From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
single and happy
How many times have we read or heard that our society expects everyone to be in a long term relationship - to be 'normal'. If we are in our late thirties and have never been married, many people wonder what's wrong with us. Given the way people live their lives today, is this fair?
I don't think so! Other expectations on us make finding our 'perfect' mate much harder. We are expected to have successful careers. Women who choose a home career looking after children and family life are unusual - and obviously unfulfilled according to our stupid norms. We are expected to be gorgeous looking, have great bodies, be sensitive, caring, passionate, fun filled, gregarious, intelligent, assertive, able to talk about our feelings and be great in bed. All this while we are stressed off our trolleys! Corporate life demands long hours and is often filled with job uncertainty and stress. We might travel a lot and have little time for our friends. Everyone is so busy that we catch up infrequently. Dinner parties are less common - instead 'let's all meet at the restaurant. We bring our mobile phones, so that when one rings int he restaurant, sixteen people leap into their pcokets or handbags! Family life is not revered and it seems OK , if not desirable, to make it a second priority.
In a disposable society like ours, discarding difficult relationships is easier than working through the difficult times and creating deeper love. We expect excitement and passion to be ever present in our relationships and are impatient during rough times - so affairs are easier. We are on average older when we marry and used to our independance. We don't like to give up that independance - to have someone with us most of the time, invading our space when we need it; or having to care for another when we are tired.
In short, we have a tendancy to become a bunch of very selfish people in a self centered society. We are meant to be able to communicate easily and effectively even though we are taught to talk not to communicate!
Writing is too hard so we send a quick fax. 'in thexteen people leap into their poc, respect and understandingandWe expect our partners to bring happiness and joy into our lives and to meetour every need - and we are disappointed when we finally realize they are human. Or, god forbid, that we are as well.
tough
Contentment isn't a common word and certainly not a goal. We expect a life long, raging love affair that is constantly full of wonder, love, devotion, affection and a partner who remains permanently fascinated with us and our every move! And we won't settle for anything less. Or if we think we have found it and enter the state of realtionship expecting eternal bliss, we are badly disappointed and quickly move on. We don't expect to give up our fun, easy, single existence unless we find someone willing to be what we want. not just how they are and loving them for what they are, as they are right now! ,we are ; or someone who wants to play tennis when we want to watch TV; in fact, it's too hard living with someoen who is not exactly the same as we are.
And lots of people are single but happy. They would love to fina a perfect partner but until then they'd rather be 'doing their own thing, not having ot answer to anyone
with someoneunless they are happy. They would love to findto or be responsible for anyone else. And they are content. It is possible that we can be whole without being attached to another. In fact, the best realtionships develop when two single , 'whole', fulfilled people choose to be togehter because they like and love the other person - as much as they like and love themselves!
They are not looking for someone else ot make them whole or complete their lives or make their lives great.
So be single but happy and then find your life partner. Or just stay single but happy! It's OK.
be in a long term relationshipWe don't understand the importance of personal relationships until later in life when it's often too late.meet ourrelationship
independenceCompromise is more difficult and windependenceSo people are choosing the option of being single and working on their own personal growth and development. Ldeal with another person's baggage. 'thout being attached to another!
