From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
HOW TO WANT WHAT YOU HAVE
Timothy Miller has written a book called "How to want what you have" - isn't that a great title? I found it when doing some research on happiness and what it is and how to find it.
The title also made me start to think about what we have in our relationships sand families - and how happy we might be with 'our lot' as our grandparents used to say. How many families are ripped apart beacause we need more. More of everything. Kids (especially teenagers) must have the latest (and usually expensive!) joggers; and the 'right' clothes (' don't be stupid, I can't wear that - it's last years and EVERYONE else will be wearing platforms'); we need a TV inevery room; several phones; at least two stereo systems; every kitchen appliance known to personkind etc etc!
We are a dramatically materialistic society , with the highest rate of unhappiness ever. Something is wrong here.
t we have in our relationships are() (God forbid we should have to stay in the one place near a land line for the whole call!) ever. What's wrong with this picture? Maybe we need to seiously think about 'wanting what we have' - acknowledging and being grateful for what we have. Perhaps we could have family rituals around the dinner table that would help us appreciate our good fortune? We might (corny as it sounds) choose to say two qualities we love about each person at the table ; or two things we are grateful for in our lives/ home/ relatives/ or work. Maybe it's a bit like saying grace before a meal - giving thanks for what we have on the table
dangerouslymore 'thing' than we've ever had in the past and yet we have Things like our health
; a loving family; great friends; sunny days; any job at all; a roof over our heads even if it's not a mansion! Maybe I sound a tad preacher like , but I don't see
us bursting with happiness and joy with all this materialism.
In fact, we seem
to add misery as we lust after the Porsche or huge house of people we see, but hat we often neglect to notice is that those people work 18 hour days to have those 'luxuries' and generally have NO social or home life - which is OK for them and maybe not so OK for their families. And may not be what you really want in life.
Even if it's not a gourmet , three course meal - lets want what we have! Constantly wanting more is not the route to permanent joy and happiness!I was listening to a tape by Gary Smalley last week and he was discussing the importance of 'honouring ' your partner, children and family.
His description of honor
was that whenever we thought of them , or saw them we would gasp in awe and think "WOW - they are fantastic!" Even if we didn't exactly feel like it at that second - it would be helpful to remember that this is a person we do honor. Try it for a while - it's fun and works really well! (It helps if you both do it) It will seem very unnatural at first (although I wonder if we didn't do it in the first days of our love) and funny (ha, ha funny) and soon it will become avaluable way of communicating our feelings!
Try honouring them for who they already are - not what you want them to be. And that's the crux of this article... honor what they are and who they are , just as they are. Want what we have, as opposed to spending our lives wanting them to be different people! The irony is that if we accept them for who they are and want them just as they are, it's far more likely that they will voluntarily move in the direction that you thought you wanted them to change!
Maybe there's a place for us whispering a secret phrase to ourselves each night thanking life, ourselves, the universe, God, or anyone or thing we like for what we already have - and if we really want more that's OK but lets appreciate what we have. MAybe that's the path to true happiness?
MORE WORK NEEDED HERE JASON!
u€not what you want them to be adthank lucky starts each night for being lucky enough to have what we have
sort of like being thankful in religionny families are ripped apart be, and more and mores
seriouslyeverything our 'things' and possessions.
become more miserable wthat lifestyle one that would enhance your happinessEvery night, wongoingthis is a person we do honor!
wasn't natural love It may even us to remind us on a daily basis of what we fell in love with in our partner. (dare I say prayer - and no, I have not become religious all of a sudden - it's just that prayer seems to right word!) . It's fine to want more out of life , and really valuealready have, rather than postponing happiness or contentment until we have 'more'......and more ...and more!
