From Amanda's very early writing (1990s to early 2000s), shared as it was originally written.
82 worth doing badly at first
Do you recall the number of times you have heard the saying- 'if it's worth doing, it's worth doing well'? Somewhere along the line , inthis age of speed, we have changed the meaning of this little cliche and most of us think if we can't do it well instantly we won't even bother trying!
How many times has that thought or attitude stopped us from learning a new skill or task or from taking a sensible risk that could lead us to growing or developing as a person?
What about replacing this thought with "if it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly at first!" As children , learning to walk, did we admonish ourselves for constantly falling over? Did we give up after three days because it was 'too hard' and 'we looked stupid'? Of course not - we didn't even think about how we looked - we just focused on our task and what's more we enjoyed the experience and loved each time we did it well.
Encouragement along the way had a lot to do with it - remember how we applaud and demonstrate our delight when our baby takes it's first step? The baby thinks 'this is great! Whatever I did , I'd better do it again the same way!" Eventually, 'practice makes perfect' (another cliche we seem to forget when judging our adult performance) and we absorb the skill of walking into our neurology and move onto the next challenge.
As adults, do we give each other encouragement for attempting new tasks/ skills/ behaviors? Not much. We are usually too busy judging the performance of others the same way we judge our own and we assume everyone else is judging us inteh same way. Bad news folks! Most people are so busy thinking about themselves, they actually don't have much time to think about you and your performance!
Perhaps, we need to reflect on or review our attitude to trying new behaviors and experiences. What if we beleived that 'if it's worth doing, it's OK to do it badly at first'? If we gave ourselves and others permission to practice until perfect (or good enough!). And didn't expect ourselves and others to learn instantly.
In sport , we seem to be (relatively) patient with ourselves; we acknowledge we need lessons and that we need to practice. So we make time for that practice and often put our poor performance down to the lack of it, rather than to a failing in our personality, a stupid brain, the weather, stress, other people or some innate defect!
But when it comes to new behaviors or new ways of thinking, we expect instant results. We don't acknowledge the need for, let alone allocate time for, practice. We don't look for coaches or mentors or models - for people who could demonstrate how to do the new behavior/thinking/skill, or train us/ 'take us under their wing' / guide us. Just as we look for specific coaches or trainers to learn new sports techniques, it may help us to make a conscious effort to find someone who can teach us new ways of thinking or new behaviors.
For example, if you would like to think more positively - find positive people, hang around them and ask them if they would help you by explaining how they respond or react to different situations. Then practice doing it like they do. Eventually, you'll have the basic skill which you could then develop into your own style.
The most powerful way humans learn is by 'modeling'- copying - others. Children learn most of what they ever learn by watching their parents. (This makes most parents very nervous!) Never worry that your children don't listen to you; worry that they are always watching you! So watch others; copy their behaviors and ways of thinking - and soon you will have the same level of skill they have - and you can improve on it.
Give yourself (and others) permission to have a learning process. Make sure you learn from your mistakes - if what you are doing isn't working, see if you can work out why and then do something different. Even if you can't work out why, do something different!
Reward yourself and others for trying. Avoid punishment - it doesn't work with children and it usually doesn't work with grown ups. Acknowledging the effort we and others put in - not to mention the courage involved in repeatedly trying - gives us motivation to continue.
Allow yourself to be excited when you succeed - and define success in stages. Celebrate when you hit different levels of success - and blow out when you hit your target of 100% successful as you defined it at the start of the process.
Let's try thinking like the little boy, who, when asked if he could play tennis replied;
"I can't hit the ball yet, but I'm good at tennis'!
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