A tiny pause that changes everything
Hello everyone!
We are now halfway through our F.A.R.C. series.
So far we have covered:
F, Focus on Feelings / Find the Fear
A, Awareness, Appreciation, Acknowledgment and Allowing Grace
Today we move to R.
R stands for:
Remember
Return to Your Heart and Restore Calm
Repeat Gratitude
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to always choose love over fear and judgment. But when your nervous system is activated, your inbox is feral, your partner is breathing incorrectly, someone has scheduled a meeting at 4:30pm on a Friday, and the printer has once again become a spiritual teacher, you need something very simple.
Remember Who You Really Are
Remember who you really are. You are not your fear or your stories! You are not the person you have judged! You are not the email you wish you had not sent.
You are not your anxiety, not your judgment, not the voice in your head that says you are not enough. You are not the terrified toddler who occasionally hijacks your adult body and starts running the show!
You are love. You were born as a magnificent little bundle of love and joy. You did not arrive here judging your thighs, comparing yourself to other babies, worrying about your productivity, or wondering whether your LinkedIn profile was optimised! You were born as pure love!
Initially it showed up as eating and sleeping and pooping, but by the time you were a toddler you radiated love and joy to everyone around you!
Then life happened. Stories started. Family patterns imprinted. School happened. Culture happened. Heartbreak and protection started. And slowly many of us forgot who we really are.
We built protective layers and learned to perform. To please. To control. To take responsibility for things that are not our responsibility! To hide, judge, push away, pretend, fool ourselves, be 'perfect', to be terrified someone will find out we are faking it!
And underneath all of that, the essence of us remained the same. Love.
So R begins with remembering. Remember and remind yourself: you are love! You can be in your heart where the wisdom is, not the head where the fear rules!
In your heart, you are safe, wise, discerning; you can breathe and respond; you can think clearly; you can find peace.
If your nervous system is in fear, you can't think clearly, discern, choose wisely, listen, lead or love!
You may, however, be excellent at catastrophising, blaming, interrupting, imagining worst-case scenarios, and giving Oscar-worthy speeches in your head to people who are not there.
Restore Calm, The Exhale Is Everything
Restore calm by reminding yourself to breathe deeply, which brings the body back to safety. Especially the exhale. Not a tiny polite exhale but a noisy "I am letting go of the fact that this human is doing that thing again" exhale!
This often works beautifully:
Breathe in for 7
Hold for 7
Breathe out for 7
Hold for 7
(or a number that feels comfortable for you!)
And in that final hold, place your attention in the heart area. Notice the stillness. Find your peace point there in that sacred gap. That gap is where wisdom lives and where you get to choose love instead of fear.
You don't need to do this perfectly or wear a special outfit! You don't need a retreat in Bali!
You can do it in the car. In the bathroom. Before a meeting. After a difficult phone call. While standing at the sink. Before responding to someone who has just said something spectacularly irritating! LOL
If you are in a public place and need to sigh dramatically, you might decide to do it quietly. It still works!
Repeat, The Unglamorous But Transformational Part
We don't change because we had one insight! We cement change because we repeat a new choice until it becomes familiar first. Then natural. Then it becomes automatic and unconscious.
This consciousness changes cultures, families, workplaces, leadership teams, safety cultures, dental practices, marriages, friendships and your own head.
Especially your own head. Become aware of the culture of your own mind every day. Is it safe in there? Is it loving? Kind? Encouraging? Or hostile? Some of us would be reported to HR if other people heard how we spoke to ourselves. LOL. Ok, most of us!
So return to your heart as often as you need to!
Repeat the exhale; wearing gratitude glasses; zoots; consciously choosing love over fear; love over judgment; finding grace.
Repeatedly check whether you are in your heart or your head. And when you forget, begin again.
Keep going!
Your F.A.R.C. Practice for This Week
Three times a day, pause, breathe in for 7, hold for 7, exhale loudly for 7, hold for 7!
Then say silently: I remember who I am. I AM love. I choose love.
And if that feels too deep, just say: Zoot, zoot, zoot. To yourself and to others! Your nervous system will understand.
Zoot, zoot, zoot from my heart to yours.
Amanda
PS. If you use this before replying to a difficult email, you may save yourself three days of regret and one apology. Very efficient.
PPS. Next time we finish with C, Consciously Choose Love, Connect, Care and Celebrate. This is where F.A.R.C. becomes visible in your behavior, your relationships, your leadership and your life.
LEARN MORE ABOUT AMANDA
amandagore.com
USA: 469 500 4045 | AUS: +61 414 282 218
Please forward this newsletter to your friends and family!
