From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
Love vs Power
If you haven't read Gloria Steinham's book "Revolution From Within' go out and buy it today! It is the most wonderful book for single or married
people and is basically about self esteem.
I was caught by most phrases in the book but one in particular really shouted out. A quote by Margaret Anderson "In real love , you want the other person's good. In romantic love you want the other person". Think about the truth about these few words.
Gloria Steinem distinguishes between real love and 'romantic love'.
In romantic love, we see someone who at some level we recognize has all the qualities we feel we are missing. We think they can balance us , and make us whole. We want to own the person so we can control them - after all we have given them the responsibility for our wholeness. We are devasted if they leave even if it's for their own good- because they take away our chance to be complete and often our only sourrce of love if we don;t love ourselves.
see someone who thinkcomplete and often our only source of love if we don'
Romance is a wonderful adjunct to a stable and already loving relationship or a fun thing to add zest to life - if we already love ourselves and feel balanced before we meet someone else.
How many times have we been fooled by the heady, wonderful, exciting romantic behaviors of a brand new partner? The spontaneous declarations of undying love after a month of knowing the person! (How can we really know another person in a short time?) I know that some very happy long term relationships begin a short time after meeting; but rarely do they last when the 'fireworks' are orchestrated for show.
Whoever is orchestrating the display probably doesn't know that it may be a mask - hiding a lack of self love. Boy, I'm getting deep! And I know the old self love theme keeps coming up , which makes me wonder how many individuals really do feel a healthy dose of self love. Not egomania, but just a solid belief that we are lovable, worthwhile, valuable and precious and basically a pretty good person with a small number of 'warts'!
As Ms Steinem points out, very few parents come with a huge manual giving them all the advice they need to be perfect parents; so many of us grow up with beliefs that we are other than wonderful. And it may be that our parents were pretty good at being parents, but our intepretation of some minor forgotten event may have made a deeper scar than we could imagine.
So the real problem is that these beliefs may be so deeply buried that we don't even know they exist. It's only when we start noticing patterns of behavior that seem to cause a problem for us that we may start exploring some of our own ideas about ourselves.
I used to be someone who thought all this new agey stuff about childhood experiences affecting us as we led our adult lives was rubbish! Not any more. There is too much evidence to show that what happens in our (particularly early) childhood has a significant impact on all aspects of our adult life.
There is not enough room to explore deeply here but think about whether you love who you are - and if you don't can you work out why? If you are a child reading this (especially my mates at Montrose 5C!) have a discussion session on self love and what it means and if you have it.
If you're an adult, what beliefs are you carrying around that make you think you are unlovable or unworthy or deserve to be disappointed, unsuccessful, miserable or a failure? What can you do to change some of these ideas - go back through your past and view the situations from an adult perspective?
Question the truth of your beliefs and ask yourself if those beliefs are still valid. If you feel confused see a recommended psychologist; or talk to your partner or friends who love you and ask why - when they answer , if you deny everything go and see a psychologist! The reason I mention seeking help from another outside , objective (caring) person is that we are often so close to a situation we can't differentiate reality from our perceptions - and another's expert guidance can assist greatly.
And remember how worthy you are to be loved - just for trying to be balanced!
