I was reading the Age last weekend when a cartoon by that brilliant man Michael Leunig caught my eye. It was about a man who finds the smell of doom everywhere he goes - the bus, the office, coffee shop, his dinner table, and even his bedroom! Only to discover that he has in fact stepped in a pile of 'doom' and it had stuck to the bottom of his shoe! (Like dog poo!)
Don't you know people like that? Not only do they look like they smell doom everywhere but they speak like it as well! I call them 'energy suckers'. Have you ever woken up in the morning and felt pretty good - you have some energy and vitality. And then you encounter one of these people and after 5 minutes with them you walk away feeling completely drained!
Quantum physics /mechanics suggests that there is an energy exchange between humans - we give and receive energy. And I am convinced that there are a huge number of 'psychic vampires ' out there that spot innocent, happy victims with energy and suck it right out of them!
We have to avoid these people - I'm sure they make us sick! Typical energy suckers are cynics. Or people who pride themselves on being pessimistic. They walk around ready to see the dark side of situations. They question everything searching for flaws. They take the wind out of the sails of someone who is enthusiastic. And they do it all for our 'own good'! They don't want us to be disappointed ; or to make fools of ourselves etc.
Rubbish! They do it because they stepped in piles of 'doom and gloom'. And it stuck to their shoe and they force everyone else to succumb to the same unpleasant smell. These people are hideous to work with - they drag the culture of a department down in nanoseconds! And the sad thing is it only takes one person to drag down a whole department!
You can recognize an energy sucker by their language and tone of voice. They use negative phrases all the time. If you ask them 'how are you', their reply is 'not bad' before they start grumbling about all their worries! They are fantastic at blaming - people, the government, work , anyone or anything other than accepting responsibility for themselves and their situation. If they be critical of someone they will! They are good at malicious gossip. They would scowl at someone who answered an enthusiastic 'great' in response to 'how are you?'! They are people we generally avoid.
If you think this is you - STOP IT immediately! Did you know the immune system of a pessimist is weaker than that of an optimist? That means if you are a negative, downer sort of person, you are more likely to develop illness and disease. Not smart! Ask people if they think you are optimistic. Seek feedback if you are not sure - this could be a lifesaving exercise! Optimists are energy givers. We feel great after we spend time with them - we are motivated, uplifted and enthused.
To create and maintain fulfilling relationships we need to GIVE energy. We must save or have some energy to give to those we love. How many people go through the day at work giving huge amounts of energy by being charming, gracious, patient and caring to complete strangers all day. Only to arrive home to the people who actually love them and snarl 'leave me alone'! Yet they have time and energy to play lovingly with the dog for 20 minutes! And we wonder why divorce is rampant!
We need to rethink our priorities - how important are the people we come home to each day? Whether it's family. loved ones, flatmates or our pets! How do we greet them? Joyfully and with enthusiasm I hope. We need to unwind(exercise, meditate, sing, laugh, relax, dance etc) on the way home so that we recharge our energy batteries and shower those who meet us at the end of the day with love.
What if we acted as if we had stepped in big pile of sunshine and happiness? What if everywhere we went, there was light and color and a sense of fun and joy and we carried that feeling with us. (For those cynics who are now muttering 'this article is bah humbug and a waste of space'...look out! You'll suck yourself and others dry!). Life would be more pleasant. You'd be more popular - people love energy givers because we walk away from them energized and feeling good.
Energy givers smile and laugh a lot. They don't take themselves too seriously. They listen and care. They give love and respect others. They use positive language and see the upside of situations. They try to focus on good things rather than dwell on the depressing. If they can't say something positive they elect to say nothing. They are not into blaming. They'll change the conversation to uplifting topics rather than critical berating. And they'll do it all without making you feel bad! In short they 're great to be around.
Imagine that on the floor beside your bed you have two piles - one of doom and one of sunshine energy. Each morning you make a choice - do I step in the doom and smell of it all day today? Or do I step in the sunshine and be an energy giver today? It's your choice. (PS if you're married to a confirmed 'doom' stepper who won't change, get divorced! You'll live longer and certainly be happier!)
