"Life is not the way it is supposed to be. It is the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference." Virginia Satir
I found this fantastic quote and thought 'wow'! Of course! But often it's the most obvious things that we lose sight of in this age of super uncertainty, fear and stress.
This last 18 months has been one of tumultuous personal change and fear for most people. And I think that's why this quote had such an impact on me. There is an element of acceptance or surrender that is necessary for us to flow with the tidal waves of life as opposed to the struggle involved in battling the inevitability and relentlessness of those waves. Learning to be present to what is and flow is perhaps one of life's great lessons, for me anyway.
I would like to paraphrase Virginia Satir’s quote to "it's what we choose to do with it, that makes the difference". Not just how we 'cope'. We do always have a choice as to how we think if we are conscious. No one else is in charge of our thinking! Our thinking is what determines how we behave or respond to the tidal waves. And it is the one thing that is totally in our control.
Before you cynics mumble 'bull @#*#', think about it. We can (once we take a step back and breathe) choose our thoughts, the story we tell ourselves about what has happened or is happening. With consciousness and personal effort, we can change our habitual way of behaving or reacting, which is always a response to a thought or story.
Just this morning, I had a melt down! I allowed myself to lose connection with my heart and instead of staying present and doing one of the 3 things I often teach, to
- Connect with my heart
- Connect with nature
- Connect with my breathing (take 15 big breaths in, hold and then exhale)
I only did the breath and then promptly allowed my thoughts to race ahead to what might happen or what could happen and focus on things that could go wrong! So I ‘phoned a friend’! A friend I knew would remind me the importance of those 3 things because I needed a little help and support at that moment. I am not ashamed to do that or ask for help because in these times, creating a community of support is so important.
So, how serene are you? What events, and more importantly thoughts - disturb your equilibrium? Are you able to find peace in the chaos?
Do you ever have equilibrium or a deep sense of contentment! (mind you I have not in the past few months!!) Have you had a situation in the past where you have just accepted things as they are, and worked with that situation as it evolved? Do you listen to intuition or hunches or gut feelings and use them to guide you?
Or does your mind take control and tell you things are not 'supposed' to be like this; that it's unfair which creates anger and paralyses you with the unjustness of it all? Or that you are not good enough, not lovable, or unsafe or separate?
Intuition, hunches, gut feelings are your best guides - not what others think, or what others have told you in the past, or what your parents may have embedded when you were a child or perhaps what you hear on mainstream media. This awareness of 'inner guidance' and feelings is a great gift we as children are born with, so talk about this article to your children (if you have them) and encourage them to make their ‘knowingness’ a lifelong awareness.
To rediscover your awareness, give yourself solitary, quiet time to become sensitive to the intuition you have - and reflect on it. Ask your inner self (gut feelings etc) to give you some indication that you read the hunch correctly and then look for a sign as they say! Before you ridicule this idea, know that it's the way many highly effective (and rich) people operate.
Anyway no matter what you think, life IS the way it is! So will exhaust yourself with constant fear and struggle or will you flow and work on yourself, control your thoughts and do things that bring you joy?
PS Taking gratitude breaks is a great strategy. If you are feeling overwhelmed or distressed, discipline yourself to stop, take a couple of deep breaths, look out on nature if you can, connect with your heart and find gratitude for something. I’m off to do that now! And I’m grateful for all of you that take the time to read my blogs/newsletters etc! THANK YOU.
Zooties
Amanda & Mel xx
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PPS. Amanda has been receiving some rave reviews from her virtual events - check here (https://amandagore.com/virtual-keynote-speaker/) for further
information.
