The most wonderful moment of my life was the closest I have ever been to motherhood! Many years ago now, when my adored niece and nephew were living in Sydney, I was fortunate enough to babysit them. It was bath time and they were being normal 2 and 4 year olds, splashing and screaming and laughing. So was I! It was such a happy time.
Then I took my little bundle of niece out and was cradling her in a towel as I sat on the edge of the bath. At that moment, time stopped. There was a wonderful peaceful energy in the room. Both children were suddenly calm. I knew complete contentment in those few seconds. (Sounds corny, but it's true!)
Is that what they mean by motherly love? My heart nearly bursts with love for those two. Then of course, they started fighting! And that moment was gone. But the memory of it lives with me every day.
I guess that's what mothers (and fathers) do all the time. They store up those treasured moments to remember when the beloved and perfect 'fruit of their loins' goes through the 'terrible two's,three's and four's; or becomes a teenager; or a distressed adult.
Many people think Mother's Day is a commercial load of rubbish. They don't need to have stores tell them how to demonstrate love for their mothers, or have the media say it's time to show your mother you love her.
I think it's a good idea to have a Mother's day! Because most of us are too busy leading lives in the laser speed lane to stop and remember important people in our lives on a regular basis. It's not that we don't want to - it's just that we seem to be in the middle of Christmas 'festivities' (euphemism for fights!) and suddenly it's September and we forgot to call Mom.
When we are really sick - I mean major illness, the ‘when we just feel like rolling up into a ball and crying’ sort of sick, who do we want? Our Mum! She's the only one with whom we can turn back the clock, whimper, be childish and petulant and just be miserable and she'll still love us, and nurture us, and pamper us, and hurt for us, and tell us how wonderful we are.
(Because it's Mother's day and this is a tribute to all the good things our Mothers do and did, I am not mentioning all the times our Mother's were human and perhaps didn't manage to be perfect for us; or those times as we grow older that they drive us crazy; or when we have to start being parents to them.)
Mother's day is a great way to remember all the wonderful things our Mother's did for us when we weren't so mature and capable. Who else would have come that close to your private parts when they were in a big mess?
Who else maintained a steadfast belief in our greatness and in what we did no matter what we did? Who else would take the pain of the trauma we go through, away from us if they could? Who else is always there to listen when we need someone? And who else would give up their life to save ours?
So we should celebrate mothers ! It's a tough job. And there is no training manual, salary or performance review. Solid, long hours of relaxing sleep are a thing of the past. There is no ongoing, formal feedback session and with motherhood comes a potential permanent source of worry!
Motherhood takes us through various stages that no one really prepares us for. From total responsibility for a little human's life, to full-time trainer and nurturer; to taxi service, counselor, psychiatrist, doctor, dressmaker, sports coach, money earner, housewife, cleaning service, cook, creative director of fancy birthday/teenage parties, drama coach, fishing tutor, and roller blader. And that's just a few of the things they do!
What can you do to let your mother know how much she means to you? And how much you recognize and appreciate the many gifts and joys she has given you? Could you do it more than once a year? For example, ring her once a week (or day) and share your life with her. OK, a modified version of your real life!
Just letting her know what your life is like if she lives away from you is a wonderful gift. And they love it. It's cheap and relatively easy. Even if your Mum lives in the same town, tell her about the things you are doing - talk to her as if she were your best friend (which she probably is - whether you recognize it or not!).
Or write her a letter letting her know that you realize what you are today is largely because of her (and your dad of course) and that you really appreciate her mothering. Reminisce about specific wonderful and fun moments you have shared. Tell her why you are lucky to have had a Mum like her. Tell her how much you love her and all the things you might never have said to her face.
Buy her presents that show thoughtfulness - and spend time working out what she would really love.
I have a big hint for some men out there - it is highly unlikely that she will be pining for a Black and Decker power tool; nor will she find a fifteenth nightie useful, nor will an iron or vacuum cleaner inspire a great sense of appreciation! Buy her tickets to the theatre or a series of massages, facials and other pampering sort of, completely unrelated to housework type activities. Or plan a weekend away - a romantic one, or give her one on her own or with her best female friends. Or find a small piece of jewelry, or pay for a cleaner for 12 months, or an ironing person, or make a promise to take her out to dinner (on a date, together, alone) once a week.
Here is the piece de resistance idea! Write all the things you love about her on little pieces of paper - one idea per piece of paper - and put them in a pretty bowl, wrap it beautifully and watch her face light up as she reads them. She'll keep that bowl forever and whenever she needs a lift - I bet you'll find her foraging in the papers!
Happy Mother's Day to all those special women out there - especially to my Mum who would be given a bowl too big to fit in her house.
