your favorite place?
What do you do to nurture yourself? Or are you too busy being responsible for you, everyone else and everything that happens to everyone else! In fact, you are so busy being responsible that you don't have time for fun or frivolous things?
How do you provide protection for yourself? Sounds an easy questionbut hte answer requires some thought and sometimes soul searching. Can you talk to your mate (or parents) about it? If you need someone to put their arms around you and say 'there, there, it's OK' ask them to do it and wallowinthat love and protection!
Some years ago a friend of mine sent me a card when I was having a 'challenging' time! I have kept it on my dressing table ever since. On the front is a cute, little dog who looks sad. Open the card and the words say....'there, there. Everybody needs a little there, there sometimes'
And we do. We all need a little 'there, there' sometimes - it's OK to ask for it because you may hide your need so well, others (who love you and want to help) don't realize you need it at that moment. We don't want problems solved , or great solutions, we just want someone to hold us and say they'll protect us - even if we know they really can't! It just helps to hear the words!
Remember when you were really little and frightened? What made you feel better or more secure? It may take sometime to remember but think about it because it will give you ideas about what you need and can do for yourself.
Make a list of all the things you can do that make you feel nurtured. An aromatherapy bath, exercise, movies, a massage, reading a book by yourself, a facial, music, seeing friends, meditating, a drink in the pub, writing something, eating healthy food, spend money on yourself, buy something, spend play time with your children,
especiallyfor manywhat/ protecting : how you do it yourself and how much you let others nurture youprotected let alone and joyfulsetsourforrelationships
When are(Big mistake folks!)question butthe,wallow in that(New age jargon for miserably depressed - yes! it does happen to me - just not for very long).
Sometimes when we most need others support, we push them away. We distance ourselves spiritually; and physically
@L we don't like to touch them or them to touch us. If you feel yourself doing this - or if someone in your family says they think this is happening - pay attention! And slap yourself about the head! When you seem to have the least time to nurture yourself is the most important time for you to do something to make yourself feel good - and let others in to help you. Ugh...did I say the 'help' word?
How many people have been brave soldiers and never asked for help? Not smart team! Others like to help you when you need it and often it's really wise to seek help and let them do it. Think of the last time you helped a loved one - didn't it make you feel good? Let them have the same experience.
supported, protected or fishing, golf, have someone brush your hair, go to adult education classes, a weekend away, remember what you loved doing as a child and do it again!
And then make a commitment to regularly do at least one of those things! You'll be amazed at how much more energy you have and how much happier you are - and how much happier others are around you!
