Hello everyone!
As promised, I am going to share the full F.A.R.C. process with you over the next few newsletters.
Because apparently I have created a framework that sounds slightly naughty, is very memorable, and allows me to say things like:
"Go forth and F.A.R.C."
Which gives me great joy. And makes people laugh! I get away with it because of my Aussie accent, I truly cannot say R like Americans do!
But underneath the acronym is something deeply practical, very human, and, I believe, urgently needed right now.
F.A.R.C. is the simple daily practice that helps us increase our JQ. Amanda Gore JQ, Joy Intelligence is the bigger idea. And F.A.R.C. is the practical tool or framework to elicit change.
It is what you do when you are triggered, cranky, anxious, hurt, judging, blaming, controlling, catastrophising, overthinking, or about to send an email that should really be slept on, prayed over, deleted, or buried in the backyard.
We have all been there. Some of us were there this morning! Ha ha...
No judgment! Just awareness.
The First Letter is F
F stands for Focus on Feelings and Find the Fear.
Because everything in life and business is about feelings. Everything.
How you feel about yourself is the most important thing in life.
When you feel good about yourself, you are kinder, clearer, funnier, more creative, more generous, more patient, more loving and much less likely to mentally stab people in traffic!
And in business, leadership, parenting, relationships and life, the second most important thing is: How do other people feel around you?
Do they feel safe? Seen? Valued? Encouraged? Do they feel they matter?
Or do they feel judged, dismissed, stupid, invisible, unsafe, or like they need to protect themselves from you?
That is leadership's current struggle, to help people feel safe. But that's not taught in the strategic planning offsite that focuses on only facts and KPIs, not how people operate!
Great leaders create an emotional climate in which people can thrive. And you do master mind and create that environment!
So the First Step in F.A.R.C. is to Stop and Ask...
How am I feeling right now?
Not how am I pretending to feel. Not how should I feel. Not 'I don't have time to feel'.
Not how would a highly evolved spiritual being with perfect hair feel!
How do I ACTUALLY feel? Am I angry? Hurt? Anxious? Resentful? Lonely? Overwhelmed? Invisible? Embarrassed? Ashamed? Burned out? Afraid?
Because fear is very sneaky.
It wears disguises. It looks like control, like perfectionism, like defensiveness, like sarcasm. It can look like "I'm just being realistic" or like disconnection or being uncaring.
It looks like judgment. "They should know better." "I'll just do it myself." "No one ever appreciates me."
Sometimes it looks like drinking a good bottle of wine while calling it relaxation. LOL. I know that one!
But underneath so many reactions is fear. Fear of not being good enough, of not being loved or lovable, of being unsafe, rejected, excluded, not belonging, being judged, being wrong, making a mistake, or not being seen.
Generally, fear is exhausting!
And once I started noticing how much I judged, people, situations, myself, the weather, the traffic, the woman walking down the street, the person buying strange things at the supermarket, I was horrified! Because I realized at its core I was judging myself more than anything!
I had no idea how much judging was happening in my head. It was very humbling. And pretty disturbing! But then I realized I was judging again!
Here is the Good News
You cannot change what you cannot see. Once you see it, you have a choice. And that is the beginning of awareness and freedom.
Most of us are not consciously choosing our thoughts, feelings and reactions. Epigenetics and neuroscience show us that we are unconscious of our thoughts 95 to 99% of the time! That's a lot! Our old programming, stories and beliefs are quietly running the show.
Or, as I like to say, our terrified toddler is driving the bus. And no offense to toddlers, they are adorable, but I do not want one running my life experiences.
So F is the pause.
F is the moment you ask: What am I feeling? What story am I telling myself? Where is fear hiding? Where am I judging? Where am I reacting from an old wound or old belief?
And please, for the love of zoots, don't judge yourself for judging. LOL.
That just creates judgment lasagne. Layer upon layer of it.
Just notice with compassion, curiosity and love. Notice like a loving detective and not a prosecuting attorney!
Because the goal is not to beat yourself up. The goal is to wake yourself up.
Your F.A.R.C. Practice for This Week
It is very simple. A few times a day, pause and ask:
What am I feeling right now?
Is there fear underneath this?
That's it.
No giant self-improvement project. Just notice.
Because the moment you can name what you feel, you are no longer completely run by it. And the moment you can find the fear, you can begin to choose something else.
You can begin to choose love.
Zoot, zoot, zoot from my heart to yours.
Amanda
PS. If you catch your terrified toddler running your day, stop and remind them you have got this! You are grateful for their efforts but it's time for them to go and play and have fun. They can stop being vigilant and protecting you! Give them a metaphorical hug!
PPS. Next time, we will look at A, which stands for Awareness, Appreciation, Acknowledgment and Allowing Grace. It is one of my favorite parts because it involves gratitude glasses, TA-DAs and not being so mean to ourselves. Which would be a nice change for many of us. Well... me anyway! LOL.
LEARN MORE ABOUT AMANDA
amandagore.com
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