Professor Aaron Antonovsky, a stress expert at Ben Gurion University in Israel, says that a really cheap and effective way of eliminating all stress is to "stop breathing and stop living!"
Stress does not attack people. It isn't a disease we catch from bad food. It doesn't lurk in grubby corners ready to jump out at us when we are down. Stress is not a "thing!" It's a physical response in our bodies that occurs as a result of events, situations and experiences we encounter. And the response we develop is based on our perception of the situation, event, etc.
Take a group of 60 people and ask them who loves roller coasters, who hates them and who doesn't care if they ride one or not. You will probably find the group evenly split between the three answers. And each of those groups would have a different physiological response to the question. Those who were frightened at the thought would release adrenalin - a nasty chemical that is released under stress, which can be good for short periods when burned off, but is not good when high levels are maintained for long periods of time. Those that love the thought of riding a roller coaster would release "happy" chemicals and be excited and/or relaxed. Those who didn't care either way would keep their same body chemistry.
So, we have the thought (not even the event!) and our whole body chemistry is affected in different ways to the same situation. The chemicals are released on command from various places in our bodies and are associated with our thought processes. In other words, just by the way we think, talk to ourselves, picture, or feel about things, that can determine what chemicals are released, the mood we are in and how we handle the situation.
Short term stress responses are great for saving our lives when we are about to be attacked, run over, shot at, etc. We burn off the stress chemicals that are released with physical activity (like running, walking and other exercise) and the rest of our body systems recover with sleep.
If we are unaware of the long term chemical changes we build up in our bodies, we leave ourselves wide open to diseases like cancer, rheumatoid arthritis and a myriad of other disorders we now suspect or know are stress related. It's not the actual event/situation that causes the diseases; it's the long term chemical changes occurring in our bodies that attack other systems and structures.
Unfortunately, most people fool their minds into thinking they are OK, not stressed out and coping well. But we can't fool our bodies! Your body stores these reactions like constant tension and chemicals for a finite period of time. And then one day it says - enough! Then we have a heart attack; or develop an illness; are diagnosed with some type of disease; or have chronic back pain or neck pain, etc. These are all ways our bodies desperately cry out "HELP - do something to relax and release these chemicals, restore our body balance and be calm!"
Prof. Antonovsky suggests the key to handling stress responses, to avoid long term accumulation and damage, is to have a "sense of coherence" which he defines as a "picture of the world that makes sense on both an intellectual and emotional level; in which things are understandable, manageable andmeaningful."
I like his theory and wonder if it differs from the old proven concept that we feel more stressed and pressured when we don't feel in-control of ourselves and our environment? If we are forced into a situation where we perceive (the important word!) ourselves as lacking control, our thinking becomes negative, we say all sorts of negative phrases to ourselves and create scenarios that are much worse in our heads than they actually are in reality. Then this prompts chemical changes which affect our ability to function effectively.
If things happen and we don't understand why, if events in our lives don't make sense, or if we feel we are on a roller coaster out of control - fear, uncertainty and a lack of "coherence" set in and we react with a chemical stress response. Are many of us even aware we are feeling scared, let alone know what is frightening us, or heaven forbid - we could talk about it and sort it out!
Not many human beings are good at the unknown or the un-understood. We all like to know the reasons for why things happen and advance warning that change is coming! Hands up all those who relish constant change? (Ha, ha - just a little joke!) Most people like some continuity, stability and security in their life so they feel safe. It helps diminish the silent fears that grip so many of us without our even knowing it.
There are few environments in our society that give that sense of security. So we have to be able to make our own - to be able to create sense out of our experiences. If we can't logically, rationally, consciously do that, then I suggest using fate! Try thinking "I guess it was meant to happen" or "there must be some reason - I'll just trust that God/the universe/fate/luck/whatever you believe in is in charge and things will work out."
Have you ever noticed how life keeps doing that? We need to do all we can to facilitate the outcome we want - and then relax, let go, don't worry about it and things just seem to work out…one way or the other. And often in hindsight, we realize the way it worked out was better than the way we wanted it to work out! Even though maybe it didn't seem like it at the time. For example, think about that woman/man you were certain was right for you; and how devastated you were at the time when they ended the relationship; but then how relieved you were a year later!
So, maybe the answer is...if things don't seem to make sense, and you can't make them make sense - try to relax, have faith, do the right thing, do the best you can, and ride the wave, go with the flow, don't worry about it, help someone else, keep yourself busy. Do whatever you need to do to pass the time without stressing yourself out. After time has passed, maybe you'll understand why it happened. And if you don't, by that time you won't care anyway!
I am convinced the single best way to recover from a situation or event we perceive as stressful, is to go out and serve or help others. So if you are feeling miserable, depressed, unhappy, stressed, or out of control, immediately start helping someone else and keep doing it until you feel better. Consider it your new mission in life… to go out and serve!
