From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
WHERE DO MEN LEARN TO BE ROMANTIC?
Unless a man had a romantic father or mentor in his early years , where does he learn to behave in romantic ways? He has had no model to observe and copy. So he grows up knowing that romance sounds great and appears to have dramatic impact on women but he doesn't know how to be romantic.
He can't go and have romance lessons! (Although I'm thinking of starting some - any interested men let me know!) And men don't stand around in clumps taklking about the latest romance ideas they have come across!
Women read novels full of small print and words that are romantic notions and ideas. Men read Playboy! (Of course, I'm generalising) And Playboy or similar magazines , in my experience do not focus a whole lot on how to be more romantic - from a woman's perspective!
It's not just men who might not know how to be romantic - there are women who haven't had much experience of romance either. (But not as many as men!).
So what can we do about it? Well, for starters lets define romance. What is it? Is it an 'it'? I think romance is a decision. A way of thinking. A way of behaving that involves surprise, spontaneity, excitement, renewal of passion, thoughtfulness and commitment. Lets face it folks, roamnantic behaviors take effort. Even though we are frantically busy, we need to make romantic incidents a priority - it helps keep aour relationships alive and exciting. Romance is what made our early courting days more exciting. (OK so there was lust and passion then....who says it won't come back?!)
our relationships and nts a priority - it helps keep It's how the man gets the woman!!
I know people are going to say 'how can you be romantic on demand?' adn 'how can a planned event be spontaneous ?'. Well, firstly, make a decision that you are going ot make the effort to be more romantic. Then talk about your decision with yoru partner. Ask each other 'what would you think would be romantic?' - because what you think is romantic may not be so for your partner!
Then once you understand the sorts of things yourpartner likes, plan for them - but keep it as a surprise for your beloved! Like a weekend away - tell them not to plan anything for that weekend but you are not saying why.
Or don't even tell your partner - when you know they have a weekend free, arrange babysitters, pack her (or his) bags, book the venue and collect her (in achauffer driven limo if you want to pull out all stops!
) and take her away!! Do everything you know she would have worried about/ used a san excuse if you had mentioned it beforehand!
Or just plan a picnic with champagne and his/ her favorite foods and candles and tablecloths - or even a bridgetable and chairs under a beautiful tree - romance doesn't have to cost any money.
What about wearing her/his favorite clothes one evening and cooking a spoecial meal together? Or buying some special massage oil and lighting candles in the bedroom or in front of the fire and giving each other a sensous massage after a bottle of wine?
/ used a es one evening and cooking a sp Or arrange for a masseur to come to your house and after a lovely dinner , you both have a wonderful relaxing massage - make it a Friday night so you can stay up late!
How about reading poetry to each other? Oh well - I have more ideas! Men are very visual ladies so anything you do with minimal clothing on - or romantic lingerie/ clothes is great - if he likes it!
Sometimes it's more romantic if we wear lots of clothes that hint at sensuality.
Send flowers with a secret rendevous invitation; when he/ she arrives home , be waiting for them in a bubble bath - with champagne and grapes; talk about your romantic fantasies and every few months fulfill one of your partner's fantasies; sit down and tell each other all the qualities you love about each other; phone each other just to say 'I love you' - not for any other reason. One man I know took his wife away for a weekend and covered the bed with long stemmed (de thorned!) red roses so they could make love ona bed of roses! Hey - don't scoff until you've tried it! Women usually love all that mushy stuff.
Why not have 'anything you desire' nights? Where it's one partner's turn to have any wish they desire fulfilled! Or leaving a little 'love present' on their car; at the front door etc; or (I once did this!) go to your partner's carpark and wrap the car with hearts and ribbons and 'I love you' note and fill it with 'I love you' balloons! (he was embarrassed but loved it!) Oh yes, I covered the windscreen with lipstick impressions of my lips! (he wasn't so keen onthat cos it was hard to clean!).
There are zillions of cheap and easy or expensive and exotic ideas for romance out there and they add a whole new dimension to your relationship if you haven't done them before or for ages. So learn about these ideas by reading books, talking to each other and asking other friends 'what's the most romantic thing you've ever done or had done to you?'. Watch other couples who are romantic and watch people who are obvious.ly in new relationships over dinners - you'll find ideas there. Like looking longingly andlovelingly into each others eyes; holding hands; laughing a lot ; listening intently and responding animatedly to what the other one says etc etc etc!
Making the effort works both ways - you love the planning and anticipation and watching reactions; they love and appreciate what you are doing and respond emotionally and physically; you respond in turn ; feel more loving and so on. Boy are you going to have fun! Good luck!
