From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
13 SUCCESS
I have seen this poem many times and recently rediscovered it. "Success' by Ralph Waldo Emerson. It's a wonderful definition of a term that is often difficult to describe:
" To laugh often and much
To win the affection of intelligent people
And the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics,
And endure false betrayal of friends,
To appreciate beauty,
To find the best in others,
To leave the world a bit better,
Whether by a healthy child, a garden patch
Or a redeemed social condition,
To know even one life has breathed easier
Because you lived,
This is to have succeeded.'
Speaking with a friend of mine last week, the concept of success came up again. We were talking about her move away from the 'establishment'. She had left the corporate world to start her own very creative business. I asked her how she was and how her business was progressing. She sighed and said if we defined success as creating lovely items that were very saleable; as having a large database of people who wanted your treasures; and as running your own business, and covering costs, then she was very successful. But if success were defined in terms of money being earned then she was more 'successful' in the corporate world.
That started me thinking about our concept of success. It's generally not a dinner table discussion as a specific issue. It's more mentioned in passing when describing a person or venture. Or it's a word that we assume everyone understands to mean exactly what we see it to mean. Everyone knows what success is - don't they? Maybe. Maybe not.
We all have our own unstated ideas of success that we have somehow assimilated from our parents , our culture and our media /TV sources. But I wonder if we shouldn't rethink the way we think about success. It's something that needs to be a special topic discussed in school and at home round the dinner table, rather than just absorbing by osmosis the notion that success equals fame, bulk money and material assets. Because in our society, the most widespread belief is that success, fame and money are synonymous.
But is it really? How many incredibly rich,famous people are successful at being a human? And are happy , with great , loving, supportive families and relationships, and balanced happy children? ( I know there are those out there who say 'I've been rich and unhappy and poor and unhappy - I'll take the rich and unhappy anytime!', but maybe there's more to life than fame and money. )
What are your beliefs about success? Read Emerson's poem out to yourself and your family, friends or class and use it as the starting point for a discussion. If you have small children, discuss your ideas with your partner so that your children have the advantage of parents who have thought about this BEFORE they have a midlife crisis!
If we have a sense of what success means to us , we must have considered our values. Our beliefs about success are in part determined by what we think is important in life; where we think our priorities lie. Are family and closeness important? Is massive wealth important above everything else or are you happy with financial security? How much money is enough for you to feel financially secure? Is this realistic or based on some false perception we gained in childhood ? Are we casting aside other important parts of our lives in the hunt for more money than we need to be well cared for?
Just one small part of my definition of success is to have achieved financial and career goals that you set. To me success is intricately linked to a sense of purpose and joy and happiness and contentment with ourselves and our lives. With acceptance of things the way they are and the wisdom to know what we can and cannot affect. Success is being able to enjoy moments as they happen and are, rather than wasting 'the now' with worries of the past or fears of the future.
It's the ability to unconditionally accept ourselves and others. And to have compassion for ourselves and others and to help where we can. It's the ability to laugh at ourselves and to find things to laugh at in life even when things are horrible. It's being excited and enthusiastic about life and learning and really living right up to the moment we die. It's about discovering more about ourselves as we mature and stretch ourselves with new skills and adventures. It's having friends that love us. And work we find rewarding. It's using our minds to enhance our day to day lives rather than fill us with woe.
What are the signs of success? To me, successful people 'glow' and sparkle with an excitement for life. They look healthy; they're enthusiastic; they sound happy and they feel content. They know they will always have challenges in life and tackle them willingly, knowing the wave will pass and good times will follow; they are optimistic; they laugh a lot; they love new ideas and they love routine; they are not fanatical about anything; there are periods in their life when they are absolutely fulfilled by all the things they are doing, feeling or experiencing; they have friends that really love them and that they really love; they have children that love them - their own or other peoples; they have set realistic goals and yet still have dreams; they know mistakes equal learning rather than failure; they have fulfilled some, or all, needs in all areas of their lives.
What is your definition of success? How will you know when you are there? What will you look like, sound like, see, hear and feel when you are, by your definition, 'successful'? Think about it. Just thinking about it may have more impact than you realize!
