From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL!
The Reader's Digest often has wonderful little 'thought provokers' and in a recent issue I read a comment by Mary Kay Ash the founder of a very successful cosmetics company in the USA. The advice she gave to salespeople was to "pretend every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says "Make me feel important".
I thought about this and wondered what life would be like if we all walked around imagining that every person had a sign that said "make me feel special". Think about it - we all want to feel special; that we matter to others.
Humans thrive on recognition. It's the number one motivating factor in a workplace. It's the number one driver of behavior in personal relationships - and if we can't matter to you in a positive way then we'll cause arguments or conflict so you will have to notice us.
What about children? If they are ignored for any length of time or if they don;t feel special what do they do? Misbehave. Anything to catch your attention - chocolate on the walls, biting your ankle while your're on the phone etc!
Remember that helping others also boosts your immune system so making others feel special probably falls into that category- make yourself weel whicle you make others feel good!
Think about how your reactions to people would change if you saw this sign -"make me feel special" every time you looked at them - even if they didn't deserve it. I bet you would be amazed at the results you would see.
To me this is one of the most powerful communication tools I can think of - I've tried it and it really changes your mindset/ attitude/ approach - whatever you want to call it.
u,y length of time or if they don'you're At least then you notice them.wellwhile
Maybe, you would have less conflicts. Perhaps, people would treat you better or with more respect. Or they would seek out your company and want to spend time with you. , - whatever you want to call it - when you communicate with another - or in groups.
How can you make people feel special? Well, try giving them your full attention when you are listening - stop that self talk (you know, that little voice that mutters judgments simultaneously as they are speaking - like, 'that's ridiculous!', 'how long is this going to take?', 'I'm missing the cricket while she's rabbiting on!' etc) ; Notice how much more quickly they'll stop talking because they may feel you really heard them.
Or you could try remembering their name; or some issue that was worrying them the last time you saw them; or the names of their children; or that there was some major event coming up in their lives and asking them about how it went; or by acknowledging some accomplishment of theirs; or a compliment about how they look; or what they did. There's a zillion things you could do that makes people feel special.
You could comment on a child's behavior when it was quiet while you were on the 'phone - telling them afterwards how much you appreciated their being quiet while you were talking - instead of screaming at them when they interrupt you.
Perhaps you could just smile at them. What about the effect of this approach on strangers?! If you saw everyone as wanting to feel special and tried to think about how to do that , the bus conductor, butcher, business person, accountant, policeman, - everyone you meet for the first time would have a great first impression of you - because you made them feel good about themselves!
The other aspect to consider - and this is critical for wellness - is that YOU are walking around with a badge that says 'make me feel special' , and when you look in the mirror you see this neon sign flashing back at you, you hear a voice saying (usually pleading!) 'make me feel special'. And it means YOU! And perhaps it would stop you looking at yourself and muttering "Yuck'! ; or look at those wrinkles; or 'oh no, I look awful' , or any of those familiar phrases with which people use to make themselves feel anything but special or to beat themselves up!
See if you can find some aspects of yourself - behaviors or physical and/or personality characteristics that you are proud of ; or comments that others have made to you that made you feel special or unique; or remember and relive times when you felt wonderful, excited or proud. These will all help you believe that you're special - cos you are! You're unique and so is everyone else. And we all have special gifts - recognize and acknowledge them in yourself and others and watch, hear and feel your world change!
JUST SAY THANK YOU
Or you could try noticing something they have done and commenting on it; or giving them feedback on their appearance or just paying them a compliment on anything. When doing this it's really important to think about the format you use to give the praise. It's such a rare event in our society to compliment others that Australians are generally lousy at accepting compliments.
