From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
Energy Suckers
How many times have you woken up in the morning and felt great- or at least good. Well, what about had some energy? And you go out into the world and encounter someone. After five minutes with this person, you walk away with drooping shoulders, feeling drained and depressed, muttering "gees, I feel crook."!
These people are energy suckers! And are dangerous for our health! If you are married to one - seek a divorce! Serious - you'll live longer.
( Well, OK, I say that a bit tongue in cheek! If you are with a recovering energy sucker then give them a second chance!)
Recently, The Seminar Company promoted a tour of Australia and New Zealand with John Gray and Wayne Dyer and me. People kept rushing up to John Gray claiming 'you saved my marriage, thank you' and up to Wayne Dyer thanking him for 'saving my life'. About six rushed up to me and said 'I got divorced after I heard you speak'! And I still felt I had made a contribution! I knew they would live longer - and happier!
Energy suckers are typically cynics and pessimists. Cynics pride themselves on not 'having anyone pull the wool over my eyes' or 'not being a gullible idiot'. And there is a place for being sensible and going into things with your eyes open, but not to be suspicious of everything until proven squeaky clean and good for you! If you choose to live life that way , then keep it to yourself - don't infect everyone you meet with your particular brand of misery.
Looking at the world and expecting to see the bad in people usually acts like a self fulfilling prophesy! Look for the worst and you will find it - people will never disappoint you.
It's also important to notice what you put your attention on. If you are driving in the car and someone says to you - 'gosh, there's a lot of NSW numberplates around at the moment'; you say 'are there?' because you have not seen any. Of course, from the moment that person highlights the NSW numberplates to you , you see them everywhere! They didn't suddenly appear from space - they were always there but you hadn't noticed them; your attention was elsewhere. We notice what we put our attention on.
So, is your attention on the negative? Are you 'naturally' pessimistic? Pessimistic people often describe themselves as 'realistic'! They're not really - but they do expect the worst and so their attention is on the worst and so it does become their reality! And no one is naturally pessimistic - it's a habit we learn from our parents usually - or from others in our lives.
So break the habit folks! Become an energy giver. To have successful relationships - personally and professionally - we need to give energy. We need to fill up our own energy tanks so we have reserves to give to others.
How many of us walk around all day being kind and caring and concerned and witty and charming and friendly and patient and tolerant to relative strangers all day long; only to come home at night to the people who would lie down in front of a truck for us and growl 'leave me alone'?
Spot the problem folks! We can't expect our loved ones to continue to put us with this sort of behavior on a regular basis - why should they? They have been looking forward to you coming home, they are bouncing (or standing up anyway) with energy to see you and you walk in the door and blast all the enthusiasm they had for seeing you!
Make a conscious effort to become an energy giver at home - unwind on the way home; take a few deep breaths before you greet the family; do something that recharges your energy battery so you have reserves to give.
List five things that make you feel food - dancing, singing, laughing, sleeping, reading, fishing, building, having a massage, visiting friends , shopping, playing sport, writing, gardening, swimming, lying on the beach, looking at a beautiful scene, being silent - there are millions of choices from which you can choose. Then do them regularly.
Of course, for some people, this is not an easy task! If I asked you to list fifty things that made you feel awful - it would be an easy task! You could go way past fifty! But to focus on things that boost your energy; that make you feel great; that make you feel alive - well, that's not such an easy task!
Put your attention on the things (and how often you do them) that make you feel energized; and then place it on people or things that are energy suckers in your life. Eliminate the sucking - accentuate the giving! Seek other energy givers - people who leave you feeling recharged and revitalised. Hang around them a lot!
If you have energy suckers at work - beware! They drag the whole culture down - it only takes one energy sucker to deflate a community of people. Be very selective about the people you employ. Spot the energy sucker before they attach themselves to your lifeline!
If you are identifying with being cynical or pessimistic, then work out what happened to you to make you take up this habit. And then work out how to change the habit! Make the effort and you'll be amazed at how much happier you are and the people around you.
Sometimes in a stressful period , we can change from an energy giver to a sucker. That's OK, except it makes our condition worse because everyone around us soon tires of being drained and they start to avoid us. So energy sucking can be triggered by a temporary period of great stress - but rather than suck another person's energy, why not do more things for yourself to boost your own reserves? Particularly when you believe you have NO time for yourself to 'indulge ' yourself with luxuries like a massage or a trip to a comedy movie! This is exactly the time you owe it to yourself and to those around you to do what I consider essential - taking responsibility for your own needs. Go to it Champ - and become a positively radiating light bulb you have so much energy to give!
