From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
mobile phones and relationships
It's late. She should be home. How can I find her? We've all had the unpleasant experience of imagining the worst and feeling helpless because we had no way of contacting our loved one.
Suddenly, the mobile phone rides in as a white knight to save the day! More and more people are finding life unlivable without one.
Try going to a coffee shop on a weekday. Next to the sunnies and other table paraphernalia is the phone. When one rings , fifteen people jump three feet and lunge for their 'weapon'. This might be great for business people who are able to slip away for a quick break and not lose business, but it's not good for a developing or advancing relationships!
What happened to good , old fashioned gazing adoringly into each others eyes with attention completely focused on the person - not one ear and eye waiting for the phone to ring.
An yes, they are fantastically useful tools that make life and business easier for millions of people. I have one and I love it because I travel a lot, yet I am still contactable and - I can turn it off if I want to. I'm sure some people are developing a new codependant disease called 'phone urgency'! They are incapable of turing off their mobile phone. Big mistake.
My problem with mobile phones is that it's impossible to have a relationship using only a mobile phone to communicate! And if you don't live together ; if this is your primary source of communication then give up now.
The world is full of - and rapidly becoming fuller - of new technology that provides us with instant gratification - fast food, (did I tell you about the grandfather who took his grandchildren to Macdonald's an ordered two hamburgers and cokes by yelling into the garbage bin?!) faxes, pagers, phones - and we are beginning to expect this from our relationships. Instant gratifiacation. An filling up every available moment with busy-ness.
Many frantic people are turning to using their mobile phone while driving to catch up with friends or family or - nightmare material...loved ones! And while this is great to keep them posted that you are alive or five minutes from their place, it's not a good way of bonding, sharing or communicating at a deep level.
Someone explain to me how we can have an intimate and loving conversation that lasts for more than thirty seconds while driving a car and concentrating on the traffic! It's impossible to give your full attention to the caller; to be aware of the non verbal messages they are sending; to listen with your ears for feelings because you're too busy avoiding some idiot driver. Do you have any idea what's it's like to be trying to talk to someone on a mobile phone and have a running commentary on the morons driving idiotically?
Or to be at a critical emotional moment of sharing when it cuts out! This I'm sure is often the cause of murder.
And what about the man who rings on his way home to ask 'what's for dinner?"! Sudden death would be my answer!
If you are in some extenuating circumstances (like in driving yourself to hospital to die) then it's OK to use the phone. But stop the car so you can at least concentrate and give them your full attention! (before you die).
So mobile phones are great for emergencies. For knowing your kids are safe. For being available at any time so your wife can tell you she's in labor. For business. For making appointments to chat. But not for building relationships.
Relationships and partnerships are precious and demand your undivided care and attention. Do yourself a favor, wait till you get home to have a long conversation. use the mobile to ring and say you'll ring back in 30 minutes. Then relax, be comfortable , have a drink and take time for 'phone romance'.
