From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
IT TAKES THE WHOLE VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD
have to work on this one Jason!!
I first heard the African saying "it takes the whole village to raise a child" a few weeks ago. It started me thinking about all sorts of problems emerging in our society that may be caused - in part anyway - by this loss of a spirit of community .
And of the family support that makes bringing up a child or children
so much easier. I admire
the that allows us to have a village to help raise the child people who susrvive relationships, work and raising children - all on their own! Those who live away from family or friends who would be potential 'villagers' have to rely on paid help. Which is great in that it allows us to keep working; but it's not the same as family or villagers. Although I hear some of you saying I wouldn't let my family anywhere near my child!
Presumably, 'the whole village' doesn't mean family alone. It means everyone - from wise old people to other children to relatives to other adults who all accept a responsibility for caring for children.
neurotic mothers
obsessed with safety
what can we do to develop our own 'village'?
Find grannies who are desperate for contact and able to take care of children
adopted uncles and aunts who are older and not having children
create a community of safety - kids know where they can go / shop owners libraries etc
extended families
quantity time
touch/ contact/ caring/ loving
I thought about people who support ,and who Paid help because the same as family or villagers! A great friend of mine who has just returned from a trip to Italy and I discussed this issue. She had stayed in a beautiful , small village in the Alpini Mountains, where children could safely wander around , known and greeted by most of the villagers as they worked, or the elders who would sit outside their homes and chat. The children would spend the summers with their grandparents who relished the idea. The parents had a rest, grandparents were delighted and children enriched and encouraged to be more flexible.
children would spend the summer vacation idea. Both parents could continure working even though the children were on holidays, they had a rest and time together, and visited the children at weekends, the and looked forward to the experience, the as they adapted to different - yet loving environments
;ooked forward to the experience;were
Extended families have loads of advantages. And it seems we are completing a full circle in our thinking. 20 years ago, living with three generations in one house was dificult but acceptable. Then we appeared desperate to live on our - to be independent and use grandparents for babysitting purposes
I wonder if50 years ago in Austrlia, 3 generations living inonehouse was that norm. 3f,just if it was necessary only. We didn't need or want big, family 'dos' and all the fuss and trials of generation differences. And grandparents were pretty keen on being free at last!
Well, these days life's a lot harder for couples working and taking care of children. Perhaps it would help us to think of returning to the concept of extended families - adopted extended families if you have no geographically immediate relatives. More people are choosing to not have babies ; more old folks are missing out on having grandchildren and long for opportunities to have their lives enriched by the joy and wonder of children - even if they are exhausted at the end of it! Parents are longing for a respite from the worry of finding care for the children while they work.
Maybe we can make our own 'village'.
Seek out aged folks who are able to safely look after children and adopt them as surrogate grandparents if you don't have your own. Or adopted 'aunts' - childless friends who would love contact with children (for short periods!). Or community groups - perhaps we could 'mix and match' child care with aged people's groups.
, somethingatmosphere ; something Those who live away from family- and enjoy - chatting,continueh the children were on holidays;some they learneda house was thebaby sitting'get togethers'to , yetHow can we? don't have your own. Or adopt and 'uncles'If you have friends who have children , would they be willing to be your extended family and you could be theirs?
Even if we live in a city, can we create a village haven within that city. Support the local shops; do some community work; get to know the neighbors; have a 'street' party at Christmas or Easter or Halloween; if no one else makes the effort - you do it until they all start to pitch in; think of other ways to make your own village - like the one in the Italian mountains, where children are safer and support is easier to find!
I hear those of you with children and jobs scoffing , muttering comments about ' where does she think I'm going to get the time to do this?' Maybe it could be a weekend activity (in between sporting events!) where you and your children meet the 'locals' - make some time for 'community connecting' - there may be more benefits than you imagine!
