From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
when the passion has gone
What happens in relationships when 'the passion has gone'? It is such a common phrase used by disilluisioned couples who are explaining the breakdown of their relationship.
Where does passion go? How can it dissappear? Or does it just vaporise!
No of course not! Lets not confuse passion with lust. Lust in my mind anyway means that sort of animal urge and desire and maybe chemical atraction to another. Passion comes froma deeper source. Real passion is a blend of love and comittment and roamnce and lust and respect. It's a deep emotion that adds a new dimension to life and lovemaking.
I wonder when I hear that statement about what areas the passion has gone. It's usually made in reference to sex; but I think that 's only a small part. I believe that the passion has gone from them - they no longer enjoy life or their jobs or themselves. So it's easier to lash out and blame another person! She or he is no longer attractive; no longer interested in sex; more boring; wants to sit at home all the time etc etc.
So if yoru passion has gone....take a good look at yoruself. Has your internal flame burned out? Are you becoming boring? Do you enjoy your owrk or are you blaming everything else.
'sa common phrase used by disilluD,Lust comes and goes (so to apeak) fairly quickly. Lust begs for quick shallow saatisfaction. Most men will be wondering what is worng with that!
, to me, of love and comittment and romaW, I wonderthefrom which assion has gone from the person making the statement or something is missing in their lives Ish out and blame another person - my partner
and enthusiasm
Passion starts off as a blazing fire which turns to a smouldering circle of embers which flares up every so often - with some effort. The trouble with many relationships today is that in the youth of our relationship we throw huge , great tree trunks onto the biggest bonfire we've ever experienced! Once we are an established 'couple', we toss the odd twig onto the fire. A few years later, we forget where the fireplace was!
We need to actively maintain the heat; be aware of what our 'logs' are and consciously add them to our passion firepit!
hen I hear a person say the 'passion has gone' etc etc - than to look at ourselves aand take responsibility for our feelings.Ask yoruself , is there anything in life about which I am passionate? If your answer is no, beware of casting your partner aside too soon. If not, find something, learn a new skill, take up a hobby, or change your job. Then ask yourself what yoru expectations are of yoru partner. Are they meant to swing off the chamdelier every night? Do you expect them to have endless sexual energy and desire and disregard all emotional aspects of your relationship? (Of course you don't).
Do you perhaps think they should be able to work all day in the office , then at home and still bounce up sparkling and exciting, interested only in making your night one of wild abandon! Ha ha just joking! Not. We often have grossly unrealisitc expectations of our partners and blame them for not reaching our unatainable heights.youreveryone and everything else in your life? If this is you, get a life!
disappearattractionspeaksatisfactionwrongcommitmentfire pitandyourselfyouryourchandelierunrealisticunattainable
How can you recapture passion in a relationship? What about falling in love with your partner again? They are probably pretty much the same person you met originally. Unless you have changed dramatically and they haven't, you will still be able to find what it was that made you fall in love.
Make a list of what those original qualities were and dwell on them; share them with your partner; discuss them at a romantic dinner. Too often our vision of those great aspects dims and the sharp clarity focuses on all their irritating (human) habits.
Look for those tree trunk size logs and recreate them so you can fan the flames of passion. Are you as romantic as you used to be? As thoughtful? As spontaneous? 'Of course not' I hear you mutter - 'we've been together for years. You can't keep that up for ever.' I ask 'why not'? Most of the gloriously happy ,married forever, couples do. So pretend you are dating again! Add some spice to your lives. Have new experiences together; go for a holiday together - sans children. Dress to impress your partner - take the trouble you would have originally.
