From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
T.V. - THE RELATIONSHIP DESTROYER.
TV killed my marriage This is a statement made to me several times over the years - mostly by women!
Presenting at seminars on the importance of continuing to talk to each other in relationships as if we were courting precipitated these comments. Every year or so, someone in America produces a study with horrifying statistics on how much time couples actually spend communicating each week. (with each other!) It varies from 5 to 20 minutes per week. And it seems that TV watching takes us the bulk of what would normally be 'talk time'.
Whatever happened to families or couples sitting around a dining table and talking as they ate? That teaches children how to communicate, debate and discuss, provides opportunities to learn; and generally strengthens family bonds. Children learn most of what they know by watching you - don't worry that they never listen to you - worry that they are always watching you!
How many people sit down in front of the 'telly' to eat dinner? This is a great way to learn how to dribble! And to avoid the development of any communication skills. And destroy family units. Please think about how you and your family eat dinners and keep the TV off at least until after the meal.
Or do you eat dinner in shifts? Teenagers rush in and out; tertiary students follow and then you, the exhausted last! You don't want to eat by then! What about bringing back the old fashioned idea of family together time over dinner every or most nights of the week? OK, what about one night per week at least?
Lots of people ask me what would we talk about? Try to avoid children, financial problems, mortgages and work! It's OK to cover those topics occasionally but aim to chat about other things like movies you have seen; feelings you have been experiencing; things you've read - in books or the paper; ideas for holidays or weekends away; 'home made hypotheticals' (act out your own instead of watching the TV); the best things that happened to you last week; your achievements of the past week. There's a zillion things you can find to talk about - it just takes a little effort to be creative initially. There's a set of cards called the "Ungame" that provides hundreds of questions and topics that are suitable for families to stimulate conversation.
Another hazard associated with TV is slow whiplash! Especially in men! It seems TV is better than any sleeping pill for men who use TV to unwind and relax. They have the ability to fall asleep within seconds of the TV being turned on! As they fall into deeper levels of sleep, their heads seem to flop backwards at unnatural angles. After a few years women stop waking the men for bed - they allow them to wake up at 3am with excruciating pain in that strangely angled neck!
And just how do men who are asleep manage to spring awake when someone else changes channel via the remote control (carefully removed from the man's lap) and mutter those immortal words "I was watching that!!"
What did we do before TV? I remember I was about 7 years old when we had our first TV - it was roughly the size of small container ship and only black and white. And I think there were two stations. Pre TV we talked , went for walks, listened to the radio, discussed issues that we heard, read, sewed, worked around the house, visited people, went to bed earlier, granny brushed my hair and all sorts of activities that pulled us closer together. Then we had TV - so we could fight because Mum wanted us to do homework and we wanted to watch TV; and my brother and I could fight over who watched what. Poppa and the rest of us fought because we didn't want to watch "Pick a Box"! The whole family dynamics were disrupted.
These days people don't have just one TV - often each person has their own- so some of the squabbles over who watches what are unnecessary but the isolation of individuals and the destruction of the family unit is even greater. We can all go to our separate rooms and watch what we want. With any luck, we'll make human contact passing each other as we go to the loo!
And what about the number of channels? Heaven help us when we have 53 channels like the States. Men and children would never speak again! And remote controls would be exploding from overuse all over the country. Not to mention the number of men who would develop RSI of the remote control finger!
Lots of people would never get anything done at all if it wasn't for the advertisements!
An issue I find really disturbing is what TV is doing to our attention spans. 'Channel surfing ' is a 1990's term used to describe the technique used to change channels every nanosecond. TV programs are designed to keep us constantly stimulated - something happens every couple of seconds to keep us interested, to catch our attention. The trouble is we unconsciously begin to expect life to be like that. So people begin to bore us if they talk for more than a few minutes without some bizarre behavior equivalent to a nuclear explosion. People are developing the attention spans of gnats!
Horror above all horrors for me is what we are doing to our children with TV. It's now accepted that TV is a great way to learn at school and sometimes at home. But it's also a great way to shut them up. And encourage bad posture, short attention spans, inability to communicate, dislike of exercise, nightmares, diminished verbal skills and isolation. Boy, it's great for kids isn't it? About as good as having them play in the traffic.
I remember reading a study once about an experiment in which families agreed to go without TV for some weeks. They actually went into withdrawal - exhibiting signs such as irritability, anger , depression - isn't that awful? How did we let a box with moving pictures start to rule our lives? To destroy communication in our families, encourage bowel cancer and all sorts of other diseases. To isolate us and help us avoid real life and living.
Please, think about how you control the use of the TV. Or does it control you?
