From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
55 reframing
Have you ever owned a painting or photograph which has been reframed? The difference is amazing when we change the color of the mounting cardboard or the texture of the frame - it's the same picture but it looks totally different.
Paintings can be transformed with a different color s, textures and styles of surrounds. Our minds are the same. We can 'reframe' situations, experiences and feelings just with the way we package or wrap the original memory.
This is one of the many very effective techniques of neurolinguistics and other psychological disciplines which was highlighted in a book called "We Are All Self Employed" by Cliff Hakim. He puts forward what he believes is a great strategy for dealing with the current corporate world which exists on tumultuous change and turbulence. I think he's right! It's well worth reading and will reframe the way you view your work and life.
Reframing is a cheap and incredibly quick way of altering our thinking. For example, as Hakim points out, A rock - dangerous as a fast moving missile , becomes a paperweight when gently lowered onto paper. I used to hate rain - I lived in a unit and rain meant I was trapped inside- until I bought a house with a garden. From that day on, when it rained I thought "great! I don't have to water the lawn today"! an immediate reframe that changed the way I viewed rain.
How we choose to look at events and the world is just that - a choice. People who survived concentration camps (eg Victor Frankel author of Man's Search For Meaning) chose to think differently from the others despite the same physical, and psychological hardships and torture.
My wonderful shiatsu massage friend, Cate , is the master of reframing. I'll go to see her (once a week - as often as I hope you are having a massage) and if I happen to run through the dramas of the past few days and although she doesn't realize she is doing it, with a couple of words she changes the whole meaning of my grumbles.
For example, I might be gently grumbling about all the flying I have to do and she simply says "the view must be beautiful from a plane as you're flying into Sydney" ; or " it must be good to have that uninterrupted time with no phone calls to distract you"; or " what an opportunity to get above everything that is happening to you right now and escape for a short while".
She helps me look at what's happening to me from another angle; with a different coloured border, so that it changes what I say to myself and consequently , the way I feel.
Our pattern of thinking becomes a habit. After a while we stop responding consciously and slip into subconscious mode - we frame most things similarly. What is your habitual pattern? Do you choose to see the up side or the down side of events? do you expect the worst or presume things will all work out as they are meant to? Are you interested in reframing your experiences positively or are you happy in your own misery!
Foe example, do you think of mistakes as failures? Or view them as learning experiences? I remember reading about the managing director of a huge American company who lost a million dollars for the company as a result of a business decision he made. Called to the chairman of the board's office , he fully expected to be sacked. Imagine his surprise when the chairman responded that the board didn't want him to resign - in fact, the board felt they had invested a million dollars in a training program with him and they certainly weren't going to waste that investment!
What a wonderful reframe - from failure to huge learning opportunity! How many times in your life would it be useful to think in this way - to reframe awkward or difficult situations into useful learning experiences? And it's more than just mumbo jumbo, positive mental attitude, new age stuff! How you choose to think has a direct impact on your physiology - the chemical makeup of your body. Choosing to reframe your thinking can reduce the stress response, retard aging, boost your immune system, stop cancer and chemically make you feel better. Other than that it's not much use!
Perhaps it would help to choose a 'starting day' - the start of your new way of approaching the world. Teach this to your children by modelling it - just behave like this and your children's attitudes will follow. The younger they are, the faster they'll follow.
Reframing is a great way to transform potential crises into manageable situations and experiences. If you are devastated by the end of a relationship, think of it in terms of a 'relating experience' rather than relationship because a relating experience implies there will be more of them and this one was just another on the journey to the best one for you!
Each day, notice the way you 'code' your experiences and if it's other then positive, try reframing what has just happened to you so that the memory to be stored is positive or at least neutral. The memories we store and the way we store them are potent causes of disease - but more of that in a later column!
In the meantime, change the color and border of your memories and experiences and notice how your energy improves.
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